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the great pyramid at kearney |
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1990 The Great Pyramid at Kearney 
A phone call from the Swede, 7:00am, the middle of the night. The machine answers. The Swede is barking. "Pick up the phone. You won. You won, you miserable bitch. The lottery. It's on the TV. Listen to this..." It's a recorded voice:
Dog---Thorn---Pisces....
Cheesecake---35---Spritzer....
So...I'm thinking, that's it, OK so far, but probably hundreds of people
started off with "Dog Thorn Pisces, Cheesecake 35 Spritzer."
So what? They aren't particularly uncommon words, after all.
Also, it's principle I try to adhere to: "Prefixes
aren't everything." If ever you had a good example of the
principle, here it was. Still
August---Dolphin---Cannonball...
and then
Prong---Prong---Prong...
...and I'm reconsidering. So I pick up the phone. "Swedo: what's your
factor?"
But the line is dead. 
Next thing, a press conference, microphones wedged and they want to know, what am I going to do with the money, twenty-five billion dollars, the first ever United States National Debt Lottery. It's my big chance. Scanning the cameramen, I'm looking for an important one. But they are strangely interchangable, beards, cords, kneepads. So I pick one, pause significantly and say directly into the camera:
"I will build a Pyramid. A pyramid to dwarf those at Giza
and elsewhere. A pyramid not to remain 1000 years nor
10,000 years, but FOREVER...."
...and I again indulge my audience with a meaningful pause. The disadvantage
is that they seem to expect some more explanation. So I throw in
"There will be a Visitor's Center. My assistants are distributing
the relevant brochures. Thank you all very much..."
And Bush-like I glide out of the room, a good time to exit.
I was lying about the brochures. 
Another meeting with the Pyramid Development Corps. Although it has been "consensus, not unpleasantness" throughout, I am getting a bit tired of the long discussions. Will it be granite or marble? Will we have 2000 or 10000 polishers on the North Face? "We should discuss all possible options..." Blah, blah, blah. One guy said, "it's not like we're trying to make a mountain out of a molehill," and of course *I* had to be the one to remind him that it _was_ like that, remember, we are a building a pyramid here, OK? You would think that with 15000 dump trucks running non-stop from Colorado to Kearney Nebraksa, hauling rock 24 hours a day, people would get the point: we are moving mountains here, alright? THIS IS A GIGANTIC PYRAMID. I dont know how the PDC people decided on those green jackets; the armpatch looks stupid too. 
Newsgroups: su.roger-or-andy
Path: CSD-NewsHost.Stanford.EDU!news
From: gangolli@Theory.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli)
Date: Wed, 2 Oct 1991 15:57:12 GMT
Subject: Copied from the Pyramid Visitor Center brochure
My comments in brackets.
Pyramid Visitor Center
Kearney, Nebraska
Situated just outside Kearney, Nebraska, the Great Pyramid measures 1 mile
on each side of its square base. Each face is an equilateral triangle.
You can determine its height if you play with sqrt(2) and high school
trig enough. Thane and the visitor center staff encourage this sort of
thing. There is space on the back of this brochure to work it out. Yes,
it's big. Due to its sheer size, it can be discerned with the naked eye from
outer space.
The Pyramid was funded on a gigantic US National Debt lottery jackpot.
It was erected as a sign to all future life that somebody with a
helluva lot of money and a weird thing for pyramids had some connection
to Kearney. Of course, it will last much longer than Kearney.
[It also serves as a notice to wandering extraterrestrials that we
don't need their help anymore and we can damn well do this sort of
thing without them now, thank you. But could you tell us how you do
all those neat crop circles? --a.]
The flashing lights located on top and at intervals along the
Pyramid's edges are not placed there for decoration, but for the benefit
of aircraft as they round the Pyramid en route to Kearney International
Airport. Air traffic has increased dramatically since the opening of
the visitor center in 1995.
DO NOT TRY TO CLIMB THE PYRAMID. Each year several people are injured
trying to scale the smooth glass-like faces. Use the internal elevators
or any of the several designated footpaths.
When touring the interal labyrinths, we suggest that you ALWAYS STAY WITH
THE GUIDE. It is easy for the newcomer to get lost. If you should happen
to get lost, you will find a marker pen and descriptions of classical
maze traversal algorithms in niches at 50 yard intervals along the
corridor walls.
We hope you enjoy your visit to the Pyramid. You will find souvenirs and
postcards at the Gift Shop, near the Visitor Center lobby.
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