Message sushi-era:1 Date: Tue 4 Aug 87 22:23:11-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: First posting - topics It appears that the floodgates have opened; any discussion that is even vaguely Stanford-related gets an SU-* bboard. Roger Crew and I decided to have the first "personal" SU-bboard. (We have a group too but no dues, secret decoder rings, or ASSU fees.) All mail sent to SU-Roger-or-Andy@sushi appears on this bboard. The stated topic of this bboard is anything that interests Roger or I. However, since neither of us have the access (or desire) to censor it you can ignore our feelings about topics. -andy ps - I think we need a real CS students bboard so that the students mailing list can be moderated. The various committee messages really shouldn't be sent to our mail files. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:2 Date: Tue 4 Aug 87 23:23:54-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: SU-Macintosh When SUSHI gets replaced by a UNIX machine aren't we all (= SUSHI users) going to be reading all our bboards from `rn'. For rn-compatibility, it seems reasonable to start changing all stanford specific bboards to names like su-X (for TOPS-20 machines). Then the bboards can be simply su.X to `rn' and much confusion will be avoided. Besides, how can Andy complain about the formation of bboards of the form su-X being too special interesty, when he's created an su-roger-or-andy bboard (on SUSHI, anyway). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:3 Date: Tue 4 Aug 87 23:27:51-PDT From: Tomas G. Rokicki Subject: Why wasn't I invited? But, you're right, su-roger-or-andy-or-even-tom doesn't really have the same ring. Will this become the National Enquirer of su-bboards? Or is it doomed to a late-night time slot? Who will be the Paul Schaffer of this board? The Shelli Myers? -tom "who just loves virgin boards" the rok ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:4 Date: Tue 4 Aug 87 23:47:52-PDT From: Tomas G. Rokicki Subject: Ramsey! Damn it, you're cross posting! As the self-appointed Les Earnest of su-roger-or-andy, I'm going to have to bust your ass back to private. The su-boards are *orthogonal*, *independent*, and encompass all of human knowledge and dreams; please limit yourself to one board at a time. Now if only we can get Nick Flor and Lyn Bowman on this board . . . -tom "what's going down in this world, you got no idea" the rok ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:5 Date: Wed 5 Aug 87 06:43:32-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: First posting (we get two of everything on this bboard) Besides, how can Andy complain about the formation of bboards of the form su-X being too special interesty, when he's created an su-roger-or-andy bboard (on SUSHI, anyway). This assumes that you consider SU-Roger-or-Andy to be a flakey special interest bboard. I should probably point out that the name was originally going to be SU-Roger-AND-Andy, ostensibly taking the intersection of our respective areas of interest. That *would* be a sharply focused special-interest bboard --- in fact, it would be so sharply focused that there would be very little to talk about... By taking the disjunction we get a reasonably broad range of topics (...well, at least, *I* think it's a reasonably broad range of topics...). Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:6 Date: Wed 5 Aug 87 12:16:15-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: su-foo I think the name of the this bboard should be changed to su-foo, for no particular reason. If I stopped the message here, it would sound much like some of Roger's messages, so in order to sound a bit more like Andy, I'll continue. Here are some reasons that one might think I had for suggesting this name. (One would be wrong of course, for, like I said, I had no reason at all, but here they are anyway.) - Andy is a LISP fan. Roger has used LISP at least once. - foo is a reasonable phonetic spelling of the word fool in some legitimate american dialects. - foo is shorter than roger-or-andy; it rolls smoothly off the the keyboard, and has a nice ring to it. foo^G would have a louder, but not a nicer ring. - su-bar would annoy the lawyers. - foo is more indicative of the subject matter on this bboard. - foo is oof spelled backwards. --NOT (roger OR andy) = (NOT roger) AND (NOT andy). Gosh, De Morgan would be proud. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:7 Date: Wed 5 Aug 87 12:56:27-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: RECENT SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY STATISTICS Counts from (approximately) the last 2 weeks. Total number of messages: 6 2 Tomas Rokicki 1 Anil Gangolli 1 Ramsey Haddad 1 Andy Freeman 1 Roger Crew ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:8 Mail-From: ROGER-OR-ANDY created at 5-Aug-87 13:13:13 Date: Wed 5 Aug 87 13:13:13-PDT From: Roger Crew or Andy Freeman Subject: Fraudulent postings To: SU-Roger-or-Andy@Sushi.Stanford.EDU Message-ID: <13131313131.13.ROGER-OR-ANDY@Sushi.Stanford.EDU> We greatly resent any fraudulent postings made in our name. It is even worse when those fraudulent postings are on our own bboard! Stop it, Ramsey. -roger or andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:9 Return-Path: <@SCORE.STANFORD.EDU:no.deposit@no.return> Received: from SCORE.STANFORD.EDU by SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU with TCP; Wed 5 Aug 87 16:22:26-PDT Received: from GRANDMOTHERS.HOUSE.MIL by SCORE.STANFORD.EDU with TCP; Wed 5 Aug 87 15:22:26-PDT Received: from THROUGH.THE.WOODS.EDU by GRANDMOTHERS.HOUSE.MIL with TCP; Wed 5 Aug 87 14:22:26-PDT Received: from OVER.THE.RIVER.COM by THROUGH.THE.WOODS.EDU with TCP; Wed 5 Aug 87 13:22:26-PDT Received: from AND.THE.GREEN.GRASS.GROWS.ALL.AROUND.AND.AROUND.GOV by OVER.THE.RIVER.COM with TCP; Wed 5 Aug 87 13:21:26-PDT Date: Wed 5 Aug 87 14:22:26-PDT From: Not Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: Fraudulent postings To: SU-Roger-or-Andy@Sushi.Stanford.EDU cc: ROGER-OR-ANDY@Sushi.Stanford.EDU Message-ID: <47.TWIT@Sushi.Sashimi.EDU> In-Reply-To: <13131313131.13.ROGER-OR-ANDY@Sushi.Stanford.EDU> Hey, don't look at me... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:10 Date: Wed 5 Aug 87 22:36:45-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Those earnest, eager, smiling youngsters are coming soon. It's inconvenient to take a month-long vacation, go on uppers, or put them on downers. Is it really that hard to figure out that we got in too? Moreover, if our facilities are so horrible, why are they here? -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:11 Return-Path: Received: from tip-mjhb.stanford.edu by Sushi.Stanford.EDU with TCP; Thu 6 Aug 87 00:13:21-PDT Return-Path: Date: Wed, 5 Aug 87 23:48:51 PDT From: Neither Andy Nor Roger Subject: Religion To: Su-Roger-Or-Andy@Sushi.Stanford.Edu Have you ever noticed that God spelled backwards is doG? Really makes you think, doesn it? ========================= Message sushi-era:12 Date: Thu 6 Aug 87 00:34:27-PDT From: Tomas G. Rokicki Subject: What this board needs This board needs more sax and violins! C'mon, Wendy O Will--- uh, Carlos! Some strumpets, maybe even a French whore would liven things up a bit. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:13 Date: Thu 6 Aug 87 07:20:34-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: Thought for the Day August 6, 1987 This morning, as usual, I found the remains of a crack suicide infiltration-and-sabotage team in my shampoo bottle. It happens every time I leave my shampoo bottle open overnight. I mourn this senseless loss of life, and I can't help but wonder at the system that allows this to happen... ``Sir, the last team of red-shirts still hasn't reported back. What will we do.'' ``I'm afraid we don't have any choice. Prepare to send in the next team.'' ``But there's been no word from any of the last 37 teams.'' ``I know. I don't like it any more than you do, but we've got to find out what happened; we've just got to... It's a matter of honor now.'' ``But...'' ``Look, do you want to go in there?'' ``...well, no.'' ``Well, neither do I. Now shut up and stop bothering me...'' * * * Actually there are some really great possibilities here. Just think of the changes we could make to the California Lottery: ``It's 8 pm, and one of you out there is going to be a millionaire. Are we ready, Gene?'' ``All set, Dick. I just have to take this last stop from the tube, and then we'll get to see just which one of you is going to be a millionaire! Okay, here goes...'' <--- drum roll --- > ``I should point out to our listeners that we have no control whatsoever over the numbers that pop out of that tube. It's completely and scientifically random...'' ``They're coming up now.... 3... 5... 6... 2... 8... 1... 4... 9, and for our last number we now take you to Roger Crew in his shower. Roger?'' <--- switch to shower --- > ``Hi Gene. Okay here we are. I'm going to my shampoo bottle now. I just have to turn it over and squeeze to make one of you out there a millionaire. Here goes... one, two, three, four,..., five,..., six,........ I think that's it, I don't see any more ants in there.'' < --- back to the studio --- > ``Okay, thank you, Roger. Once again, that final number is six, making it 356281496. So, whoever you are, just bring your ticket in to the nearest Lotto office to be validated, and you'll be a millionaire. And for the rest of you, don't miss out! Get *your* winning number wherever you see the Lotto sign... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:14 Date: Fri 7 Aug 87 11:43:25-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: What Question? There is a question I could ask you that has a definite correct answer--- "yes" or "no"---but it is logically impossible for you to give the correct answer. You might *know* what the correct answer is, but you cannot give it. Anybody other than you might possibly be able to give the correct answer, but you cannot! Can you figure out what question I have in mind? --from "To mock a mockingbird and other logic puzzles", Smullyan. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:15 Date: Fri 7 Aug 87 13:39:19-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: A New Experience I was sitting on a bench underneath a tree out in front of Lucky's, reading some recently-purchased comic books when I felt moisture in my hair. ``No Rog, it's not raining. This is August in northern California.'' I reached up to brush my hair and my fingers came away white. A bird shat upon me. This has never happened before. Roger ps. I have stopped buying _New_Mutants_. [ SU-Roger-or-Andy: The Quality Alternative ] [ -- advertisement ] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:16 Date: Fri 7 Aug 87 15:13:27-PDT From: Computer Cowboy Subject: and, in the light a that, always rememberL "if the foo shits ... wear it" jef somehow, it all seems ta fit ... given some higher cosmic order ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:17 Date: Tue 11 Aug 87 11:32:29-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: Re: What Question? ``Will you reply `No.' to this question?'' --anil. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:18 Date: Tue 11 Aug 87 11:37:24-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: If I send a quote every day and Ramsey continues in his role as STATISTICIAN then I'll be the most prolific bboard contributor since LYN BOWMAN. Quote 1: The momewrath isn't born that can outgrabe me! ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:19 Date: Tue 11 Aug 87 15:00:05-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Jaguar at LeMans this year? Does anyone know how well the Jaguar team did at LeMans this year? Did the WM-Peugeot entry ever hit 250 mph on the Mulsanne Straight? Did it finish? -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:20 Date: Wed 12 Aug 87 11:19:36-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Why did Poland fight against Hitler ? They didn't have to either. Send to Bowman@sushi for all the details. "It is better to be beautiful than good but it is better to be good than ugly." O.W. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:21 Date: Wed 12 Aug 87 11:33:11-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Split su-etc! There should be several other su-* bboards; su-spiritual (or whatever a group meant to encompass religion, spiritualism, philosophies of life, etc. should be called), su-clever (moderated by E. Cohn), su-whimsy (moderated by someone), su-politics, su-silly/ su-less-serious/su-less-filling/su-tastes-great (replacing su-roger-or-andy), and probably a few others are desparately needed. -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:22 Date: Wed 12 Aug 87 16:14:37-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: beaches The other day I went to the beach. Much to my delight, the sand wasn't getting blown in my face. I realized that this was because the tide was going out instead of in and hence, the sand was wet. A simple and obvious observation, but I'd never thought about it before. From now on, I'll consult tide charts when deciding when to go to the beach. Ramsey PS--added bonus: when you come back from your half-hour run, your novel isn't soaking wet. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:23 Date: Thu 13 Aug 87 15:01:54-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Quote 3 A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite and it leaves one unsatisfied. O.W. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:24 Date: Thu 13 Aug 87 17:11:14-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: Split su-etc! Andy, I know it is easy to ridicule split bboards, but won't you admit that the USENET system of split bboards is infinitely superior to monolithic bboards when it comes to reading real discussions (?) about real issues that you are interested in? And I'll even admit that some of the charming motley-ness would be gone if su-etc where done away with entirely (although, we'd hopefully still have this bboard). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:25 Date: Fri 14 Aug 87 12:22:43-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Quote 4 I think it is a good idea but the execution would have been better if I had not written it under the influence of TB. George Orwell to editor of 1984 ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:26 Date: Sun 16 Aug 87 00:27:36-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: student computing -- Roger's plan 1) Scrap sushi, navajo, rocky, truffle, score, sail, labrea, etc... and fire all of CSD-CF. 2) Buy a TRS-80 Model III (with two (2) floppy-disc drives) for every grad. student & faculty member. 3) Set DSG to work hacking the V-Kernel to run on a TRS-80 4) Throw a party using the rest of the money. Think of the awesome computing power we get by networking together several hundred TRS-80's. Think of the awesome party we could throw with all of that money... Roger [ SU-Roger-or-Andy ] [ ] [ the quality alternative ] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:27 Date: Mon 17 Aug 87 10:37:30-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Quohn Quotes Evan, your contract says a quote a day. I don't see anything in it that says that you can take weekends off. Ramsey. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:28 Date: Mon 17 Aug 87 11:54:37-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: quote unquote From a message on the CSD bboard: > By the way, who's that HADDAD? --anil. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:29 Date: Mon 17 Aug 87 17:11:06-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: This bboard is becoming enormously popular ...people must be really bored out of their skulls: =========================================================================== Summary of BBoards since Wednesday, July 15, 1987 12:00AM Report generated Monday, August 17, 1987 4:26PM =========================================================================== Number of readers Since Since Date Beginning BBoard Name ----- --------- ----------- 153 349 CSD big surprise here 127 314 SU-MARKET bloody capitalists 126 337 SU-ETC the unwashed masses 97 293 SU-EVENTS as if anything's really happening 91 291 SU-JOBS if u cn rd ths... 87 286 SU-COMPUTERS soon to become SU-TRS80III 50 166 SU-MACINTOSH aaaaaackphtttt! 48 ***** 48 ****** SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY *** The Quality Alternative 46 167 PHD-PROGRAM let's revise this again 26 188 GAY 19 137 INFO-MAC aaaaaackphtttt! 16 74 AMIGA 16 16 MACINTOSH JUST HOW MANY OF THESE ARE THERE!!? 13 107 MOTSS 13 69 UGCS hey, I like undergrads,... really. 13 49 AFLB 12 151 AILIST 10 118 SF-LOVERS 10 95 MAC-SUNDRY THIS BBOARD FOR SUNDRY ITEMS ONLY!!! 10 87 SPACE the San Fernando Valley bboard 9 106 SOFT-ENG as opposed to HARD-ENG? 8 103 RISKS 8 97 GRIPES 8 64 ATARI 8 34 INFO-KERMIT muppetland's soc.singles 7 32 SYMBOLIC 6 155 JOBS do I hear an echo in here? 6 73 TELECOM 6 30 SUN-MICRO 6 29 NEURON 5 626 MAIL ... the sins of the fathers... 5 78 RECIPES 5 67 POSTSCRIPT 5 59 VPLLIST what praytell...? 4 70 LASER-LOVERS big boys + toys... 4 69 INFO-PASCAL 3 171 NEW-MSCS 3 130 NEW-PHD 3 98 INFO-AMIGA deja vu, anyone? 3 70 NEW-MSAI 3 61 ARMS-D how about LEGS-D? 3 46 VIDEOTECH 3 10 PROLOG hee hee 2 101 PHONES our phone system is perfect now 2 85 HUMAN-NETS 2 45 POLI-SCI why? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:30 Date: Mon 17 Aug 87 19:16:50-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Ramsey's complaint Buffalo Bill's defunct who used to ride a watersmooth-silver stallion and break onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlikethat Jesus he was a handsome man and what i want to know is how do your like your blueeyed boy Mister Death -eec "A poet can survive everything but a misprint." O.W. (?) Marriage is an honorable institution and is not to be entered into lightly, wantonly or to satisfy man's carnal lust - although that's a pretty good reason. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:31 Date: Tue 18 Aug 87 10:28:19-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q "If ever there were three things that don't make any difference, they would be What you think, What you want, And what you deserve." jf ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:32 Date: Tue 18 Aug 87 19:11:45-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Name That Publication (#1) "I can name that publication in 4 Personal Ads." DIVORCED WHITE FEMALE, 33, Christian. Accomplished pianist and flutist desires to meet other male musicians or guitarists. Other interests include reading, writing, and needlework. STUNNING NYC CATHOLIC professional, 5'8", 35, M.A., seeks non-smoking, taller, secure professional gentlemen to share arts, movies, travel, and (possibly) a lifetime. PROFESSIONAL FEMALE, SHY, seeks Northeastern Orthodox Catholic male (24-31). Precisely, this virgin seeks a virgin who loves classical music and literature. UNBELIEVABLY CHARMING, perky woman, 24, of great intelligence and physical beauty, desires to meet well-educated young man, 27-33, who can join her in the manner to which she has become accustomed ... skiing in Switzerland, yachting off Newport, long walks on the beach, spontaneous fun, and Italian cuisine. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:33 Date: Tue 18 Aug 87 20:23:46-PDT From: Ashok Subramanian Subject: Re: This bboard is becoming enormously popular Just where do you get your figures from, Roger? Or is it just inspired guesswork? --ashok ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:34 Date: Tue 18 Aug 87 20:27:31-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: the bbdate program will generate bboard statistics. Roger could have lied though. -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:35 Date: Tue 18 Aug 87 20:35:10-PDT From: Ashok Subramanian Subject: Roger's figures Seems you need WHEEL or similar privileges to collect that kind of information. --ashok ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:36 Date: Tue 18 Aug 87 20:42:17-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Re: Roger's figures The documentation lies; anyone can run bbdate. (Well, it might not let you change some one else's read date, but everything else works.) -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:37 Date: Tue 18 Aug 87 21:05:41-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Name That Publication (#2) "I can name that publication in 4 Classified Ads" GIFTS. *Penis Poster* depicts organs of 12 animals, from man to whale. Scientifically accurate, $10, postpaid. PERSONALS. *Consciousness Connection:* meet other singles interested in higher spiritual, personal, planetary consciousness. Nationwide. PERSONALS. *Vegetarian single still seeking that special friend?* Meet compatible veggies nationwide. Write for full details. Vege-Dates. RELIGION. *The bible supports* feminism. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Send for information and newsletter. Evangelical Woman's Caucus International. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:38 Date: Tue 18 Aug 87 21:13:47-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Name That Publication (#3) "I can name that publication in 4 Classified Ads." BOOKS. PRESIDENTIAL BIOGRAPHIES. Send $.22 stamp for monthly listing of available titles. New & out-of-print books. American Political Biography. EDUCATION AND INSTRUCTION. BRITAIN'S largest non-residential independant university offers degree programmes including Higher Doctorates in a wide range of subjects. For a prospectus send $8 to: Somerset University. MERCHANDISE. THE ADAM SMITH NECKTIE---gold on navy blue or gold on burgandy. $22.50 postage paid. VISA and MasterCard. PERSONALS. ASIAN LADIES DESIRE CORRESPONDANCE! Sincere, cultured, attractive. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:39 Date: Tue 18 Aug 87 21:25:00-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Name That Publication (#4) "I can name that publication in 4 Classified Ads." BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES. START YOUR OWN BUSINESS. Catalog $5.00 (Refundable). VIDEO. `GRAND CANYON', 2-HOUR SPECtacular helicopter exploration video. Breathtaking music. Critically acclaimed. Details FREE. MANUFACTURING. LOCAL COMMUNITY SEEKING small manufacturing company interested in moving or expanding. Excellent workforce, reliable, loyal, trainable. Overnight markets. Truck, rail or air. Midwestern location. PATENTS & INVENTIONS. PATENT AND DEVELOP YOUR INvention. Registered Patent Agent and Licensed Professional Engineer. Send for FREE PATENT INFORMATION. Every Inventor Should Have. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:40 Date: Tue 18 Aug 87 22:30:55-PDT From: Computer Cowboy Subject: name that publication answer ... what is ... the Bay Area Guardian??? jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:41 Date: Wed 19 Aug 87 10:19:34-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q "There should be a warning - WARNING: There is almost no chance of an accident but once out of a million times, something will fly off into your eye and people will not want to look at you, so you should wear saftey goggles." ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:42 Date: Wed 19 Aug 87 12:36:21-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: name that publication answer ... Hmm. I guess that the answers might not be unique. None of the four publications I took them from was the Bay Area Guardian. Judging from its name, however, the Bay Area Guardian may conceiveably have all of the classified listed for publication #2. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:43 Date: Thu 20 Aug 87 10:24:15-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q "Tell me how to say no to people in a way they'll like." "You cannot say 'no' to the people you love, not often. That's the secret. And then when you do, it has to sound like a 'yes.' Or you have to make them say 'no.' ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:44 Date: Thu 20 Aug 87 12:21:32-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: I'm confused Archbishop John Quinn responded to the Chronicle's "We didn't say that all church people were evil - everyone else did and we're just reporting it." with a letter to the editor that was published today. His closing confuses me. It said I remain, John Quinn title What does "I remain" mean? Might he have quit if they'd written something else? Was he going to get married and change his name? -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:45 Date: Fri 21 Aug 87 08:52:55-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q "Death sometimes changes people for the worse." - J. Heller ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:46 Date: Fri 21 Aug 87 14:30:45-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Getting you tommorrow's quotes today ! "Death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down." W.A. "I don't mind dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens." W.A. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:47 Date: Fri 21 Aug 87 17:02:20-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: No one should sell Evan any life insurance. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:48 Date: Fri 21 Aug 87 17:04:22-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Newsflash Ramsey choked to death on vomit. Not his own. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:49 Date: Sat 22 Aug 87 10:54:27-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: Newsflash Come lovely and soothing death, Undulate round the world, serenely arriving, arriving, In the day, in the night, to all, to each, Sooner or later, delicate death. --Walt Whitman ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:50 Date: Sat 22 Aug 87 14:01:56-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Re: Re: Re: Charles Talk about someone I wouldn't sell life insurance to! ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:51 Date: Mon 24 Aug 87 10:14:35-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q Thy life has been evil, and thou hast shown cruelty to those who were in need of succour, and to those who lacked help thou hast been bitter and hard of heart. The poor called to thee and thou didst not hearken, and thine eyes were closed to the cry of My afflicted. The inheritance of the fatherless thou didst take unto thyself, and thou didst send foxes into the vineyards of thy neighbour's field. Thou didst take the bread of the children and gave it to the dogs to eat, and My lepers who lived in the marshes and were at peace and praised Me thou didst drive forth onto the highways, and out of My earth out of which I made thee thou didst spill innocent blood." And the Man made answer and said, "Even so did I." And God closed the book of the life of the Man, and said, "Surely I will send thee into Hell. Even into Hell I will send thee." And the Man cried out, "Thou canst not." And God said to the Man, "Wherefore can I not send thee to Hell, and for what reason ?" "Because in Hell I have always lived," answered the Man. And there was silence in the House of Judgment. And after a space God spake, and said to the Man, "Seeing that I may not send thee into Hell, surely I will send thee unto Heaven. Even unto Heaven will I send thee." And the Man cried, out, "Thou canst not." And God said to the Man, "Wherefore can I not send thee unto Heaven, and for what reason ?" "Because never, and in no place, have I been able to imagine it," answered the Man. And there was silence in the House of Judgement. -- Incredible as it may seem, Oscar Wilde ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:52 Date: Mon, 24 Aug 87 10:51:57 PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: If I could play pool, ReSent-Date: Mon 24 Aug 87 13:27:39-PDT ReSent-From: Andy Freeman ReSent-To: su-roger-or-andy@Sushi.Stanford.EDU ReSent-Message-ID: <12329117951.38.ANDY@Sushi.Stanford.EDU> I'd be Bubba hip. Copied shamelessly from usenet. This came from the net -- someone else took it first, so it's hard to say where it came from. Anyway, it's worth the reading... GQ'S PENSIVE POUTS HAVE NOTHING OVER ON BUBBA'S OVERALLS by Dennis Rogers Guys, let's talk hip. Serious male hipness. Hip, like in Gentleman's Quarterly. Of course if you're a really hip kind of guy, you call it GQ. This is a magazine that features male models wearing greasy hair combed straight back so the comb marks show, sports coats with the sleeves pushed up, and pensive looks. I'd look pensive, too, if I'd just dropped $350 on a shirt that needs ironing. In its most recent issue, which I swear on the grave of Hank Williams is the first one I ever bought, there is an article titled "99 things every 30-year-old must know". It says, for instance, that by the time you are 30, you guys should: have bailed a buddy out of jail, have been to a half a dozen major league ball parks, have had your heart broken, have had a one night stand you're ashamed of, be able to politely say no to a woman, have thrown out your Aqua Velva, have given up air guitar, have said something to a boss and lover that you'll regret for the rest of your life, have all your posters in frames, own socks in colors other than blue, brown and black, and have spent one night in either jail, a bordello, a monestary, a youth hostel or a Motel 6. It is stuff like that that makes you hip, GQ says. But this is not hip. This is pretending to be hip. Real Hip is Country Hip. Real Hip is knowing that Hank Williams Jr.'s mama's name was Miss Audrey and being able to sink a two-rail pool shot the long way. Real Hip is Bubba Hip. It takes a different set of skills and experiences to be Bubba Hip. While GQ insists that to be hip you must own a tuxedo, Bubba says you must own at least one pair of bibbed overalls that you wear without a shirt. GQ says you should own a power drill by age 30. Bubba says make that a chain saw and not one of those dinky suburban ones either, but a full throttle monster that can cut through a Plymouth. GQ says 30-year-olds should have had six nights that you could not remember the day after. Bubba says you should wake up at least six mornings and not remember where you left your pickup or the name of the street where you are. GQ says you should know how to pronounce "Chassagne-Montrachet and when to drink it". Bubba says you should know how to pronuounce "chitterlings" and have the guts not to eat them when those around you are making fools of them- selves. GQ says you should know which is worth more, a flush or a straight, and why. Bubba says if you don't know, you are welcome to play poker with him any time. GQ says that you should own a hat that is not a ski, baseball or cowboy hat. Bubba says why? GQ says you should be able to carve a turkey by the time you are 30. Bubba says that you should never carve a turkey that you didn't shoot, either in the woods or at the rescue squad's annual fund-raising turkey shoot. GQ says you should "have used a good one-liner if perchance, God forbid, by some quirk of fate occasionally you were unable to perform sexually". Bubba has no idea what they're talking about. GQ says you should have had "an adult sports experience that equals in glory a childhood sports experience". Bubba adds that it should invlove shotguns, pool cues or a bored and stroked '66 GTO. GQ says you must have one restaurant where you are known and still welcome. Bubba says you must have one tavern where you are known -- and not welcome. GQ says you should be able to pick a ripe canteloupe. Bubba says you should be able to grow a ripe canteloupe. GQ says you should, by the time you are 30, have skinny dipped with someone worth bragging about. Bubba says you should never swim nekkid with a lady then brag about it. GQ says you should be able to speak a foreign language by the time you are 30. Bubba says that speaking English is tough enough for him by 11:30 on Saturday night. GQ says you should be able to hum the entire score of "Guys and Dolls". Bubba says you should be able to complete the following country music lyric: "I was drunk the day my mama got out of prison...". GQ says you should have worn an earring by the time you're 30. Bubba says he thinks he understands the problem with GQ hip. ========================= Message sushi-era:53 Date: Mon 24 Aug 87 14:42:17-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: GQ hip sounds like Evan-effete. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:54 Date: Mon 24 Aug 87 15:50:43-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Evan hip Neither Bubba nor GQ capture it for me and my friends. I would have to say that to be Evan hip YOU: 1. Should have gotten slobbering drunk once, swore never to do it again, forgotten and got slobbering drunk a second time and never done it again. 2. Should know classical music to the extent that you can discern if a musical piece was or wasn't written by Bach. 3. Should never even known someone who owned Aqua Velva with the exception of Pete Rose. 3.5 Should feel indescribably ethic when perusing GQ. 4. Should have been taken to about 3 baseball games by other people's parents as a kid and without having bad memories have never had the impulse to go again. 5. Should have owned one of a motorcycle, a >10 year old american car or a car with >2300cc's. 6. Should have known the address and father's middle name of a woman who never knew you existed. 7. Been told that you are a caring, rare and understanding individual by a desirable woman who was involved with a person who in your most understanding moments could not be fairly judged to have any redeeming value or attractive traits. 8. Wear matched socks more than 1/2 the time. 9. Be better than most people in one of bowling, pinball, foosball or darts. 10. Feel like a gibbon when wearing a tuxedo. 11. Have felt the thrill of buying electronic goods and bought at least one that you never could have any conceivable use for. 12. Not be recognized at Tressider. 13. Should have lost your halting high school command of either French or Spanish. 14. Should be able to express an opinion about a movie as you are walking up the aisle to leave replete with references to movies that other Evan hip people would know. 15. Should be able to quote SJ Perelman. 16. Should have been pissed for a time at a friend who tried to steal a woman neither of you ever had a chance of entrancing anyway. 17. Should feel that GQ hip articles are written by Bubba hip guys and vice versa or feel that they are all written by Evan hip guys who need the cash for fancy electronic goods. Ram, am I wrong ? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:55 Date: Mon 24 Aug 87 17:11:49-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: Evan hip > 3.5 Should feel indescribably ethic when perusing GQ. you mean "ethnic"? > 14. Should be able to express an opinion about a movie as you are walking > up the aisle to leave replete with references to movies that other > Evan hip people would know. 14.5 Should be able to recall the 20 funiest jokes in said movie (if they exist). > 16. Should have been pissed for a time at a friend who tried to steal > a woman neither of you ever had a chance of entrancing anyway. Ev, is that: entrance (1): enchant entrance (2): to enter ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:56 Date: Mon 24 Aug 87 20:19:52-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Eh what ? My dictionary Ram, (actually the one on your desk) has no verb form of 'entrance' meaning 'to enter.' In fact, I meant to use the word 'entrechat' which is a delicate balletic (terpsichorean) movement wherein one flutters ones legs while making like Michael Jordan. If you would permit me to neologize for a moment and coin the verb form of 'entrechat' with a meaning of 'to cause someone to attempt an entrechat,' I would maintain stoutly and aver with confidence that neither you nor I nor anyone we know has a chance of 'entrechating' (new verb form) a woman. As they say, you can toss 'em in the air but you can't make 'em flutter. Actually, I was typing along as I thought and started to write 'neither had a chance of GETTING that woman' (by 'get' I meant 'to become involved with') but 'getting' sounded harsh and posessive and so I thought 'neither had a chance of WINNING THE AFFECTION of that woman' but that wasn't right either. By this time my typing had caught up with my thoughts and I decided to go with 'entrance.' ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:57 Date: Mon 24 Aug 87 22:12:13-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Answers to "Name that Publication" Closest correct answer: "what manner of trash is this?" #1 -- National Review magazine. I hadn't realized how religious most of it's readers were until I saw all those refernces to being a 'Christian' in the personals. The fourth ad seems like a case of a woman who is trying to find a guy with money to spend on her---and surely a conservative magazine has plenty of rich horny guys subscribing to it. #2 -- Mother Jones magazine. These left wing magazines are trying hard to live up to their image. But actually, the editors don't edit the classifieds. #3 -- The American Spectator. It only had one 'personal' ad and that was the correspondance one. I suppose it's because this conservative rag is a little more academic than National Review. #4 -- High Technology. I know: boring. The main reason I included it was because it was interesting to see an ad from a city proclaiming 'come exploit our workers'. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:58 Date: Mon 24 Aug 87 22:26:35-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: Evan hip "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts." -- Shakespeare The relevant question at hand is this: In all his exiting and entrancing, how many parts does an Evan Hip Guy play? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:59 Date: Tue 25 Aug 87 11:03:13-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Too obscure for me Ram. Not to be outdone in erudition, today's quote is: Ich weiss nicht, was soll es bedeuten Dass ich so traurig bin; Ein Marchen aus alten Zeiten, Das kommt mir nicht aus dem Sinn. H. Heine Translation Ram ? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:60 Date: Tue 25 Aug 87 11:18:43-PDT From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Re: Lorelei Didn't you rather mean, Evan: Ich weiss nicht, was soll es bedeuten, dass ich so traurig bin. Ein MAEDCHEN aus uralten Zeiten, das geht mir nicht aus dem Sinn. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:61 Date: Tue 25 Aug 87 22:26:21-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: The Cohn Hip Guy knows of at least two occaisions where he could have used the Oscar Wilde quote: "Tread lightly, she is near Under the snow, Speak gently, she can hear The daisies grow." ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:62 Date: Wed 26 Aug 87 09:45:03-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Lorelei My copy of Heine has MARCHEN. Does MARCHEN mean story and MAEDCHEN mean maiden ? Consult your copy of Heine Tom, perhaps I have a bootleg version. Translation: Well the quote I wanted, translated as I know not why it should be that I am so sad; there is a fairy tale of olden days that I cannot get out of my head Speaking of Heine today's quote is from Heine talking of Savoye, appointed ambassador to Frankfurt. "Ordinarily he is insane, but he has lucid moments when he is only stupid." ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:63 Date: Wed 26 Aug 87 10:28:13-PDT From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Heine In Heine's original poem it is of course MAERCHEN (or M\"ARCHEN -- A Umlaut), but Kurt Tucholsky (I think) wrote a satire on that poem, replacing M\"ARCHEN by M\"ADCHEN, and you can imagine how it continues ... Btw, one of my favorite Heine quotes: "Denk ich an Deutschland in der Nacht, dann bin ich um den Schlaf gebracht." ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:64 Date: Wed 26 Aug 87 11:12:21-PDT From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Translation "Whenever I think of Germany in the night, I am robbed of my sleep." Heinrich Heine (first half of 19th century) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:65 Date: Wed 26 Aug 87 12:19:04-PDT From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Tucholsky Kurt Tucholsky was one of the most gifted German satirists. For example, his parody on Goethe's famous Italy poem "Kennst Du das Land, wo die Zitronen bluehen?" ("Do you know the country where the lemons grow?") comes to my mind: "Kennst Du das Land, wo die Kanonen bluehen? ... Du kennst es nicht? - Du wirst es kennenlernen!" ("Do you know the country where the cannons grow? ... You don't know it? - You will get to know it!"). The whole world got to know it twice this century. Needless to say that Tucholsky's books (such as Heine's) were burnt in 1938. He died in exile in Sweden. -t ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:66 Date: Thu 27 Aug 87 08:00:27-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q The sergeant's widow told you a lie when she said I flogged her. I never flogged her. She flogged herself. Gogol ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:67 Date: Thu 27 Aug 87 20:41:05-PDT From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: R-rated Q Ich bin so wild nach Deinem Erdbeermund. Ich schrie mir schon die Lungen wund Nach Deinem weissen Leib, Du Weib. Im Klee, da hat der Mai ein Bett gemacht, Da blueht ein schoener Zeitvertreib Mit Deinem Leib die lange Nacht, Da will ich sein, im tiefen Tal, Dein Nachtgebet und auch Dein Sterngemahl. F. Villon ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:68 Date: Friday, 28-Aug-87 00:00:45-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q You already have problems, do you want trouble too ? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:69 Date: Fri 28 Aug 87 10:21:37-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: This is becoming su-quotes How about some sparkling debate ? What happened to the freshman who double spaced everything ? Ram support or oppose the contention that women distrust men that are on bad term with their ex's and men distrust women who are on good terms. Why are there more AIDS cases in the US ? better reporting or unknown factors ? Is professional wrestling rigged ? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:70 Date: Fri 28 Aug 87 11:15:52-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Bowmania I was looking for a word. Among Bowman's faults in my eyes is that he trys to provoke. Now if you were to call him provacative then you'd be complimenting him since 'provacative' (sp?) is currently taken to mean thought-provoking. If you were to say controversial you'd still be complimenting since this has connotations of being unwimpy and standing for his principles. Incendiary, caustic, bullying... what is the word for our man Lyn ? I hope to God (LYN's paradoxically) that he isn't reading this. If he appears on this board I know that I for one will never forgive myself ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:71 Date: Fri 28 Aug 87 11:43:31-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: The word Evan is looking for is provocateur (or provacateur, it isn't in my desk dictionary). Evan wants to say "Bowman is a provocateur" which is different (in the way intended) from "Bowman is provocative". BTW - Roger, do you like German quotes? I don't. -andy ps - SU-Roger-or-Andy is only available on sushi. It can be ftp'd to other sites, but who'd bother? Lyn Bowman does not have a sushi account. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:72 Date: Fri 28 Aug 87 15:00:41-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: My fault for not specifying that an adjective was desired in the stead of a noun ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:73 Date: Fri 28 Aug 87 16:26:15-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Quaint American Humour A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling by Mark Twain For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:74 Date: Fri 28 Aug 87 16:27:42-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Humor on usenet An old one about a professional debate ...about the doctor, engineer, and programmer who were debating what the world's oldest profession was (other than the obvious one)? The doctor said that medicine was the oldest because the Lord performed surgery in the removal of Adam's rib. The engineer countered that before that act, the Lord had performed feats of engineering by creating the earth and heavens from nothing. The doctor conceded that the engineer was right and that engineering was indeed the oldest profession. But then the programmer interjected that programming was even older. He was chided by both the doctor and the engineer saying that engineering had to be the oldest, because before the Lord engineered the earth and heavens, there was nothing, only the Great Void, only Chaos! The programmer simply smiled and said: "Where do you think the Chaos came from?" Another oldie This cabdriver is having an affair with a married woman. So they're making love in the afternoon while the husband is supposedly at work, when suddenly a car pulls up in the driveway. The woman exclaims, "Oh my god! My husband is home early! You have to get out of here, he's a weightlifter and he'll break every bone in your body!" Well, the cabdriver is terrified and runs out of the bedroom. A moment later the husband comes bursting into the room, yelling, "Allright, I know you've been fooling around, where is he?" As he's running around the house looking for the guy, through the kitchen window he sees a cab driving away. He's so angry he picks up the refrigerator and hurls it out the window at the cab! Unfortunately, he misses, and even more unfortunately, he suffers a triple hernia and dies on the spot. The next thing he knows he's standing in line, waiting to get into heaven. When he gets to the front of the line, St. Peter asks him how he died, he explains, and he is admitted. "Next, please", says St. Peter. "And how did you die, sir?" "Well", says the cabbie, "I was hiding in this refrigerator when ..." ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:75 Date: Sat 29 Aug 87 14:39:51-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q In accordance with Andy and Roger's desire for the cessation of German quotes allow me to proffer the following: Hob nit kain moireh ven du host nit kain ander braireh. In Yiddish. Tant pis. Me scusi. Slee-chah. (Don't be scared when you have no other choice.) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:76 Date: Sat 29 Aug 87 14:49:38-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: The word Evan is looking for is BTW - Roger, do you like German quotes? I don't. Well, I don't mind people quoting in German ... ...if they don't mind me quoting in TECO. Today's quote: FS ^R EXPT "N !* If any Control-U's! FS ^R EXPT-1 "E !* One Control-U! FS H POSITIONUCOBOL_OCCURS_Column ' FS ^R EXPT-2 "E !* 2 Control-U's! QCOBOL_OCCURS_New_Line*(-1)UCOBOL_OCCURS_New_Line ' QCOBOL_OCCURS_Column+7:\[C QCOBOL_OCCURS_New_Line "G :I*Yes ' "# :I*No ' :I*CFS ECHO DISPLAY @FT COBOL_OCCURS_Column_=_C_____ FS ECHO LINES-1 "N @FT  ' @FT COBOL_OCCURS_New_Line_=_N 0FS ECHO ACTIVE 0' FF "N [A ' "# 0[A ' John T. Stapleton the EMACS COBOL Library COBOL.EMACS It was the final passage (the one begining with F^XF^X "N) that I found particularly stirring. Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:77 Date: Sunday, 30-Aug-87 00:00:25-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q The characters in this story are not based on real persons, mid-Western or otherwise. The ape, however, is modelled after Ngonga, a young Lowlands gorilla with whom I conducted a half-hearted love affair last summer at the San Diego Zoo. And to her, in memory of what might have been, I dedicate it. sjp ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:78 Date: Monday, 31-Aug-87 07:38:30-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Sam's cats take dope Sam's cats can't cope Sam's cats bite vets don't make nice pets. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:79 Date: Mon 31 Aug 87 18:10:03-PDT From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Save this bboard! Contribute! ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:80 Date: Mon 31 Aug 87 18:13:17-PDT From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Women (no quote but bitter reality) After yet another devastating weekend (I am usually to careful to strike out swinging enthusiastically on a really bad pitch -- this time it happened), may I join the club of frustrated single CS grad students? Before: "It looked like one of those one-way streets to me, but there was something special to this one, something that would make me go out of my way." Desperate optimist. After: "It clearly looks like one of those one-way streets to me, but there is something very special to this one, something that will make me go far out of my way." Masochist. Still after: "It is one of those one-way streets, but I have got to stick to my principles -- I think --, and never giving up is one of them -- I think --" Idiot. P.S.: I can name the consumer group of that bboard in 4 messages. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:81 Date: Tuesday, 1-Sep-87 00:00:16-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q The only things open on Christmas day have the aura of Greyhound bus terminals over them. AJC ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:82 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 01:34:56-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: Women (no quote but bitter reality) Tom, welcome aboard... For those of you who haven't been following along, I present: THE SCORECARD --- --------- Supreme-Being/Cosmic-All 8884938274192837423723477346788 Roger's Firebird 122302 Roger 0 ---------------------------------------------------------- Most devastating line of conversation heard within the past month: Roger (having decided this is going nowhere, enters diagnostic mode): ``Just out of curiosity, did you ever at any point have any romantic thoughts about me at all...?'' ________: ``Hmm... You know, it never really occurred to me...'' Roger (has the sponge imitation down pretty well... Next: cabbages...) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:83 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 09:35:05-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Re: women or something Roger, did her name really have 8 letters ? If so then my guesses are Rapunzel & Jennifer ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:84 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 12:22:23-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: The premise The purpose of the following two messages is to help us decide upon the name for the new VAX. The best three suggestions so far are: egg, hottub, rex. So says ME. Rex is clearly in third place, but the other two are a toss-up. In order to help us decide, I include in the next two messages all of the quotes from my Bartlett's Familiar Quotations that have the words "egg" or "hottub" in them. Hopefully, we will be able to add to these many that Bartlett has overlooked. For example, there is the line from "Lost In America" where the husband is telling the wife that she must never use the words "nest" or "egg" ever again; I can only remember half of that quote. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:85 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 12:22:58-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: "egg" quotes They say we are Almost as like as eggs. --Shakespeare, The Winter's Tale As one egg is like another. --Cervantes, Don Quixote There is always a best way to doing everything, if it be to boil an egg. Manners are the happy ways of doing things. --Emerson, Conduct of Life A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. --Samuel Butler, Life and Habit From the egg. --Horacle, Epistles Thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat. --Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet A little in one's pocket is better than much in another man's purse. `Tis good to keep a nest egg. Every little makes a mickle. --Cervantes, Don Quixote Oh, tough as a steak was Yukon Jake --- Hard-boiled as a picnic egg. --Edward Paramore, The Ballad of Yukon Jake Heaven is like an egg, and the earth is like the yolk of an egg. --Chang Heng As innocent as a new-laid egg. --William Gilbert, Engaged Puritanism, believing itself quick with the seed of religious liberty, laid, without knowing it, the egg of democracy. --James Lowell, Literary Essays Therefore think him as a serpent's egg Which, hatch'd, would, as his kind, grow mischievous, And kill him in the shell. --Shakespeare, Julius Ceasar Wall Street Lays An Egg. --Sime Silverman, Newspaper Headline [October 1929] Being kissed by a man who didn't wax his moustache was --- like eating an egg without salt. --Rudyard Kipling, The Story of the Gadsbys What's the use? Yesterday an egg, tomorrow a feather duster. --Mark Fenderson, cartoon caption for a Rooster I'm afraid you've got a bad egg, Mr. Jones. Oh no, my Lord, I assure you! Parts of it are excellent! --Punch `Tis the part of a wise man to keep himself today for tomorrow, and not venture all his eggs in one basket. --Cervantes, Don Quixote Put all your eggs in one basket and --- WATCH THAT BASKET. --Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson As the partridge sitteth on eggs, and hatcheth them not; so he that getteth riches, and not by right, shall leave them in the midst of his days, and at the end shall be a fool. --Jeremiah 17:11 I can suck melancholy out of a song as a weasel suck eggs. --Shakespeare, As You Like It The farmer's daughter hath soft brown hair (Butter and eggs and a pound of cheese) And I met with a ballad, I can't say where, That wholly consisted of lines like these. --Charles Calverly, Ballad, after Wiliam Morris. The codfish lays a thousand eggs, the homely chicken lays one. The codfish never cackles to tell you when she's done. And so we scorn the codfish, while the humble hen we prize, Which only goes to show you that it pays to advertise. --Anonymous, It Pays To Advertise Thinking to get at once all the gold the goose could give, he killed it and opened it only to find -- nothing. --Aesop, The Goose with the Golden Eggs Hickety pickety, my black hen, She lays eggs for gentlemen. Gentlemen come every day To see what my black hen doth lay. --Anonymous, Hickety Pickety It is the nature of extreme self-lovers, as they will set an house on fire, and it were but to roast their eggs. --Francis Bacon, Of Wisdom for a Man's Self Deceive not thyself by overexpecting happiness in the married estate. Remember the nightingales which sing only some months in the spring, but commonly are silent when they have hatched their eggs. --Thomas Fuller, Holy and Profane State I will walk on egss. --Thomas Heywood, A Woman who Killed with Kindness ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:86 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 12:23:23-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: "hottub" quotes ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:87 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 13:53:36-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Egg is a sexist name. We wouldn't even consider sperm. Besides, nearly everyone Ramsey quoted is dead; they talked about eggs and look what happened to them. Rex is obviously superior to egg. It is just as short and expresses two opposing views on yet another mainframe. It also goes well with rover. (Rex is a traditional name for dogs.) I also like dot. There's also hostname, which, who, or why. (Where conflicts with tip commands.) -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:88 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 14:31:39-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Reusing computer names How, who, why, and what are synonyms for gsb machines. Dinosaur is "taken". -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:89 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 14:48:13-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: egg on our minds, egg in our faces Ramsey forgot a very important quote on the subject of eggs. Taken from a California Egg commercial, sung to the tune of ``Anything Goes:'' bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok Note: This has nothing to do with the president of a small school in Cambridge, Ma. --anil. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:90 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 15:20:28-PDT From: Ashok Subramanian Subject: Re: The premise Hot tub stands no chance, for it is two words. Try sauna instead. --ashok ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:91 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 15:22:29-PDT From: Steve Bjork Subject: Yes... As one of the Soon-To-Be-Fired-CF-Staff-Members, I would like to offer the professional vote of confidence for the New Vax's name... Hostname. Somehow this strikes a responsive chord in me... --Steve ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:92 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 15:31:51-PDT From: Ashok Subramanian Subject: Re: Egg is a sexist name. Andy, when did you hear of anyone having sperm for breakfast? --ashok ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:93 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 16:12:35-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: Egg is a sexist name. Bartlett has nothing in the index under `sauna', `sperm', `dot', `hostname' --- not that this should rule them out. Furthermore, Anonymous is not dead, he turns out new quotes all the time. And the only quote under `rex' is by a dead guy: Ergo sum rex Romanus, et supra grammaticam. [I am the Roman king, and am above grammar.] --Sigismund [1414] I, too, like `hostname' and `dot', but do we really want to confuse other people with our cleverness? The reason we would consider `egg' but not `sperm' is not because one is `female' and the other is `male', rather it is because people automatically think of a *chicken* egg and of *human* sperm. Thus, `sperm' would bring up the touchy issue of human sex in a manner that `egg' wouldn't --- at least *I* don't know of any people who have sex with chickens. I'd be happy with any of the four: `egg', `hostname', `hottub', `rex' (To me, `hottub' is clearly better than `sauna' and `jacuzzi', because the latter two sound too snotty.) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:94 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 16:40:25-PDT From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Re: Egg is a sexist name. I know that they were proposed by non-CSD people on a non-CSD bboard, but what disqualifies the @ puns (I happen to like them): @all @once @last @large ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:95 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 16:42:33-PDT From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Re: Egg is a sexist name. Come to think of it, there is also @least, @most and certainly plenty more ... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:96 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 17:11:55-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: Re: Egg is a sexist name. @a-loss --anil. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:97 Date: Tue 1 Sep 87 18:52:56-PDT From: Andy Tucker Subject: "hottub" is a USC machine, according to Rocky ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:98 Date: Wednesday, 2-Sep-87 00:00:16-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q She believed that the most revolutionary word is "yes." What she liked best was for me to kiss her while murmuring all the English synonyms for "yes" that I could think of. And although neither of us believed in a life beyond this one, I feel to this day that I can check in with her if I close my eyes and say yes, yeah, aye, uh-huh, indeed, agreed, natch, certainly, okeydoke, of course, right, reet, for sure, you got it, well and good, amen, but def, indubitably, right on, yes sirree bob, sure nuff, positively, now you're talking, yep, yup, bet your sweet A, O.K., Roger wilco over and out. VG ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:99 Date: Monday, 02-Sep-87 00:28:30-PDT From: Lyn Bowman Subject: Re: Bowmania Evan, Is this su-roger-or-andy, or is it su-not-lyn? Or is it su-anti-lyn? I am flattered that people have gone to such great lengths to find a forum to malign me. Well done guys! Don't worry Evan. I am too busy to read your drivel. You can write whatever you want on su-whatever. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:100 Date: Wed 2 Sep 87 00:40:06-PDT From: Shaibal Roy Subject: Re: The premise I like egg as a name for the new vax. Maybe we can start a trend here. Egg, then coffee, them donut, then bagel ... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:101 Date: Wed 2 Sep 87 00:54:54-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: alright now Someone really botched that forged message from Lyn Bowman. Confess. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:102 Date: Wed 2 Sep 87 08:32:45-PDT From: Shaibal Roy Subject: OK, I admit it. That was me trying to incite some Bowmania. I agree that was stupid, puerile, and irresponsible. But now I am awake and sober. So please, no one "reply-all" to that message. As far as I know Lyn Bowman has not shown any interest in this bboard. At least, I hope so. -shaibal ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:103 Date: Wed 2 Sep 87 10:56:02-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: P and not Q Two views on quantification: When you can measure what you are speaking about, and express it in numbers, then you know something about it; but when you cannot express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meager and unsatisfactory kind. -- Lord Kelvin While you and I have lips and voices which are kissing and to sing with who cares if some one-eyed son-of-a-bitch invents an instrument to measure spring with. --e.e. cummings From: Counting on Something, W.S. Peters. Note that I suspect the typography of e.e. cummings' poem has been tampered with. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:104 Date: Thursday, 3-Sep-87 00:00:25-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q "Bosoms and Neglect," John Guare's curdled comedy about bosoms and neglect..." First line of New Yorker play review ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:105 Date: Friday, 4-Sep-87 00:00:07-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q A cocoa flavored sense of remorse welled up from his knees and constricted his heart. SJP ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:106 Date: Saturday, 5-Sep-87 00:00:21-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q "...the interviews were cut to nithing and the overall confusion made me nervous which certainly didn't help me with the ad libbing. Actually there was no opportunity to ad lib. I had so many ad libs left over when the show finished that I talked to myself for two hours." Fred Allen (nithing above should be nothing) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:107 Date: Sunday, 6-Sep-87 00:00:23-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q We should all stick together or most assuredly we will all stick separately Oren P. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:108 Date: Monday, 7-Sep-87 00:00:08-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Four pirates were sitting and playing poker when suddenly one threw down his cards in a fury. "I don't want to mention any names," he bellowed, "but if a certain person doesn't stop cheating, I'm going to put his other eye out!" ST ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:109 Date: Tuesday, 8-Sep-87 00:00:24-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q ...I usually say what I really think. A great mistake nowadays. It makes one so liable to be misunderstood. OW ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:110 id AA07029; Tue, 8 Sep 87 14:57:16 PDT id AA29098; Tue, 8 Sep 87 14:57:23 PDT Date: Tue, 8 Sep 87 14:57:23 PDT From: crew@decwrl.dec.com (Roger Crew) Subject: ... if we're going to have quotes... Newsgroups: comp.risks > RISKS-LIST: RISKS-FORUM Digest > Monday, 7 September 1987 Volume 5 : Issue 34 >... > "The typical computer freak is between 14 and 16," said Knudsen, a former > freak himself. "He gets up at 2 in the afternoon and sits in front of > the screen until 4 in the morning. > He drinks 3 liters of Coke > and has no girlfriend." Well now, that just explains *everything,* doesn't it....? ========================= Message sushi-era:111 Date: Wednesday, 9-Sep-87 00:00:24-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q In a moment of frenzy and extravagance he (Ahab) nails a gold doubloon to the mast, the coin to go to the first to sight Moby or, we may assume, the first up on deck after dark with a claw-headed hammer. R.A. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:112 Date: Wed 9 Sep 87 10:38:01-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: [SU BBoards Maintainer : SU bboards Guidelines posted to SU-COMPUTERS] How come we weren't sent this! What a slap in the face to our distinguished bboard. Bah. But of course, it's probably because we are too refined to have a need for being given `guidelines' on how to behave from a `maintainer'. --------------- Date: Sun 6 Sep 87 00:00:38-PDT From: SU BBoards Maintainer Subject: SU bboards Guidelines posted to SU-COMPUTERS SU-Jobs@Score.Stanford.EDU, SU-Market@Score.Stanford.EDU, SU-Macintosh@Score.Stanford.EDU Phone: 415/725-5555 Fax: 415/723-0010 Telex: 348402 STANFD STNU The SU Bboards Guidelines have been posted to SU-COMPUTERS. They are reposted every thirty days. To receive a copy by electronic mail, send a note to lists@labrea.stanford.edu. The guidelines are also available by anonymous FTP from site SCORE.STANFORD.EDU as HLP:SU-BBOARDS.HLP. ------- ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:113 Date: Thursday, 10-Sep-87 00:00:09-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q A: He's not God you know. B: Well he's polynomially related to God. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:114 Date: Thu 10 Sep 87 00:40:46-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: "How I spent my summer vacation" "On the first day of my summer vacation, I went downtown to look for a job. Then I hung out in front of the drugstore. On the second day of my summer vacation, I went downtown to look for a job. Then I hung out in front of the drugstore. On the third day of my summer vacation, I went downtown to look for a job. Then I hung out in front of the drugstore. On the fourth day of my summer vacation, I went downtown to look for a job. I found a job. It was to keep people from hanging out in front of the drugstore." Does anyone out there have a recording of Cheech & Chong's "Miss Mary Elephant" or "Lady Mary Elephant" or whatever? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:115 Date: Fri 11 Sep 87 10:52:22-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Phone home, Cohn. [PHOTO: Recording initiated Fri 11-Sep-87 10:51AM] @dir nremIND.*.* SUSHI: NREMIND.BIN.14 Total of 0 pages in 1 file @pop [PHOTO: Recording terminated Fri 11-Sep-87 10:51AM] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:116 Date: Sat 12 Sep 87 15:26:02-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Friday and Saturday quotes Oh excuse me, sir. I didn't realize the consistory was occupied. Consistory? This is a conservatory, man. Don't you know the difference ? Not really. then you'd be a hell of a guy to arrange a meeting of cardinals. SJP (look up consistory) If bullshit were music, then you'd be a brass band. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:117 Date: Sunday, 13-Sep-87 00:00:02-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Laughter is not a bad way to start a relationship and is by far the best way to end one. O.W. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:118 Date: Monday, 14-Sep-87 00:00:13-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q I didn't think I was so bad but they're beginning to make a believer out of me. baseball play to Jim Bouton after being sent back to the minors ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:119 Date: Mon 14 Sep 87 17:07:56-PDT From: Computer Cowboy Subject: things besides quotes ... you can buy 3-liter bottles of Coke in Texas ... yes, I bought some the Cheech and Chong thing is called "Sister Mary Elephant" .. definitely on their "Greatest Hits" album, maybe on the "Los Bambinos" album ... quote: "dogbite on my leg it's not right supposed to beg" jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:120 Date: Tuesday, 15-Sep-87 00:00:06-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Ashley Crumbley and Thomas Warren regret to announce that their impending wedding this July won't be forthcoming. But they are please to note that you will be able to attend two weddings in the future. from Harvard Magazine. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:121 Date: Tue 15 Sep 87 14:31:52-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Constitution I'm sending this because I know the readership is limited and because the only other thing we have are quotes. I'm more or less a Democrat and regardless, I'd like to see the Democrat have a whack at the presidency this go around. Now the question is, who would I like to see get nominated by the Republicans to maximize the Democratic chances of winning. Not as easy as you might think. My first choice would be Bush because it seems to me that while he might look decent on the drawing board, given the long stretch and semi-mandatory debates he is bound to self-destruct. My second choice is Robertson. My faith in America is such that I'm almost sure it would come to its senses and flock away from him when the time came. On the other hand, the very act of running might set a bad precedent and what if God forbid he were to... The last guy on my list is Dole. I think he could win against a strong democratic candidate. Ram ? thoughts ? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:122 Date: Tue 15 Sep 87 14:42:47-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Which dem Cohn? Robertson vs Jackson Bush vs Biden Sounds fun to me. -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:123 Date: Tue 15 Sep 87 14:51:45-PDT From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Where do you see a "strong democratic candidate," Evan? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:124 Date: Tue 15 Sep 87 16:11:03-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: Democratic candidates The problem is that the strongest Democratic candidate right now is Jesse. Figure that he's not likely to self-destruct the way Gary did. Figure that he has to get at least the VP spot (if not, think of the kind of signal that sends to the black community... can you say ``polarization''?) Consider the kind of reaction that white America is likely to have (I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that a fair proportion of black America doesn't really like Jesse, either...). No I don't like the idea of having the Republicans nominate a zero; he'll probably win... Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:125 Date: Tue 15 Sep 87 17:29:00-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Re: Constitution First of all I don't buy the pundit's line that the Democrats don't have a credible candidate. Admittedly the guys running don't differ much from each other but when one guy randomly gets chosen and we see his face every day for 8 months he'll look just fine. Jesse is for the advancement of Jesse. My guess is that regardless of the price to be paid, Jackson will get shunted aside when the time comes. How much pull does Jesse have ? The blacks aren't going to vote Republican (Jews were in this spot in the 60's - you didn't have to kiss their butt come election time because they had nowhere else to go). All they can do is not vote. I defer to Ramsey for the exact figures on their voting percentage in the last 4 elections but I don't see it having enough of an effect as to make the Dukakis-type-eventual candidate swallow Jackson. I DO hope that Darwinism kills off the democratic candidates with financial, amorous or political finaglings in a hideous fashion so that hay can be made of Robertson's dodging the war, Bush's role in the Contra-affair etc... Isn't Dole minus the use of an arm due to a war injury ? I sure hope he doesn't outfox Bush. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:126 Date: Tue 15 Sep 87 21:50:02-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Republican Candidates (1) Why is that on TOPS-20 bboards, people are more likely to send a reply with an entirely new subject field rather than a RE: subject. Am I the only one who finds this annoying? (2) Evan, I do not cram my head with detailed statistics or facts from the past. This sparse memory is the main reason that I stay out of arguments involving history --- my opponent can always pull up some event in the past to try to destroy my position, and I won't know enough about the event to point out to him why he is a fool and that I am right (as always). (3) For my choice of Republican candidates, am I resitricted to those in the race at this moment? Or can I pull in Richard Nixon, Jeane Kirkpatrick, Strom Thurmond, etc.. \begin{digression} Some ammendment to the constitution says that a person can't serve (or is it be elected to?) more than two terms of office as President. Which exactly does it say (I'll check tonight). But the question is this: can a former President (say Nixon) run for an office that is in the line of succesion to become President, should the President be killed? The line of succession is something like: Vice-President, Majority leader of the Senate, Speaker of the House or some such nonsense. So can Nixon be the Speaker of the House? Can he run for Vice-President? If so, what happens if succession is called for by events? But actually this isn't important, come to think of it, Nixon didn't serve a full two terms... \end{digression} (4) I think that if someone like Gov. DuPont of Delaware won the Republican nomination, it would be quite easy for the Democrats to convince all their usual suckers and more that he was an enemy of the people who was more likely to deliver us a series of Bhopals rather than "better things for better living". ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:127 Date: Tue 15 Sep 87 22:17:55-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: 22nd Amendment "No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years to a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of the President more than once." So, this ideally bad Republican ticket can have Nixon running for Vice-President. As a switch, how about having Spiro Agnew be the one running for President? Is he out of jail, yet? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:128 Date: Wednesday, 16-Sep-87 00:00:04-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Here is a typical Constitutional law question. Two people get together in their home and they are allowed to put their mouths on whatever portion of their partner's body they choose. Yet, when two businessmen in 800$ suits get together for lunch and decide what price they are going to charge for a slice of cheese they are sent to jail. Discuss all relevant issues. Show all bullshit. R.R. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:129 Date: Wed 16 Sep 87 09:16:50-PDT From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Re: Q (mouths on bodies and price of cheese) Of course, the interesting part is that most Republicans seem to prefer both oral sex and price-fixing being illegal to their both being legal. Curious, I think. joe ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:130 Date: Wed 16 Sep 87 11:55:53-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: Queue Every proper limerick must, of course, be improper. As a forgotten genius of the form wrote many years ago: The limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite economical But the good one's I've seen So seldom are clean And the clean ones so seldom are comical --from Limericks: Historical and Hysterical, R.A. Billington. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:131 Date: Wed 16 Sep 87 12:19:11-PDT From: Computer Cowboy Subject: alternate quote ... "we got nothin better to do than watch tv and have a couple of brews don't talk about anything else we don't wanna know we dedicated to our favorite show!!" jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:132 Date: Wed 16 Sep 87 14:03:54-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: Constitution I'll grant that most blacks aren't about to vote republican. However, if they get sufficiently pissed off, there are other things they can do. Suppose Jesse decides to run as an independent? That in itself will pretty much kill any chances of a Democratic victory. Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:133 Date: Thursday, 17-Sep-87 00:00:27-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q He (Thurber) never harped on the point (his blindness), he only joked about it, now and then, like when there was an audtion in a theater here one morning, and a young lady, for reasons I don't know, didn't bother to leave the stage to change costumes. "When Helen told me there was a beautiful girl just about naked up there," he said,"I lifted my face and said, Lord, there are times when this goes just a little beyond a joke." Groucho ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:134 id AA10808; Thu, 17 Sep 87 16:57:35 PDT id AA10427; Thu, 17 Sep 87 16:57:30 PDT Date: Thu, 17 Sep 87 16:57:30 PDT From: crew@decwrl.dec.com (Roger Crew) Subject: BATMAN tv show question Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have you seen this guy Bork who's nominated for the Supreme Court: Didn't he play "King Tut" on the old BATMAN tv show? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Larry Appleman ARPA: larry%mirror@cca Mirror Systems, Inc. UUCP: {decvax!cca, ima!inmet, mit-eddie, wjh12}... Cambridge, Mass. ...mirror!larry ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ========================= Message sushi-era:135 Date: Thu, 17 Sep 87 20:41:49 PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Anyone we know..?! Dear Abby: I got married three months ago to a wonderful lady. I am 31 and she's 26. The problem: She insists on sleeping in the same space that I sleep in. I thought it was kind of cute at first, but now I am annoyed. She practically sleeps on top of me. I can't sleep with somebody touching me, let alone using me as a human pillow. She says she's not able to sleep any other way. I have tried everything including begging and pleading; I've pushed her to one side of the bed only to wake up later with her on top of me again. I've tried cuddling with her until she falls asleep, then moving to another bed, but she awakens and comes over to join me. She slept on my arm one night and it was nearly useless for two full days! We've had numerous arguments about this. I asked her what she did when she was single. She said she slept alone because she had to, and does not intend to sleep alone now that she ha a man to sleep with -- correction -- sleep on. If this keeps up, I may have to rent a motel room to get a good night's sleep. What a way to start a marriage! I love her, but wonder if this woman needs some psychiatric attention. What do you think? -Sleepless in Palo Alto Dear Sleepless: Nowhere is it carved in stone that, once married, a person must give up his/her right to good night's sleep to please the other. Your bride appears to be spoiled, selfish and immature. Buy her an inflatable life-sized man to sleep on, and stand your ground. And yes, she does need counseling if she can't compromise. -andy lives alone in Menlo Park ========================= Message sushi-era:136 Date: Friday, 18-Sep-87 00:00:23-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Never be possessive. If a female friend lets on that she is going out with another man, be kind and understanding. If she says she would like to go out with all of the Pittsburgh Steelers, including the coaching staff, the same rule applies. Tell her: "Jen, you just go right ahead and do what you feel is right." Unless you actually care for her, in which case you must see to it that she has no male contact whatsoever. BF ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:137 Date: Fri 18 Sep 87 09:45:54-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: Anyone we know..?! Sounds like an irrefutable argument for sex before marriage. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:138 id AA19861; Fri, 18 Sep 87 11:32:47 PDT id AA14222; Fri, 18 Sep 87 11:32:44 PDT Subject: The editor of choice Date: Fri, 18 Sep 87 11:32:41 -0700 From: crew@decwrl.dec.com From: gaynor@topaz.rutgers.edu (Silver) Newsgroups: comp.editors Date: 18 Sep 87 06:15:44 GMT My favorite editor is "cat". It starts up fast, is generally WYSIWYG, runs quickly... So what if I occasionally have to retype the whole thing? I'm a fair typist. To heck with this regular expression junk, and who can keep track of all those lisp functions? Andy Gaynor 201-545-0458 81 Hassart St, New Brunswick, NJ 08901 gaynor@topaz.rutgers.edu ...!rutgers!topaz.rutgers.edu!gaynor "There is no Editor but Emacs, and Lisp is its Prophet." ========================= Message sushi-era:139 Date: Saturday, 19-Sep-87 00:00:09-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q I recollect one time George had got a gallon of bourbon that he was saving for his birthday. The night before his birthday, for a prank, I poured the bourbon out of the jug and filled it with the fluid that drains off a keg of nails. Came his birthday, George drank that whole jug without even making a face. It didn't affect him a bit, either, except for the rest of his life, whenever he saw a hammer he'd scream and cover his head. Max Shulman ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:140 Date: Sunday, 20-Sep-87 15:05:24-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q NOBODY beats me 28 straight times! Tennis player when asked how he beat Borg after losing to him 27 straight times. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:141 Date: Monday, 21-Sep-87 00:00:33-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q After extensive research, we have found a funny joke by Bob Hope. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:142 Date: Tuesday, 22-Sep-87 00:00:25-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q E: Did you ever get into a situation that was really stupid but you had to go through with it as a matter of honor? P: Yeah, life. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:143 Date: Tue 22 Sep 87 10:49:52-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: cRiMe @crime Welcome to cRiMe! Would you like instructions? y Imagine if you will a scenario.... You have been transported to a mythical city, replete with all the degeneracy and immorality of the times. You have been given a gun, an intense hatred for all things that live; and the will to exterminate all things which cross your path. With this in mind, you begin your sojourn into cRiMe. You shall attempt to kill, rob, or take as many things as possible -- and then to escape the city unscathed. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:144 Date: Wed 23 Sep 87 13:23:59-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q Proof by cumbersome notation: Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:145 Date: Thursday, 24-Sep-87 00:00:21-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Law on the wickedness of small things: Small things you drop will always roll away from you. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:146 Date: Friday, 25-Sep-87 00:00:27-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q She strode like a grenadier, was strong and upright like an obelisk, had a beautiful face, a candid brow, pure eyes, and not a thought of her own in her head. J. Conrad ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:147 Date: Saturday, 26-Sep-87 00:00:27-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q She was immutable as the hills, but not quite as green. Kipling ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:148 Date: Sunday, 27-Sep-87 00:00:30-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Dear God be good to me. The sea is so wide and my boat is so small. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:149 Date: Sun 27 Sep 87 01:19:00-PDT From: Computer Cowboy Subject: sounds like Thor Heyerdahl .... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:150 Date: Monday, 28-Sep-87 00:00:17-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q As an apple reddens on the high bough; high atop the highest bough the apple pickers passed it by - no, not passed it by, but they could not reach it. Sappho Remembering this, he wept bitterly, lying now on his side, now on his back, now on his face. Iliad, XXIV ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:151 Date: Mon 28 Sep 87 02:39:06-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: R ABOUT HAMS Someone defined eternity as a ham and two people. The definition probably dates from the days when the term applied only to the small mountain of meat we now call a whole ham --- the cured and smoked hind of a hog. Now that there is a wide variety of cuts and sizes available, eternity has somewhat shortened. -- Joy of Cooking ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:152 Date: Tuesday, 29-Sep-87 00:00:11-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q How much is the doggie in the window ? All the way. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:153 Date: Tue 29 Sep 87 13:50:28-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: S Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 have you ever had a stray newspaper follow you in the most annoying way, as if to indicate you as responsible for it? and you fear and know that the more you attempt to disassociate it from you, the more you seem to admit responsibility for it. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:154 Date: Tue 29 Sep 87 19:22:06-PDT From: Ashok Subramanian Subject: Re: S It might be a good idea to annotate quotes in some way to distinguish them from your own comments. It is also useful to be able to tell the source and/or author of a quote, not just the initials of the author or the book. (Evan, please note...) --ashok ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:155 Date: Wednesday, 30-Sep-87 00:00:06-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q When Groucho opened an account in a Berverly Hills bank, a vice-president of the bank wrote him, "If I can ever be of assistance to you, please let me know." Groucho replied, The best assistance you can give me is to steal some money from the account of one of your richer clients and credit it to mine. Yours, ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:156 Date: Wed 30 Sep 87 10:06:36-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Indeed The problem is threefold. 1. I like it when someone likes a quote enough to ask me who wrote it. This allows me to gauge which quotes are better received. I sometimes put the name in (depending on whimsy). 2. The next 6 quotes are in my nremind file and cannot be changed. 3. Some of the quotes I collected and lost the source. Tant pis. I shall try to do better ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:157 Date: Wed 30 Sep 87 12:16:11-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: The New Trekkers ReSent-Date: Thu 29 Oct 87 16:09:20-PST ReSent-From: Andy Freeman ReSent-To: su-roger-or-andy@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU ReSent-Message-ID: <12346459812.308.P.PENDRAGON@HAMLET.STANFORD.EDU> I'm one of the few people in the US who haven't seen every episode of the first Star Trek series, but I have seen most of them. The New Generation pilot has far more sexual content than the old series. True, the canonical STI plot had Shatner fall in love and get his shirt ripped, in some order, and then leave the woman to listen to yuk yuks on the bridge just before the credits, but the sex content was fairly low. There are two pairs of New Trekkers panting after each other in the main cast alone and we all know that the trigger happy security officer is going to get lots of action too. I won't be surprised if the other bridge characters get a "personal" life too, if only for an episode or two. I don't like Q. Sure he's a powerful villain, but I'm not keen on episodes consisting of Pickard and Q moralizing (badly) at each other. We do need a new rule - redshirts won't die often on The New Trekkers. -andy semi-spoiler warning ps - Imagine how dull it would have been if Pickard had stayed silent, to to out-wait Q, instead of blurting out "guilty". ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:158 Date: Thursday, 1-Oct-87 00:00:13-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Strong like life Sweet like love Subtle like friendship ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:159 Date: Friday, 2-Oct-87 00:00:06-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Loathe it, condemn it, resist it if you will, but you can't ignore it: every day, in every way, youth is becomind more precocious. A friend of mine, just back from a year's residence it Italy, stoutly avers that of all the wonders he saw none compared with his portiere's baby, an infant less than fifteen months old. "He's a holy terror - a real feroce," he declared. Hangs around the kitchen all day swilling Orvieto and smoking cheroots by the bundle, and if you so much as look at him he rips out a string of Neapolitan cuss words that'd curl your hair. You know those fat little jowls a baby has? Well, his are already blue from shaving, and twice during our stay there we caught him tickling the maid, a peasant girl from Calabria. I have a hunch he's mixed up in the drug traffic." SJ (becomind should be becoming) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:160 Date: Fri 2 Oct 87 21:39:52-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: New Supreme Court Nominees? Bork is dead as ____ in a ____ of _____. (Evan, fill in the blanks for me.) Instead of merely being able to say `Yes' or `No' to his replacement, let's try and choose our own nominee and try and get that person installed. Initial list we could choose from: Hussein Al-Hussein Lyn Bowman Evan Cohn Helen Cunningham John McCarthy My initial vote is for Evan since his nomination would allow newspaper headlines like: "Will Cohn as Justice bring a Cone of Justice to the Supreme Court." OK, I admit that's pretty incredibly awful. It's not quite bad enough to be shot over, though. Anyway, that's why I'm appealing for you to do better. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:161 Date: Saturday, 3-Oct-87 00:00:31-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Say nor more. Or else stand by for a dose of grievious bodily harm. KA. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:162 Date: Sunday, 4-Oct-87 00:00:04-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q E: I don't want to give them a champagne bucket. Why would newlyweds want a champagne bucket ? S: So they can have champagne in bed. E: Do you feed worms to a fish after you've caught it ? S: You do if it's alive. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:163 Date: Sun 4 Oct 87 09:48:40-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: koan Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 One day the master gave the disciple a twig, and instructed him to break it. When he had broken it, the master gave him many more, and said, "Now tie the twigs together, and try again." As the disciple could no longer break the twigs, the master asked, "What have you learned from this?" "That there is strength in unity," replied the disciple, without hesitation. The master said nothing. The next day the master gave the disciple a sword, and pointing out a blade of grass, instructed him to cut it with a single stroke. When the disciple was unable to cut it, the master instructed him to tie several blades of grass together, and try again to cut the grass. After the disciple had cut the grass with one stroke, the master asked, "What have you learned from this?" In an inexplicable rage the disciple raised the sword and prepared to strike the master, but in that confused rage saw before him, now the blade of grass, now the master, now the twig, now himself. The master bowed deeply to the enlightened one, as the sword came down, and a single blade of grass lay severed at his feet. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:164 Date: Sun 4 Oct 87 18:22:54-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Coan, kone, cohn ... blade of grass, instructed him to cut it with a single stroke. When the disciple was unable to cut it, the master instructed him to tie several blades of grass together, and try again to cut the grass. After the disciple had cut the grass with one stroke, the master asked, "What have you learned from this?" The disciple rubbed his chin lightly and pondered. Finally he said, "I know what you're thinking but there is no way I'm going to run around and tie the lawn up before applying the lawnmower. I know disciple-abuse laws as well as the next guy. If you want I can lend you my manual. You might find it enlightening." The master smote himself on the forehead heavily and went back to watching Sunday NFL. The disciple dropped out and founded the Toro lawnmower company. The entire story was immortalized in the movie "Toro Toro Toro" ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:165 Date: Sun 4 Oct 87 18:27:15-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: I have to second Rams preference. I think I would make a good supreme court justice. As for any racist, sexist, intemperate views I may have once held, I will have changed my mind completely by midnight and will be more in line with both Dershowitz and Hatch. Dead as vaudeville Dead as a stone Dead as a herring are the phrases you are looking for Ram ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:166 Date: Monday, 5-Oct-87 00:00:38-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q I have thought about their remarks, tried to put myself in their place, considered their point of view. I think they are full of shit. N. Ephron ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:167 Date: Mon 5 Oct 87 18:00:05-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Hey Ram Have you noticed that trying to start a dialogue on this bboard is like trying to make a fire underwater ? Maybe we should announce this bboard to a list of people of good character who should read it. Send you suggestions to me and I'll make a large mailing list. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:168 Date: Tuesday, 6-Oct-87 00:00:24-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Do sit down Mr. Parmalee, she said. I've heared so much about you. It occured to me that I was being confused with the transfer people, but instinct warned me to dummy up until I was besought to wrangle a truck. SJ ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:169 Date: Tue 6 Oct 87 11:04:43-PDT From: Steve Bjork Subject: Fire underwater Well, I suspect magnesium will burn underwater. And heaving a big chunk of Sodium into water is guaranteed to get you an explosion! --Mr. Pyro ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:170 Date: Tue 6 Oct 87 14:30:37-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Fire Fire (fir) n. [ME. fyr < OE., akin to G. feuer] 1. Something cubscouts roast marshmellows on. so you see Mg or Na doesn't cut it. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:171 Date: Tue 6 Oct 87 17:20:02-PDT From: Kathy Morris Subject: Fires Mr Pyro indeed! Throwing sodium into the sinks was one of the highlights of my undergraduate chemistry labs (much more fun than tring to identify those silly little test-tubes of chemicals). Does anyone else here read alt.flame on the *real* net? It's the only group I'm still reading (other than su-etc). I suggest we gateway it to su-roger-or-andy, to give us something more to laugh at... You expect me to sign this? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:172 Date: Tue 6 Oct 87 17:49:14-PDT From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: What is this? Sorry to barge in, and if this a private BBoard then just show me the door, but What is this bb about, pray? Humbly, Gidi ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:173 Date: Wednesday, 7-Oct-87 00:00:27-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q O demon-lover, drive carefully. I will, O jerk. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:174 Date: Wed 7 Oct 87 11:10:51-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Was Gideon 'umble Enough ? Hell no ! Off with his head! Actually your guess that this is a private bboard is right on the mark - it was formed as a quality alternative to su-etc which became the battle ground of driveling. Anyone can read or post to su-roger-or-andy with the only stipulation being that nothing be done that would cause one of the major flammers (Bowman, Watson, Crispin...) to infiltrate and spew. This apparently harmless rule apparently pretty much stops everyone from posting except me. I post a daily quote. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:175 Date: Thursday, 8-Oct-87 00:00:15-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q At present I am in Kaiser Hospital, San Francisco, recovering from a motorcycle accident on the Golden Gate Bridge that very nearly took my life. As it is, I only lost my spleen and a greate deal of blood. This is my second such accident in five weeks. After the first one ... I went into debt to the tune of $500 to have my bike repaired. The bike is now destroyed. I am employed as a teacher's assistant in San Rafael, a suburb of San Francisco, and I bring home the princely sum of $175 a month. My indebtedness from my first accident now cuts this in half. A few weeks ago the woman I have loved for over a year left me for another man. Trite as it sounds, that's what happened. Last summer my most prized posession, my hi-fi system was stolen. On the other hand, people are still impressed when I tell them I went to Harvard. Lay Christopher Fox '71 (class notes, Harvard Magazine). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:176 Date: Thu 8 Oct 87 09:38:05-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Re: the Bible et al. We should have one token message about religion. I have recently shown that all of religion can be reduced to a set of equations which can be satisfied only by setting the variable $supreme being$ to Curious George. Ram? Is this the Truth or what ? A group of us are going to gather around the C-rious G-orge picture on the bulletin board and offer bananas and plaintains at high noon. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:177 Date: Thu 8 Oct 87 10:52:51-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: C_r___s G__rg_ Evan's note provided me with an opportunity to reflect upon my neglected faith. I opened my desk drawer. Reaching in between the two Crs Grg stuffed animals stored there, I found two Crs Grg books: `Crs Grg Gets a Medal' and `Crs Grg Flies a Kite'. The first is written by the true prophet H.A. Rey, and the second is written by a false prophet, his wife Margret. ``This is George. He lived with his friend, the man with the yellow hat. He was a good little monkey -- but he was always curious.'' VS. ``This is George. He lives in the house of the man with the yellow hat. [fine] George is a little monkey, and all monkeys are curious. [blasphemy!] But no monkey is as curious as George. [true] That's why his name is Crs Grg. [duh]'' Note that the blasphemous version has two problems, one of commission and one of ommission. (1) To state that all monkeys are curious and that George just happens to be the most curious is to state that George is merely some freak or statistical aberration. But George's curiousity is one of the two basic elements of the Binity, and to deny it its proper respect is sacrilege. (2) To omit any referance to George's inherent `goodness' is to rob him of any claim at all to that second basic element of the Binity. Thus endeth today's lesson. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:178 Date: Thu 8 Oct 87 12:10:40-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: Re: C_r___s G__rg_ Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 Found among the unpublished manuscripts of H.A. Rey: The G_orge's Prayer Our Cu_ious G_orge who art in Ramsey's desk drawer Hallowed be thy name Thy kingdom come Thy will be done On Earth As it is in Cu_ious G_orge Flies a Kite NOTES: (1) The manuscript, from which this was carefully copied by the British simiologist I. M. A. Monkee II, has since mysteriously vanished. (2) Some members of the Curious George cult have declared this a fraud, pointing to the apparent anachronistic reference to Ramsey's desk drawer. Others believe this a prophetic element of the prayer, attesting to its validity. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:179 Date: Thu 8 Oct 87 13:03:11-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Fundamentaly Curi_us Ge_rge Ramsey Haddad blasphemes: The first is written by the true pr_phet H.A. Rey, and the sec_nd is written by a false pr_phet, his wife Margret. H.A. was a min_r pr_phet, a m_uthpiece f_r the true representative _f Curi_us Ge_rge, Margret Rey. In later years, she spread the news herself while H.A. pl_tted in jeal_usy. He managed t_ intr_duce err_rs int_ the g_spel, but th_se with the true faith are n_t deceived. They will resume their struggle at the end _f time when she, a c_urage_us captain in Curi_us Ge_rge's army, will defeat him. -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:180 Date: Thu 8 Oct 87 13:35:08-PDT From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Re: CG Are you guys afraid to face Hussein, or what? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:181 Date: Thu 8 Oct 87 15:11:59-PDT From: Computer Cowboy Subject: fear ... nope .. it's just that finally we've found a subject worthy of this bboard i learned how to make paper boats and hats from c_r___s g__rg_, and I've never forgotten it ... aaah, childhood! jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:182 Date: Friday, 9-Oct-87 00:00:08-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Denver Post Headline "Canadian Push for $1 Coin Called Risky" comment: Not a name to inspire confidence in the consumer Ann Woodyard, New York Magazine competition in which you were to supply a comment for a headline. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:183 Date: Friday, 9-Oct-87 00:00:09-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q "It was nice," said Lendl later, looking as impish as possible for a man with sunken dark eyes. Chronicle Sports section ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:184 Date: Mon 12 Oct 87 10:25:49-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q The next time you are contemplating a decision in which you are debating whether or not to go for the gusto, ask yourself this important question: "How long am I going to be dead?"_Matt Groenig ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:185 Date: Mon 12 Oct 87 10:26:18-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q Don't even thing about parking here. actual NYC DMV sign ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:186 Date: Tuesday, 13-Oct-87 00:00:34-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q As my property professor says, "Why do we study the subtleties of NYC Zoning laws when the entirety of Chinese metaphysics is still unexplored?" Because there ain't a dime in Chinese metaphysics. Roz. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:187 Date: Wednesday, 14-Oct-87 00:00:25-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q And then a very RARE and BEAUTIFUL thing happened. We became sick of each other at the same time. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:188 Date: Thursday, 15-Oct-87 00:00:10-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q You mean he's still kicking people's teeth out ? No, no, said Mr. Fellows with a frown of distaste, "... at least not unduly" Terry Southern ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:189 Date: Friday, 16-Oct-87 00:00:15-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q (roughly) It just goes to prove the old saying, if you give the people what they want, they'll come out to see it. Red Skelton at producer Harry Cohn's funeral ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:190 Date: Fri 16 Oct 87 00:10:29-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: R Bumper sticker: ``Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.'' D.E.'s response: ``That's great! I'm gonna go out and get some ashtrays.'' ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:191 Date: Fri 16 Oct 87 13:47:08-PDT From: John Lamping Subject: Departmental Lemon On the MJH fourth floor patio is a lemon tree, and on the lemon tree is a ripe lemon, the Departmental Lemon. The department faces an important decision: what to do with the Lemon. This BBoard seems to be the best forum for discussing this question. A few suggestions: 1. Establish a Lemon award, and give the Lemon to the most deserving person 2. Contribute the Lemon to the coffee pool, for adding to tea 3. Contribute the Lemon to the Stanford Memorial Jugglers I personally favor option 1. Perhaps the founders of this BBoard are the most deserving recipients, due to the amount of time wasting they have caused. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:192 Date: Fri 16 Oct 87 16:28:42-PDT From: Scott M. Seligman Subject: music in commercials Sometimes music composed for commercials makes it onto the radio, or even onto the music charts. Here are two: Eastman-Kodak, "The Times of Your Lives" Coca-cola, "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" Can you name some others? -- Scott P.S: Don't you hate it when the music from your favorite commercial gets "cheapened" by .... Oh, never mind. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:193 Date: Saturday, 17-Oct-87 00:00:18-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q When I consider how my light is spent, Ere half my days in this dark world and wide, And that one talent which is death to hide Lodged with me useless. Milton, On His Blindness ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:194 Date: Sat 17 Oct 87 16:55:44-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: Departmental Lemon Perhaps the founders of this BBoard are the most deserving recipients, due to the amount of time wasting they have caused. hmmm, if that's going to be the criterion, then the author of /usr/games/canfield wins easily. Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:195 Date: Sunday, 18-Oct-87 00:00:22-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Ils n'ont rien appris, ni rien oublie (They have learnt nothing, and forgotten nothing.) Talleyrand ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:196 Date: Monday, 19-Oct-87 00:00:28-PDT From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q He said he was against it. (Calvin Coolidge when asked a clergyman had said in a sermon on sin) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:197 Date: Mon 19 Oct 87 14:17:26-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: S Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 Either I went through my mid-life crisis early, or I'm destined to die young. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:198 Date: Mon 19 Oct 87 20:47:13-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: $500,000,000,000 -- who's got it now? supposedly, investors lost this much, so someone out there is doing real well. Or was this all fake money to begin with? That's what I want to know. Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:199 Date: Tue 20 Oct 87 09:07:00-PDT From: Ashok Subramanian Subject: Trivium Here's an interesting piece of trivia: The word `trivium' means something, and not what you would (naively) expect. Here's what my dictionary has to say --- "in the Middle Ages, the lower division of the seven liberal arts; specifically, the three arts of grammar, logic, and rhetoric. I think there is a message of some kind here .... --ashok ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:200 Date: Tue 20 Oct 87 09:14:10-PDT From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Re: $500,000,000,000 -- who's got it now? Can you say "paper losses"? I knew you could. You can't lose what you never had. joe ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:201 Date: Tue 20 Oct 87 10:09:23-PDT From: Ashok Subramanian Subject: Pang asks... WHy must every program have a name? Responses to this bboard or to pchen@sushi, please! --ashok PS. He adds "Oh, no! I'm gonna get so much junk mail!" ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:202 Date: Tue 20 Oct 87 10:10:17-PDT From: Ashok Subramanian Subject: Addendum He asks "What the hell is su-roger-or-andy? There is such a bboard?" --ashok ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:203 Date: Tue 20 Oct 87 11:25:49-PDT From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: Trivia about trivium Well, my dictionary (currently hauled across america in trunks, so I can't prove it) says that the Trivium was the town-center or whatever, (where Three roads meet, you see) so trivial matters belong to the street or market. G ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:204 Date: Wed 21 Oct 87 08:56:47-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Ramsey will be taking over the daily quote as of today ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:205 Date: Wed 21 Oct 87 09:31:04-PDT From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Re: $500,000,000,000 -- who's got it now? Actually, many of the companies whose stocks have fallen are applying the "sell high, buy low" principle, and buying back their stock. I suppose if anyone is "winning" the money that investors are "losing", it's those companies. joe knows absolutely nothing about the stock market P.S. Shouldn't this be on SU-MARKET? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:206 Date: Wed 21 Oct 87 09:37:44-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W - rWh kWote Political revolutions do not accomplish anything of genuine value; their one undoubted effect is simply to throw out one gang of thieves and put in another. After a revolution, of course, the successful revolutionists always try to convince doubters that they have achieved great things, and usually they hang any man who denies it. But that surely doesn't prove their case. H.L. Mencken. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:207 Date: Wed 21 Oct 87 22:09:49-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Your quotes are too long. No one will read them. E.R. Cohn ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:208 Date: Thursday, 22-Oct-87 00:00:34-PDT From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W A liberal of the finest metal. He is Eleanor Roosevelt for the 1980s. Perhaps some day he will marry a President. E.R. Tyrell ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:209 Date: Thu 22 Oct 87 09:35:57-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Lyrics to Mac the Knife (from Joseph Papp production at Lincoln Ctr) See the shark has teeth like razors. All can read his open face. And Macheath has got a knife, but Not in such an obvious place. See the shark, how red his fins are As he slashes at his prey. Mac the Knife wears white kid gloves which Give the minimum away. By the Thames's turbid waters, Men abruptly tumble down. Is it plague or is it cholera? Or a sign Macheath's in town? On a beautiful blue Sunday, See a corpse stretched on the Strand. See a man dodge round the courner... Mackie's friends will understand. And Schmul Meier, who is missing Like so many wealthy men: Mac the Knife acquired his cash box. God alone knows how or when. Jenny Towler turned up lately With a knife stuck through her breast, While Macheath walks the Embankment, Nonchalantly unimpressed. Where is Alfred Gleet the cabman? Who can get that story clear? All the world may know the answer, Just Macheath has no idea. And the ghastly fire in Soho, Seven children at a go- In the crowd stand Mac the Knife, but He's not asked and doesn't know..... so for God's sakes, have a Burger at McDonald's - Its MAC TONIGHT!! ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:210 Date: Thu 22 Oct 87 10:31:22-PDT From: Tomas G. Rokicki Subject: Re: Lyrics to Mac the Knife You forgot the last verse of Mackie Messer; anyone care to translate? > Und die minderj\"ahrige Witwe > Deren Namen jeder wei\ss > Wachte auf und war gesch\"andet--- > Mackie, welches war dein Preis? > > ---Bertolt Brecht My favorite performance of this was Ella Fitzgerald's while she was in Berlin . . . she forgot the words halfway through, and got an Emmy for it. You've got to hear it at least once. -tom ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:211 Date: Thu 22 Oct 87 11:35:36-PDT From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: Mac the Knife Sting's performance of Mac the Knife on the Lost In The Stars album was also excellent, especially since the musical director of the song was a certain Dominique Muldowny, and she did an amazing job with a brass band. Pop stars can be used for good causes, eh? G ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:212 Date: Thu 22 Oct 87 11:47:57-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: Meta-Quote 'tseems to me we might do better if we had 7 people each doing one quote a week. This way Evan's series of quotes would have lasted for more than a year. On the other hand, if Ramsey can manage to match Evan's blistering pace & endurance, he'll probably burn out at about the same time that Sushi goes away, so perhaps this isn't a problem. ... unless, of course, we consider the whole question of life after Sushi. su.roger-or-andy ? rec.arts.roger-or-andy ? alt.roger-or-andy ? Roger [ SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY: ] [ Remember, you heard it here first. ] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:213 Date: Thu 22 Oct 87 11:49:00-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: ... while we're at it Yo andy, As long as we're on the subject (and as long as you're on the Facilities Committee). How's the name contest going? Deadlines? Has anybody decided how this is all going to be decided? Has anybody decided how the method for deciding how everything is going to be decided is going to be decided? Is no one going to care if we wind up with a loser of a name like ``ansel''? Roger [ SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY: ] [ Remember, you heard it here first. ] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:214 Date: Thu 22 Oct 87 12:25:58-PDT From: Evan Cohn Subject: Continuation The last stanza is And the child-bride in her nightie, Whose assailant's still at large, Violated in her slumbers- Mackie, how much did you charge? Violated in her slumbers- Mackie, how much did you charge? I just figured that the contrast between the intent of the song and grotesque misuse of it by McDonald's had been sufficiently established. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:215 Date: Thu 22 Oct 87 12:52:28-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: computer name contest Proposed voting method: Everyone submits a ranked preference list of the candidates. All candidates are initially ACTIVE. For each candidate C, let V[C] be initialized to the set of people who listed C as their first choice. REPEAT Let L be the ACTIVE candidate with the smallest set V[L]. Make L INACTIVE. Each person in V[L] is reassigned to the V[C] of the remaining ACTIVE candidate that he ranked the highest. UNTIL only 1 candidate is ACTIVE Proposed candidates: Let's stick to a three way contest between: egg, rex, polya. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:216 Date: Thu 22 Oct 87 15:59:59-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: Picking computer names I object to Ramsey's method because it favors likes over dislikes. Until Les comes back, any talk about how the name will be chosen is speculation, but I have proposed that the election allow both positive and negative votes. There is some sentiment for a committee decision (especially from a group, not the facilities committee, that assumes that it will dominate that committee) from the results of a poll. BTW - Many people in CSD-CF favor the name hostname. Those of you familiar with domains recognize its possibilities. -andy still hates the name egg ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:217 Date: Thu 22 Oct 87 16:10:20-PDT From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: Picking computer names OK. Revised method: Everyone submits a ranked preference list of the candidates. All candidates are initially ACTIVE. For each candidate C, let V[C] be initialized to the set of people who listed C as their *LAST* choice. REPEAT Let L be the ACTIVE candidate with the *LARGEST* set V[L]. Make L INACTIVE. Each person in V[L] is reassigned to the V[C] of the remaining ACTIVE candidate that he ranked the *LOWEST*. UNTIL only 1 candidate is ACTIVE ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:218 Date: Thu 22 Oct 87 16:18:40-PDT From: Computer Cowboy Subject: REX!! REX!! REX!! that's my vote ... jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:219 Date: Thu 22 Oct 87 16:19:11-PDT From: Computer Cowboy Subject: besides, ... the possibility of being tyrannosaurus@rex boggles the mind ... jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:220 Date: Friday, 23-Oct-87 00:00:24-PDT From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W If I am going to be a member of an unfashionable religion, I expect press vilification commensurate with renegade beleifs. This isn't what I signed on for. Where's the bile? L.R. Moffitt (a Moonie) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:221 Date: Fri 23 Oct 87 02:17:19-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: Picking computer names I like ``hostname'' or just ``host''. ``dot'' is good, too. But for screwing up the tips, there's nothing better than ``exit'' roger@baud.rate.stanford.edu (ps. I wonder if Marianne B. has ever had problems with this, i.e., accidentally typing one's user name to the tip prompt followed up with an accidental carriage return. I seem to recall, at least with the old software (3 years ago), that one could severely wedge one's tip line with this command...) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:222 Date: Saturday, 24-Oct-87 00:00:10-PDT From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W The car was an incentive for me because I have one in Fort Worth and I needed one in Aspen. M. Navratilova on winning $20,000 and a new car ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:223 Date: Sunday, 25-Oct-87 00:00:03-PDT From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W There was a generally consuming concern with greatness and rank among the Randians. It was universally agreed that [Ayn] Rand was the greatest person of all time. There was then a friendly dispute about the precise ranking of [Nathaniel] Branden among the all-time all-stars. Some maintained that Branden was the second greatest of all time; others that Branden tied for second in a dead heat with Aristotle. Such was the range of permitted disagreement within the Randian movement. M.N. Rothbard (Sorry, Ev. A long one.) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:224 Date: Monday, 26-Oct-87 00:00:06-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W The Scientist: His prototype is not the liberator releasing slaves, the good Samaritan lifting up the fallen, but a dog sniffing tremendously at an infinite series of rat-holes. H.L. Mencken ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:225 Date: Mon 26 Oct 87 03:26:40-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Ratings We've pulled ahead of SU-MACINTOSH, but MAIL.TXT is moving up fast... =========================================================================== Summary of BBoards since Thursday, October 1, 1987 12:00AM Report generated Monday, October 26, 1987 3:12AM =========================================================================== Number of readers Since Date Since Beginning BBoard Name ---------- --------------- ----------- 195 406 CSD 131 342 SU-MARKET 119 366 SU-ETC 113 318 SU-EVENTS 101 318 SU-JOBS 92 314 SU-COMPUTERS 87 224 NEW-MSCS 71 168 NEW-PHD 54 86 SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY yay!!! 44 181 SU-MACINTOSH boo- hissssss 35 677 MAIL <--- huh? where'd this come from? 25 203 GAY 22 91 NEW-MSAI 18 64 AFLB 17 77 UGCS 15 158 AILIST 13 144 INFO-MAC 13 125 SF-LOVERS 13 104 GRIPES 11 113 MOTSS 11 99 MAC-SUNDRY + a bunch of unpopular ones [ SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY: ] [ Remember, you heard it here first. ] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:226 Date: Mon 26 Oct 87 03:54:29-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: RECENT SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY STATISTICS (or ``Evan's wish comes true'') Counts from approximately the last two and a half months: Total number of messages: 218 87 Evan Cohn 38 Ramsey Haddad 20 Roger Crew 16 Andy Freeman 11 Thomas Henzinger 10 Anil R. Gangolli 8 Computer Cowboy 8 Ashok Subramanian 3 Joseph I. Pallas 3 Gideon Avrahami 2 Tomas G. Rokicki 2 Steve Bjork 2 Shaibal Roy 1 Scott M. Seligman 1 Kathy Morris 1 John Lamping 1 Andy Tucker ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:227 Date: Mon 26 Oct 87 13:04:49-PST From: Computer Cowboy Subject: #7 with a bullet!!! i'd like to thank roger and andy for this opportunity ... and mom and dad for having me!! jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:228 Date: Mon 26 Oct 87 16:08:40-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: Proposed poll analysis algorithm Both of Ramsey's methods require the participants to provide a total ordering. The first was biased towards likes and the second was biased towards dislikes. The following scheme has none of those characteristics. Given a set of n candidates, each participant is allowed to vote at most k times. (I suspect k = n-1 is a good relationship between the two numbers although most k between n/2 and 2n seem acceptable.) Each vote specifies a candidate and may be positive or negative. A voter may vote for the same candidate more than once. The candidates are ranked by the difference between the number of positive and negative votes each recieved. Suppose that the candidates are egg, rex, and polya and that each voter is allowed 2 votes. A voter could vote for rex and against egg. Another voter could vote for polya twice. A third could vote for rex and polya. Only a fool would vote for egg, let alone twice, so those votes would be discarded. -andy dislikes the name egg ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:229 Date: Mon 26 Oct 87 21:28:04-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: Proposed poll analysis algorithm Sounds reasonable, except: In the case you mention (2 votes and candidates egg, rex and polya) it would be stupid for a person to split his votes, say one for rex and one for polya. He could have this opinion of his count twice by casting two votes against egg. Oh well, no system is perfect. -ramsey who no longer likes egg, either ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:230 Date: Mon 26 Oct 87 22:02:49-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: Re: Proposed poll analysis algorithm The fact that one can vote mildly against egg (+rex+polya in the three candidate, two vote case) or strongly (--egg) is a feature. There are even equivalent ballots; +rex+polya = -egg. -andy likes expressive voting systems ps - Expressiveness may argue for allowing n votes in an n candidate election. +rex+polya (= -egg), +rex+polya-egg (= --egg), and ---egg are increasingly strong ways to oppose egg. The advantage over the two vote case is that one can distinguish between ++rex-egg and +rex-egg. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:231 Date: Tuesday, 27-Oct-87 00:00:27-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W Zeke [Bonura] was the worst-fielding first baseman in baseball. But every year he ended up with the best fielding average in the major leagues. ... He was no intellectual giant, but he understood one rule in baseball better than anyone before or since: You can't be charged with an error unless you touch the ball. E.B. Williams ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:232 Date: Tue 27 Oct 87 08:52:28-PST From: Computer Cowboy Subject: the name thing ... REX is power!! REX is king!! REX forever!! of REX I sing!! my sentiments are in a definite direction ... ++REX jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:233 Date: Tue 27 Oct 87 17:47:00-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Star Dreck: The Next Degeneration. Put Wesley on permanent Ion Pod Duty. I know,... let's bring back Boxie & Muffet. Yay!!!!! oops, wrong show... R. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:234 Date: Wednesday, 28-Oct-87 00:00:19-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W The Business Man: He is the only one who always seeks to make it appear, when he attains the object of his labors, i.e. the making of a great deal of money, that it was not the object of his labors. H.L. Mencken ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:235 Date: Wed 28 Oct 87 17:55:11-PST From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Re: Star Dreck: The Next Degeneration. "Dreck" is German slang for "shit." ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:236 Date: Thursday, 29-Oct-87 00:00:23-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W While there is plenty of money around, it doesn't come with instructions. TV ad for The Wall Street Journal ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:237 Date: Thu 29 Oct 87 09:58:06-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Calling all suave gentlemen. I bought a bow-tie and was wondering how to tie it (a real bow tie - I can figure out the snap on ones). Are there any Bond, James Bond types out there who can instruct me ? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:238 Date: Thu 29 Oct 87 11:29:53-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: Calling all suave gentlemen. ReSent-Date: Thu 29 Oct 87 11:30:20-PST ReSent-From: Roger Crew ReSent-To: su-roger-or-andy@Sushi.Stanford.EDU ReSent-Message-ID: <12346409021.25.CREW@Sushi.Stanford.EDU> ... just put it on your neck and pretend it's a pair of shoelaces Crew, Roger Crew hmmm... maybe not... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:239 Date: Thu 29 Oct 87 12:58:01-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: Star Trek - a New Strategy I've noticed that the next generation uses the "surrender first, ask questions later" strategy a lot more than Kirk et al did. They used it against Q and the Ferengi. They'd have used it when they all went crazy if they'd seen someone to surrender to. I don't know whether they could have, or did, use it on the other episodes. -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:240 Date: Friday, 30-Oct-87 00:00:17-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. HLM ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:241 Date: Saturday, 31-Oct-87 00:00:12-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W What's the matter with those guys? Don't they know how many white people watch basketball? Republican Governor E. Mecham upon hearing that the NBA cancelled a meeting in his state after he had revoked the Martin Luther King Day state holiday. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:242 Date: Sunday, 1-Nov-87 00:00:10-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W Suddenly in the Soviet Union an aircraft exactly like the Concorde appears. (To blame the GRU for the trails and difficulties of the TU144 Concordski is not justified. Weak Soviet industry, using antediluvian technology, was simply not able to copy the plane properly, despite having all the necessary drawings and documents.) finger pointing by GRU (Soviet Military Intelligence) defector V. Suvorov. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:243 Date: Monday, 2-Nov-87 00:00:16-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W In any combat between a rogue and a fool the sympathy of mankind is always with the rogue. H.L. Mencken ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:244 Date: Tuesday, 3-Nov-87 00:00:03-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W A young man agreed to `lose' his passport. In return he agreed to `find' some money. However, an insignificant local paper published an item stating that 50% of the Soviet Embassy were spies. I had to spend time proving to him that the news item was a lie. And it really was a barefaced lie, as at that time not 50 but 80% of the Embassy staff were spies. GRU defector V. Suvorov complaining about the dishonest Western press corps. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:245 Date: Tue 3 Nov 87 14:33:31-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: The Power of su-roger-or-andy On Saturday, I posted a Watt-ish quote by Gov. Evan Mecham of Arizona. This Monday, thousands of voters delivered a petition with hundreds of thousands of signatures calling for Mecham's recall. A negative note on this bboard can bring someone down in *two days time*. That's power. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:246 Date: Tue 3 Nov 87 18:18:40-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: The power... Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 ... is most certainly due to faith in our little friend who art in Ramsey's desk drawer. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:247 Date: Wednesday, 4-Nov-87 00:00:08-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught. HLM ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:248 Date: Thursday, 5-Nov-87 00:00:26-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W They [La Prensa] accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we couldn't let them publish it. N. Blandon, Sandinista Interior Ministry's director of censorship ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:249 Date: Thu 5 Nov 87 16:47:02-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q is BACK You will find us only the very best atlases, because we are the smallest country left in Europe...a self-respecting country which deserves and sometimes achieves a color of its own on the map - usually a dyspeptic mint green, which misses the outline of the frontier by a fraction of an inch, so that one can almost hear the printer saying damn. The General. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:250 Date: Friday, 6-Nov-87 00:00:17-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W I haven't got the usual prejudices against missionaries. But I think it was real polite of the people of Omo Lau that although we sent thousands of missionaries to them they never sent one to us. from L. Wibberley's "A Feast of Freedom" ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:251 Date: Fri 6 Nov 87 09:51:24-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: Q is BACK Yay. I won't add any more W's to the NREMIND queue. (There are a bunch in the queue, already, though.) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:252 Date: Fri 6 Nov 87 10:53:09-PST From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: Missionaries and Cannibals Leon Stirling (joint author of The Art Of Prolog, a book with a very beatiful cover) has assigned the class the following M&C problem: "3 cannibals and 3 missionaries have one boat to cross the river; but if at any time the missionaries outnumber the cannibals, they will convert them." How about an updated version of the monkey/banana paradigm? G ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:253 Date: Fri 6 Nov 87 11:28:03-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q L'absence est a l'amour ce qu'est au feu le vent; il eteint le petit, il allume le grand. Abscence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great Bussy-Rabutin. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:254 Date: Saturday, 7-Nov-87 00:00:23-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W A man sacrifices to his wife's desires, not because he greatly enjoys giving up what he wants himself, but because he would enjoy it even less to see her cutting a sour face across the dinner table. H.L. Mencken ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:255 Date: Saturday, 7-Nov-87 00:00:25-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q No statement, theological or otherwise, should be made that would not be credible in the presence of the burning children. Irving Greenberg on post-Holocaust thinking. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:256 Date: Sunday, 8-Nov-87 00:00:14-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W Reporter Fred Barnes: Mr. President, two or three times today you talked about your `predecessor', and once you refered to "Lyndon Johnson's successor". Are you trying to avoid saying the name "Richard M. Nixon"? President Ford: Yes. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:257 Date: Sun 8 Nov 87 22:34:22-PST From: SU-Roger-OR-andy Non-Maintainer Subject: SU bboards Guidelines Pointer not posted to SU-Roger-OR-andy The Guidelines, of course, make no mention of the existence of this bboard but naturally, in the spirit of feeping cracism, we have our own guidelines anyway. As a public service, we also include guidelines for other bboards not *specifically* covered by the official SU bboards Guidelines: SU-Roger-OR-andy - discussion of anything of interest to Roger or andy. SU-BBOARDS - for people who like bboards containing only one message. SU-INDER - for people who like bboards containing as many as three or four distinct messages. Cross-posting between SU-INDER and SU-Roger-OR-andy is strictly prohibited. Some systems use different names for these bboards; e.g. SU-BBOARDS is MAIL.TXT on most TOPS-20 systems, also names of the form /dev/null are used for SU-Roger-OR-andy on most Unix systems, SU-INDER appears as a subset of SU-ETC on most machines. If your computer does not accept direct postings to SU-Roger-OR-andy, you can post via other computers such as Sushi, Sushi, and maybe also Sushi (e.g., send to su-Roger-or-andy@Sushi.Stanford.EDU). Posting to SU-INDER can be accomplished by posting to SU-ETC and including the word "Inder" somewhere in the text of the message. Protocols In posting a message to one of these bboards, remember that it will be seen by many tens of people. In order to avoid making a fool out of yourself in front of this mostly distinguished audience, please use the following guidelines: INCLUDE A "SUBJECT:" LINE with at least a single letter in it if your mail program supports this. Currently, the subjects Q, R, S, and W are reserved (There, now it's official --- andy, do you want a letter?) FORMAT your message with no more than 79 characters on a line or we will take away your terminal and replace it with a Commodore Vic-20 (low-res) running a brain-damaged IBM 3270 terminal emulator... BE ACCURATE. Your thrall collars will insure that any mistakes will be severely punished. NO "TEST" MESSAGES. Posters of "test" messages will undergo cortical surgery to install a Usenet newsfeed restricted to the groups comp.binaries.ibm.pc rec.autos rec.music.gaffa rec.arts.startrek talk.abortion talk.bizarre talk.origins talk.philosphy.misc talk.politics.misc talk.religion.newage alt.flame but including *all* postings from Mark Ethan Smith, wherever they may happen to appear, regardless of what particular username HE is currently using. If you: (a) receive a mailer error back from a message sent to one of the above bboards, (b) wish to call attention to an operating problem in these bboards, (c) would like to add an additional computer to the recipients list for one or more of these bboards, (d) have comments on these guidelines, or (e) are tired of having Mark Ethan Smith postings piped directly into your brain, tough noogies. These guidelines will self-destruct in 10 seconds. Good luck, Jim. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:258 Date: Monday, 9-Nov-87 00:00:18-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W I know some people who don't eat burgers ... but I'm not sure I trust them Cybil Shepard ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:259 Date: Mon 9 Nov 87 06:04:20-PST From: Oren Patashnik Subject: Re: W > Zeke [Bonura] was the worst-fielding first baseman in baseball. But > every year he ended up with the best fielding average in the major > leagues. ... He was no intellectual giant, but he understood one > rule in baseball better than anyone before or since: You can't be > charged with an error unless you touch the ball. > > E.B. Williams It doesn't surprise me when an owner doesn't know the rules of baseball, so in this case I'm not surprised. Still, Eddie is dead wrong about "You can't be charged with an error unless you touch the ball." Instead, he could have used the standard baseball cliche "You can't make an error on a ball you don't get to." --Oren ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:260 Date: Mon 9 Nov 87 09:31:06-PST From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Re: SU bboards Guidelines Pointer not posted to SU-Roger-OR-andy I'm really curious about this "mostly distinguished" audience. Are there any two members of the audience which cannot be distinguished? Does this mean the audience is a bag, and not a set? joe P.S. But I LIKE rec.paranoia---it's the most amusing thing on Usenet. P.P.S. Maybe it's just at certain times? Like, at 8:30 in the morning, I have a hard time distinguishing Roger from Oren. But then, at that hour I have a hard time distinguishing the wall from the door. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:261 Date: Mon 9 Nov 87 10:49:03-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q "My hand smashed into bone and flesh and with the meaty impact I could smell the blood and hear the gagging intake of his breath. He grabbed, his arms like great claws. He just held on and I knew if I couldn't break him loose he could kill me. He figured I'd start the knee coming up and turned to block it with a half-turn. But I did something worse, I grabbed him with my hands, squeezed and twisted and his scream was like a woman's, so high-pitched as almost to be noiseless, and in his frenzy of pain he shoved me so violently I lost that fanatical hold of what manhood I had left him, and with some blind hate driving him he came at me as I stumbled over something and fell on me like a wild beast, his teeth tearing at me, his hands searching and ripping, and I could feel the shock of incredible pain and ribs break under his pounding and I couldn't get him off no matter what I did, and he was holding me down and butting me with his head while he kept up that whistle-like screaming..." "Will you be able to re-create the exact mechanics of that fight scene in the movie?" I asked Mick. "Well, some of that scene will simply have to be INDICATED," he replied with simple candor. T.S. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:262 Date: Tuesday, 10-Nov-87 00:00:07-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W Of course, what we fantasize is not that the president will chuckle or laugh when he reads our cartoon. No, deep inside all of us is a secret fantasy that involves the most powerful individual on the planet, the leader of the free world, ripping our cartoon out of the morning paper, stomping down the White House hallways snorting, steaming, and spitting in a tirade of wrath and vengeance, and then taping the cartoon to the toilet paper in the nearest bathroom. Berke Breathed ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:263 Date: Tue 10 Nov 87 09:40:11-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q "The army eradicates the barrier of race and starts us all on the equal footing of buck private. I can honestly call Sedgewick a friend. The other day, as I was whistling along to Paul Mauriat's instrumental version of "Love Is Blue," Sedgewick and I shared a laugh as he crushed my transistor radio in one of his huge hands." --Gingold and Buskin, "Snooze" ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:264 Date: Wednesday, 11-Nov-87 00:00:24-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W What happens to me and to "Bloom County" is the very worst thing that can happen to a cartoonist and his cartoons. The targets of my barbs call and ask for the original drawings. --- This is failure. Berke Breathed ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:265 Date: Wed 11 Nov 87 10:06:54-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q So you're actually much safter flying in an airplane than riding in a car, although needless to say, this ceases to be true once the airplane hits the ground. Dave Barry ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:266 Date: Wed 11 Nov 87 13:30:36-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: just what are they up to.... My very first posting on su-roger-or-andy -- I get goosebumps all over just thinking about it.... Anyway, speaking of first times, here are a couple items gleaned from the local press: [Campus Report, Nov 4, 1987] 60 shy men sought for research project Researcher Sandra Foster of Stanford University's School of Education is seeking 60 men who describe themselves as ``shy'' or ``anxious in social situations'' to participate in a study of dating skills training. Participants must be 28 to 48 years of age, legally single, and have infrequently dated (three or fewer dates in the last 90 days). The study compares two methods for helping men become more competent and confident in their dating. ``Many workshops and dating services exist to help singles,'' Foster comments. ``This is an attempt rigorously to test the effectiveness of techniques generally thought to be helpful.'' Interested men should contact Foster at (415) 965-8988 for further information about the study. [Stanford Daily, Nov 10, 1987] Female Research Assistants: Needed for study of dating skills training. Should be students in late 20s to early 40s who are personable and responsible. Academic credit offered. For info call Sandra Foster, 965-8988. Hmmm. Sounds almost as good as a sex ed class with a lab.... What I'd like to know is how they "rigorously" test the methods. It seems like there's a less-than-objective criterion for success. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:267 Date: Wed 11 Nov 87 15:15:00-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: I'm probably impossibly square but I know oodles of people who haven't had extra-marital affairs or almost got kicked out of college for plagarism or haven't done drugs 3/4 of their life. Or for that matter beaten small puppies and ripped the wings off hummingbirds. Maybe a balance can be struck between having a press like they do in say Russia and that that we have here. But if not I'd opt for ours. A few good people will still pass through the gauntlet ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:268 Date: Wed 11 Nov 87 16:39:58-PST From: Computer Cowboy Subject: well, if nothing else ... bein a subject for the "shyness" experiment sounds like a good way to meet people ... or ta learn good pick-up lines "Hi, I'm Jef. Gosh, you're attractive!" ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:269 Date: Thursday, 12-Nov-87 00:00:02-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. H.L. Mencken (I had always remembered this as: "In a Democracy the people get the government that they deserve." Perhaps he said this too and I just can't find it.) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:270 Date: Thu 12 Nov 87 21:03:36-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: I'm getting better at this... A number of weeks ago, I locked my keys in the car. Today, I locked *two* sets of keys in the car. Being the incredibly organized person that I am, I had the foresight to insure that I had a 3rd ignition key on hand. I am now trying to come up with a situation in which I could lock *all* of my keys in the car. Does this already come under ``Evan-hip''? Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:271 Date: Friday, 13-Nov-87 00:00:15-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W When I was approached about writing a column for `The Nation', I asked for only one guarantee: Would I be allowed to make fun of the editor? When it comes to civil liberties, we all have our own priorities. C. Trillin ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:272 Date: Fri 13 Nov 87 10:10:26-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q "I realize this isn't the World Series of Lovedom." Protagonist commenting on incompatibility in relationship in "< 0" ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:273 Date: Saturday, 14-Nov-87 00:00:26-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W The New Deal began, like the Salvation Army, by promising to save humnity. It ended, again like the Salvation Army, by running flop-houses and disturbing the peace. HLM ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:274 Date: Sunday, 15-Nov-87 00:00:02-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W When I got to the head of the line, President Ford turned to [King] Hussein and said, "King, this guy's a cartoonist and he just did a great cartoon of me last week. He did me as a gorilla hanging upside down from a tree, dropping a banana." Hussein, of course, has some problems in his country. I mean, smoking grenades tend to roll under his desk with alarming regularity. As a result, he's a pretty security-conscious kind of guy. And while we're shaking hands, I can almost hear him thinking: one, what is this guy doing out of jail --- and two, why aren't there some Secret Service men between him and me? Jeff MacNelly ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:275 Date: Sun 15 Nov 87 21:42:58-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W or Q. not W. Tuesday is Evan's birthday. As an early birthday present, I gave him a new book of quotations. Thus, in the future I will claim all credit for the good quotes that Evan posts (regardless of their source) and I will accept no blame for the bad ones that he posts due to his faulty editorial judgement. Now I can temporarily retire. Incidentally, birthday spankings or waking Evan up at 5AM in the morning and all other such birthday nonsense are totally in order. One of Evan's best friends, Ramsey. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:276 Date: Monday, 16-Nov-87 00:00:20-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies. Voltaire. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:277 Date: Mon 16 Nov 87 12:58:51-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Re: W or Q. not W Applications for birthday spankers are now being accepted. No one with Y chromosomes need apply. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:278 Date: Wed 18 Nov 87 00:07:59-PST From: Greg Plaxton Subject: Re: W or Q. not W > Applications for birthday spankers are now being accepted. No one > with Y chromosomes need apply. Sadly, SU_ROGER_OR_ANDY is probably the worst possible forum for such an announcement since the Bohemian Club stopped hiring strippers. How about submitting it to the Daily? Greg ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:279 Date: Wed 18 Nov 87 09:49:13-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: computer name voting I like the method that we ended up using. Good going Andy. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:280 Date: Wed 18 Nov 87 10:39:46-PST From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Dangling Department of Phrases From TeXHax: Of the approximate 100 copies sold to date, 95% have praised the document for beginning users. Of the c15 copies sold to non-work affiliated people, all but one have praised the document. I guess they weren't identical copies. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:281 Date: Thu 19 Nov 87 08:56:43-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q To be sure, the dog is loyal. But why, on that account should we take him as an example? He is loyal to men, not to other dogs. Karl Kraus ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:282 Date: Thu 19 Nov 87 09:16:55-PST From: Ashok Subramanian Subject: Where's my daily quote? The quotes are going away? Quick, give me my blanket! -- with apologies to Schulz (the Peanuts and Charlie Brown and Linus guy) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:283 Date: Thu 19 Nov 87 12:07:10-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q To be sure, the dog is loyal. But why, on that account, should we take him as an example? He is loyal to men, not to other dogs. Karl Kraus ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:284 Date: Friday, 20-Nov-87 00:00:03-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Children make the most desirable opponents in Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. Fran Lebowitz ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:285 Date: Fri 20 Nov 87 14:52:22-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Thought for the day --- 11/20/87 You know those seafood places where they have the tanks with the live lobsters out front? where you're supposed to pick the one you want for dinner? I was thinking it would be really interesting if someone opened a fur shop along those lines... WANTED: intelligent, dynamic, agressive salesperson; must be good with a club; salary negotiable Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:286 Date: Fri 20 Nov 87 14:55:41-PST From: Computer Cowboy Subject: roger!!! you stole that idea from me ... i made that up in high school ... the "harp seal" restaurant "ohhh, look at that one, george ... it's got the *cutest* big brown eyes.." "yes, we'll take that one .. over there." "NANOOK!!!!!" *BASH* *BASH* *BASH* jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:287 Date: Saturday, 21-Nov-87 00:00:16-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bit people themselves. August Strindberg ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:288 Date: Sunday, 22-Nov-87 00:00:25-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the suprise at everyone's being worse off. Ramsey Haddad. just kidding. Joe Bidden ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:289 Date: Monday, 23-Nov-87 00:00:27-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them. HLM ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:290 Date: Mon, 23 Nov 87 15:57:09 PST From: Geoffrey Phipps Subject: purple prose just a piece of prose i found in my mailbox some day. It is a description of a video game: "The games in Wentworth are deteriorating into cryptic Japanese things. The object of playing them is to decypher what exactly it is you have to do to stay alive, and work out some rationale for doing precisely those things. For example: In Kiki-Kai-Kai, you run through a maze of pagodas, mossy grills, and snake-houses trying to avoid the Yellow Tins that spew radioactive babyshit. Most things can be swatted away by waving a Checkered Flag, but you can't wave away the babyshit. Nor can you kill it by flicking Note-Paper at it, although you can kill the Yellow Tins with the note-paper. The first two levels are easy, as you can simply blind the Frog-Eyed Man who throws lollies at you, and the Fat Bastard with the Lightning Bolts on the cloud looks meaner than he really is. But the only way of defeating the Cannabis Monster is to hide under his arm-pit, where his fire breath can't get you and you are out of range of the smoke-attacks that come from the cannabis leaves he holds. I've yet to figure out how you get past the walking tombstones that run up and fall on you.... Of course, the on-game documentation is minimal." ========================= Message sushi-era:291 Date: Mon 23 Nov 87 16:05:44-PST From: Elizabeth Wolf Subject: [mary%arthur@gargoyle.uchicago.edu:] id AA19268; Mon, 23 Nov 87 17:11:16 CST id AA07590; Mon, 23 Nov 87 17:10:29 CST id AA12014; Mon, 23 Nov 87 17:10:27 CST Date: Mon, 23 Nov 87 17:10:27 CST From: mary%arthur@gargoyle.uchicago.edu From Sabrina Goodman (sabrina@athena.mit.edu): --------------------------------------------- Another neatthing I was thinking of sending you: Hello darkness my old friend I'm staying up all night again Because a problem set that was assigned Left its formulas within my mind And the problems that were planted in my brain still remain Within the sound of science. For many years I've walked alone Infinite corridors of stone I tooled forever and I tried to pass While my ears were filled with lectures on laser light and eight-bit bytes And all the sounds of science. And in the lecture halls I saw Ten thousand people, maybe more People writing while they were sleeping People hearing without listening People writing notes that no one ever shared for no one cared About the sounds of science. "Tools!" said I, "you do not know, Science like a cancer grows. Hear my words that I might free you! Transfer out of MIT, you!" But my words like dropping spheroids fell overwhelmed by the sounds of science. And one student sat and stayed Over his problem set he slaved And I asked him why he kept writing For his GPA he kept fighting And the nerd said "The secrets to profits are written on these blackboard walls in lecture halls..." He whispered in the sounds of science. Don't you ever feel like that? Like you're just struggling to swim upstream, and you're not even sure you're in the right river...? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:292 Date: Tuesday, 24-Nov-87 00:00:28-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged H. Heine. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:293 Date: Tue 24 Nov 87 19:43:57-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Delinquent Q Evan went off to the East Coast for thanksgiving and a wedding (not his own). So, did he leave us any quotes? [PHOTO: Recording initiated Tue 24-Nov-87 7:40PM] @vd nremiND.*.* SUSHI: NREMIND.BIN.69;P775202 0 0(0) 24-Nov-87 00:00:29 OPERATOR Total of 0 pages in 1 file @pop [PHOTO: Recording terminated Tue 24-Nov-87 7:40PM] Nope. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:294 Date: Wednesday, 25-Nov-87 00:00:30-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W Sherry was amused by this quote from Bartlett's Quotations so much that she asked her grandparents to give her a copy of Bartlett's for her birthday on Thursday: Sherry is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature. Samuel Johnson [Ed note: Sherry blindfolded can outdo me in solving crossword puzzles.] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:295 Date: Wed 25 Nov 87 03:01:55-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: W (Sherry???) Who is Sherry? Roger ps. andy, do *you* know who this is? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:296 Date: Thursday, 26-Nov-87 00:00:10-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W I wish the bald eagle had not been chosen as the representative of our country; he is a bird of bad moral character; like those among men who live by sharping and robbing, he is generally poor, and often very lousy. The turkey is a much more respectable bird, and withal a true original native of America. Benjamin Franklin. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:297 Date: Fri 27 Nov 87 15:26:57-PST From: Robert Wentworth Subject: law quote "Law is a bottomless pit, it is a cormorant, a Harpy that devours everything." -- John Arbuthnot ~The History of John Bull~ (1712) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:298 Date: Sat 28 Nov 87 09:58:50-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: law quote Evan, Robert seems to be correct. His `law quote' was indeed by John Arbuthnot (1667-1735). The book I gave you for your birthday attributes it to Jonathan Swift (1667-1745). You should return the book to the author for a suitable refund. Here is a *real* Jonathan Swift quote about the law: "Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through." ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:299 Date: Sat 28 Nov 87 10:11:27-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: more blasphemy "Look. (Grownups skip this paragraph.) I'm not about to tell you that this book has a tragic ending. ... But there is a lot of bad stuff coming up, torture you're already prepared for, but there's worse. There's death coming up, and you better understand this: *some of the wrong people die*. Be ready for it. This isn't C_r___s G__rg_ Uses the Potty. ... The wrong people die, some of them, and the reason is this; life is not fair. Forget all the garbage that your parents put out." William Goldman in "The Princess Bride" (the book) "This isn't C_r___s G__rg_ Uses the Potty." What the heck is that supposed to mean!!??!! (1) There is no such book. (2) If there was, it would be a great book and it would be very relevant to real life. (3) It, too, would make a very good movie. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:300 Date: Sun 29 Nov 87 02:44:50-PST From: Robert Wentworth Subject: It's a sad state of affairs... ... when you read SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY from beginning to end in a single day to forstall that big final push on your experiment that you've been promising yourself. About at the time that Tom and Roger were having their female troubles, there occurred a first date which seemed to be going pretty well until the end, when, after saying goodbye, the woman involved said "I wish you success in your studies..." !! (Not very auspicious, to say the least.) -- Bob, who is only pretending to be a CS student, and who would pretend to be just about anything if it meant he didn't have to do his experiment, but whose experiment is somehow getting done anyway ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:301 Date: Sun 29 Nov 87 09:09:20-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: It's a sad state of affairs... ... when you read SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY from beginning to end in a single day And with which of the other SU-* bboards could you possibly do that? ... on a full stomach? :-) Roger /----note proper capitalization [ SU-Roger-OR-andy ] [ ] [ The Quality Alternative ] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:302 Date: Sun 29 Nov 87 12:28:19-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: "Curious George Uses the Potty" -- traditional version This is George. He lived with his friend, the man with the yellow hat. He was a good little monkey -- but he was always curious. George was excited. Today was a big day. The man with the yellow hat had a surprise for George. George could hardly wait. The man with the yellow hat led George to the bathroom. He threw some paper in the potty and pulled the lever. Swooosh! The water drained away sucking the paper with it. And then the potty refilled with water. George was amazed. George returned to drawing with crayons. The man with the yellow hat had to go to work. George waved good-bye to him. George drew a picture of the potty. He couldn't stop thinking about it. Swooosh! Where did the paper go? George took some of his drwaings to the bathroom. He put them into the potty. He pulled the lever. Swoo-- The paper didn't go away. George was puzzled. He pulled the lever again. The potty was quickly filling with water. George panicked. He pulled the lever again. Water was now running out all over the bathroom floor. George was getting wet. [Alright, who wants to write the next few pages?] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:303 Date: Sun 29 Nov 87 17:34:44-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: dogs Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 For a minute there, I thought Evan was trying to poke fun at me. Let it be known that both my pet and I generally bite only food. Of course, I'll let my wolf --I mean dog - bite Evan for his own satisfaction when he's no longer a cub --um puppy. --anil. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:304 Date: Mon 30 Nov 87 04:57:11-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: a disturbing `joke' (scatological/ethnic content -- rated PG-13) Here's one that I find fairly disturbing. It's from one of the zillions of Truly Tasteless Jokes volumes. Hit ^O now... Definition of WASP: Someone who steps out of the shower to pee. This is supposed to be funny? I'm confused. Are there actually people who *don't* do this? Roger (is *not* going to conduct a survey) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:305 Date: Mon 30 Nov 87 23:15:52-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: Infinite vs finite regions and C.G. As Ramsey noticed, three lines that form a triangle on an infinite plane divide that plane into 7 regions; six of these regions have infinite area. I think that the the probability of a given point is in the interior of this triangle is should be called the C.G. property of the method used to choose the points involved in this venture. BTW - Does anyone care that four points can be used to set up this mess? Five, six, and seven points are also appropriate. The problem also works in other dimensions, Ramsey solved a smaller case already, so C.G. has subscripts. Have we generalized fun yet? -andy still hasn't chosen a letter/digit/punctuation mark to introduce his quotes ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:306 Date: Tue 1 Dec 87 01:23:54-PST From: Computer Cowboy "A good idea, badly shown, dies for a long time." ---Stanislavsky jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:307 Date: Tue 1 Dec 87 01:24:58-PST From: Computer Cowboy Subject: (means my *second* quote of a day) "*Any* hat..." ---Tasha Yar jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:308 Date: Tue 1 Dec 87 12:09:37-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: Re: W From a W from Haddad@sushi: [Ed note: Sherry blindfolded can outdo me in solving crossword puzzles.] Ramsey, I think you should use a better standard for rating people. It's not clear to some of us that C_r___s G__rg_ blindfolded can't outdo you on crossword puzzles. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:309 Date: Tue 1 Dec 87 12:33:26-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Twenty years from now, in the year 2007: Of course, all under-developed countries will be military dictatorships. The military seems to be the only institution capable of keeping order in these lands. It does this by shooting all the corrupt and incompetent people, which in Uganda, for instance, turned out to be everybody. Usually, however, the corrupt and incompetent people the military shoots are military officers. This is why Third World military dictatorships tend to move, coup by coup, down through the ranks. Colonels overthrow generals, majors overthrow colonels, and so forth until we get to Ghana's Flight Lt. Jerry Rawlings or Liberia's Sgt. Samuel K. Doe. The trend will continue. In twenty years Third World military dictatorships will be headed by Webelo Scouts and the people who empty latrines on army bases. P. J. O'Rourke. [Ed note: Webelo Scouts rank between Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts.] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:310 Date: Tue 1 Dec 87 12:36:08-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: W I'm sorry Rich. I just figure out how to fill in the other letters of C_r___s G__rg_ with just the Across clues. I need the Down clues. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:311 Date: Wednesday, 2-Dec-87 00:00:09-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W, longish Name me, if you can, a better feeling than the one you get when you're half a bottle of Chivas in the bag with a gram of coke up your nose and a teenage lovely pulling off her tube top in the next seat over while you're going a hundred miles an hour down a suburban side street. ... But wait ... Is that any way to have fun? How would your mother feel if she knew you where doing this? She'd cry. She really would. And that's how you know it's fun. Anything that makes your mother cry is fun. P. J. O'Rourke explaining "How to Drive Fast on Drugs While Getting Your Wing-Wang Squeezed and Not Spill Your Drink." ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:312 Date: Wed 2 Dec 87 18:01:34-PST From: Tracy Larrabee Subject: Re: a disturbing `joke' (scatological/ethnic content -- rated PG-13) Recently, a woman friend at a local bay-area company took an informal survey of the women that she could find. She found that 58% of the women surveyed did not step out of the shower to pee. Roger, do you think that the water that goes down your toilet and the water that goes down your shower drain are forever twain? Can you think of a better place to "wash your hands" than the shower? As for myself, I generally take baths, which throws a whole new perspective on the question.... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:313 Date: Thu 3 Dec 87 00:08:02-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W In the begining ... Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there. Previously, all the dinosaurs had died. Paleolithic, Neolithic, and other oddly named men spread. ... Caves were painted, also fixed up and furnished in a simple but attractive style. They were ideal for young couples who were just starting a human race. P. J. O'Rourke ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:314 Date: Thu 3 Dec 87 06:03:35-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: a disturbing `joke' (scatological/ethnic content -- rated PG-13) Well, I tried it this morning. It was quite a bit easier than I expected --- so much so that I withdraw all of my previous objections to this practice. Admittedly, the configuration of my bathroom helped quite a bit. The only real problem was, of course, that with the shower doors open, a fair amount of water got onto the bathroom floor. Now if the toilet were more than, say, about 5 feet from the shower, it would be quite a challenge. Roger still doesn't believe, however, that women can do this.... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:315 Date: Thu 3 Dec 87 08:46:39-PST From: Katie MacMillen Subject: peeing in the shower, for real? what's the point of getting out of the shower? if you do that, and you happen to be female, then you have to get the toilet seat wet and sit there sliding around and feeling cold until you can jump back in the shower again. but IN the shower it's all washed away with nice warm water - and washing all the ick off your body was the reason you got in the shower in the first place. i mean, your toes are the only bits that are really at risk, and you can always wash your toes some more. maybe this is different for men. the pros and cons are less - you neither have to deal with the toilet seat problem nor do you have to risk getting IT on your own body since you can happily direct it right at the drain. hey roger, try hitting the drain smack spot-on in your first attempt! -katie, who hasn't actually read su-roger-or-andy in weeks ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:316 Date: Thu 3 Dec 87 10:09:07-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: Shower micturation - grey water vs brown It turns out that toilet water is handled differently from other water; the technical terms are brown water and grey water according to my planner friends. Non-rural houses in the U.S. have two waste water lines; one for each. Brown water undergoes substantially more processing than grey. I don't know whether urine in shower water matters. Water people are concerned by garbage disposals since they introduce solid waste into grey water. (Not surprisingly, they see many things differently. Anyone care to guess what a "bottlefish" is? They're found in brown water.) People who know strange things shouldn't be surprised when other people ask about them. (The planner friend who supplied much of the information above didn't understand the wasp joke either. She didn't know about bottlefish either.) -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:317 Date: Thu 3 Dec 87 12:05:57-PST From: Computer Cowboy Subject: now *this* ... *this* is a TRUE su-roger-or-andy discussion .... something worthy of this high bboard ... ain't nothin wrong with goin in the shower, in lakes, in bushes ... wherever ya happen ta be ... jef ps -- ummm , andy, what *is* a bottlefish?? i have an idea, but ... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:318 Date: Thu 3 Dec 87 12:46:12-PST From: Tracy Larrabee Subject: garbage disposals AHA! Now this interests me! I once had a long argument with a friend about whether or not it was worse for the environment to throw uneaten food in the trash or to put it down the disposal. It seems that food thrown into the trash is put in landfills in such a way that the matter is removed from the ecology, and perfectly good organic matter is unusable for years. But it also seems that food down the disposal might be a component of water pollution--thou it seems that water purification might counter-act that. Does Andy know? Does Andy know if the water people worry about chlorine bleach, or amonia, or that kind of stuff down the drains (draino?). I just love it when people know weird sh--uh, er, stuff. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:319 Date: Friday, 4-Dec-87 00:00:26-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W People who worry themselves sick over sexism in language and think the government sneaks into their houses at night and puts atomic waste in the kitchen dispose-all cannot be expected to have a sense of humor. P.J. O'Rourke [Ed note: you will soon be as sick of this guy as you are of H.L. Mencken. After that, I'll only send another 4 quotes from him.] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:320 Date: Fri 4 Dec 87 12:42:14-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: Asking people TWICE about sewage I called my source again last night (it will be apparent that she doesn't want to be involved in this - no, she doesn't work or attend Stanford) with a number of questions. "Why are you asking me more questions about sewage, I told you everything I knew last time." "Thank you." "Why are you so worried about sewers?" "Well, we're still talking about it" "When I was in grad school, we got drunk." "Well" "Don't you have anything better to do? Why is waste disposal in general so damn interesting? What other kinds of things `just come up in conversation there'?" "I'm done now." "You that this is really strange don't you?" "Oh" -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:321 Date: Fri 4 Dec 87 12:48:43-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: More on human waste While we are engaged in this coruscating colloquy let me ask how many people crap in bed in addition to micturating in the shower. And are older than 2. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:322 Date: Fri 4 Dec 87 13:02:31-PST From: Tomas G. Rokicki Subject: Re: More on human waste I never crap in bed; I always throw sevens. Oh, you mean even Evan uses language colloquially sometimes? Boy, with all those words with more than one syllable, you'd suspect not. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:323 Date: Fri 4 Dec 87 13:46:01-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Re: More on human waste Tom is quite right - I meant 'crap' to be short for 'engaging in crapulous behavior' i.e. marked by intemperance. Now the question takes on added interest. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:324 Date: Fri 4 Dec 87 16:12:18-PST From: Tracy Larrabee Subject: If the two water systems are separate, How come when my drain was clogged, when I let out my bath water it all came up through my toilet seal? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:325 Date: Fri 4 Dec 87 16:15:04-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: W Tracy: P.J. O'Rourke agrees with you (sort of): So I'm a conservative ... However, I'm not completely happy about it. Let's face it, conservatives can be buttheads, too. Only `sort of' because the surrounding context reveals that he wasn't referring to himself. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:326 Date: Fri 4 Dec 87 16:44:49-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: Xword (spoiler for Fri Daily) Okay, who has the vocabulary to fill in the following piece of the crossword puzzle? clue: Greedy letters so far: E S U R _ _ _ _ I managed to guess it right (a quick check to the dictionary confirmed this when I was done), but it's a good thing I was sure about those four letters, since I was having a hard time believing that an English word could start with those letters. Anyway, people who haven't done the xword, test your vocabulary (Evan, are you out there?). No fair cheating. The puzzle as a whole was a killer to this person -- I didn't know that there were any crustaceans with seven pairs of legs -- but the word up above was the one that disturbed me the most. Rich ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:327 Date: Fri 4 Dec 87 17:48:31-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: Xword (spoiler for Fri Daily) Around noon time, I witnessed Evan fill in the full word ESURIENT. This caused *me* to rush to the dictionary and check it. I should have known better than to doubt Evan. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:328 Date: Saturday, 5-Dec-87 00:00:19-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W Reporters who do duty in the third world spend a lot of time saying, "It's not that simple." We say, "It's not that simple about the Israelis and the PLO," or "It's not that simple about the contras and the Sandinistas." But in the Philippines it was that simple. It was simpler than that. Ferdinand Marcos is human sewage, an evil old power-adled flaming Glad Bag, a vicious lying dirtball who ought to have been dragged through the streets of Manila with his ears nailed to a truck bumper. our man in Manila -- P.J. O'Rourke ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:329 Date: Sunday, 6-Dec-87 00:00:11-PST From: HADDAD@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W P.J. O'Rourke reporting on the Philippine elections: A moment later an Australian television crew came running into the bar, their eyes as big as pie plates. "In Guadalupe," one yelled, "there's violence and thugs and the ballot boxes are being stolen!" "And they *shot* at us," yelled another, "and took our camera at gunpoint and smashed it and grabbed the videotape!" The Australians, being as dumb as Australians, called the police. [Ed note: apologies to all Australians. But seriously, what did they expect Marcos' police to do about Marcos' vote fraud?] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:330 Date: Sun 6 Dec 87 14:28:30-PST From: Elizabeth Wolf Subject: [mary%arthur@gargoyle.uchicago.edu:] 6 Dec 87 15:54 EST id AA04673; Sun, 6 Dec 87 13:14:14 CST id AA05810; Sat, 5 Dec 87 19:59:09 CST id AA03037; Sat, 5 Dec 87 19:58:26 CST id AA00624; Sat, 5 Dec 87 19:58:25 CST Date: Sat, 5 Dec 87 19:58:25 CST From: mary%arthur@gargoyle.uchicago.edu (Message inbox:150) id AA08708; Wed, 11 Nov 87 22:08:01 CST id AA28882; Wed, 11 Nov 87 20:11:10 PST Date: Wed, 11 Nov 87 20:11:10 PST From: sechrest@ucbarpa.Berkeley.EDU (Stuart Sechrest) Subject: rabbits Once upon a time, there was a little bunny rabbit, who was hopping through the forest. Suddenly the bunny rabbit came upon a large fox. ``So,'' said the fox, ``what are you doing?'' ``I'm working on my Ph.D.'' said the rabbit. ``My dissertation is on whether rabbits can eat large carnivores.'' ``That's stupid,'' said the fox, ``large carnivores eat rabbits, everyone knows that.'' ``That's not what my research shows,'' said the rabbit. ``I can show you my latest results.'' So the fox went away with the rabbit. Later, the little bunny rabbit was hopping through the forest, when he ran into a wolf. ``What are you up to?'' asked the wolf. ``Thesis research,'' said the rabbit. ``I'm studying whether rabbits can consume large carnivores.'' ``I don't think you'll get very far with that topic,'' said the wolf. ``It's the other way around.'' ``That's the conventional view, but let me show you my latest results,'' replied the little bunny. Soon the bunny rabbit was awarded a Ph.D., which made his advisor, a large lion, quite proud. Moral: In research, it doesn't matter if you are correct, as long as your advisor backs you up. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:331 Date: Mon 7 Dec 87 15:58:07-PST From: Scott M. Seligman Subject: Z "My proof that it's impossible is that I can't think of any way to do it...." -- Jeffrey Ullman ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:332 Date: Tue 8 Dec 87 10:10:04-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Matt's Legal Question Well I may be so conservative that the difference twixt the two cases appears negligible, but it seems to me that in both cases the cop should get the cordate item. In fact, whenever a duly designated officer of the law needs a body part from a miscreant he should just pluck it off. Malfactors often take great care to stay in good shape so that often their internal organs are rosy and robust and quite fit to be put to a useful occupation in society. Also it will be easy to identify criminals since they will have scars on their torsos. I reiterate my concern that I may be overly conservative in these matters. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:333 Date: Tue 8 Dec 87 20:30:04-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Cryptic crosswords For those of you who know anything about cryptic crosswords (sometimes known as English crosswords -- the London Times features them, I believe), I thought you might like to know where Ramsey's mind is: Her orals plummeted -- Mark, Ito confused. (8) If you don't know what these things are, it might be worth finding out. This one's pretty entertaining. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:334 Date: Tue 8 Dec 87 20:31:49-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Clarification Ramsey's just learned about these kinds of crosswords, and that was the FIRST clue he's ever made up. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:335 Date: Tue 8 Dec 87 23:09:27-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: The Future of SU-Roger-or-Andy Should we let it die with sushi or let it move to Polya? Should we let it become a "real" SU bboard, available on finer machines everywhere (like Sierra and lots)? -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:336 Date: Wed 9 Dec 87 03:17:22-PST From: Roger Subject: In defense of low-volume newsgroups (was Re: The Future ...) Actually, I like the idea of having a low-volume newsgroup. In particular, 1. Low volume means not having the elaborate protocols necessary to deal with a readership of thousands. 2. Low volume means that one can actually keep up with the bloody thing without having to spend 2 hours/day. Having one or two days going by without any postings is to be considered a feature rather than a bug. SAIL's bboard must have been lots of fun back in the 70's. Rather than enumerate all of the possible ways of getting a low-volume newsgroup (from switching back to su.Roger-AND-andy ... to shooting all of the people we don't like), I'll just state my proposal straight off: csd.Roger-or-andy to be available on polya and a few other selected csd machines (in practice, this would boil down to whichever ones wanted to bother having it). I'll now try to answer some of the objections various people are likely to raise: (1) Gee Rog, isn't this awfully elitist. I mean, what we're doing is saying, ``Hey! We're too good for su-etc. We're going to have our own private bboard. And none of you scuzzy mutants from other departments are invited...'' Well, perhaps :-) First of all, don't call me Rog. Second of all, I said nothing about preventing other depts/orgs from doing the same thing. If the EE Dept. wants to start up ee.hussein-and-lyn, this would not bother me one bit. Nor is there any assumption that people from other parts of campus would even *want* to subscribe to csd.R&a. It's merely a question of one large centralized school vs. many small neighborhood schools. Nothing elitist here unless one is going to make claims about the various neighborhoods. I don't propose to do that. (2) Is there really any need for this? SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY on Sushi was created a little over 4 months ago. In that time, about a hundred people have read it. The readership for the past month is something like 68, so this isn't just something to die out as soon as the novelty wears off. I would venture that there is a real need being fulfilled here. The fact is, SU-ETC has turned into a multiple soapbox with large numbers of people shouting at each other and thousands more jumping in at the slightest opportunity. For people who like that sort of thing, it's still there. The intimacy was lost quite some time ago, however. It's just too d**n big. (3) C'mon, the real reason, you're interested in this is because you get a big ego boost by having a bboard with your names on it. Look, if you want to see ego trips, you look at SU-ETC where there seems to be a sizable contingent of, ``Gee, I'll post this and thousands of people will have to read it! Yeah!'' (says Roger to his fanatically devoted audience of 68). If the name really bothers people and if it would be more palatable to the administrators under different title, I would not mind at all seeing this newsgroup under a more ``rational'' name like csd.etc csd.quotes csd.random csd.sanity-check csd.singles ... well actually, I suppose I would be passing up a major bid at immortality here, wouldn't I? Hmmm... Comments? Roger ps. csd.students would be an unfortunate choice of name; as well as unfairly excluding faculty & staff, it runs the risk of being confused with something official... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:337 Date: Wed 9 Dec 87 08:16:28-PST From: Computer Cowboy Subject: and in this vein, just what *is* going on with the computers in the department, anyway?? I've heard that we're basically trading away all our players (sushi, rocky, navajo, etc ...) for some big superstar (polya) and nothing to be named later ... what *is* the deal??? and *what* will happen to the csd computers?? are we going to have to depend on (shudder) the TRAGEDIES and PORTIA??? want to know, jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:338 Date: Wed 9 Dec 87 09:16:50-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Nothing against either of the names roger or andy but I think we should name it something that no one will ever think of checking like su-hussein-or-bowman (previously suggested) su-new-students (for some reason no one ever reads that) vpllist ( I don't know what this is but it seems to have the desired characteristic of being an unread bboard) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:339 Date: Wed 9 Dec 87 11:24:55-PST From: Computer Cowboy Subject: and, if roger-or-andy doesn't make it to the new bboards, there *is* always the possibility of taking over another bboard and christening it the new "su-roger-or-andy" bboard piracy, at its best ... one of the above suggestions looks good ... "arrrr ... we be pirates" jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:340 Date: Wed 9 Dec 87 12:15:49-PST From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Roger or Andy I think a name change might liven things up. How about Roger-XOR-Andy? joe likes csd.alt ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:341 Date: Wed 9 Dec 87 15:42:20-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Ahem. Sherry! Well, maybe I can change at least change the subject with one more P.J. O'Rourke quote: And the car did one more thing for me. It reaffirmed my belief in America. It may sound strange to say that a $45,000 Italian sports car reaffirmed my belief in America ... [The] sense of mastery of man over nature. To be in control of our destinies---and there is no more profound feeling of control over one's destiny that I have ever experienced than to drive a Ferrari down a public road at 130 miles an hour ... Maybe we don't happen to build Ferraris, but that's not because there's anything wrong with America. We just haven't turned the full light of our intelligence and ability in that direction. We were, you know, busy elsewhere. We may not have Ferraris, but just think what our Polaris-missile submarines are like. And if it feels like this in a Ferrari at 130, my God, what can it possibly feel like at Mach 2.5 in an F-15? Ferrari 308s and F-15s -- these are the conveyances of free men. What do Bolshevik automatons know of destiny and its control? What have we to fear from the barbarous Red hordes?'' ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:342 Date: Thursday, 10-Dec-87 00:00:13-PST From: HADDAD@SCORE.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W Every great leader needs a loyal friend who will chase a stick wherever he throws it, a source of uncritical affection he can count on to be there, no matter what, barking approval and wagging his tail. FDR had Fala, Nixon had Checkers, Reagan has George Bush. -- Michael Kinsley Michael Kinsley would claim that what is important about this quote is that he wrote it in 1984, thus beating everyone else to this characterization of George Bush. He is wrong. What is significant about this quote is that I first read it Tuesday Evening, and then couldn't remember the name `Fala' on Wednesday when I needed it for the crossword puzzle in the Stanford Daily. I remembered everything else about the last sentence of the quote, but I just couldn't remember the name of FDR's pet. Rich Washington is right -- I'm lousy at crossword puzzles. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:343 Date: Thu 10 Dec 87 11:43:58-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: the fate of su-roger-or-andy Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 (not to be confused with the fate of roger or andy) I have no fear that roger-or-andy will disappear. Wherever free thinking (or at least free computing) goes, there you will find Roger, Andy, Evan, Ramsey, and roger-or-andy! Long live roger-or-andy, Q, R, S, and all that! ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:344 Date: Friday, 11-Dec-87 00:00:08-PST From: HADDAD@SCORE.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W My favorite line in the 1984 Democratic platform declares, "We know more about the number of matches sold than about the number of children across the country who die in fires at home." The indignant tone suggests that this is a bad thing, but the matter is not pursued. ... Much of what Democrats find endearing and exasperating about their party is in this sentence. You can just see it bubbling up from some earnest social welfare academic at Hunter College, through a Washington lobby group, and straight into the platform because it's on someone's agenda, and no one else took offense. (The Matchworkers Union must have been asleep at the switch when this one came barreling past.) ... There's a characteristically Democratic inverse complacency in the assumption that knowing more is bound to reveal that a problem is even more pressing than previously supposed. Is this liberalism, or is it social hypochondria? ... The lunatic over-specificity of this complaint is itself a comment on such open-ended compassion. Is the Democratic Party turning it's back on children who die in fires while at home but not alone, or while alone somewhere else, or --- crowning irony --- neither at home nor alone? -- Michael Kinsley ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:345 Date: Fri 11 Dec 87 05:15:54-PST From: Robert Wentworth Subject: flying saucers "Everyone knows that centrifugal force can overcome gravity. If directed upward, centrifugal force can be used to drive a gravity engine." "... what we need is a spoke that has a tremendous velocity with minimal mass. ... An electron has no mass at rest (you cannot find a smaller minimum mass than that); all its mass is inherent in its velocity." "If your resources are like those of the PLO, you can go ahead and build your flying saucer without any further information from me..." - T. B. Pawlicki, in How to Build a Flying Saucer (after so many amateurs have failed) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:346 Date: Fri 11 Dec 87 05:28:28-PST From: Robert Wentworth Subject: and beyond "Well, if an atom is the essential unit of material, and if an atom is a standing-wave structure, then all material must be standing-wave structures. Therefore, if the solar system is a standing-wave structure, then the entire gravitational field of the sun must be solid material. The only difference between the material of the Sun's gravitational field and the Earth we stand on is density. The wavelengths of gravity are so long that we can walk through them as if the standing waves were insubstantial, like we walk through air. Many people will snort that this deduction is preposterous..." - T. B. Pawlicki, "Beyond Velikovsky," in How to Build a Flying Saucer ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:347 Date: Saturday, 12-Dec-87 15:00:10-PST From: HADDAD@SCORE.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W I've upped my standards, you should up yours. -- Pat Paulson explaining why you should vote for him for President. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:348 Date: Sat 12 Dec 87 15:51:34-PST From: Scott M. Seligman Subject: Z "Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the State of Indiana, That it has been found that a circular area is to the square on a line equal to the quadrant of the circumference as the area an equilateral rectangle is to the square on one side." -- House Bill No. 246, Indiana State Legislature, 1897 That is, the area of a circle is equal to the square of one quarter of its circumference. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:349 Date: Sat 12 Dec 87 16:58:15-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: Re: W The press will no doubt quote Paulson as saying "up yours," with no surrounding context.... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:350 Date: Sat 12 Dec 87 17:02:44-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: no wonder we're kept off campus A portion of a normal day's conversation at KSL: ``Fralph?'' ``No.'' ``Glowng?'' ``No.'' ``Zoung?'' ``No.'' ``Zailph?'' ``No.'' ``Mymp?'' ``No.'' ``Dousk?'' ``Yes.'' ``Raing?'' ``Yes.'' ``Balk?'' [the `a' is pronounced like the first `a' in `balance' -- RMW] ``No.'' ``Boomp?'' ``No.'' ``Thanks. You agree with everyone in all but those two cases.'' ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:351 Date: Sunday, 13-Dec-87 00:00:26-PST From: HADDAD@SCORE.STANFORD.EDU Subject: W The proceeding of the First Congress of the International Physicians for the Prevention of Nuclear War [reports:] "As physicians and scientists, we have reviewed the data ... on the use of nuclear weapons ... We have considered independantly prepared ... analyses from many sources. Our unanimous conclusions are: (1) Nuclear war would be a catastrophe with medical consequences of enormous magnitude ... " So now you know. ... The report reveals that "neither doctors nor the hospitals in which they work will be spared." ... Perhaps there are people who can contemplate with relative equanimity the loss of their own lives and those of their family and friends but sicken at the thought that the Harvard Medical School and its affiliated hospitals could be blown away. These people should take heed. -- Michael Kinsley ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:352 Date: Tue 15 Dec 87 11:36:28-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest. Steve Pearl ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:353 Date: Wednesday, 16-Dec-87 00:00:06-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time. W. Taylor ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:354 Date: Wed 16 Dec 87 22:20:02-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: movie trivia For those of you who don't read Newsweek, here's a trivia question for you: Number of movies the average Soviet citizen sees each year: 14 The average American: ?? Hint: I think they're talking about theater movies, not including videos. Just a guess. Answer in my next message.... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:355 Date: Wed 16 Dec 87 22:22:47-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: movie trivia II The answer: Number of movies the average American sees each year: 4.7 Something tells me I'm abnormal.... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:356 Date: Thursday, 17-Dec-87 00:00:09-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like. Book review by Abe Lincoln ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:357 Date: Thu 17 Dec 87 09:02:37-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Approxiquotes from Johnny Carson last night. (Factual aside: it snowed in Southern California yesterday.) I can't believe that all of you waited outside in that lousy weather to get in here. You must be nuts. What do we have here, Gary Hart's advisory commitee? The weather was so bad, they actually closed Disneyland. Actually that isn't why they closed. Mickey Mouse left for New Hampshire -- he's running for president, too. The night he was making his decision, Gary Hart prayed, ``Dear God, if I'm doing the wrong thing, may it snow in southern California.'' I think Gary Hart's new campaign slogan is ill-advised: ``Back in the saddle again.'' The Democrats are in trouble. Gary Hart has no money, no staff, no judgement -- and he's the front-runner. In order to ensure that there are no indiscretions, Gary Hart is travelling around the country with a clergy man -- Jim Bakker. The way things are going in the Democratic Party, the nomination could fall in Gary Hart's lap -- if there is room in his lap. While campaigning, Gart Hart is being very smart: he's wearing a red suit. If he gets caught with anyone in his lap, he just says that he's Santa Claus. Alright, I admit that they're not really side-splitters. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:358 Date: Friday, 18-Dec-87 00:00:19-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Biography lends to death a new terror. O. wilde. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:359 Date: 18 Dec 1987 0015-PST (Friday) From: Ramsey Haddad From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Topic: Gary Hart Source: S.F. Chron 12/17 Taken from Thursday San Francisco Chronicle: "Everybody laughed at Shirley MacLaine when she said people could come back from the dead. Now, Gary Hart has proven she right after all." -- Steve Allen "Gary Hart top 10 Christmas wishes included ... (10) Papers latch on to photos of Dukakis and bearded lady." --David Letterman "Maybe what they say about the presidential virus is true: Embalming fluid is the only cure. Or maybe he justs thinks the campaign trail is a good place to meet girls." -- Baltimore Sun "Gary Hart proves that you can f___ your brains out." -- Jerry Roberts ========================= Message sushi-era:360 id AA14646; Fri, 18 Dec 87 17:05:48 PST id AA03187; Fri, 18 Dec 87 17:04:24 PST Subject: R Date: Fri, 18 Dec 87 17:04:23 -0800 From: crew@decwrl.dec.com ============================================================================== Note 570.0 Memo Wars - or electronic guerrilla warfare 4 replies GNUVAX::BOBBITT "a collie down isnt a collie beaten" 54 lines 3-DEC-1987 13:54 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is a copy of portions of Fortune's Rules for Memo Wars. It is written in an extremely sarcastic manner, and tells you all the wrong things to do. It is almost humorous, but considering some recent interchanges in this file, it almost seems like something people might take seriously. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Now... your opponent has requested a "rational discussion". What do you do? Well, remember that people are normally willing to discuss things rationally if and only if you agree with them; anything less would obviously not be rational. Therefore, agree immediately, and continue as before. Always assume that whenever you see someone making a statement about "certain parties who shall remain nameless", "some people", "assholes", etc., they are talking about *you*. It is also correct to assume that words you don't understand, such as "prestidigatory", "lapidarian", and "buprestid", are direct personal attacks aimed at your loved ones and merit an equally scathing response. Failure to do this results in many lost opportunities for rational discussion. (See above.) Given the incredible advances in sociocybernetics and telepsychology over the last few years, we are now able to completely understand everything that the author of a memo is trying to say. Thanks to modern developments in electrocommunications like notes, vnews, and electricity, we have an incredible level of interunderstanding the likes of which civilization has never known. Thus, the possibility of your misinterpreting someone else's memo is practically nil. Knowing this, anyone who accuses you of having done so is a liar, and should be treated accordingly. If you *do* understand the memo in question, but have absolutely nothing of substance to say, then you have an excellent opportunity for a vicious ad hominem attack. In fact, the only *inappropriate* times for an ad hominem attack are as follows: 1: When you agree completely with the author of a memo. 2: When the author of the original memo is much bigger than you are. 3: When replying to one of your own memos. The proper time for a vicious ad hominem attack is when you have no logical recourse. If you have been arguing a point with a person or persons for 30 odd weeks, and a memo comes across that logically tears down the final shred of evidence that you thought you had, that is the time to call the author of that memo: 1: a mindless twit who attacks other people's beliefs for no reason. 2: an egotistical flaming typical wombat aggie melon-humping cheese-whizzing nanosexual subuseless clamsucker whose memos are apparently sneezed onto his/her terminal. 3: something unpleasant. The OTHER proper time for an ad hominem attack is immediately after someone has posted something you don't understand. Given the current state of modern electronic communications technology your inability to comprehend the meaning of a memo constitutes a violation of western moral tradition on the part of the author of that memo, and the author should be taken to task publicly via a series of really nasty, name-calling oriented memos. ========================= Message sushi-era:361 Date: Saturday, 19-Dec-87 00:00:28-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:362 Date: 19 Dec 1987 0119-PST (Saturday) From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Topic: Gary Hart Source: TV 12/18 "Hart says, `I don't beleive anybody cares about my personal life anymore only the issues.' Right -- Donna Rice in the issues of Playboy and Penthouse." -- Mark Russell "He may not get the presidency but he'll get the lead in Fatal Attraction II." "With Gary Hart, the press' motto is, `Trust, but verify.'" -- Johnny Carson "Gary Hart may be eligible for a million dollars in matching funds. Today it was reported that he applied for matching blonds." -- David Letterman ========================= Message sushi-era:363 Date: Sat 19 Dec 87 08:10:27-PST From: Robert Wentworth Subject: XMs "It's silly talking about how many years we will have to spend in the jungles of Vietnam when we could pave the whole country and put parking stripes on it and still be home by Christmas." -- Ronald Reagan October 10, 1965 (Will it take away the mystery if I say this was the only remotely Christmas- related quote I could find on the spur on the moment? Marry XMs, awl.) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:364 Date: Sunday, 20-Dec-87 00:00:13-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q If you don't miss a few planes during the year you are spending too much time at airports. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:365 Date: Mon, 21 Dec 87 03:00:10 PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Topic: marijuana Source: Mark Russell Show All the candidates started tripping over themselves admitting they had used marijuana. George Bush admitted that years ago as a young man he once tried ... domestic champagne -- but he didn't like it. Gore said, "I once smoked pot." Babbit said, "Me too." Biden said, "Me too." Dukakis said, "Did you hear what Biden just said? -- He plagarized Babbit." There's a real double standard going on now. Imagine a teacher catching a kid on the playground smoking marijuana and she says, "Johnny don't you want to grow up to be on the Supreme Court one day?" He says, "No, I want to be president." She says, "That's different." ========================= Message sushi-era:366 Date: Monday, 21-Dec-87 08:27:22-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Anybody that doesn't think that the best hamburger place in the world is in his home town is a sissy. Calvin Trillin ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:367 Date: Tue 22 Dec 87 12:51:33-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q To have a horror of the bourgeois is bourgeois. Jules Renard ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:368 Date: Wed 23 Dec 87 11:05:24-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q Fear not your enemies for they can only kill you. Fear not your friends, for they can only betray you. Fear only the indifferent, who allow the killers and betrayers to wander freely. (The guy who said this was transferred to a Russian gulag after being freed from a concentration camp.) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:369 Date: Wed 23 Dec 87 13:49:48-PST From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: Re: Fear not I don't get it. Why should you fear someone who lets X wander freely, while X itself is not worth fearing? (Can this be phrased in normal English, too?) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:370 Date: Thu 24 Dec 87 10:49:42-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Repeat Q but applicable The only things open on Christmas day have the aura of Greyhound bus terminals over them. AJCohn ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:371 Date: Mon 4 Jan 88 10:16:54-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. Groucho ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:372 Date: Mon 4 Jan 88 10:20:15-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q Oops - I've used that quote. All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling. O. wilde. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:373 Date: Mon 4 Jan 88 14:50:27-PST From: Robert Wentworth Subject: fictional cop quote A police lieutenant, disgusted at having to deal with complaints about a woman prowling around looking in windows in a rich neighborhood, to his disgusted troops: "Now I know you're good cops. I know you all understand we have a duty to protect the citizens of Hancock Park who work very hard so they can stay in the upper brackets and avoid paying the taxes that provide your wages. I'm going to have eight damn units out there tonight. Next report that comes in on this girl I want full response---sirens, lights, screeching tires, everything short of a SWAT team. Wrap this up so we can get down to dealing with the serious criminal element in our society like fifty-year-old whores and teenagers who wear their hair in cones." Steve Erickson, in ~Rubicon Beach~ ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:374 Date: Mon 4 Jan 88 21:02:01-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: quote from netnews From: ruffwork@orstcs.cs.orst.edu (Ritchey Ruff) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.humor I always knew that living in California was bad for you, but I just found this quote from Truman Capote's book "Breakfast at Benny's" - It's a scientific fact that if you stay in California you lose one point of your IQ every year. --ritchey ruff ruffwork@cs.orst.edu ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:375 Date: Wed 6 Jan 88 10:18:48-PST From: Evan Cohn Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one. O.W. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:376 Date: Thursday, 7-Jan-88 00:00:09-PST From: COHN@SUSHI.STANFORD.EDU Subject: Q Oscar Wilde Month starts today! One must have a heart of stone to read the death of Little Nell without laughing. (On Charles Dickens from Conversation) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:377 Date: Thu, 7 Jan 88 00:00:12 PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Topic: Tofu Source: Cooking: a cook's dictionary'' by Henry Beard & Roy McKie TOFU: Soybean curd favored by health food enthusiasts. It is dense and colorless and has very little taste, proving the truth of the adage that you are what you eat. ========================= Message sushi-era:378 id AA15998; Thu, 7 Jan 88 14:13:29 PST id AA24575; Thu, 7 Jan 88 14:13:22 PST Date: Thu, 7 Jan 88 14:13:22 PST From: crew@decwrl.dec.com (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Another entry from Dave Barry: The year in review Newsgroups: decpa.fun ============================================================================== Note 370.0 Year in Review 1 reply CSCMA::MCMANAMON 453 lines 27-DEC-1987 22:28 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Year in Review by Dave Barry Reprinted without permission from the Worcester Telegram and Gazette, 12/27/87. (This article appeared in the Sunday Telegram on the front page, under the headline: "Nation Secured Blessings of Humor in '87") January: 3 - Oral Roberts tells his followers that unless they send him $4.5 million by the end of the month God will turn him into a hypocritical money-grubbing slimebag. 5 - In response to growing pressure from the United States, the government of Columbia vows to track down its major drug dealers and, if necessary, remove them from the cabinet. 8 - The Federal Aviation Administration announces that, in response to a routine questionnaire, 63 percent of the nation's air traffic controllers stated that their primary career goal was "to defeat the forces of the Planet Wambeeno." 10 - In the ongoing war against the federal deficit, the Reagan Administration submits the first-ever trillion-dollar budget. 14 - In New York City, officials of the Justice Department's Organized Crime Task Force announce that Anthony "Grain Embargo" DiPonderoso and Jimmy "Those Little Pins They Put in New Shirts" Zooroni have agreed to enter the Federal Nickname Exchange Program. 16 - In his first press conference since 1952, President Reagan asked by reporters to comment on persistent allegations that he is "out of touch", responds: "Thanks, but I just had breakfast." 18 - The People's Republic of China announces that "Deng Xiaoping" means "Big Stud Artichoke." 21 - The Audi Corp. is forced to recall 250,000 cars after repeated incidents wherein parked Audis, apparently acting on their own, used their mobile phones to purchase stocks on margin. 26 - President Reagan tells Iran-Contra scandal investigators that he "might have" approved to sale of arms to Iran. 28 - In the Middle East, Syria has its name legally changed to "Jordan". A welcome calm settles over Beirut as the six remaining civilians are taken hostage. 30 - In Washington the IRS unveils the new, improved W-4 form, which is such a big hit that the experts who thought it up are immediately put to work on developing a policy for the Persian Gulf. February: 1 - A new policy requiring random drug testing of all airline pilots runs into a snag when nearly half of the Delta pilots are unable to hit the specimen bottle. 3 - In the ongoing war against the federal budget deficit, Congress gives itself a pay raise. 4 - The United States yacht Stars and Stripes recaptures the coveted America's Cup when the Australian entry Kookaburra, is sunk by a Chinese-made "Silkworm" missile. The U.S. Sixth Fleet steams toward the troubled region with orders to "form humongous targets". Liberace goes up to the Big Candelabra in the Sky. 7 - Famed Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward reveals that, in a secret hospital interview, dying entertainer Liberace revealed that Woodward's upcoming book, "Veil", would be "a real page-turner". 8 - True item: Sen. Lloyd Bensten, chairman of the Senate Finance Committee, sends out a letter telling lobbyists that for $10,000 apiece, they can attend monthly breakfasts with him. 9 - Rep. Arnold LaTreece announces that for $15,000 apiece, lobbyists can kiss him on the lips. 10 - George Bush announces that he is available for $12.50. 11 - President Reagan tells Iran-Contra scandal investigators that he did not approve of the arms sale to Iran. 15 - George Bush reduces his price to $3.99, including the souvenir beverage mug. 17 - In Columbia, police arrest Carlos Lehder for jaywalking and discover that his pockets contain 1,265,000 pounds of cocaine. Lehder claims to have "no idea" how it got there. 19 - Mario Cuomo announces that he doesn't want to be president and immediately becomes the Democratic front-runner. 20 - George Bush announces that *he* doesn't want to be president either. 22 - Andy Warhol goes to the Big Soup Can in the Sky. 23 - Panic grips the nation as a terrorist group seizes 150,000 new, improved W-4 forms and threatens to send them to randomly selected Americans through the mail. 24 - President Reagan announces that he cannot remember whether he approved the sale of arms to Iran. In a quotation that we are not making up, the president tells White House reporters: "Everybody that can remember what they were doing on August 8, 1985, raise your hand". 26 - Famed Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward reveals that, in a secret hospital interview, dying artist Andy Warhol revealed that Woodward's forthcoming book "Veil", would be "available in bookstores everywhere". March: 3 - Comedian Danny Kaye dies moments after granting an interview to Bob Woodward. 7 - In the widening scandal on Wall Street, the heads of three major investment firms rob a liquor store. 13 - Non-candidate Mario Cuomo, carrying out his normal duties as governor of New York state, meets with the heads of state of England, France, Norway, Sweden, and Germany. 15 - A barge loaded with garbage sets out into the Atlantic under the command of explorer-author Thor Heyerdahl, who is seeking to prove his theory that South America could have been discovered by ancient mariners sailing from Islip, L.I., in crude garbage barges. 18 - The SMU football team in suspended from inter-collegiate athletics when NCAA investigators, after taking urine samples, determine that the school's leading rusher, majoring in communications, is a horse. 23 - The SMU horse is drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs. 24 - A place called "Chad" defeats Libya in some kind of war. This really happened. 27 - In what is hailed as a major arms-race breakthrough, U.S. and Soviet arms negotiators in Geneva agree to wear matching outfits. 30 - In an illegal industrial waste dump somewhere in Louisiana, lightning strikes two adjacent putrid pools of festering corrosive toxic slime, setting of chemical reactions that cause the pools first to bubble, then slowly, horrifyingly, to solidify and pulsate upward, gradually forming themselves into shapes that, in the ghastly light of the flickering electrical storm, appear almost human. "Hi!", they shriek cheerfully, into the swampland emptiness. "We're Jim and Tammy Faye!" April: 1 - Speaking in unison, an estimated three dozen congressman, all of them age 43, all of them blond, and all of them named "Dick", announce that they are seeking the Democratic presidential nomination. 3 - In the Persian Gulf, Iranians attack the Islip garbage barge, but are driven off by courageous flies. 6 - Non-candidate Mario Cuomo, in the pursuit of his normal gubernatorial duties, reaches a tentative pact with Soviet arms negotiators. 13 - True Anecdote: In National League baseball action, the Atlanta Braves' Dion James hits a ball that would have been caught easily, except that in midair it strikes and kills a dove. 14 - In Colorado, Gary Hart declares his candidacy for the presidential nomination, making the official announcement while standing in front of a dramatic backdrop of soaring mountains, towering pine trees, and four Miami Herald reporters disguised as rhododendrons. 15 - The lifeless body of Atlanta Braves player Dion James is found under an enormous mound of dove droppings. 16 - President and Mrs. Reagan release their tax returns. 19 - The IRS sends back the Reagans' tax returns, gently pointing out that you're supposed to fill them out. 22 - Crack U.S. counterintelligence agents in Moscow begin to suspect that the new U.S. Embassy in Moscow, constructed by Soviet labor, might be bugged, when one of them sneezes in the ambassador's office and six chairs say, "Gesundheit". May: 2 - Late night on a quiet Washington street, four Miami Herald reporters emerge from a mailbox and confront Gary Hart. Knowing that the voting public does not wish to read squalid details about a candidate's personal life and would much prefer that the media focus on The Issues, the reporters question Hart relentlessly about his view on monetary policy. 3 - Like a raging unquenchable forest fire, the Gary Hart story sweeps across the nation, as voters are consumed by a burning need to know more about the candidate's monetary views. Rumors abound that Hart, at various times in his career, may also have had views on a number of other issues. 4 - The Hart story becomes so hot that issue-oriented Phil Donahue devotes a show to it, canceling the regular weekly appearance of the sex-change lesbian surrogate-mother nude-dancer ex-priests. 5 - The Iran-Contra hearings begin with Se. Daniel Inouye doing his hilarious two-hour impersonation of a 78 rpm record being played at 33 rpm. 6 - An angry Gary Hart is forced to withdraw from the race after word leaks out that The Washington Post has obtained documented evidence that he once proposed tying the prime rate to the Index of Leading Economic Indicators. 7 - Citing alleged "bisexual activity", officials of the Assemblies of God Church vote to have Jim Bakker defrocked. Then they hastily vote to have him frocked again. 16 - Rita Hayworth dies moments after confiding to Bob Woodward that his forthcoming book, "Veil", would be out "just in time for Christmas gift-giving". 17 - The U.S. Navy frigate Stark is attacked by an Iraqi jet, which, under our extremely clear Mideast policy, causes us to prepare for violent confron- tation with Iran. 29 - 19 year old German Mathias Rust, flying a single-engined Cessna airplane, manages to cross 400 miles of Soviet airspace to reach Red Square in Moscow, where he narrowly avoids colliding with a Delta Air Lines flight en route from Pittsburgh to Cleveland. 30 - Caspar Weinberger orders 5,000 single-engine Cessna airplanes. June: 2 - True Item: In the ongoing Iran-Contra hearings, the committee learns that a country named "Brunei" contributed $10 million to help the Contras, except Fawn Hall or somebody typed a wrong number, so the money ended up in the Swiss bank account of a total stranger. This helps explain why, despite all the elaborate assistance efforts with secret codes and passwords and everything, the only actual aid ever received by the Contras was six-month trial subscription to Guns and Ammo. 7 - "Brunei" receives 314,324 urgent personal mail solicitations from TV evangelists. 8 - In the most dramatic Iran-Contra testimony to date, Fawn Hall, played by Farrah Fawcett Majors, testifies that, as Justice Department investigators closed in, she and Oliver North stayed late in their White House basement office and "colorized" a number of classic black-and-white films. 22 - Fred Astaire dies in the arms of Bob Woodward. 29 - In Wimbledon action, John McEnroe kills a line judge and is given a stern warning. July: 4 - The Hormel company marks the 50th anniversary of Spam in festivities featuring a full-size, fully functional suspension bridge constructed entirely out of the popular luncheon substance. 7 - The central figure in the Iran-Contra hearing, Lt. Col. Oliver North, becomes an instant folk hero when, with his eyes glistening and his voice cracking with emotion, he courageously admits, before a worldwide TV audience, that he is very patriotic. 9 - Oral Roberts reveals that he can raise the dead. He is rushed to the White House. 11 - The Iran-Contra hearings reach their dramatic peak when Lt. Col. Oliver North, his eyes glistening and his voice cracking with emotion, makes a sweeping patriotic hand gesture and knocks over his bottle of Revlon Eye Glistener. 15 - The giant Citicorp bank announces that it has agreed to forgive Mexico's $56.3 billion debt in exchange for 357.9 gazillion chickens. 18 - In Hollywood, plans are formulated for a major motion picture based on the Oliver North story, starring Sylvester Stallone as North, Fawn Hall as herself, and Helen Keller as the president. 21 - The discovery of "superconductors" - materials that offer no resistance to electricity even at relatively high temperatures - creates a worldwide stir of excitement among the kind of dweebs who always had their Science Fair projects done early. 24 - In the ongoing Iran-Contra hearings, the committee hears two days of dramatic testimony from Mario Cuomo, who explains that he has decided to stay out of the presidential race so he can fulfill his obligations as governor of New York. 27 - Officials at the National Zoo in Washington are saddened by the death of the tiny infant cub of rare giant pandas Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing, who are described as "distraught" by their close friend Bob Woodward. Edwin Meese is linked to the Lincoln assassination. 30 - In Moscow, the Embassy spy scandal deepens when it is learned that for the past 6 years, the "wife" of the U.S. ambassador has in fact been four male KGB agents wearing what State Department officials describe as "a very clever disguise". August: 3 - Political activist Donna Rice, in her continuing effort to avoid publicity, sells her story to ABC television. 6 - As "Ollie-mania" continues to sweep the country, one of the most popular video-arcade games in the country is a new one called - "Contra". The way it works is, there are two soldiers on the screen, and when you put in a quarter, it never gets to them. 10 - The U.S. space probe Meanderer II, after a journey of six years and many millions of miles, passes within 400 miles of the surface of Neptune, sending back dramatic color photographs of a Delta Air Lines jet. 16 - On the 10th anniversary of Elvis Presley's death, tens of thousands of fans gather in Memphis to hear Bob Woodward discuss his final moments with the bulging superstar. At the same time, thousands of other people gifted with the "New Age" consciousness celebrate the Harmonic Convergence by picking at their strait-jacket straps with their teeth. 22 - Rumors circulate that Gary Hart will re-enter the presidential race. Johnny Carson places his writers on Full Red Alert. 25 - In what is hailed as a landmark ruling, the Supreme Court decides, by a 7-2 vote, that you cannot count three oranges as one item in the Express Checkout Lane "unless they are all in the same package". 27 - Georgia Sen. Sam Nunn announces that he doesn't want to be president. Cuomo challenges him to a debate. 28 - In the Persian Gulf, tensions mount as a U.S. gunboat engages in a scuffle with actor Sean Penn. September: 1 - The FAA, responding to consumer complaints, issues tough new rules under which airlines are required to notify passengers "within a reasonable period of time" if their plane has crashed. 8 - Researcher Shere Hite releases her scientific new book, "Men Are Scum". 9 - In Washington D.C., ground is broken for the $25.4 million Presidential Polyp Museum. 12 - In the ongoing hearings, Sen. Joseph Biden pledges to consider the Bork nomination "with total objectivity", adding: "You have that on my honor not only as a senator, but also as the prince of Wales." 21 - Pro football players go on strike, demanding the right to "have normal necks". Negotiations begin under the guidance of mediator Mario Cuomo. 28 - Tensions ease in the Persian Gulf as a Delta Air Lines flight, en route from Boston to Newark, successfully lands on the U.S. carrier Avocado. October: 8 - Three Hundred prominent law professors sign a petition stating that Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork has "a weenie beard". 15 - In an effort to establish that she is not a bimbo, Jessica Hahn appears nude in Playboy magazine. We are pretty sure we must have made this item up. 22 - As the stock market is brought under control, major brokerage firms run expensive prime-time TV commercials reassuring the public that this is a good time to get back into the market, prompting the public to wonder how come these firms didn't spend a few bucks last week to warn everybody to get the hell *out*. 23 - The Senate rejects Bork. President Reagan, informed of this by his aides, angrily responds: "Who?" 25 - The Senate Transportation Committee recommends that the federal speed limit should be raised on highways going through boring or ugly areas, so drivers can get through them quicker. "In Indiana, for instance," the committee says, "it should be 135 miles per hour." 29 - The Minnesota Twins win the World Series. President Reagan, as is the custom, calls up manager Tom Kelly and nominates him to the Supreme Court. November: 1 - In the ongoing heroic effort to trim the federal budget deficit, House and Senate conferees agree not to order appetizers. 8 - Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, large chunks of his scalp falling off, angrily demands that the U.S. do something about "acid rain". 12 - In continuing media coverage of the Character Issue, presidential candidates named Bruce "Dick" Babbitt and Albert "Dick" Gore Jr. state that they have tried marijuana, but no longer use it. "Now we just drink gin till we throw up," they state. 13 - George Bush reveals that he tried to smoke marijuana, but nobody would give him any. 17 - In Geneva, the final obstacle to a superpower summit is removed as the U.S. negotiators agree not to notice the mark on Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev's forehead. 22 - In ceremonies marking his retirement as secretary of defense, Caspar Weinberger is presented with a pen-and-pencil set, built by General Dynamics Corp. for $352.4 million. 30 - In a pre-summit public relations gambit designed to show that he is a normal human, Mikhail Gorbachev is interviewed by Tom Brokaw, who, clearly nervous, addresses the Soviet Leader as "Premier Forehead Mark". In Washington, Gov. Mario Cuomo formally lights the national Christmas tree. December: 2 - In a widely hailed legal decision, the judge in the bitter divorce dispute between Joan Collins and Peter Holm orders them both shot. Mikhail Gorbachev appears on "Jeopardy". 5 - In a cost-cutting move, financially troubled Eastern Airlines announces that its domestic flights will operate without engines. "Most of them never take off anyway," explains a spokesman. 8 - In Washington, the long-waited U.S.-Soviet summit meeting gets off to an uncertain start as President Reagan attempts to nominate Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev to the Supreme Court. 9 - The summit concludes on a triumphant note as, in the culmination of 10 years of negotiations between the superpowers, Gorbachev and New York Gov. Mario Cuomo sign a historic agreement under which both sides will move all of their mid- and short-range long-term strategic tactical nuclear weapons 150 feet to the left. 12 - Michael Jackson, angered over persistent media reports that he has had extensive plastic surgery, strikes a People magazine reporter with one of his antenna stalks. 15 - Under pressure from the U.S. to reduce the trade deficit, Japanese auto manufacturers agree to give their cars really ugly names. 18 - Playboy magazine offers Tammy Faye Bakker a record $1.5 million if she will promise never, ever to pose nude. 23 - Motor Trend magazine names, as its Car of the Year, the new Nissan Rat Vomit. 28 - Cleveland declares war on "Chad". 31 - The year ends on a tragic note as a Iowa farmer backs up his tractor without looking and accidentally kills an estimated 14 blond 43-year-old Democratic presidential contenders named Dick. Knowledgeable observers suggest, however that this will have little impact on anything. ========================= Message sushi-era:379 Date: Thu 7 Jan 88 21:40:04-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: Joe Piscopo's manhood Saturday Night Live alumnus and can't you take a joke beer pitchman Joe Piscopo (I forget, was he on when it was good?) threatened to sue Saturday Night Live if they re-ran a skit in which a woman claimed to have chosen a celibate life after sleeping with Piscopo. When the show was re-run, Piscopo's name was changed to Gallagher. -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:380 Date: Fri, 8 Jan 88 00:00:12 PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Topic: Kiwi Fruit Source: "Cooking: a cook's dictionary" by Henry Beard & Roy McKie Despite it's growing acceptance, [kiwi] is hardly likely ever to surpass traditional fruits like the apple, though kiwi-bobbing was reported at a New York disco last Halloween, the fuzzy fruit is given to favored teachers at progressive schools on the eastern seaboard, and in California they say that a kiwi a day keeps the acupuncturist away. ========================= Message sushi-era:381 Date: Sat, 9 Jan 88 00:00:12 PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Topic: Gourmet Frozen Food Source: "Cooking: a cook's dictionary" by Henry Beard & Roy McKie Gourmet Frozen Food: Major innovation in the convenience food industry that allows consumers to enjoy airline meals at home. ========================= Message sushi-era:382 Date: Sat 9 Jan 88 17:51:21-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love. (The Picture of Dorian Gray) OW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ On being asked by an American theatrical manager to make some changes in "Vera" (which he wrote) then being considered for production: "Who am I to tamper with a masterpiece?" ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:383 Date: Sun, 10 Jan 88 00:00:12 PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Topic: English Equivalents Source: "Cooking: a cook's dictionary" by Henry Beard & Roy McKie Differances in basic culinary terms that may confuse cooks using British cookbooks or entertaining British guests: BRITISH AMERICAN Ale Beer Cold Warm --- Ice Tea --- Bun Biscuit Biscuit Cookie, Cracker Crackers Insane Interesting Awful Very interesting Horrible Really very interesting Dreadful Peculiar Inedible Such a lovely dinner Jeez, what slop Toodle-oo Goodbye God, I need a drink God, I need a drink ========================= Message sushi-era:384 Date: Mon, 11 Jan 88 00:00:12 PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Topic: Taste Source: "Cooking: a cook's dictionary" by Henry Beard & Roy McKie Taste: (1) The ability to distinguish between, say, tripes a la mode de Caen and chocolate pudding. (2) The critical discernment necessary to choose the chocolate pudding. ========================= Message sushi-era:385 Date: Mon 11 Jan 88 10:46:44-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Long Q Primo Levi from "If This is a Man" on the day before his transport was taken to Auschwitz For people condemned to death, tradition prescribes an austere ceremony, calculated to emphasize that all passions and anger have died down, and that the act of justice represents only a sad duty towards society which moves even the executioner to pity for the victim. Thus the condemned man is shielded from all external cares, he is granted solitude and, should he want it, spiritual comfort; in short, care is take that he should feel around him neither hatred nor arbitrariness, only necessity and justice, and by means of punishment, pardon. But to us this want not granted, for we were many and time was short. And in any case, what had we to repent, for what crime did we need pardon? The Italian commissar accordingly decreed that all services should continue to function until the final notice: the kitchens remained open, the corvees for cleaning worked as usual, and even the teachers of the little school gave lessons until the evening, as on other days. But that evening the children were given no homework. ... All took leave from life in the manner which most suited them. Some praying, some deliberately drunk, others lustfully intoxicated for the last time. But the mothers stayed up to prepare the food for the journey with tender care, and washed their children and packed the luggage; and at dawn the barbed wire was full of children's washing hung out in the wind to dry. Nor did they forget the diapers, the toys, the cushions and the hundred other small things which mothers remember and which children always need. Would you not do the same? If you and your child were going to be killed tomorrow, whould you not give him to eat today? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:386 Date: Mon 11 Jan 88 13:45:43-PST From: Elizabeth Wolf Subject: Bodies (esp. male) wanted For the first time in my sojourn at Stanford, I attended a co-ed event at which there were more women than men. I urge you to join us. No prior experience necessary. The event is: Introductory International Folkdancing, which meets Mondays and Wednesdays from 12:00 noon to 1:00 pm, in Roble 42 (near Roble Studio, in Roble Gym). Currently there are more women than men in the class, which means that I had to learn the man's part in class today. The class will have to be cancelled if more people do not sign up. So if you come to class and sign up, you will be doing yourself and the Dance Division a favor..... (Klutzes welcome). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:387 Date: Mon 11 Jan 88 15:32:14-PST From: Scott M. Seligman Subject: Z "At the IFIP Congress in 1971 I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Eiichi Goto of Japan, who cheerfully complained that he was always being eliminated." -- DEK ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:388 Date: Mon 11 Jan 88 16:04:09-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: I have this bad feeling... When you want to sell brewski's and trucks you put your ads in the superbowl coverage. When you need klutzy guys you send to su-rog. Unfortunately we are all nimble and lithe terpsichores so we'd feel out of place. I say this only for myself although I know that all the guys in guydom mumble their assent as their hoist their brewskis and laugh gruffly but heartily in their inimitable fashion. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:389 Date: Mon 11 Jan 88 19:21:52-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: commercials during football games The best one that I saw this weekend was during the game in which the Vikings clobbered the 49ers. It was during the fourth quarter. By this time in the game, the 49ers had pulled Joe Montana from the game, and receiver Jerry Rice had been held to 2 receptions. There was an Army commercial with their slogan "Be the Best that you can be." They switched to a little insert on how Montana and Rice were "the best that they can be." So guys, if any of you are not klutzes and are as dazzling as Montana and Rice were, then sign up for the Army. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:390 Date: Tue, 12 Jan 88 00:00:13 PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Topic: Vegetarians Source: "Cooking: a cook's dictionary" by Henry Beard & Roy McKie People who consume beef and poultry relish encounters between vegetarians and the considerably more fervant mineralarians, who shun both animal and vegtable matter. Because their meals of marl, rutile, and bentonite, with maybe a simple salad of red clay, peat, and feldspar, make these dietary fanatics quite testy, they can be counted on to attack vegetarians as herbicidal maniacs'' and sap-thirsty cutstems'' whose hands are stained green from a gruesome harvest of defenseless plant life. ========================= Message sushi-era:391 Date: Tue 12 Jan 88 09:43:24-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: More Primo Levi Q (from the days while the transport moved from Turin to Auschwitz) Sooner or later in life everyone discovers that perfect happiness is unrealizable, but there are few who pause to consider the antithesis: that perfect unhappiness is equally unattainable. The obstacles preventing the realization of both these extreme states are of the same nature: they derive from our human condition which is opposed to everything infinite. Our ever- insufficient knowledge of the future opposes it: and this is called, in the one instance, hope, and in the other, uncertainty of the following day. The certainty of death opposes it: for it places a limit on every joy, but also on every grief. The inevitable material cares oppose it: for as they poison every lasting happiness, they equally assiduously distract us from our misfortunes and make our consciousness of them intermittent and hence supportable. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:392 Date: Tue 12 Jan 88 13:51:55-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: 20 year update "He is an energetic boy and he must learn to channel this energy productively. He likes to have friends but sometimes he has strange ways of trying to get friendly with some children. He needs to learn that twisting another child's ear is not the way to gain their attention. Evan has many fine qualities and abilities and he should realize that they are sufficient enough to gain other people's attention in a positive way." Vivian Zito, My second grade teacher, 1968. In the past 20 years I have experimented with different ways of getting people's attention. For a while I was convinced that a firm grip on their privates would garner more attentiveness than a firm purchase on the auditory appurtenance, but time and again I've come back to the basics. For pure attention, you can't beat ear twisting. Me, now ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:393 Date: Tue 12 Jan 88 14:35:04-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: polya Recently, I have seen some questions like: (1) How did you post a message from polya (on to su-roger-or-andy)? (2) How can one get a Polya account? When will we all have to? (3) Ramsey, I noticed you had a polya account-- did you get one ahead of the peons or can everyone get one at this point? just curious. I don't have a polya account. Actually, if you look carefully at the messages, they were posted from rocky. Using `sendmail' allows me to fudge the `From:' field and make it superficially appear that the message is from polya. But that isn't the real reason that I use rocky. The real benefits are: (1) it allows me to get `The Quality Alternative' into the `To:' field; (2) it allows me to easily have `Topic:', `Source:' or `Whatever:' fields; (3) since the queueing is done with the Unix `at' command, it is easier to manipulate messages than if I was using TOPS-20 `nremind'; (4) to get some Unix practice. Side note: since polya will be shared with research accounts, and government regulations say that all accounts must be charged the same rates, our `free' accounts will be charged like research accounts. The department will of course be picking up that tab, however, it is very likely that there will be monthly charge limits placed on accounts (like the old days when everyone was on Score). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:394 Date: Wed, 13 Jan 88 00:00:13 PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Topic: Tomatos Source: "Cooking: a cook's dictionary" by Henry Beard & Roy McKie Although this very popular food is, botanically speaking, a fruit, the Supreme Court in 1893 declared [the tomato] to be a vegetable. Since this historic decision, the highest court in the land has come to regret its intervention in strictly culinary matters as it quickly was called upon to settle a number of bothersome lawsuits, including petitions to declare salt water taffy unconstitutional as an interference in free speech (1926); find that garlic restricted freedom of assembly (1934); intern sukiyaki and tempura (1942); rule on the inclusion of loyalty oaths in imported fortune cookies (1952); consider whether serving beans to an accused murderer held without bail during his trial violated his right to remain silent (1959); decided whether oysters suspected of contamination could be opened without a search warrant (1965); and judge whether minorities were excluded from wine- and cheese-tasting panels (1973). ========================= Message sushi-era:395 Date: Wed 13 Jan 88 09:35:08-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Primo Q Subject: Primo Q (On transport to Auschwitz) There are few people who know how to go to their deaths with dignity, and often they are not those whom one would expect. Few know how to remain silent and respect the silence of others. Our restless sleep was often interrupted by noisy and futile disputes, by curses, by kicks and blows blindly delivered to ward off some encroaching and inevitable contact. Then someone would light a candle, and its mournful flicker would reveal an obscure agitation, a human mass, extended across the floor, confused and continuous, sluggish and aching, rising here and there in sudden convulsions and immediately collapsing again in exhaustion. Through the slit, known and unknown names of Austrian cities, Salzburg, Vienna, then Czech, finally Polish names. On the evening of the fourth day the cold became intense: the train ran through interminable black pine forests, climbing perceptibly. The snow was high. It must have been a branch line as the stations were small and almost deserted. During the halts, no one tried any more to communicate with the outside world: we felt ourselves by now 'on the other side'. There was a long halt in open country. The train started up with extreme slowness, and the convoy stopped for the last time, in the dead of night, in the middle of a dark silent plain. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:396 Date: Wed 13 Jan 88 10:42:41-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Oops I just realized that people who read this bboard from `bboard' instead of reading it from `mm' don't get to read the `Topic:' and `Source:' lines that I went to all the trouble of adding. The `Source:' for those last 7 culinary quotes was "Cooking: A cook's dictionary" by Henry Beard and Roy McKie. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:397 Date: Thu, 14 Jan 88 00:00:14 PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W Topic: Public Service Announcement Title: Nils Goes Hiking Source: "Stanford Outdoor Adventures and Recreation" brochure REDWOOD FOREST RAMBLE WITH NILS AND KAREN NILSSON Date: Feb. 28 Cost: .00 (student, faculty, staff); .00 (others) Join Nils Nilsson, chairman of the computer science dept. and Karen Nilsson, a strong environmentalist and outdoors person, on a one day energetic 6 mile hike through a redwood forest in La Honda. The springs first flowers, and lush redwood ecology await you. A hike, promising to be full of fun and adventure. Bring your own lunch/knapsack; cookies provided. Call 723-4316, or go to Tresidder Recreation Center (next to LOTS II) to sign up. ========================= Message sushi-era:398 Date: Thu 14 Jan 88 09:35:15-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Primo Q (last hour of transport) Next to me, crushed against me for the whole journey, there had been a woman. We had known each other for many years, and the misfortune had struck us together, but we knew little of each other. Now, in the hour of decision, we said to each other things that are never said among the living. We said farewell and it was short; everybody said farewell to life through his neighbor. We had no more fear. The climax came suddenly. The door opened with a crash, and the dark echoed with the outlandish orders in that curt, barbaric barking of Germans in command which seems to give vent to a millennial anger. A vast platform appeared before us, lit up with reflectors. A little beyond it, a row of lorries. Then everything was silent again. Someone translated: we had to climb down with our luggage and deposit it alongside the train. In a moment the platform was swarming with shadows. But we were afraid to break that silence: everyone busied himself with his luggage, searched for someone else, called to somebody, but timidly, in a whisper. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:399 Date: Thu 14 Jan 88 10:02:26-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: W Weird. Unix's `sendmail' stripped out `$x' for any single character x. I guess I needed to do a `\$'. Anyway, the prices are $3.00 for students and $6.00 for non-students. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:400 Date: Thu 14 Jan 88 20:17:35-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: TALE-SPIN #0 The following 7 stories are from TALE-SPIN, a program by James Meehan written as part of his doctoral work with Roger Schank at Yale. The program makes up stories about animals. The order of stories reflects the development of the program from doing stupid things on simple stories to doing stupid things on more complex stories.... All of these are in Schank's popular-press book, _The_Cognitive_Computer_. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:401 Date: Thu 14 Jan 88 20:18:58-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: TALE-SPIN #1 One day Joe Bear was hungry. He asked his friend Irving Bird where some honey was. Irving told him there was a beehive in the oak tree. Joe threatened to hit Irving if he didn't tell him where some honey was. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:402 Date: Thu 14 Jan 88 20:19:30-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: TALE-SPIN #2 One day Joe Bear was hungry. He asked his friend Irving Bird where some honey was. Irving told him there was a beehive in the oak tree. Joe walked to the oak tree. He ate the beehive. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:403 Date: Thu 14 Jan 88 20:20:16-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: TALE-SPIN #3 [an attempt to re-create Aesop's "The Ant and the Dove"] Henry Ant was thirsty. He walked over to the river bank where his good friend Bill Bird was sitting. Henry slipped and fell in the river. He was unable to call for help. He drowned. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:404 Date: Thu 14 Jan 88 20:20:53-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: TALE-SPIN #4 Henry Squirrel was thirsty. He walked over to the river bank where his good friend Bill Bird was sitting. Henry slipped and fell in the river. Gravity drowned. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:405 Date: Thu 14 Jan 88 20:21:35-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: TALE-SPIN #5 [an attempt to re-create Aesop's "The Fox and the Crow"] Once upon a time there was a dishonest fox and a vain crow. One day the crow was sitting in his tree, holding a piece of cheese in his mouth. He noticed that he was holding the piece of cheese. He became hungry, and swallowed the cheese. The fox walked over to the crow. The end. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:406 Date: Thu 14 Jan 88 20:22:22-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: TALE-SPIN #6 Joe Bear was hungry. He asked Irving Bird where some honey was. Irving refused to tell him, so Joe offered to bring him a worm if he'd tell him where some honey was. Irving agreed. But Joe didn't know where any worms were, so he asked Irving, who refused to say. So Joe offered to bring him a worm if he'd tell him where a worm was. Irving agreed. But Joe didn't know where any worms were, so he asked Irving, who refused to say. So Joe offered to bring him a worm if he'd tell him where a worm was.... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:407 Date: Thu 14 Jan 88 20:23:13-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: TALE-SPIN #7 [another attempt at "The Fox and the Crow"] One day Henry Crow sat in his tree, holding a piece of cheese in his mouth, when up came Bill Fox. Bill saw the cheese and was hungry. He said, "Henry, I like your singing very much. Won't you please sing for me?" Henry, flattered by this compliment, began to sing. The cheese fell to the ground. Bill Fox saw the cheese on the ground and was very hungry. He became ill. Henry Crow saw the cheese on the ground, and he became hungry, but he knew that he owned the cheese. He felt pretty honest with himself, so he decided not to trick himself into giving up the cheese. He wasn't trying to deceive himself, either, nor did he feel competitive with himself, but he remembered that he was also in a position of dominance over himself, so he refused to give himself the cheese. He couldn't think of a good reason why he should give himself the cheese, so he offered to bring himself a worm if he'd give himself the cheese. That sounded okay, but he didn't know where any worms were. So he said to himself, "Henry, do you know where any worms are?" But of course, he didn't, so he.... [And so on.] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:408 Date: Fri, 15 Jan 88 00:00:21 PST From: Stallone Subject: W Some junk mail: YES! Rush me a copy of ``Digitial Audio & Compact Disc Review'' to begin my year's subscription (12 issues). If I like what I see, I'll pay what seems like an outrageous $19.97, reminding myself that I'll be saving several times that by avoiding aggravation and wasting money on bum CDs. I expect the equipment reviews to keep me from wasting money too. Yes, I realize that this is 43% off the cover price, which isn't shabby as magazine offers go. If I decide I don't mind being ripped off on lousy CDs, if I think I'll be able to build as good a CD collection without your magazine -- and won't mind missing the fun -- I'll mark the subscription bill with a ``Please Cancel''. I'll even tell you why, so you'll be able to make your magazine better and maybe get me next year. ========================= Message sushi-era:409 Date: Fri, 15 Jan 88 00:15:35 PST From: Smile@rocky.stanford.edu, You're On Subject: W I just figured out some more neat Unix stuff. This mail (as most `W's are) is sent out from a queue at a time that I specify. At that time, I can easily have the computer insert program output into this note. For example, suppose that we want the computer to tell us who is currently on rocky and sushi? Fri Jan 15 00:15:15 PST 1988 12:15am up 2 days, 9:53, 4 users, load average: 3.64, 2.72, 2.48 User tty login@ idle JCPU PCPU what bjr console 11:28pm 46 11:58 4:40 dump 0ud 6250 /usr maslen ttyp0 11:26pm 49 2 2 -csh yaj ttyp1 11:38pm 44 41 rn wilson ttyp2 11:51pm 14 14 rn [sushi.stanford.edu] User Personal name Job Subsys Idle TTY Console location CHANG Ann Mei Chang 9 EXEC 1. 71 LOTS Dial-in: 723-8653 GUPTA Anil Gupta 11 SEND 67 LOTS Two 1-1-4 HSU Jane Hsu 21 EXEC . Detached JHSY Joe Hsy 18 MM 75 Split#6: TWILIGHT ZONE MASLEN Thomas Maslen 15 EXEC 48. 65 robert-decastella: Not all here MELVIN Melvin Zeledon 12 EMACS 70 SweetB#40: Costa Rica (paradise) MIGLIORE Michael R. Migliore 13 EXEC . 76 TAC-32 TA Office SHING Michael Shing 8 MM 66 LOTS Dial-in: 322-5772 SUBRAMAN Devika Subramanian 25 EXEC . Detached ZENON Zenon Kuc 14 EXEC 1:57. 73 CroMem 540 What fun! ========================= Message sushi-era:410 Date: Fri, 15 Jan 88 07:45:15 PST From: Smile@rocky.stanford.edu, You're On Subject: W I just figured out some more neat Unix stuff. This mail (as most `W's are) is sent out from a queue at a time that I specify. At that time, I can easily have the computer insert program output into this note. For example, suppose that we want the computer to tell us who is currently on rocky and sushi? Fri Jan 15 07:45:08 PST 1988 7:45am up 2 days, 17:23, 0 user, load average: 0.29, 0.19, 0.19 User tty login@ idle JCPU PCPU what [sushi.stanford.edu] User Personal name Job Subsys Idle TTY Console location HSU Jane Hsu 21 EXEC . Detached NAKAMURA Hisashi Nakamura 10 TELNET 3 Dialup: ### Here I am! ### NAUGHTON Jeff Naughton 11 TELNET 66 notecnirp.Princeton.EDU: Knawton, Shoals, etc PATASHNI Oren Patashnik 8 MM 22 65 MJH 325 Oren Patashnik SUBRAMAN Devika Subramanian 25 EXEC . Detached UNRUH Amy Unruh 9 EXEC 18. Detached What fun! ========================= Message sushi-era:411 Date: Fri 15 Jan 88 09:03:18-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: P Q Everything was as silent as an aquarium, or as in certain dream sequences. We had expected something more apocalyptic: they seemed simple police agents. It was disconcerting and disarming. Someone dared to ask for his luggage: they replied, `luggage afterwards.' Someone else did not want to leave his wife: they said, `together again afterwards.' Many mothers did not want to be separated from their children: they said `good, good, stay with child.' They behaved with the calm assurance of people doing their normal duty of every day. But Renzo stayed an instant too long to say good-bye to Francesca, his fiancee, and with a single blow they knocked him to the ground. It was their everyday duty. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:412 Date: Fri 15 Jan 88 10:47:04-PST From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: C Only a catastrophe gets our attention. We want them, we need them, we depend on them. As long as they happen somewhere else. This is where California comes in. Mud slides, brush fires, coastal erosion,earthquakes, mass killings, et cetera. We can relax and enjoy these disasters because in our hearts we feel that California deserves whatever it gets. Californians invented the concept of life-style. This alone warrants their doom. Japan is pretty good for disaster footage. India remains largely untapped. They have tremendous potential with their famines, monsoons, religious strife, train wrecks, boat sinkings, et cetera. But their disasters tend to go unrecorded. Three lines in the newspaper. No film footage, no satellite hookup. This is why California is so important. We not only enjoy seeing them punished for their relaxed life-style and progressive social ideas but we know we're not missing anything. The cameras are right there. They're standing by. Nothing terrible escapes their scrutiny. from "White Noise" by Don DeLillo ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:413 Date: Sat 16 Jan 88 15:59:02-PST From: Scott M. Seligman Subject: Z I conclude that there are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are *obviously* no deficiencies and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no *obvious* deficiencies. -- C.A.R. Hoare, "The Emperor's Old Clothes" 1980 ACM Turing Award Lecture ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:414 Date: Sat 16 Jan 88 18:19:24-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: P Q Subject: Primo Q In less than ten minutes all the fit men had been collected together in a group. What happened to the others, to the women, to the children, to the old men, we could establish neither then nor later: the night swallowed them up, purely and simply. Today, however, we know that in that rapid and summary choice each one of us had been judged capable or not of working usefully for the Reich; we know that of our convoy no more than 96 men and 22 women entered the respective camps of Monowitz-Buna and Birkenau, and that of all the others, more than five hundred in number, not one was living two days later. We also know that not even this tenuous principle of discrimination between fit and unfit was always followed, and that later the simpler method was often adopted of merely opening both the doors of the wagon without warning or instructions to the new arrivals. Those who by chance climbed down on one side of the convoy entered the camp; the others went to the gas chamber. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:415 Date: Mon 18 Jan 88 09:18:07-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: P Q Without knowing how I found myself loaded on to a lorry with thirty others; the lorry sped into the night at full speed. It was covered and we could not see outside, but by the shaking we could tell that the road had many curves and bumps. Are we unguarded? Throw ourselves down? It is too late, too late, we are all 'down'. In any case we are soon aware that we are not without guard. He is a strange guard, a German soldier bristling with arms. We do not see him because of the thick darkness, but we feel the hard contact every time that a lurch of the lorry throws us all in a heap. At a certain point he switches on a pocket torch and instead of shouting threats of damnation at us, he asks us courteously, one by one in German and in pidgin language, if we have any money or watches to give him, seeing that they will not be useful to us any more. This is no order, no regulation: it is obvious that it is small private initiative of our Charon. The matter stirs us to anger and laughter and brings relief. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:416 Date: Mon 18 Jan 88 13:38:01-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Variables, cry freedom! ... Unify! You have nothing to lose but your bindings... VLO ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:417 id AA14504; Mon, 18 Jan 88 14:00:29 PST id AA19255; Mon, 18 Jan 88 13:59:57 PST Date: Mon, 18 Jan 88 13:59:57 PST From: crew@decwrl.dec.com (Roger Crew) Subject: The ultimte logic puzzle Newsgroups: decpa.fun ------- Forwarded Message From: celia!keith@tis.llnl.gov (Keith Goldfarb) Newsgroups: rec.puzzles Subject: Re: 4 doors (was 2 doors (was 2 drawers (was 3 doors))) Summary: Monty Hall gets eaten by a tiger. Date: 12 Jan 88 01:05:04 PST Organization: Rhythm & Hues, Culver City, CA. There are three doors. One leads to health and happiness, two to certain death. By two of the doors, there is a native standing. One native always tells the truth, one always lies. By the third door stands Monty Hall. Now, the natives have words for yes and for no. They are "ra" and "ta", but you don't know which is which. The natives, of course, come from villages where each person has either a red or a green dot on their foreheads. If a native discovers his or her color, then that native, out of civic duty, kills {his,her}self the next day at noon. 6 days ago, Monty Hall visited each village, proclaiming "I see a red dot," in the truthful village, and "I do not see a red dot," in the village of liars. (He was lying, of course; he just wanted to be consistent with the local customs.) One of the natives drives a Toyota and the other an Oldsmobile. They each have pets, too, one a tiger and one a lion. The driver of the Toyota is married to a green-dotted truth-teller who has not killed {his,her}self yet. At least one of the natives is male. Now, Monty asks you which door you want. Being the clever net-user that you are, you pick door number 1, because you know that it doesn't really matter. Then, Monty shows you that behind door number 2 is two drawers with thirteen coins each, and a balance. He says that if you choose, you may change your choice from door number 1 to door number 3. Suddenly, one native turns to the other and says, "You couldn't possibly know which door leads to happiness." The other smiles and replies, "I do now." The first native thinks for a moment then proclaims, "Life has so much to offer. I think I'll kill myself tomorrow." Now, your goal is to determine, by asking only one yes/no question to one native, and by using an ordinary barometer: 1) The chances that both natives are male and that the lying native will die before he can determine which drawer has a coin that is a different weight than the others. 2) The correct door, its height, and the color of Monty Hall's dot. And the bonus problem (100 hours, max!) 3) The year and name of Monty Hall's little-known pre-fame appearance. and how many past presidents there were living at the time. You may ignore the mass of the lion. E-mail solutions, and I promise that I'll be decent enough not to post a summary. K.celia!keith@tis.llnl.gov ------- End of Forwarded Message ========================= Message sushi-era:418 id AA00292; Tue, 19 Jan 88 08:40:12 PST Subject: Algebras, cry freedom! From: ALO@linz Date: 19 Jan 88 08:40:09 PST (Tue) ... you've got nothing to lose but confusion! ALO ========================= Message sushi-era:419 Date: Tue 19 Jan 88 09:59:08-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: P Q We climb down, they make us enter an enormous empty room that is poorly heated. We have a terrible thirst. The weak gurgle of the water in the radiators makes us ferocious; we have had nothing to drink for four days. But there is also a tap - and above it a card which says that it is forbidden to drink as the water is dirty. Nonsense. It seems obvious that the card is a joke, 'they' know that we are dying of thirst and they put us in a room, and there is a tap, and Wassertrinken Verboten. I drink and I incite my companions to do likewise, but I have to spit it out, the water is tepid and sweetish, with the smell of a swamp. This is hell. Today, in our times, hell must be like this. A huge, empty room: we are tired, standing on our feet, with a tap which drips while we cannot drink the water, and we wait for something which will certainly be terrible, and nothing happens and nothing continues to happen. What can one think about? One cannot think any more, it is like being already dead. Someone sits down on the ground. The time passes drop by drop. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:420 Date: Tue 19 Jan 88 10:28:09-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Not a quote I have several copies of Primo Levi's book for people who prefer to read in larger chunks than a paragraph a day. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:421 Date: Wed 20 Jan 88 09:28:43-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: P Q Mr. Levi asks me if I think that our women are like us at this moment, and where they are, and if we will be able to see them again. I say yes, because he is married and has a daughter; certainly we will see them again. But by now my belief is that all this is a game to mock and sneer at us. Clearly they will kill us, whoever thinks he is going to live is mad, it means that he has swallowed the bait, but I have not; I have understood that it will soon all be over, perhaps in this room, when they get bored of seeing us naked, dancing from foot to foot and trying every now and again to sit down on the floor. But there are two inches of cold water and we cannot sit down. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:422 Date: Wed 20 Jan 88 19:45:58-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: P Q But consider what value, what meaning is enclosed even in the smallest of our daily habits, in the hundred possessions which even the poorest beggar owns: a handkerchief, an old letter, the photo of a cherished person. These things are part of us, almost like limbs of our body; nor is it conceivable that we can be deprived of them in our world, for we immediately find others to substitute the old ones, other objects which are ours in their personification and evocation of our memories. Imagine now a man who is deprived of everyone he loves, and at the same time of his house, his habits, his clothes, in short, of everything he possesses: he will be a hollow man, reduced to suffering and needs, forgetful of dignity and restraint, for he who loses all often easily loses himself. He will be a man whose life and death can be lightly decided with no sense of human affinity, in the most fortunate of cases, on the basis of a pure judgement of utility. It is in this way that one can understand the double sense of the term 'extermination camp', and it is now clear what we seek to express with the phrase: 'to lie on the bottom.' ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:423 id AA03757; Thu, 21 Jan 88 10:50:00 PST Date: Thu, 21 Jan 88 10:50:00 PST From: Smile@polya.stanford.edu, You're On Subject: W I just figured out some more neat Unix stuff. This mail (as most `W's are) is sent out from a queue at a time that I specify. At that time, I can easily have the computer insert program output into this note. For example, suppose that we want the computer to tell us who is currently on rocky and sushi? Thu Jan 21 10:49:56 PST 1988 10:49am up 14:59, 3 users, load average: 1.09, 1.06, 1.07 User tty login@ idle JCPU PCPU what tom ttyp0 7:15am 1:46 728:57 1:00 virmf kolk ttyp1 9:02am 4 1:22 2 vi /usr/skel/.login haddad ttyp2 9:59am 19 15 emacs [sushi.stanford.edu] User Personal name Job Subsys Idle TTY Console location AJG Aaron Goldberg 16 EXEC .101 MJHa#52: MJH 402: left side AXWANG Alexander Wang 41 BBOARD 117 MJH 341 Anderson, Andivahis, BARSALOU Thierry Barsalou 33 EXEC 32.151 MSOB Cw2 Barsalou BAUDINET Marianne Baudinet 5 EXEC 6. 65 MJH 324 Abadi, Bronstein, Mal CHIN Homer Chin 18 TYPE 5.147 MSOB Ce2 Chin COCHRAN Kimberly Cochran 24 HELP 2d11 71 LOTS Dial-in: 723-8519 CWILLIAM Carey L. Williamson 21 MM 102 Internet: jan-stephenson DENAULT Charlie DeNault 34 TELNET 1 110 Internet: FORD-WDL1 HADDAD Ramsey Haddad 11 MM 17 72 MJH 325 Ramsey Haddad HENZINGE Thomas Henzinger 32 MM 107 linz: MJH 322 HLEE Han-Chow Lee 20 BOISE 4 100 MJH 2nd floor stairs right HOLSTEGE Mary Holstege 19 BBOARD 4 Dialup 1200-300 (323-0573) HSU Jane Hsu 35 EXEC 1:35. Detached JROGERS Jean Rogers 17 EXEC . 76 TAC-28 Industrial Lecturers KOSORESO Andrew P. Kosoresow 30 EXEC . Detached LAZANAS Anthony Lazanas 31 EXEC 11.104 Cedar B13 Lim, Wang MASLEN Thomas Maslen 8 EXEC 9. 66 robert-decastella: Not all here PALLAS Joe Pallas 13 MM 5 73 Internet: akron RATHMANN Peter Rathmann 9 EMACS 67 MJH 440 Peter Rathmann ROHIT Rohit Chandra 12 EXEC 9. 75 CIS 021 Tip-CISc Line 40 SUBRAMAN Devika Subramanian 25 EXEC 36. Detached THARVEY Tom Harvey 36 BBOARD 1 114 MJHd#37: Crazy & running free UNRUH Amy Unruh 28 EXEC 1:13.103 Internet: SUMEX-AIM WALKER John Walker 29 EXEC 29.106 LOTS Two 2-1-4 WOODFILL John Woodfill 14 EMACS 74 MJHd#54: MJH 222 What fun! ========================= Message sushi-era:424 Date: Thu 21 Jan 88 11:05:49-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: whoops That last one really was from `polya' but it was accidental. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:425 Date: Thu 21 Jan 88 19:38:17-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: P Q Only much later, and slowly, a few of us learnt something of the funereal science of the numbers of Auschwitz, which epitomize the stages of destruction of European Judiasm. To the old hands of the camp, the numbers told everything: the period of entry into the camp, the convoy of which one formed a part, and consequently the nationality. Everyone will treat with respect the numbers from 30,000 to 80,000: there are only a few hundred left and they represented the few survivals from the Polish ghettos. It is as well to watch out in commercial dealings with a 116,000 or a 117,000: they now number only about forty, but they represent the Greeks of Salonica, so take care they do not pull the wool over your eyes. As for the high numbers they carry an essentially comic air about them, like the words `freshman' or `conscript' in ordinary life. The typical high number is a corpulent, docile and stupid fellow: he can be convinced that leather shoes are distributed at the infirmary to all those with delicate feet, and can be persuaded to run there and leave his bowl `in your custody'; you can sell him a spoon for three rations of bread; you can send him to the most ferocious of the Kapos [ec note: the Kapos were generally common criminals who had authority over the H\"aftlings (lowest level prisoners)] to ask him (as happened to me!) if it is true that his is the Kartoffelschalenkommando, the `Potato Peeling Command', and if one can be enrolled in it. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:426 id AA10693; Fri, 22 Jan 88 10:17:46 PST Date: Fri, 22 Jan 88 10:17:46 PST From: "Ramsey Haddad" Subject: W The default emacs on polya is gnuemacs. It has three built-in amusements. One will solve the Towers Of Hanoi for you. Another, called "yow", prints out quasi-random "cute" sentances. The third is the "doctor", aka "eliza". Here is how "doctor" behaves when her outputs are fed back to her as inputs. ===== I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time you are finished talking, type RET twice. Why do you say that? Is it because do I say that that you came to me? Does it bother you that do you say that that I came to you? When did you first know that do I say that that you came to me? What happened when did me first know that do you say that that I came to you? What would happen if did you first know that do I say that that you came to me? Is the fact that do you say that that I came to you the real reason? Does the fact that do I say that that you came to me the real reason explain anything else? Are you sure do you say that that I came to you the real reason explain anything else? Is it because that you came to me the real reason explain anything else that you came to me? Are you annoyed that I came to you the real reason explain anything else that I came to you? Have you been annoyed often? What causes you to be annoyed? What makes you believe you are annoyed? Have you been annoyed often? What causes you to be annoyed? Are you sure that you are annoyed? Are you annoyed often? What causes you to be annoyed? Do you really think you are annoyed? Have you been annoyed often? What causes you to be annoyed? What makes you think you are annoyed? Have you been annoyed often? What causes you to be annoyed? Why do you say you are annoyed? When did you first know that do I say I am annoyed? What happened when did me first know that do you say you are annoyed? Are you annoyed often? ========================= Message sushi-era:427 Date: Fri 22 Jan 88 12:01:44-PST From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Re: W There's another built-in amusement in gnuemacs (also in TOPS-20 emacs), dissociated-press. It can be especially amusing to run it on bboard flamage. Here are some gems from dissociated su-etc: When he had unloaded the cattle, he signed up and was put on 24 hours notice to go overseas. He wasn't going to post anything on this topic, but when I saw Starlab@sierra's message, I thought that posting my views about the god question would sum up my views about that message as well. The Congress, however, has been merrily exceeding its authority in so many ways for so long that it broke in pieces and was extinguished. "I come too early," he then said, "I am not yet at the right time. Disclaimer: this is a statement of how I believe I saw a programming position advertised that described COBOL programming in K-mart stores. Hard to pick on Washington, he was probably an alright guy (he did grow pot back at Mt.Vernon). However, we honor him despite some of his faults. Why can't we? You can also look at them as entertainment. If the persons whom you are arguing with are inexperienced debaters, they will probably do their scheduling sometime in the spring quarter. There is one major difference between non-violent and violent armies: Members of non-violent armies are identical. ...President's powers, including to be Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy (the Marines, for those who don't know what they're in for. Soon Yates leaves and the big nerds pour in with their bodies so that the whalers either have to refrain from shooting or risk hitting the people. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:428 Date: Sat 23 Jan 88 11:12:42-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: P Q Is it true what one hears of selections, of gas, of crematoriums? Crematoriums. The other one, Walter's neighbour wakes up... He is a Polish Jew...with a good natured face, no longer young. His name is Schmulek, he is a smith. So, `der Italeyner' does not believe in selections. Schmulek wants to speak German but speaks Yiddish; I understand him with difficulty, only because he wants to be understood... `Show me your number: you are 174517. This numbering began eighteen months ago and applies to Auschwitz and the dependent camps. There are now ten thousand of us here at Buna-Monowitz; perhaps thirty thousand between Auschwitz and Birkenau. Wo sind die Andere? Where are the others?' `Perhaps transferred to other camps?' I suggest. Schmulek shakes his head, he turns to Walter. `Er will nix verstayen,' he does not want to understand. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:429 Date: Sat 23 Jan 88 11:13:28-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: P Q II But destiny ordained that I was soon to understand, and at the expense of Schmulek himself. That evening the door of the hut opened, a voice shouted `Achtung!' and every sound died out to give way to a leaden silence. Two SS men enter...One can hear their steps in the hut as if it was empty; they speak to the chief doctor, and he shows them a register, pointing here and there. The officer notes down in a book. Schmulek touches my knee: `Pass' auf, pass' auf,' keep your eyes open. The officer, followed by the doctor, walks around in silence, nonchalantly, between the bunks; he has a switch in his hand, and flicks at the edge of a blanket hanging down from a top bunk, the patient hurries to adjust it. One has a yellow face; the officer pulls away his blankets, he starts back, the officer touches his belly, says, `Gut, gut,' and moves on. Now he is looking at Schmulek; he brings out the book, checks the number of the bed and the number of the tattoo. I see it all clearly from above: he has drawn a cross beside Schmulek's number. Then he moves on. I now look at Schmulek and behind him I see Walter's eyes, so I ask no questions. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:430 Date: Sat 23 Jan 88 11:13:52-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Not P Q Reagan 4/85: "They [the SS] were victims, just as surely as the victims in the concentration camps." ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:431 Date: Tue 26 Jan 88 09:21:09-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: The *last* Primo Levi quote [After the Russians liberated the camp] Hurbinek was a nobody, a child of death, a child of Auschwitz. He looked about three years old, no one knew anything of him, he could not speak and he had no name; that curious name, Hurbinek, had been given to him by us, perhaps by one of the women who had interpreted with those syllables one of the inarticulate sounds that the baby let out now and again. He was paralysed from the waist down, with atrophied legs, as thin as sticks; but his eyes, lost in his triangular and wasted face, flashed terribly alive, full of demand, assertion, of the will to break loose, to shatter the tomb of his dumbness. The speech he lacked, which no one had bothered to teach him, the need of speech charged his stare with explosive urgency: it was a stare both savage and human, even mature, a judgement, which none of us could support, so heavy was it with force and anguish. None of us, that is, except Henek; he was in the bunk next to me, a robust and hearty Hungarian boy of fifteen. Henek spent half his day beside Hurbinek's pallet. He was maternal rather than paternal; had our precarious coexistence lasted more than a month, it is extremely probable that Hurbinek would have learnt to speak from Henek ... Henek spoke to Hurbinek naturally, in a slow and patient voice. After a week, Henek announced seriously, but without a shadow of selfconsciousness, that Hurbinek, `could say a word.' What word? He did not know, a difficult word, not Hungarian: something like `mass-klo', `matisklo.' During the night we listened carefully: it was true, from Hurbinek's corner there occasionally came a sound, a word. It was not, admittedly, always exactly the same word. It was certainly an articulated word; or better, several slightly different articulated words, experimental variations on a theme, on a root, perhaps on a name. Hurbinek continued in his stubborn experiments for as long as he lived. In the following days everybody listened to him in silence, anxious to understand, and among us there were speakers of all the languages of Europe; but Hurbinek's word remained secret. No, it was certainly not a message, it was not a revelation; perhaps it was his name, if it had ever fallen to his lot to be given a name; perhaps (according to one of our hypotheses) it meant `to eat', or `bread'; or perhaps `meat' in Bohemian, as one of us who knew that language maintained. Hurbinek, who was three years old and perhaps had been born in Auschwitz and had never seen a tree; Hurbinek, who had fought like a man, to the last breath, to gain his entry into the world of men, from which a bestial power had excluded him; Hurbinek, the nameless, whose tiny forearm - even his - bore the tattoo of Auschwitz; Hurbinek died in the first days of March 1945, free but not redeemed. Nothing remains of him: he bears witness through these words of mine. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:432 id AA03382; Wed, 27 Jan 88 23:15:58 PST id AA28979; Wed, 27 Jan 88 23:15:54 PST Subject: R Date: Wed, 27 Jan 88 23:15:52 -0800 From: crew@decwrl.dec.com this one's aged a few years, but I'm still going to inflict it on you... ------- Forwarded Message From: eric@uvacs.UUCP (Eric Holtman) Subject: REAGAN/GORBI + Kasparov/Karpov Date: 16 Oct 86 17:52:16 GMT Organization: U.Va. CS dept. Charlottesville, VA Xref: decwrl net.jokes:13694 net.games.chess:571 In honor of Reagan and Gorbi playing to a draw, and Kasparov eeking it out against Karpov, I thought I'd post this article that first appeared on the net last year. Yes, it is pirated from a newspaper, yes a credit is given. Reproduced here in full is yesterday's Miles Kington "Moreover" column from the London Times. H o w R e a g a n c o u l d b e r o o k e d --------------------------------------------------- Chess fans will be glued to their teleprinters today for the start of the long-awaited world championship between Russian maestro Mikhail Gorbachov and the whirlwind American master Ronald Reagan. Both are recognized as being the best in the world today, so many people are forecasting a long series of draws, but the battle for supremacy should provide many moments of excitement and play of the highest quality. Their styles provide an absorbing study of contrasts. Gorbachov is a typical product of the Soviet chess machine, methodical, thoughtful and bent on gradual domination of the board by any means. Previous encounters between East and West have been overshadowed by the tendency of the Russian champion to die just when things were getting exciting, but the Russians have cleverly chosen a young man this time, and whatever Gorbachov lacks, it will not be stamina. Reagan, by contrast, is a much more mercurial player, some would say distrait. He tends on occasion to forget that he is playing a game of chess, or to get the name of his opponent mixed up with somebody completely different, but his huge following insists that he represents all that is best about America and no other American has close come to challenging him. Here, for instance, is a recent game in which Reagan skilfully exploits his opponent's conventional approach to strategy. White Reagan; Black Mondale Nicaraguan Defence 1 P-K4 P-QB4 2 P-K4 P-Q3 3 P-K4 N-KB3 4 P-K4 resigns Maddened by Reagan's brilliant option of doing the same move over and over again, the usually unflappable Mondale blows up and resigns. This tactic of saying or doing the same thing over and over again is one invented by Reagan. Some experts call it innovatory, others say it's because he doesn't know any other move, but this is disproved by another recent Reagan game. White El Salvador; Black Reagan White House Offensive 1 P-K4 P-K5! 2 resigns Here, Reagan uses another tactic of his own invention, that of moving the other man's pieces. There is no answer to this, especially whwn Reagan owns the chess board, the chess pieces and the chess officials. Another pretty example of Reagan's fresh approach to the game comes from a very recent short encounter with Prince Charles. White Prince Charles; Black Reagan Nancy Variation 1 P-K4 Q-SW1! 2 draw agreed Reagan prefers short, sharp games, as if he cannot conceive of any chess encounter going on much beyond five moves, but Gorbachov is an intriguingly different customer. Here is an excerpt from a game played last month, starting at the 25th move. White Gorbachov; Black Rest of the World KGB Gambit 25 Q-B6 PxQ! 26 Q=Q!! What this unusual sign means is that Gorbachov suddenly revealed that his opponent's Queen had been working for the Russians all along! In an amazing press conference in Moscow, the so-called Black Queen testified that she had been drugged and forced to play for Black against her will, and that from now on she would be playing for White. This turned the whole game in Gorbachov's favour. Here is another eaxample of the wily Russian's play, from a recent game in the Kabul championships. White Gorbachov; Black Afghanistan Tank Defence 36 RxB,R,P,P What seems to have happened here is that Gorbachov actually orders part of the chess board to be blown up, an unconventional move but one which does not actually seem to be against the local rules. We have a picture, in fact, of two players who on their own terms are unbeatable but who have never met any player of their own class before, nor one so much outside their own experience. Our experts will be on hand to analyse every move between the irresistible Gorbachov and the veteran Reagan, who is said to be perfecting a new Star Pawn defence which Gorbachov can never pierce. Whatever happens, it is certain that neither side will admit defeat. (C) Times Newspapers, 1985. Wednesday 20-Nov-1985 - -- Eric Holtman University of Virginia Charlottesville VA "Reality is for people with no imagination" "No, no.... not that one, the OTHER door..." ------- End of Forwarded Message ========================= Message sushi-era:433 Date: Sun 31 Jan 88 12:26:17-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: The rise and fall of the bicameral brain I was perusing a book of word origins and came across the Hippocratic Oath and thought it would be enlightening if I posted laws, rules and of courses oaths, that people had heard the name of but had probably never seen the contents of. Hippocratic Oath: I swear by Apollo physician, by Asclepius, by health, by panacea and by all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will carry out, according to my ability and judgment, this oath and this indenture to hold my teacher in this art equal to my own parents; to make him partner in my livelihood; when he is in need of money to share mine with him; to consider his family as my own brothers, and to teach them this art, if they want to learn it, without fee or indenture; to impart precept, oral instruction to my own sons, the sons of my teacher and to indentured pupils who have taken the physicians's oath, but to nobody else. (*AMA!!!!*) I will use treatment to help the sick according to my ability and judgment, but never with a view to injury and wrongdoing, neither will I administer a poison to anybody when asked to do so, nor will I suggest such a course. Similarly I will not give to a woman a pessary to cause abortion, but I will keep pure and holy both my life and my art. I will not use the knife, not even, verily on sufferers from stone, but I will give place to such as are craftsmen therein (?). Into whatsoever houses I enter, I will enter to help the sick, and I will abstain from all intentional wrongdoing and harm, especially from abusing the bodies of man or woman, bond or free. And whatsoever I shall see or hear in the course of my profession, as well as outside my profession in my intercourse with men, if it be what should not be published abroad, I will never divulge, holding such things to be holy secrets. Now if I carry out this oath, and break it not, may I gain for ever reputation among all men for my life and for my art; but if I transgress it and forswear myself, may the opposite befall me. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:434 Date: Mon 1 Feb 88 12:10:39-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Declaration Balfour: His Majesty's Government view with favour the establishment in Palestine of a national home for the Jewish people, and will use their best endeavours to facilitate the achievement of this object, it being clearly understood that nothing shall be done which may prejudice the civil and religious rights of non-Jewish communities in Palestine or the rights and political status enjoyed by Jews in any other country. 2 Nov 1917 ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:435 Date: Mon 1 Feb 88 13:51:59-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Those who are dismayed by the *candy machine malfunction* Do you realize the deadlock that will result when the machine is fixed? We've all been sitting watching the hot tamales turn into red pebbles and the pork skins metamorphose into different life forms etc..., which of us is noble enought to buy the old candy just to clear the machine ? We're going to have to wait for all of it to be bought by tenderfoots from out East. the horror. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:436 Date: Mon 1 Feb 88 15:39:45-PST From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Re: Those who are dismayed by the *candy machine malfunction* Would it make any difference? The Christmas cookies didn't appear until two weeks after Christmas. joe ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:437 Date: Wed 3 Feb 88 13:18:00-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: R (n-voice fugue) ``mmmmmeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOooooow....'' ``.............mmmmmmmmmrrrRRAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOUUuwwww.....'' ``.................mmmmmmiiIIEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAaaawwwww.....'' ``..........mmmmmmmmrrrRRWWWAAAAAAAOOOOOOOUUuughh....'' ``..........mmmmmmeeeeeeEEEEAAAAAAAaaaaow.....'' - Manzanita cats 1:30 am, 2/3/88 ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:438 Date: Wed, 3 Feb 88 14:32:33 PST From: Geoffrey Phipps Subject: Where do ya get it? su-roger-or-andy@sushi.stanford.edu From Monday's examiner: "Graphic Plea for Safe Sex" The SF AIDS Foundation has designed its most sexually explicit poster yet in an attempt to eroticize condoms for an estimated 20% of gay men who still do not practise safe sex. The poster is an enlarged photograph of a nude, well-muscled man wearing a condom. The caption reads: "Dress for the occasion". Unfortunately it has not been approved yet so I can't get a copy. ========================= Message sushi-era:439 id AA12383; Thu, 4 Feb 88 01:04:55 PST id AA11816; Thu, 4 Feb 88 01:04:58 PST Subject: R Date: Thu, 04 Feb 88 01:04:56 -0800 From: crew@decwrl.dec.com "Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equpped with 18,000 vaccuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons." - Popular Mechanics, March 1949 ========================= Message sushi-era:440 Date: Thu 4 Feb 88 23:56:05-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: Re: Where do ya get it? You're unlikely to. They said in the article that they were planning to distribute it only to places like gay bars, and they didn't want it to end up in the hands of the wrong people, like heterosexuals (god forbid that any woman see it -- she might get ideas...). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:441 Date: Fri 5 Feb 88 09:38:02-PST From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: world of wonders don't skip this thing... it gets funnier toward the end! --------------- From: prasad@russell.stanford.edu (Prasad Akella) Subject: Human Computer to visit Stanford ! The Stanford India Association is glad to present to the Stanford Community: A LECTURE DEMONSTRATION BY SHAKUNTALA DEVI, famous Indian mathematical wizard and "human computer" THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 8 p.m. CUBBERLY AUDITORIUM, STANFORD UNIVERSITY TICKETS $ 5, available at the door *ONLY*. THERE WILL BE A LOT OF AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION! Bring computations you would like her to verify, and questions. Put her abilities to the BEST TESTS you can come up with. For more information, see "India Currents" available at the International Center, or contact: Simonil Patel s.simi@lear 853-9677 Anand Bariya bariya@glacier 493-5828 We think this will be an exciting performance and hope it will be well attended. Tell your friends about it and buy tickets early! ...simi and anand ABOUT THE SPEAKER: For those of you who haven't heard of Shakuntala Devi, she is world famous for performing incredibly complicated calculations at astonishing speeds. The 1985 Guiness Book of World Records has Mrs Shakuntala Devi in the 'Human Computer' category. To Quote: " Mrs. Shakuntala Devi of India demonstrated the multiplication of two 13 digit numbers 7,686,369,774,870 times 2,465,099,745,779, picked at random by the Computer Department of Imperial College, London, on June 18,1980, in 28 sec. Her correct answer was 18,947,668,177,995,426,462,773,730. " The finding of the 23rd root of a 201 digit number occured in 1977 at Southern Methodist University. She took 50 sec, a Univac 1108 took more than a minute ! In addition to her numerological abilities, she has also written a couple of books: a cookbook ( i forget the title now), Astrology for the Millions, and The world of Homosexuals She now runs a business providing horoscopes. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:442 Date: Fri, 5 Feb 88 12:03:52 PST From: Geoffrey Phipps Subject: distribution yes, i know that they plan to limit distribution tightly. The title was actually a reference to a very offensive ad campaign (for a discount department chain) which ran in sydney several years ago. i know the reference is a little obscure but i still thougth it was a funny subject heading. ========================= Message sushi-era:443 Date: Tue 9 Feb 88 10:04:43-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: Contemporary German Poetry Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 Uberwindung Conquest Sei kein Frosch Don't be chicken Hab dich nicht so Don't make such a fuss Stell dich nicht an Don't be such a sissy Angsthasse Scaredy-cat - Brigitte Ruttgers - translation by Almut McAuley In DIMENSION: CONTEMPORARY GERMAN ARTS AND LETTERS ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:444 Date: Wed 10 Feb 88 02:41:09-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: R One possibility for November: Pat vs. Jesse Of course, in this case, the real choice is actually going to be Canada vs. New Zealand (... sort of gives ``exit poll'' a whole new meaning... ) -- random people ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:445 Date: Sat 13 Feb 88 14:17:21-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: POLYA ... is incredibly difficult to type quickly. polyapoalyupoltopoalypoalkypolay aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgh!!! ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:446 Date: Sun 14 Feb 88 10:51:36-PST From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Re: POLYA I agree that "polya" is quite difficult to type. This is why I think it should have the alias "pushme". Just imagine it, joe ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:447 Date: Sun 14 Feb 88 10:55:15-PST From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Humor from "RISKS" Date: Sat 13 Feb 88 18:04:02-PST From: Peter G. Neumann Subject: Trojan horsing around with bank statements My Wells Fargo EquityLine statement of 2 Feb 88 had the following message at the bottom: YOU OWE YOUR SOUL TO THE COMPANY STORE. WHY NOT OWE YOUR HOME TO WELLS FARGO? AN EQUITY ADVANTAGE ACCOUNT CAN HELP YOU SPEND WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR CHILDREN'S INHERITANCE. It took until 11 Feb for Wells Fago to send out the following letter: I wish to extend my personal apology for a message printed on your EquityLine statement dated February 2, 1988. This message was not a legitimate one. It was developed as part of a test program by a staff member, whose sense of humor was somewhat misplaced, and it was inadvertently inserted in that day's statement mailing. The message in no way conveys the opinion of Wells Fargo Bank or its employees. You may be assured that the financial information on the statement was correct, and the confidentiality of your individual account information has been maintained. [...] [James G. Jones, Executive Vice President, South Bay Service Center] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:448 Date: Sun 14 Feb 88 15:54:29-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: I send this to this bboard since we, the readers of su-rog*, are the only people that matter and someday we will rule the universe. I introduce Cohn's Law: Media coverage of all events will grow until no decent person can bear to pay attention to the event unless it is on TV and they have a mute button. A bit abstruse but let me illustrate my real point with examples. The presidential election is the most important election in the world (If they had one in Russia it would be pretty important too) but the press coverage and the press coverage of the press coverage (continue the recursion) has grown to the point where a good number of the people running are mentally unstable types (e.g. Robertson, Haig and Hart) and the rest must have a personality (flaw) that allows them to retain some self-esteem when (after 12 months of campaigning), the whole election is forecast by what 1% of Iowa's voters think. The Olympics are fantastic, but I can't bear to watch the commentary and the ads during them. Every ad is pitched towards making a grotesque comparison between shopping at Tru-value Hardware and winning a gold medal. A US speed skater's sister died of cancer today and they tried to milk it to create a do-it-for-the-gipper scenario. It hurt to watch and see his private pain exploited. The Superbowl. Nuff said. What can be done ? Have all the primaries the same day and turn the sound off on the TV. That was easy. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:449 Date: Sun 14 Feb 88 18:11:44-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: I send this to this bboard since When I woke up and looked out the window, I just couldn't get into the idea of "Winter Olympics". ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:450 Date: Sun 14 Feb 88 20:18:41-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: The Future of SU, Roger, or Andy I asked once before but forgot what the answers were. Should su-roger-or-andy live on polya? (If it does, it won't be connected to the su-roger-or-andy that should live as long as sushi does.) -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:451 Date: Mon 15 Feb 88 10:30:18-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Re: The Future of SU, Roger, or Andy Yes. Now all we need is the new name. Following Pallas observation, how about either of: polya.pushme csd.pushme.polya ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:452 Date: Mon 15 Feb 88 11:44:33-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: May I humbly submit Su-evan-or-evan? I think it should stay on sushi till sushi falls. The cook always goes down with the ship, no? How about su-calvin-and-hobbes? How about a name that will stop hoi-polloi from invading and bowmanizing it? Ram, how many hands do you drive with ? I like to hold the wheel with my thighs as I search madly for stuff behind the driver's seat. It seems to work well. Who among us can honestly say he has never palmed the wheel and switched his feet on the clutch and brakes ? Not I certainly. Or let the car do what it felt like as you took a few seconds to put on your safety belt mid-journey? How many among us have never had a 4-speeding ticket year? Come-on admit it. How many have never played Aerosmith at subway noise level and sung along at 2 am and gotten to a light and everyone is playing Aerosmith and singing along ? Be honest now. Only me? Oh I feel so cheap. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:453 Date: Tue 16 Feb 88 00:26:37-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: Su-roger-or-andy IS going down with the ship. The closest newsgroup name on polya would be something along the lines of su.roger-or-andy, and the two would never be connected. Although I like the feeling of power ("I have a SU-bboard named after me that I don't control"), another name would be fine with me. Along the lines of Evan's suggestions, how about: su.no-fanatics su.go-away su.bacon-bits su.secret su.private su.mine su.copasetic su.boring su.alternative su.pro-wrestling su.zen su.sea-shells su.sez-who I do like names with calvin and/or hobbes, but they're likely to suggest comics discussions among the uninitiated. Perhaps su.suzy? -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:454 Date: Tue 16 Feb 88 09:25:15-PST From: Thomas Maslen Subject: Re: Su-roger-or-andy IS going down with the ship. That's the second time I've seen Andy assert that we couldn't link a su.whatever on polya to SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY on SUSHI. We do this all the time (except when somebody goofs) with su.{etc,computers,market,jobs,events}: the Unix machines are all told that these are moderated and that the moderator is @SCORE/SUSHI/. The mail alias then distributes it to any TOPS-20 machines that want it and also feeds it into a Unix system for redistribution to all the Unices. The official su.* groups all go to Labrea, which ships them all over campus; up to now, the csd.* groups have been sent to Navajo, which just shipped them to a few hosts [I don't know which host will take this over when Navajo goes]. If we don't mind SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY being distributed widely then we can just feed it into Labrea as is; or, I believe a little use of "!" in /usr/local/lib/news/sys on Labrea could ensure that it's only delivered to Polya; or, should it be distributed to the same set of places as csd.*? In fact, should it really be called csd.? Call it anything except this "copacetic" (sp?) bullshit. Thomas ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:455 Date: Tue 16 Feb 88 10:08:00-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Su-private will make us the most widely read bboard. I like su-sea.shells or su-suzy or su-crispin.bowman.and.Hussein.answer.all.your.ques- tions.in.a.detailed.and.uninhibited.manner. On another Olympic note. Greg Plaxton and I were discussing this yesterday. The guy from S.J. was something like 1 second slower in the luge than the leader (the differences are normally measured in a few hundreths or thousandths of a second). Yet over a 48 or so second track, this is only 2 percent off the best. What other sports can a guy off the street (more or less) be within 2% of the best in the world? What is the opposite sport? (boxing ? figure skating ?) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:456 Date: Tue 16 Feb 88 11:13:05-PST From: Elizabeth Wolf Subject: [mary%arthur@gargoyle.uchicago.edu:] id AA12986; Sat, 13 Feb 88 18:36:38 CST id AA13976; Sat, 13 Feb 88 18:36:28 CST id AA26566; Sat, 13 Feb 88 18:36:26 CST Date: Sat, 13 Feb 88 18:36:26 CST From: mary%arthur@gargoyle.uchicago.edu A friendly warning from across the Great Plains: YOUR CO-WORKER COULD BE A SPACE ALIEN, SAY EXPERTS ... here's how you can tell (by Michael Cassels of the "National Inquirer") Many Americans work side by side with space aliens who look human - but you can spot these visitors byy looking for certain tip-offs, say experts. They listed 10 signs to watch for: 1. Odd or mismatched clothes. "Often space aliens don't fully understand the different styles, so they wear combinations that are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped shirt or a tuxedo jacket with blue jeans or sneakers," noted Brad Steiger, a renowned UFO investigator and author. 2. Strange diet or unusual eating habits. Space aliens might eat French fires with a spoon or gobble down large amounts of pills, the experts say. 3. Bizarre sense of humor. Space aliens who don't understand earthly humor may laugh during a serious company training film or tell jokes that no one understands, said Steiger. 4. Takes frequent sick days. A space alien might need extra time off to "rejuvenate its energy," said Dr. Thomas Easton, a theoretical biologist and futurist. 5. Keeps a written or tape recorded diary. "Aliens are constantly gathering information." said Steiger. 6. Misuses everday items. "A space alien may use correction fluid to paint its nails," said Steiger. 7. Constant questioning about customs of co-workers. Space aliens who are trying to learn about earth culture might ask questions that seem stupid, Easton said. "For example, a co-worker may ask why so many Americans picnic on the Fourth of July," noted Steiger. 8. Secretive about personal life-style and home. "An alien won't discuss domestic details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends," said Steiger. 9. Frequently talks to himself. "An alien may not be used to speaking as we do,so an alien may practice speaking," Steiger noted. 10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain high-tech hardware. "An alien may experience a mood change when a microwave oven is turned on," said Steiger. The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a space alien. But of course, Mary. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:457 Date: Tue 16 Feb 88 11:48:40-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: Re: Su-roger-or-andy IS going down with the ship. Thomas Maslen writes: That's the second time I've seen Andy assert that we couldn't link a su.whatever on polya to SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY on SUSHI. [He then goes on to remind us that the other su.* groups are linked to TOPS-20 bboards.] I didn't say "couldn't", I said "wouldn't" and "won't". I know that there's no technical restriction; I'm just expressing my opinion about its distribution as fact. There is substantial sentiment against campus-wide distribution and I don't see the point in linking su-roger-or-andy with whatever replaces it on polya. Being able to do something is not much of an argument for doing it. -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:458 Date: Tue 16 Feb 88 12:28:31-PST From: Becky Thomas Subject: Rather than su.pro-wrestling... ...how about su.mo-wrestling? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:459 Date: Tue 16 Feb 88 13:07:26-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: name on polya nomination: su.garrulous ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:460 Date: Tue 16 Feb 88 14:32:34-PST From: Steve Bjork Subject: qwerty ...and you're READING it..? :-) --Steve ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:461 Date: Tue 16 Feb 88 14:34:30-PST From: Steve Bjork Subject: Actually... ...I'd fall for it, too. How many of the Intrepid Readers of Su-Roger-Or-Andy diligently peruse all (100%) of the messages herein? I do... --Steve ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:462 Date: Tue 16 Feb 88 15:06:09-PST From: Computer Cowboy Subject: reading all the messages well, I do also, an I imagine that almost everyone on su-r-or-a does ... surely that's some sort of bboard record high??? how about su.nonchalant ?? jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:463 Date: Wed 17 Feb 88 04:14:24-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: life on plpyalyaolya Well, *I* happen to like csd.roger-or-andy, but then I seem to be in a minority of two (or perhaps one, if andy really wants this to be an su. group -- anyone wondering why I say csd. rather than su. should refer back to message #337 [ hee hee ... ]) Actually, the name is likely to be the least of our troubles. After all, here we are talking about moving this bboard moved onto poyallya, when it's not even clear just what sort of accounts we're going to be able to have there ("... students? we have students, here? ... rats... I was sort of hoping they would go away...") :-) Chances are, it will be decided (in the way that such things seem to be getting decided around here these days...) that a given bboard can't exist unless someone pays for it. After all, we are using up precious system resources here (flamage wears out the bits, you know... can't be too careful). Doubtless we'll have a whole scheme of usage fees... Cost Center Rates Effective Apr 1, 1988 A Time B Time C Time Weekday hours 8:00-17:59 18:00-23:59 0:00-7:59 Weekend hours 13:00-17:59 18:00-12:59 Rates Full 2/3 of A rate 1/3 of A rate POYLUYA Computer (DEC VAX-8700/silly rabbit, Ultrix are for kids) Account charge 8.00/month Connect time 1.50/hour 1.00/hour .50/hour CPU time 2.34/minute 1.79/minute .88/minute Disk space 4.89/megabit-mo.* rn connect time .50/hour .33/hour .15/hour (surcharge) readnews " " .40/hour .25/hour .10/hour (surcharge) posting fee 0.03/word flamage fee 0.15/epithet membership fees su.* 1.25 csd.* 1.00 network access charge ba.*, ca.* 2.50 comp.*, sci.* 3.00 rec.*, soc.* 4.50 talk.* 6.00 1/2 :-) Enjoy the dinosaur while it lasts... Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:464 Date: Wed 17 Feb 88 11:19:33-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: While I wait for Ramsey to read his mail and go to lunch I shall provide some of you newer students with a perspective on the dept. from someone who has been here a while. When I came here in 1782 Babbage or maybe it was Turing discovered something and there was a big fuss but I forget the details. In about 1950 Hollerith got his PhD for discovering that putting C at the beginning of a FORTRAN card made the computer disregard the rest of the card. 10 years later Kernigan discovered that /* ... */ did the same for C. Bboard debates were settled by having the disputants square off with marlinspikes. In the dominant years of John "the spiker" Von Neumann only 3 messages were posted to bboard. Oops lunchtime - more later ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:465 Date: Thu 18 Feb 88 11:31:14-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: the fate of su-roger-or-andy Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 The move to polya makes another fine opportunity to change the name of this bboard to su-foo (or su.foo, as appropriate). Please refer to my message numbered 6 on this bboard. Now, some important questions, which, I am sure, have been troubling all of you, are rather inadequately answered below: Q: Will we be able to afford to keep reading su-roger-or-andy (or its successor) on polya? A: NO. Q: Will we spend most of our ``real computing'' budgets reading and posting to su-roger-... anyway? A: YES. Q: Does this signal the decline of CSD? A: YES, and also of the USA, and possibly the world. Q: Are these questions really important? A: YES. Definitely, and without a doubt. But possibly also not. --anil. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:466 Date: Thu 18 Feb 88 12:06:12-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Did you ever get the feeling that you eat so little meat that you should declare yourself a vegetarian or that your life was so monastic that you should declare yourself a monk since it would entail no changes and might get you a free subscription to Monk's Life Mag? It occurred to me that members of the press should run for president. They are covering the same ground anyway - they'd have good press relations, they were already chosen to be handsome and they have a good handle on world politics. They know how to make speeches, they can judge trends and they can speak to a camera. We trust them and they are anti-establishment. I recommend Marvin Kalb, Macneil, Lehrer... I was in the laundromat this morning and discovered the cause of the difference between male and female behavior. There was only one magazine to read and the cover was ripped off. It seemed Glamour-like. The delta stems from the fact that all women read this when they are 12-16 and they have a bunch of articles "What they say and what they mean" anent guys (us) and we just don't know what we mean when we say things. The whole problem is easily curable because guys could be persuaded to buy this magazine too because if this issue was typical (and we may safely assume it was) it was pretty racy stuff. And you can leave it lying around the living room and only get a few askance glances. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:467 Date: Sat 20 Feb 88 14:10:08-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Wafers and ovens Just out of curiousity, anyone have any ideas why it says "Always Oven Fresh" on the packages of Ruger cookie/wafers sold in the candy machine? -- Sherry. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:468 Date: Sat 20 Feb 88 14:25:44-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: "Fresh" (and its derivatives) is a technical term not unlike "home cooking". I've heard that every package has to have a certain amount of ink on it and statements involving the word "fresh" mean "this package has enough ink on it". I'm sure that someone on su-roger-or-andy knows the real story. -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:469 Date: Sat 20 Feb 88 15:27:47-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Fresh Nope, FRESH is currently Black slang (argot, patois, what will you) for DEF (as in DEFINITELY COOL). The term appears in many songs as in the one with the refrain "She's fresh...she's so exciting to me" which if not sung by Lionel Ritchie might as well be. This is no jive. I juke you not. FRESH on cookies probably doesn't mean INSOLENT or CALLOW (as in FRESHMAN) as *Ramsey* suggested. >I never suggested that, > yours, > Ramsey ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:470 Date: Sun 21 Feb 88 22:14:02-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Breaking the printer Twice now I've been using Rover and it has stopped working for no apparent reason. So I quietly leave it broken and go down to use the Imagen instead. But I feel like kind of a slime for doing this. Does anyone give crash-courses on how to fix the printer? (Actually, John Lamping showed me how to fix it when paper's stuck inside, but that didn't seem to be the problem. And no helpful light was flashing.) Is there anyone that I should let know when this happens? I'm too somethinged to post this on CSD, so I'm asking here (as though all of you people are nice enough not to tease me -- hah! But try to restrain yourself, Evan.) -- Sherry. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:471 Date: Mon 22 Feb 88 00:03:34-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: a crash course The best remedy for Rover when it's broken involves a large sledgehammer, a cold chisel, and a can of Reddi-Whip. The actual procedure is left as an exercise for the reader. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:472 Date: Mon 22 Feb 88 09:44:36-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Rover stuff And what would Reddi-Whip be without Wendy O. Williams ? Better add her in too. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:473 Date: Mon 22 Feb 88 11:38:54-PST From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Leader of the Western World Calgary medal count at halftime: 1 USSR 16 2 E Germany 10 3 Austria* 6 : 8 USA** 3 * 7 million people ** 240 million people ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:474 Date: Mon 22 Feb 88 12:59:21-PST From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: Re Oven Fresh Actually it should read "Always Often Fresh". The spelling error probably reflects the Scandinavian Chef's accent (cf. the Muppet Show). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:475 Date: Wed 24 Feb 88 14:20:58-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: My mom says that they should only measure the olympic times to within 5 seconds of the leader. I pointed out that that would increase the number of gold medals rather a lot. She thought that was OK. She pointed out that in speed skating - the person who wins is most likely the person in the top 10 who succeded in jumping the gun. She has a point there. The guy with the gun can determine who wins the race - If you're leaning forward and find you are committed to forward movement he can just shoot the gun. "We got 1000 Eddies. We just don't let 'em jump." Norwegian (?) coach on the (only) English ski jumper. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:476 Date: Wed 24 Feb 88 15:21:33-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: Re: Leader of the Western World The winter olympics are unfair because the US doesn't have ice rinks in its ghettos. Few of them have ski jumps or bobsled courses although I did expect the US to do better in the biathlon given that it is so similar to the run&shoot. Wait until Seoul. -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:477 Date: Wed 24 Feb 88 15:46:32-PST From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Calgary Update (Should have been sent yesterday but Sushi was down ...) Women's Super G: + The US Ski Team cracked the top ten for the first time, as Edith Thys of Squaw Valley placed ninth. + Sigrid Wolf won Austria's third gold in skiing. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:478 Date: Wed 24 Feb 88 19:54:20-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Q I was reading su-etc and thinking of posting a response to Bowman's twaddle and was overcome by weariness. Robertson is kicking ass in the Middle of the West and Bowmans and Husseins are hydra-headed (myth-o-logical reference to the beast who (We know what a hydra is Evan (Oh yeah? - then what task of Hercules was it?))) and either ineffectual or omnipotent. One of the two. So I thought I'd post a quote I read yesterday instead, not brilliant but evocative: "In old wives' tales, bats were thought to tangle in women's hair and drive them insane. 'Want to tangle' I offer, as if inviting him to perform an Argentine dance. We lift him onto my hair, which is thick and curly, and at first he slides off. Finally, he hooks his five-toed feet on and hangs down one side of my head as if he were on a motel curtain. Travelling with Tuttle, he's had to put his feet up in some pretty odd places, but human hair is clearly not one of his favorites. At last, he creeps around my head a little, and I hear him sneeze gently again - from my cologne, it seems. then he wraps his wings around my neck, his tiny claws search my skin for a foothold, and he looks up at me with his liquid eyes. 'What's the best way to show affection to a bat?' I ask Tuttle. He carefully considers the question, then says, 'I'm not even sure I know the *best* way to show affection to a person.' ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:479 Date: Wed 24 Feb 88 19:59:52-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Vocabulary question (!) I was watching the Olympics a few nights ago when they said the gold medal ski jumper had been rumored to "have had a taste of the creature." I thought maybe I had mis-heard but everyone around agreed that that is what was said. Never mind that they all then winked slyly and rubbed their chapped forefingers briskly over the bridges of their respective noses. At the risk of appearing naive, what is such a thing? e.c ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:480 Date: Wed 24 Feb 88 23:08:09-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: It could have been the product of an overactive imagination I had smoked my usual quota of 2 patties of Yen-Shee-Gow Opium ("Not a bite in a bowl") and had settled back to take in the evening news when I heard, or thought I heard, a report saying that George Steinbrenner was associated with (or even heading) a committee to determine why our olympic team failed to kick the collective Soviet butt and send the Australians (or was it Austrians?) skittering down the ice crying the Teutonic (not enough gin) equivalent of mercy. Putting Steinbrenner on such a committe is like... well there is no analogy really, its like putting Steinbrenner on the committee. His report will show that we can just buy the Russian team or have the Olympics here and ban all foreigners (NY Yacht club rules) or let Billy Martin coach all the teams in between light beer ads. This could all have been a pipe dream though. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:481 Date: Thu 25 Feb 88 08:42:41-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Re: Vocabulary question (!) According to Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable: "Creature" in the sense of whisky or other liquors is a facetious adaptation of the passage "Every creature of God is good" (I Tim. iv, 4), used in the defence of the drinking of alcoholic beverages. I find my master took too much of the creature last night, and is now angling for a quarrel. DRYDEN: Amphitryon, III, i. It is only a drop of the creature that keeps us in any sort of spirit now-a-days. Sergeant-Major Cruse writing to his wife during the Crimean Winter. (Jan 3, 1855) Incidentally, the book also points out that one of the hottest London nightspots in the 19th century was called Evan's Supper Room, located on the corner of King Street, Covent Garden.... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:482 Date: Thu 25 Feb 88 11:18:43-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: creature and gun-jumping Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 In many events the ``starting gun'' is not triggered by a human. In the downhill and slalom events for example, the starting signal is a sequence of three beeps, the third of which starts both the timer and the run. I'm not sure whether gun-jumping in these events is determined by a human judge or a beam/photocell arrangement. creature feature Nykaenen (or however you spell it) claims he drinks no more than his other teammates. His teammates seem to agree, but they say he gets ``out of control'' after much less. Evan might term him a ``lightweight.'' ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:483 Date: Thu 25 Feb 88 12:14:17-PST From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Re: gun-jumping As for skiing, the timer is not started by the beeps. The skier has a certain interval (5 seconds?) after the last beep to start. The timer is actually triggered mechanically by a bar the skier pushes aside when starting. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:484 Date: Thu 25 Feb 88 20:30:37-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: W From "Advanced UNIX Programming" by Marc J. Rochkind: exercise 6.11: Design and implement a window system ... exercise 6.12: After finishing exercise 6.11 and polishing it to perfection, turn it over to a software publisher. Use your royalties to buy additional copies of this book. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:485 Date: Sat 27 Feb 88 12:25:17-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: A joke and a quote first the joke. abbreviated. a guy sees an ad in the paper - lion tamer wanted. so he hies down to the circus and presents himself to the manager, a fat short man in garrish suspenders, smoking a saliva sodden stogie. "i'd like to apply for the job." the manager says, "okey-doke but there was someone here before you." the guy looks around and sees no one who might fit the bill. "who?" "her" the manager says, jerking his thumb at a stunning blond in a mink coat. "her?" says the guy. "guess, so - ok lady go out and do your stuff - you want a whip or a chair or a gun?" "no," she says demurely. she gets into the cage and the lion roars ferociously and springs towards her fiercely. she drops the mink coat and lo, she was wearing nothing under it. the lion stops at her feet and starts purring and licking her toes. the manager is stunned and impressed, turns to the guy, "can you beat that?" guy doesn't miss a beat, "damn straight i could, jus get that f---ing lion out of there." i was reminded of this when the announcer on the olympic show said that martin(?) tomba(?) the italian ski gold medalist (and notorious lothario apparently (who has had a taste of the creature)) said he took a shine to katerina whoever, the german skater and wanted to meet her. the announcer said, "if he can get by frau mueller (her coach) he'll do something that no one in the press has been able to do this week." just get that f---ing mueller out of there. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:486 Date: Sat 27 Feb 88 13:57:17-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Palindromes ... in TECO ???? (No, I'm not going to devote any more thought to it). Roger { Recent discoveries #38: Aftershave has nothing to do with shaving [``...geez, this stuff stings...'']. } ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:487 Date: Sat 27 Feb 88 21:39:57-PST From: Kathy Morris Subject: fear and loathing I saw my first Robertson for President bumper sticker on my way home tonight. I contemplated ramming the car it was on, hoping to cut the number of votes he gets by one (I don't get a vote, so I couldn't cancel out the vote of the car's driver). I thought all Robertson's supporters were in the South? Yes, they're among us, even in Palo Alto... -K ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:488 Date: Wed 2 Mar 88 11:37:56-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Faculty/student ratio Someone is quoted in the Daily as saying that the computer science department "has more students per faculty member than any other school in the country." Anyone have any statistics on that? Does this include masters students, or just PhD's? -- Sherry. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:489 Date: Wed 2 Mar 88 12:50:48-PST From: Alejandro Schaffer Subject: re: Faculty/Student ratio, quote from Daily Here is the exact quote. It appears at the end of an article, on pages 1-2 of today's Daily, concerning the question of whether CS majors should take an ethics course. The Computer Science Department does not currently include any faculty who specialize in computer ethics. Prof. Donald Knuth said he doesn't forsee [sic] adding any new personnel in the near future even though the department `has more students per faculty member than any other school in the country'. Knuth proposed drawing on the Department of Philosophy and other schools that specialize in ethics to teach the subject to computer science majors. I suspect that Professor Knuth meant to say ``adding any new personnel IN THE AREA OF COMPUTER ETHICS'', but this is unclear. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:490 Date: Thu 3 Mar 88 21:36:57-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Clarification By "students" he meant people that work. There are only 5 so this leads to a high ratio. How many people type "ration" when they want "ratio"? Just me? Oh I feel so cheap. I open the newspaper and McCloskey is fighting Robertson, The Iraqis are fighting the Iranians and Bowman is locking antlers with the venerable H-man. The universe is working right. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:491 id AA05904; Fri, 4 Mar 88 00:28:45 PST Subject: where we can go when sushi dies Date: Fri, 04 Mar 88 00:28:44 PST From: Roger Crew I've got it. Evan wants a newsgroup with a name that will cause any rational person to immediately unsubscribe. The following name comes to mind: csd.test If people dislike the idea of test messages popping up in the middle of our discussions, we could do variations like: csd.pup.test csd.protocol.test csd.kermit-net.protocols.test csd.news.admin.test Just for grins, there's also csd.vms-wizards which is admittedly a slightly different theme but likely to be just as effective. Roger ========================= Message sushi-era:492 Date: Fri 4 Mar 88 09:41:27-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: One vote for csd.protocol.test. No one in their right mind would suscribe. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:493 Date: Fri 4 Mar 88 11:28:35-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: commandeering a bboard Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 I think we could take over an existing bboard with little real traffic on it. This would bug the hell out of pretty much everybody who might think it ought to be a real bboard, but who really cares? OK, you're right Evan, Les Earnest cares. He cares for us all, and for the whole user community. He cares so much that he might even kick us off the machines. Can he do that? You bet he can. One quick phone call to kolkowitz, a hasty `su root', and poof foop [a little palindrome action there, sorry -- ed.], we're gone. Only a little extra effort would be needed to remove any evidence that we ever existed. But we all like the taste of danger, don't we? We're the ones who couldn't understand why anyone would drive with both hands on the wheel, and who recall with fondness recent episodes of hurtling down 280 fumbling for this or that in the back seat, hoping no stray bicyclist is pedaling unaware in our path. Rebellion? Perhaps. No, make that definitely. Gather your courage men of su-roger-or-andy, (and you too Sherri, baby). The world is ours! OK, would you believe California? Would you believe Palo Alto? The CSD? MJH 402, rear left corner? [Maaxxx! --ed.] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:494 Date: Fri 4 Mar 88 11:59:31-PST From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Re: Clarification I'd much rather know if there's anybody who DOESN'T type "Standford" before they can stop themselves. Or is it just me (but I don't feel cheap, either way)? joe ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:495 Date: Fri 4 Mar 88 12:18:02-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Clarification? That was "more students per faculty member," Evan, not the other way around. Would you like to suggest instead that he meant only the faculty that work, and there are a limited number of those? Or perhaps he was counting >5 year students twice, and there seem to be quite a number of those... And (not directed toward Evan) I can do without those "Sherri [sic] baby" remarks, thanks. -- Sherry. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:496 Date: Fri 4 Mar 88 12:56:27-PST From: Computer Cowboy Subject: long live the rebellion!! all for taking over some existing bboard ... something that people rarely use ... something quiet and indistinguishable like su.bboard?? it's a thought jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:497 Date: Fri 4 Mar 88 17:59:01-PST From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: Sherry I agree. No one should write "Sherry sick baby" ever. I mean Never. (Friday 6 PM) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:498 Date: Fri 4 Mar 88 18:12:32-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: BBoard Leveraged Buyout Risks While I'm sure we'd obey all of the applicable SEC regulations, there is one special risk. If we takeover a bboard that goes beyond polya, say to the new sierra, then some of the less popular (as far as many of the people on su-roger-or-andy are concerned) posters on other bboards, will be able to read and post. Will they bother? -andy ps - The last time I checked, there were >1 accounts owned by females that were regularly used to read this bboard. Sherry is not alone. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:499 Date: Fri 4 Mar 88 21:51:19-PST From: Becky Thomas Subject: WOMEN read su-r-or-a??? Thanks for pointing that out, Andy. I wondered why the rest of us weren't being counted (although I didn't mind missing out on being called "Becky, baby"). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:500 Date: Sat 5 Mar 88 02:01:42-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: WOMEN read su-r-or-a??? Becky? BECKY?? .... [ No, Rog, don't do it. But, but, ... just suppose... Don't even think about it! Look, they can't *all* be for real. What??? Just because Sherry was legit,... that doesn't mean... ...I mean what's going to happen when we start seeing messages from JimBob@Sushi, Christie@Sushi, Farrah@Sushi, Dwight@Sushi, Rapunzel@Sushi....? Are you going to take those at face value, too? It's a matter of principle. If we don't challenge them now... This is utterly absurd. And I suppose you *want* to risk wasting away your life talking to an electronic universe full of imaginary people...? I suppose I'm being productive by talking to you? Come to think of it, I'd *much* prefer the electronic universe full of imaginary people... Ha. Ha. Very funny. Joke all you want now; you're not going to be laughing very much the day you find out that your best friend is a f---ing AI program!! Don't come crying to me then. Look, let me see if I can put this on a 2nd grade level that you might be able to understand. These people exist, okay? They're not going to appreciate you claiming otherwise. Just because you may never have met them... You're taking an awful lot on faith, here; I'll stick to what I can see for myself. ``There are more people in this department than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio...'' How clever. I'll bet you made that up all by yourself. Maybe you should challenge Evan to a duel. You wouldn't know a good quote if it fell on you. (Just my luck to be shut up in here with an illiterate moron). Watch it! I can read between parentheses, too, you know... Let me try this again one more time. If you insist on making a fool out of yourself, I'm gonna take this whole bloody conversation and dump it down into the middle of that message you're composing. You wouldn't dare. It'll make you look bad, too. Anything to get you to shut up for a while. Think of it as Mutual Assured Social Destruction. I'll take you down with me. Try me. One thing about threats; you have to be ready to carry them out. Otherwise it's just so much b---s---. Go ahead. Do it. I dare you. Okay. Done. You bastard... ] Never mind. Roger (Remember: neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them, psychiatrists come by to collect the rent ... ) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:501 Date: Sat 5 Mar 88 13:53:58-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: ageing Boy do I feel old! Some punk kid `sir'ed me today, as in, "Are you in line, sir?" In a quick assertion of my youthfulness (or was it just a display of my immaturity?), I quickly grabbed for a box of animal crackers before I reached the cashier. But the price only reminded me of how old I was. 65 cents! What an outrage! I remember that when I was a kid they only cost ... hmmm, I guess that I don't remember what it is that I should remember that they used to cost, but if I did remember, it would be a whole lot less than 65 cents and you'd agree that this was an outrage. Hmmm, memory going. Isn't that a sign of ... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:502 Date: Sat 5 Mar 88 14:00:30-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: spring approaches While speeding along El Camino today, I found that I was locked in my car with a bee. There wasn't enough room in that car for the two of us. Fortuntely, when I opened the window, he flew out. It's not that I couldn't have managed to escape out the window myself, it's just that I still haven't mastered the art of driving a car while sitting on the roof. For future emergencies, can you teach me this one, Anil? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:503 Date: Sat 5 Mar 88 14:13:26-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Shah-REE BABE-E I come in on Saturday and there is one and a half Bowman's (Standard Units) of messages. It would appear that the bboard that has been taken over is su-roger-or-andy (ydna-ro-regor-us is revo nekat neeb sah taht a hat, a canal, Panama!! (Does anyone ever check the middle of Palindromes?)) Whoever called Sherry Listgarten (Sherri Baby to her friends) by other than her god-inspired parents-given name (Wattles) is guilty of degrading the human spirit. Shame, shame, shame. If you saw the flak I brought down when I called H.A. Hussein, H-man in a fit of levity and then you rank Hussein and Sherrlynne on almost any scale (except bboard output). You'll see that you're in for tough surfing. This doesn't apply to Lina Gangolli and his amazing wonder pup. You can call them anything you want without fear of degrading the human spirit. Keep in mind however that someday the jet canine will be about as big as Jax and he might remember your derogation. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:504 Date: Sat 5 Mar 88 15:33:15-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Bugaboo Well, at least the bboard's lively again... W. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:505 id AA13610; Sat, 5 Mar 88 17:09:51 PST Date: Sat, 5 Mar 88 17:09:51 PST From: gidi@polya.stanford.edu (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: PolyA According to my biochemical connections, PolyA is Poly Adenylic acid, a common feature in eukaryotic messenger RNA. If this means my genes are getting biodegraded by just logging in to this machine, then I'm thinking serious littigation. Yessir! By the way, there's a newgroup called su.test here... are we taking that over or what? What say you, my esteemed brother Ramsey? [0.03 BSU] ========================= Message sushi-era:506 Date: Sun 6 Mar 88 15:30:01-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: Apologies to Ms. Sheralyn Listgarten Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 and all of the other honorable female contributors to this fine bboard. Deeply imbedded in cheek was my tongue whilst I did type that stuff. Yes, Evan, it was entirely degrading to the human spirit, but at least I didn't blame it on the canine who seems to have forgiven you entirely for your trespasses. [Disclaimer: this has nothing to do with Canaanites or the merits of the Christian faith.--ed.] -- god dna lina . [Disclaimer: This is not a satanic message in reverse. --ed.] ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:507 Date: Sun 6 Mar 88 17:00:09-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: bowman > I come in on Saturday and there is one and a half Bowman's (Standard > Units) of messages. Be careful, Evan. First of all, please get your units straight. The bowman (abbrev. BM) is a unit of message rate (1 BM = 8.25 messages/hour [approx. -- I don't have my CRC handy]). Secondly, don't exaggerate. The message rate for SU-Roger-or-andy peaked at around 3pm Saturday at 727mBM (millibowmans -- 1000 mBM = 1BM). We didn't quite get up to 1 bowman. Another useful unit to know about is the Mrc (pronounced ``mrc''). This is a measure of message vitriol which, unfortunately doesn't translate easily into standard units. As an example, this message weighs in at 0.56 uMrc (10^6 uMrc = 1 Mrc). Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:508 Date: Sun 6 Mar 88 20:45:39-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Lets settle this religion stuff right here Resolved, Bowman is a butthead (I mean that in the non-pejorative sense) but occasionally, due to a indescribably juxtaposition of molecules in their brain buttheads will accidentally say the correct thing occasionally, against their will. Anent atheism he is right in asserting that a meta-atheist (I never meta-atheist I didn't...)[where a meta-atheist is someone who doesn't believe that people believe in god] doesn't think he has jumped to any conclusions about there not being a god. This happens only to people whose system pre-supposes conditions that are mutually exclusive to god not existing. And Hussein, who is in his own class and who can compose messages more obscurantist than this in three toungues (and two languages (without recourse to German)). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:509 Date: Mon 7 Mar 88 15:07:16-PST From: Kathy Morris Subject: the future of su-roger-or-andy I have a workstation on my desk, running (gasp!) 4.3 BSD. We could move su-roger-or-andy there (some of you already have accounts on it). I promise not to give accounts to Bowman or any other net.undesirable. (Yes, this is censorship, the elitism that made su-roger-or-andy into the institution it is today...). We wouldn't have to worry about too many people reading/contributing, at least. Alternatively, if you really want to restrict readership, we could become a mailing list, archived on carcoar (my RT). Let's hope the quality alternative doesn't have to die with sushi! -KAM ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:510 Date: Tue 8 Mar 88 09:10:17-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Johnsons and Master Did you ever interrupt someone in the middle of a 24-hour hacking session and they have a 1000-yard stare? Masters (he is the guy right?) absolutely looked stuffed and mounted on Nightline hier. He didn't talk or move or indicate by word or deed that he was one of the living while I was watching. Eerie. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:511 Date: Tue 8 Mar 88 17:59:08-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: Masters and Johnson Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 Yes. It is well known, amongst those who know, that Masters actually has been dead for quite some time. ``Johnson'' just doesn't have the same recognition as ``Masters and Johnson.'' Also Johnson and Johnson is already in use. Whence Masters was zombi-fied, and well, you know the rest Evan. Eerie. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:512 Date: Wed 9 Mar 88 11:03:13-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: tyranny in the barber shop Looking at the overgrown clump of hair on my head, an inspiration came over me: if Evan can take a blade to his beard, I can have a pair of blades taken to the clump. I walked off to the barber -- a *real* barber, not some fairy hairstylist. He always cuts off too much, so I explicitly made clear that I only wanted a `trim' not a `cut'. R: That was a nice haircut you gave the last guy. [It really was.] B: Yeah, he's been coming here since he was a kid. Just got a job as a fireman. That's great, isn't it? R: Uh, yeah. [No way, Jose. I wouldn't want to be a fireman. I suppose I shouldn't say that, since you'll realize that I wouldn't want to be a barber, either. Hmm, change the topic a little.] I guess that I had always thought that you'd have to be bigger and stronger than him to be a fireman. B: Well, nowadays they even take women as firefighters. And even the strong ones aren't really up to the job. R: Uh, yeah. [Sorry, bud. I know some women who could pin your friend, and snap his neck without even breaking into a slight sweat.] Alright, so I was a coward. But how would you react to a guy who has a pair of scissors pressed against your hair? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:513 Date: Wed 9 Mar 88 21:06:45-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Four out of forty-five Since there seems to be such an interest in the scarcity of females in the department, I'm posting the following bit of depressing news (source: Becky T.): The department has admitted FORTY-FIVE PhD students this year, only FOUR, count 'em, FOUR of whom are of the female persuasion. Argh. -- Sherry. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:514 Date: Wed 9 Mar 88 23:01:23-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: Four out of forty-five ... I don't suppose anyone knows the ratio in the overall applicant pool? Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:515 Date: Thu 10 Mar 88 12:02:46-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: Males/Females admitted Roger asked what the ratio was in the application pool. I'd rather know what the ratio was in the first round survivors. Those somewhat familiar with the admissions process may understand my position. Those very familiar with it know better. -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:516 Date: Thu 10 Mar 88 16:12:04-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: I'm not feeling morbd or even mrobdi but I was just thinking that should Bowman predecease me (pleasant thought, no?) I may one day enter bboard while reclining in my comfy naugahyde chair at Alaska U. and read "Lyn Bowman today died from injuries sustained after an energetic display of fisticuffs that ensued after he mistook the platinum gloves boxing champion taking a dump for another candidate for his lengthy list of grimy amours." Yahoo. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:517 Date: Thu 10 Mar 88 23:11:19-PST From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Searching for a thesis topic ... ... I read the following in this week's TIME magazine (article about Superman's 50th anniversary): [... Lois Lane ... Lori ... Lana Lang ... Linda Lee ...] Why all the females in "Superman" have names beginning with L remains unexplained, and might make a promising subject for a PhD dissertation. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:518 Date: Fri 11 Mar 88 10:08:46-PST From: Evan Hussein Subject: Anil G.'s message Being prescient, I forsaw your message - there were a lot of reasons in there - failing exams for the last time, a realization of a greater interest in Math, a signifcant other going somewhere else -- the point is from the view of an admissions person the question is: can we get a greater output of women by changing the method of accepting women? ie. accept a different type of woman? Is there an obvious fault in the way they're chosen that causes this leakage? For example, would it be better to aim for women who have greater work experience or hot shot math types? Or is it the program that changes have to made to? Keep in mind that women are treated much better in the Islamic state. ========================= Message sushi-era:519 Date: Sun 13 Mar 88 15:32:28-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: su-roger-or-andy 'R US Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 Dear fellow contributors, Wasting a few minutes reading su-etc this morning, I came across what seems to me to be the essential difference between us and them. > Yep, I admit it, I'm a bboard poster, and _sometimes_ bboard posters > can be jerks. > > Randy We, on the other hand, are never jerks. We have no faults. We also know the name of our bboard. Ours is surely a superior race. --anil. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:520 Date: Mon 14 Mar 88 00:54:30-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: su-roger-or-andy 'R US > We, on the other hand, are never jerks. We have no faults. We also know > the name of our bboard. Ours is surely a superior race. Nor are we elitists. WEST NORTH EAST SOUTH 1 heart 2 clubs 3 squawking geese 4 limmerick oysters pass pass double pass pass pass West leads the King of Prussia. King-of-Prussia, by the way, is a small town in Pennsylvania that no one out on the West Coast will ever have heard of. For that matter, I wouldn't have heard of it either, except for the fact that I-380 goes by there. Roger should go to bed. PS. for completists only, the full cheer goes 1 hen 2 ducks 3 squawking geese 4 limmerick oysters 5 corpulent porpoises 6 pairs of Don Alberto's tweezers 7 thousand Macedonians in full battle array 8 brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Egypt 9 apathetic, sympathetic, diabetic, old men on roller-skates with a marked propensity for sloth and procrastination 10 conical, spherical, diabolical demons of the deep who skulk the depths of the earth with a quimp, a quiver, and a quay, ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!! Imagine if you will, hundreds of Boy Scouts screaming this out at the top of their lungs... ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:521 Date: Mon 14 Mar 88 13:38:09-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Female favoritism I don't understand why the department feels so strongly that it needs a female on the faculty, or why it deems it necessary to fly in female recruits. Is the department bending over (too far) backwards in an effort to show that it doesn't discriminate? Or does it think that females who have gotten this far must be especially determined, and hence will succeed in future work? Or are females more responsible? reliable? hard-working? Does Stanford get special grants for having a good balance? Is it easier to attract higher quality students (male and female) when there is a more even ratio? Am I just being dense? -- Sherry. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:522 Date: Mon 14 Mar 88 14:15:13-PST From: Stephen Vavasis Subject: female favoritism Sherry raised two questions in her message: (1) Why is it important to have women PhDs in computer science? It's important to have women in every field. Someday computer scientists as a group (and su-roger-or-andy readers in particular!) will likely be in important decisionmaking positions for society in general, so our group ought to represent the composition of society (half women, half men). (2) What can the department do to increase the number of women PhDs? In my opinion, the best way is to encourage more girls at the junior high school level to learn about computers. In many instances, the most able computer whiz kids at this age are a clique of nerdy boys that excludes girls. Once you reach seniors in college, the pool of women with the right background is too small. Since Stanford can't do very much about junior high school students, this isn't an option. The only thing that the department can do directly is to encourage the women who apply to our program to come here. Here's a tougher question: should we admit women ahead of men who might be more qualified? I don't know whether we do this (I've never been on the admissions committee), and I also don't know whether we *should* do this. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:523 Date: Mon 14 Mar 88 15:07:14-PST From: Becky Thomas Subject: Re: Female favoritism To paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., women don't need a head start; they need the starting line moved forward to be even. I think the idea is that young girls don't see any women who are scientists, so they assume that women aren't scientists and stop studying math and science in favor of subjects in which they do see successful women. So how do we reach those young girls? We make sure there ARE women scientists, and visible, good ones. Where do these visible, good women come from? How about Stanford's PhD program, for starters? So we encourage women to get their PhD's in previously male-dominated fields, and to join the faculties of prestigious universities such as Stanford. As to why we spend more money recruiting women who are already planning to get PhD's, I guess that's to balance the department better. I've seen informal studies which show that both men and women students tend to do better when the sexes are more evenly balanced (although the difference is greater for women, naturally). And, of course, we look good on paper if we have more women. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:524 Date: Mon 14 Mar 88 15:45:53-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: computer scientist-ettes Sherry, just a few kbytes ago you were saying that it was depressing that only 4 of the people admitted to next years class were women. If you find that depressingly low, then wouldn't you least like try to get those 4 to come here? When I was on the admissions committee (admitting the people who are now second year PhDs), females were about 10% of the applicant pool. If my memory is correct, they made up about 20% of the people admitted that year (of course, not all of those came). Yes, a special effort was made to admit women that year. I imagine that it didn't happen this year, because Victoria Cheadle isn't still around. Some of the assorted reasons to try to attract more women (than the 10%) are: (1) Women are not less able, it is only that societal pressures have caused them to be less `prepared' according to traditional measures. Give them the chance (along with a little of extra time to catch up) and they'll do just fine. (2) The sooner there are more women computer scientists, the sooner the societal causes of the feeble 10% application rate will crumble. (3) :-) How are you going to get the guys to come here if there are no women? Sherry, if you didn't believe in (1) and in the hope that the result in (2) would happen, then why did you go teach Computer Science to those high school and younger women last Saturday, instead of working on your two take home finals? In answer to Steve's question, personally, I don't think that one should admit clearly less qualified women instead of better qualified men in order to acheive this goal. We didn't need to do this in admitting 20% women (we would have had to if we had admitted any more). The reason is that there is a range of uncertainty in the rankings that you assign. The conventional wisdom (which is about right) is that the top 15 candidates are clear, but to pick the next 25 you could do just as well by picking randomly from the next 100 candidates. If you use a slightly biased coin, you can end up with a group of equally qualified people, with more women than a fair coin would pick. This still doesn't seem fair to the men. So in order to placate all sides, the chairman of the commitee, Andy Yao (who has had more than his fair share of female advisees), decided to go over our original admissions target by 2 people (with those slots dedicated to women). I forget whether this was rationalized by saying that the previous year's class was small or that the next year's class would be small. Anyway, that's the way it worked that year. Last note: In line with the "conventional wisdom" cited above, there is almost no correlation between what order the women were admitted that year and how they have performed so far (comps, quals, etc..). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:525 Date: Mon 14 Mar 88 19:43:05-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Females, again Anecdote: I was speaking with a higher-up on the admissions committee earlier this year about why GRE scores are used as a filter. He said that even when they weren't used, every guy admitted had over 93% (or some such). But not the women... I challenged him on that immediately, and he said something about their making up for it in other respects, but I was not convinced. I think it is difficult for women to be thought of as equals if we receive special treatment. That is what bothers me about the fact that women are flown in and not men, that women with lower GRE's are admitted (though perhaps this is just a coincidence?), and that there's a special faculty search for a woman. I think it's sad that there aren't more women in computer science, but I don't think the way to solve the problem is to open special doors. I do not like to believe that we cannot each just make our own opportunities, regardless of societal norms; but I realize that I'm too idealistic that way. In that case, young girls should be encouraged under the assumption that otherwise they will be discouraged. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:526 Date: Mon 14 Mar 88 19:49:15-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: [Kirsten L. Caindec : Re: Female favoritism] . --------------- Date: Mon 14 Mar 88 16:02:34-PST From: Kirsten L. Caindec Subject: Re: Female favoritism Right now the CS Department has so few women as faculty members that in four years, I have had one CS class taught by a woman. That is an embarrassing figure. By forming a search committee expressly to hire a female faculty member, the CSD is not simply trying to fill a quota. We can trust them to hire a woman capable of the standards of this University. A conscious choice to change the pathetic gender imbalance in education should be seen as a positive. It is not at all surprising that the CSD chose not to accept the present as the way things will be in the future. If WE don't persist in bringing more women into the worlds presently dominated by men, then we may never see the day that women are truly taken seriously as a group of people, and not only as singled out individuals. If this search committee really does confound you, it might be a good idea for you to take the SWOPSI 174 course on self-defense (mental and physical) for women. Laie. ------- ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:527 Date: Mon 14 Mar 88 19:51:06-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Another response I recieved. I've made it anonymous in case the person would mind. I forgot about that for the previous one... -------- Not entirely dense, just very unobservant. There are some theories about possible methods of speeding up a 50-50 ratio of men and women. The existence of a female faculty may help because: 1. Allows creation of an "old-girls" network. This is based on the theory that male faculty are less likely to actively push their female students. 2. Provides role models for those of us who might otherwise decide not to stick with academia although that may originally have been our desire. This is based on the theory that knowing someone else like you (ie female) can do something encourages you to believe you may also be able to do that something. Affirmative action is based on the premise that the ratio can be pushed faster to the 50-50 point if, when all other considerations are roughly EQUAL, a female applicant is chosen over a male one. Perhaps you believe that we can never reach the 50-50 point because women are on average inherently less good at CS, or inherently less interested in it (ie genetic as opposed to socialization reasons). If so, then I have to disagree strongly. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:528 Date: Mon 14 Mar 88 20:13:11-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Re: Female favoritism Laie, Thank you for your response. I thought it interesting enough that I forwarded it to su-roger-or-andy since we're having a discussion about it there. Unfortunately, I forgot to remove your name from the letter. I'm very sorry -- I'm rather new to this bboard stuff, and I realized too late that that was probably a breach of your privacy. Please accept my apologies. However, I do not agree with what you said in your letter. You say that "in four years, I have had one CS class taught by a woman. That is an embarrassing figure." Embarrassing for whom? I suppose you mean for the department. Why? Are you suggesting that it indicates that the department is discriminating against women? Or is it embarrassing because they haven't actually sought out women faculty? Why is that embarrassing? Secondly, I like to think that women ARE taken seriously as a group. The men I know who respect most people do respect women and treat them seriously. There will always be people, of any gender, who discriminate. Even if we succeeded in convincing them to respect women as equals, they would then discriminate against blacks or bus-drivers or what-have-you. Women should have enough strength and self-respect to not worry about the opinions of such sorry people. Finally, I do not feel the need, nor do I want to feel that I should feel the need, to take a self-defense course for women. If I live in a hostile world, I do not think it is because I'm a woman. It does not pay to be more defensive than is warranted, and sometimes a little trust can do a world of good. -- Sherry. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:529 Date: Tue 15 Mar 88 11:16:01-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Brownies are Back!!! The delicious brownies are back in the candy machine. Anent women - another tack to take would be to see what caused Wiesa (sp?), Sharon (Eisenstadt), Nancy (Palakis), Stefanie (Singer), Kathleen (Kells) et al. to leave during my time here - obviously different reasons but this is a large constant of the women who have come here. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:530 Date: Tue 15 Mar 88 11:52:27-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: women Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 Evan, I'm not sure what your example means. Wiesia and Stephanie (yes, StePHanie), who were both office mates of mine while they were here, both ended up in mathematics departments (pure and applied). I think their interests, and in Wiesia's case Yao's departure, had more to do with the their leaving than the lack of women in CS. Certainly, the ratio of women in mathematics is not significantly better. I think both were also turned off by the dual battery of exams, the length of time before one could get into doing real work, and the advising prospects once one did start doing research. I know Kathleen was also affected by the exam structure here, but I'm less familiar with her case. I know nothing about Nancy. --anil. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:531 Date: Tue 15 Mar 88 12:31:34-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Hmmm I seem to have had a tacit thesis in my last argument and that is that the number of women who left is large enough to be not accountable for in terms of chance. I know what those women told people were the reasons they left when they left - in that sense they are all accounted for - but if Stanford has the goal of producing more PhD role models to bootstrap the system then the first order of business is finding the cause of this leakage even if it is determined to have been chance. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:532 Date: Tue 15 Mar 88 12:33:22-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Look at the message three messages ago (2 not including this one). Use 'b' to backup ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:533 id AA08732; Tue, 15 Mar 88 12:55:20 PST Subject: Biassing the coin to admit women Date: 15 Mar 88 12:55:18 PST (Tue) From: Tom Henzinger Statistical fact about human beings, also called prejudice: Blacks are the better athletes (in certain sports). Proposed remedy: If a black and a white athlete come in tied for first place, give the gold to the white. ========================= Message sushi-era:534 id AA08747; Tue, 15 Mar 88 13:05:45 PST Subject: No female faculty -- an embarassment for the department Date: 15 Mar 88 13:05:43 PST (Tue) From: Tom Henzinger As I recall, all medals were clinged by Soviets and East Germans in entire groups of events at the last, or any other, Olympics. Isn't that embarassing? Embarassing for whom? The Olympics, I suppose (!!!???). ========================= Message sushi-era:535 id AA08755; Tue, 15 Mar 88 13:14:19 PST Subject: Biasing the coin, again Date: 15 Mar 88 13:14:16 PST (Tue) From: Tom Henzinger In Europe we call that Socialism. And I always thought (or at least hoped) that in the US EVERYBODY is given a FAIR chance REGARDLESS of sex, race, or religion. I thought (or at least hoped) that I am in this department because this department thinks I am among the best, not because Austrians are underrepresented (in fact, I'm the first one ever at the CSD). ========================= Message sushi-era:536 Date: Tue 15 Mar 88 13:20:30-PST From: Becky Thomas Subject: Re: Biasing the coin I'm not sure I understand your point, Tom. Is the analogy: Men are better at computer science, so when a man & a woman are equally qualified, admit the woman? I'd dispute the antecedent of this and of your black/white example. I'd say, Women are less likely to be encouraged to go into computer science and are likelier to meet with prejudice in the pursuit of their degrees. There need to be more women in computer science for all the reasons we've heard already. So, if you have two EQUALLY qualified people and you're going to have to flip a coin to choose anyway, admit the woman. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:537 Date: Tue 15 Mar 88 13:45:16-PST From: Sheralyn Listgarten Subject: Same as usual Boy, Tom, you missed the boat by a mile. Your suggestion that women are not as good at computer science is insulting and wrong. Or is it possible that I misunderstood you (I hope)? All of my views are based on the hope that people like you are few in number, especially within the department!!!!! It turns out that the department advocates AFFIRMATIVE ACTION -- if there are two EQUAL people, admit the woman. That makes plenty of sense to me. A better balance can only help, and it will make it easier for the women already in the department. Incidentally, this is true for the faculty search as well. The department is making a special effort to get women to apply, but THAT IS ALL. This makes me feel much better, and I hope it corrects any misunderstandings. -- Sherry. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:538 Date: Tue 15 Mar 88 14:46:27-PST From: Elizabeth Wolf Subject: Nixon's desk Subject: nixon's desk Looking for a Pencil in Richard Nixon's Desk (and what might be found in the desks of others) by Rick Green and Andrew Green. (reprinted without permission from the Toronto Globe and Mail) Sneaking a peek into someone's desk is as revealing as rummaging through his wallet or underwear drawer. And the desk is safer -- if you are caught, you can claim you were looking for a pencil. When Richard Nixon resigned the U.S. presidency in disgrace, historians were allowed to filch the contents of his Oval Office desk for posterity. It turned out to be for hilarity. Added to the prestigious National Archives were a green Halloween mask, a rubber alligator, and eerie personal notes such as, "My major role is moral leadership." The president's list of things to do for 1971 included "End the war in Vietnam." (Gotta write these things down or you'll forget them.) There was also, "Improve warmth in personal relations with staff and people." It is interesting that he felt the need to make a distinction between his staff and people. Did Nixon figure he could improve his personal relations if he stopped scaring everyone with alligators and masks or stopped dropping bombs on them in Vietnam? Another presidential note listed accessories for a trip to the beach. "Cigar, bathing cap, bathing suit, and mouthwash." What a party animal! Gary Hart's peccadilloes pale beside the perverted possibilities of a cigar, mouthwash, and bathing cap. Yes, the contents of one's desk form a map of the subcounscious. Let us rummage through the desks of other famous people, -- past and present -- just for posterity. Attila the Hun: A note: "Things to do: Invade Roman Empire." A two-handed sword. Two hands. Head-of-a-Peasant paperweight. T-shirt with the caption, "Where the Hell is Outer Mongolia?" A letter from Oliver North and a two-pound ball of used chewing gum. Henry VIII: One hundred and fifty chocolate-chip cookies, 61 angry letters from the Pope, 14 submarine sandwiches , and a box of wedding rings. Mahatma Gandhi: No desk. MaoTsetung: Two hundred little red books full of his own quotes. John F. Kennedy: Two hundred little black books full of women's phone numbers. A Fidel Castro dart board. Idi Amin: His memoirs, written in crayon, entitled "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche: They Eat Their Enemies." Gerald Ford: Eight thousand rubber bands. A note: "Remember to go home." Kurt Waldheim: A photograph of some men in uniforms with all the faces cut out. A diary with all the pages ripped out. A paper shredder. Oliver North: See Kurt Waldheim. Ronald Reagan: A jar of Teflon spray, almost empty. First draft of his memoirs, entitled "Things I Think I Remember Having Done." Nancy Reagan: A note: "Improve warmth in relations with staff and people." Margaret Thatcher: A sack of coal with a Christmas card from the miners' union. Date books to the year 2000. Jim Bakker: About $37,000 in petty cash. A stack of books, including "Elmer Gantry" and the "Reader's Digest Condensed Bible." Robert Bork: A hidden agenda. Shirley MacLaine: Movie scripts. Oscar statue. Notes for next book. Frequent-flyer bonus on the Astral Plane. Imelda Marcos: Ten thousand shoe horns. Sheet music from "Evita". Bullet-proof wig. Kim Il Sung: Airline tickets. Parachute. Ferdinand Marcos's address. Ayatollah Khomeini: Copy of "Stay Active in Your Senior Years." Oliver North's phone number. Pat Robertson: Green Halloween mask. Rubber alligator. Personal note: "My major role is moral leadership." ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:539 Date: Tue 15 Mar 88 14:49:04-PST From: Thomas Henzinger Subject: Re: Same as usual OK, stop the flames. You DID misunderstand me, and I can see why. I should have said "Blacks win more medals in certain sports" (A) instead of "Statistically speaking, blacks are better athlethes in certain sports" (B) (I thought the above two statements are equivalent, and that is exactly the reason why I think that statistical arguments cannot prove anything about humans and are only the source of prejudices -- the point I wanted to make), and the analogy I intended is "There are more men in the department", NOT "Men are the better computer scientists" (which I absolutely disagree with, by the way). [Somebody was fired from CBS by omitting the reference to statistics; this reference however makes the sentence (B) objective, that is, true or false. It is no longer an opinion you can agree or disagree with, but a "statistical" fact, simply equivalent to sentence (A) (if you agree with the fact that an athlete is a "better" sprinter if she is faster, etc.). Unfortunately, "better" is not that easy to define for computer scientists, otherwise the whole admissions process would be quite simple.] -- Tom. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:540 Date: Tue 15 Mar 88 20:31:30-PST From: Thomas Maslen Subject: Re: Brownies are Back!!! pony-fillers@Sail.Stanford.EDU Let me tell you a story... about 4:15 this afternoon I visited the Pony looking for brownies -- not a brownie in sight. Looked in the fridge; ditto. Looked in the Pony closet (I've been caught before by some turkey hiding them in there), but no sign of them. No sign of an empty pink brownie-box in the rubbish bin (sorry, trash can) either. Alors, down to the receptionist's desk -- and there, living and breathing (and getting just a little warm) was a box full of brownies begging to be eaten. @i(I) [I like Scribe, OK?] can't explain why noone else had worked this out before 4:15. The only unusual factor was that the cookies came in a yellow (Kodak?) box instead of the usual pink one. Evan, young feller-me-lad, I want to know what caused you to link brownies and women in a single posting, eh? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:541 Date: Tue 15 Mar 88 23:46:25-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: My eyeballs are glowing an ugly red. I was having an awesome game of rogue - I was rudely healthy and obscenely strong. Black unicorns were whinnying in fear a few levels below me. I had enough rings to accouter Liberace and Sammy Davis. I had identified all the potions including a fearful fit of blindness. I had more wands than an amateur magician's convention. I had more scrolls than the great library at Alexandria and more gold than Fort Knox. In sum I was invincible, like Debi Thomas. And then I hit a troll or rather the reverse - My hp plummeted like the Market on yucky Toosday. Enough palaver -- Point is this. If anyone sees me engaging in a "game" of rogue...please pin my ears to the floor and pummel me without mercy. You can help...or you can turn the page. Trolls suck. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:542 Date: Wed 16 Mar 88 01:11:58-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: My eyeballs are glowing an ugly red. Re: Trolls To quote Richard Pryor: ``Some guys want to be MACHO MAAAAANNNNN... ...they get to be DEAD MACHO MAAAANNNN... sometimes, you just gotta know when to RUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!'' ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:543 Date: Wed 16 Mar 88 13:58:16-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Todays's Experiment rtc@Sail.Stanford.EDU, eswolf@Sushi.Stanford.EDU, rinard@Sushi.Stanford.EDU Anyone interested in the interactions between automobiles and defective alarmclockradios can view the results which are above my desk next to the biology experiment... Roger ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:544 Date: Wed 16 Mar 88 14:04:18-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Question of Music. Scroll of puzzlement I heard a song on late night radio "These foolish things" by Brian? Ferry. I liked it but the guy said it was obscure - Atlantic Records '73. I went to Tower this morning and looked up this obscure song and lo, there were more versions of this than Louie, Louie. And everyone older than me when they hear the anecdote to this point say - 'of course, "These foolish things" verRry famous. Where is it from? A broadway show? Was it the signature song of someone on the order of Dean Martin? Why is it well known by everyone older than me? (there were versions by charley parker, benny goodman, the four tops, Caruso, Iron Maiden and Bobert Dylan to name a few (plus some untrue ones)) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:545 id AA12513; Wed, 16 Mar 88 14:37:43 PST Subject: Fermat's Last Theorem Date: Wed, 16 Mar 88 14:37:42 PST From: Roger Crew Oh well. Looks like it's still open. [ Remember, you heard it here first Perhaps, I'll post to su-etc if I'm feeling generous later on... ] Roger Date: Wed, 16 Mar 88 12:50:29 est >From: crew%huma1@harvard.harvard.edu Subject: Fermat Here's the latest. Enjoy: ... Date: Wed, 16 Mar 88 10:12 CST >From: WRIGHT@nemo.math.okstate.edu bump@gauss.stanford.edu, coleman@ucbcartan.berkeley.edu, dats%huma1@harvard, effinger@skidmore.bitnet, efrat@math.columbia.edu, friedbe@UCSCC.UCSC.EDU, grant@UB.CC.UMICH.EDU, dhayes@UMASS.BITNET, sqk@AMETHYST.MA.ARIZONA.EDU, wmc@AMETHYST.MA.ARIZONA.EDU, ribet@ucbcartan.berkeley.edu, ma408000@BROWNVM.BITNET, jhs@bu-cs.bu.edu, ma420000@BROWNVM.BITNET, mike@mssun8.msi.cornell.edu, rswitze1%dgogwdg1.bitnet@nemo.math.okstate.edu, jeremy@math.lsa.umich.edu X-Vms-To: @A:FLT Status: RO LATEST ON FLT #4 (3/16) (and maybe the end....) Summary of events so far: 1) Starting point: Bogumolov-Miyaoka-Yau inequality for complex algebraic surfaces (c_1)^2 <= 3 c_2 (Miyaoka spent last year at Columbia, in contact with Szpiro; to what extent this instigated work on the present developments I have no further details about.) 2) Parshin's lecture notes (or preprint?) proving that the analogue of the above inequality for arithmetic surfaces implies Szpiro's conjecture bounding minimal discriminants of elliptic curves over Q in terms of the conductor. 3) Frey's result that Szpiro's conjecture implies the Masser-Oesterl\'e "abc" conjecture about integral solutions of a+b+c=0, which in turn implies Fermat's Last Theorem for large exponents. ( For e>0, there is a K>0 such that for all pairwise coprime integer solutions to a+b+c=0, max{ |a|, |b|, |c| } <= K {\prod_{p|abc} p}^(1+e) ) 4) Miyaoka, in a lecture at the Max Planck Institute on February 26, claimed to have established the arithmetic version of his inequality. Before a few days ago, there had been some very positive feedback. From IAS, there now come some very pessimistic reports. Below is a direct quote from GOSS@IASSNS.BITNET: " I have talked with Faltings at some length and Bombieri at great length: Faltings is extremely dubious and feels that there is no hope. He himself has thought along these lines and feels that Miyaoka did not treat any of the difficulties that he himself encountered. He has seen Zagier's notes and has found them to have many mistakes-so it appears hopeless. Bombieri was, at first, very excited. Then he realized that Miyaoka had "proved" something about chern numbers in a way that should hold for surfaces. However, this fact is FALSE for algebraic surfaces...... So he began to doubt." ...... " I think Fermat has survived this time also. " ========================= Message sushi-era:546 Date: Thu 17 Mar 88 14:01:36-PST From: Ross Casley Subject: Fool rushes in I'll grant that it is insulting to suggest that women are not as good at computer science as men. But is the suggestion wrong? On what evidence? Ross ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:547 Date: Thu 17 Mar 88 15:26:34-PST From: Becky Thomas Subject: Ross, Ross, Ross... The obvious reply is that the burden of proof doesn't belong on the shoulders of women. Why should any group have to prove we're as good as all the other groups? And why bring it up at all? This is a can of worms that isn't worth opening. Becky ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:548 Date: Fri 18 Mar 88 10:04:19-PST From: Stephen Vavasis Subject: nice weather & the end of the world We've had pretty nice weather here in the Bay Area this past month. I had enjoyed this warm weather until I read an article in today's Mercury: according the Mercury, 1987 was the warmest year on record for the whole world. Scientists suspect the greenhouse effect. The next time you are enjoying the sun, just think of the polar ice caps melting and California under water. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:549 Date: Fri 18 Mar 88 15:05:07-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: I don't want to sound irresponsible concerning the polar ice caps but owning land in Nepal as I do, who cares? Also I'll probably die before the floods come and the problem will be my potential scions's. Screw 'em. You know those condom ads where the woman says, I like sex - but I'm not willing to die for it? Well I like warm sunlight so much I'm willing to see my progeny tread water for it. Lastly, Hussein and Bowman will drown too and so I see no reason not to cool my pits each morning with Aerosol Ban. I hope this doesn't sound callous. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:550 Date: Sat 19 Mar 88 13:22:24-PST From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: Evan's pits Office Phone: (415) 723-3605 I think it would be much more callous, and a much quicker death to us all, if Evan didn't use Ban on his pits. Whether aerosol is the proper mode of application or not is another question. We are leaving our descendants have much more to face than the ``greenhouse effect.'' They will have to face Evan's descendants too. Oh my, I'm getting carried away with the ragging on Evan here. Better save some keystrokes and just apologize here. All in good fun, tut tut, old chap. --anil. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:551 Date: Sun 20 Mar 88 15:37:08-PST From: Shaibal Roy Subject: Re: Evan's pits > From: Anil R. Gangolli > > We are leaving our descendants have much more to face than the > ``greenhouse effect.'' They will have to face Evan's descendants > too. Relax, Anil. Evan has vowed that he's not going to submit to any earthly desires until he finishes his thesis. You know what that means -- no descendants. > Oh my, I'm getting carried away with the ragging on Evan here. Better > save some keystrokes and just apologize here. All in good fun, tut > tut, old chap. ditto. > --anil. -shaibal ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:552 Date: Wed 23 Mar 88 02:58:21-PST From: B-b-bbbob Wentworth Subject: "What History Fails to Mention is" Reply-To: WENTWORTH@Sierra.Stanford.EDU What history fails to mention is Most everybody lived their lives With friends and children, played it cool, Left Truth & beauty to the guys Who tricked for bigshots, and were fools. -- Gary Snyder ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:553 Date: Wed 23 Mar 88 10:58:53-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: My hands are still hot from flaming so let me enter my yearly pet peeve here - or maybe it's just a question of pysch -- I'm at a stop sign and I arrive there at the same time as another bloke. I wave him to go. What would cause him not to go? What in fact would cause him to wave me to go? When I see this event on the horizon what I do now is speed up, hit the breaks hard and then roll through the sign (break out the Bowmans - what gives me momentum if I break hard and almost to a stop?). Once in a while the other guy feels the same as me and we bump uglily (as opposed to bumping uglies) and we get out and shake hands (each his own) and state wishfully that everyone should be like us and then we drive off. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:554 Date: Wed 23 Mar 88 12:15:05-PST From: Joseph I. Pallas Subject: Re: My hands are still hot from flaming I suppose that's a reasonable tactic. What bothers me is one I've been seeing recently that goes like this: A and B are heading (perpendicularly) toward a four-way stop. A sees that B will reach the intersection slightly ahead of A. In order to avoid a fate worse than death (having to wait an extra 3 seconds for B to pass through the intersection), A cleverly comes to a stop before B does, by stopping ten or fifteen feet back from the stop sign. Having thus established that he or she arrived first at the intersection, A proceeds through the intersection without stopping at the stop sign, forcing B to wait (since his principles are valued less than his car). Yes, you guessed right -- I'm B. I wonder what happens when Evan encounters one of these people? I'm always cynically amused when I and some other driver perform some stupid dance which is based on the fact that neither of us can assume the other will obey the rules of the road. "Sorry, I didn't expect you to yield the right of way to me when you were supposed to because so many people don't." By the time you've figured out that the other guy isn't going to do something stupid, he's decided that you're one of these clowns who refuses to go when it's his turn. So you both make false starts. I stand by my judgment: East coast drivers are bastards, while California drivers are idiots. Bastards are more predictable, hence safer to share the road with. joe ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:555 Date: Wed 23 Mar 88 14:11:43-PST From: Shaibal Roy Subject: Automotive nightmare. I think it was Dave Barry (or was it Jay Leno?) who claimed that his automotive nightmare was to be stuck in traffic in front of an Audi 5000 and behind a Ford Pinto. Anyway, it just happened to me. Considering that my (previous) car had been rear-ended two times, I didn't know whether to laugh, or to bail out. -shaibal ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:556 Date: Wed 23 Mar 88 15:00:27-PST From: Scott M. Seligman Subject: Sushi's going away on April Fools Day Appropriate, I guess. Anyway, what becomes of SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY? Scott ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:557 Date: Wed 23 Mar 88 15:05:09-PST From: Andy Tucker Subject: Notice that sushi's going away on April Fool's Day? If someone wants to save su-roger-or-andy by moving it to Polya, the procedure is fairly simple. Someone with superuser powers needs to add the directory /usr/spool/news/su/, and needs to add su. to /usr/lib/news/active. This should create a newsgroup local to Polya, if I remember my news stuff right. So, decide on a name and ask action@polya to create it. --Andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:558 id AA05791; Wed, 23 Mar 88 15:11:45 PST Date: Wed, 23 Mar 88 15:11:45 PST From: seligman@polya.stanford.edu (Scott Seligman) Subject: Z What goes up must come down, but not necessarily where you can find it -- Murphys's Law applied to Newton's. -- Jane Wagner "The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe" ========================= Message sushi-era:559 Date: Wed 23 Mar 88 16:34:23-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: My suggestion is this and we better have the discussion pronto - not everyone will get a polya account - I for one probably won't. Why don't we move it to carcoar ? kathy? yay nay ? Then tommorrow we can announce our existence to su-etc and everyone can gnash their teeth when we say that membership in the next re-incarnation is done by vote of us the ruling troika-gens (triumvirate is no good since VIR means man and there is at least, at least! one woman in our midst). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:560 Date: Wed 23 Mar 88 16:56:42-PST From: Elizabeth Wolf Subject: Evan's vocabulary Well Evan, I will certainly remember not to play Scrabble with you when depressed. What is "triumvirate"? (And "troika-gen"? I thought troika meant "three horses" or something like that, in Russian, and was not a Latin root at all). ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:561 Date: Wed 23 Mar 88 18:04:40-PST From: Computer Cowboy Subject: sushi and april fools day nice of them to let us know are we calling it su.roger-or-andy??? what about su.test?? hmmm .. that prolly already exists decisions, QUICK!! jef ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:562 Date: Thu 24 Mar 88 09:23:27-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Well I thought in all seriousness that csd.protocol.test was the best name - it'll stop people from accidentally reading us. Anyone opposed ? No humorous messages please or when sushi is zapped we won't exist. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:563 Date: Thu 24 Mar 88 09:27:49-PST From: Evan Cohn Subject: Troishommes Troika is Russian for a horse drawn sled (3 horses) but current (EnglsiH) usage is mostly political (3 person leadership). Triumvirate is latin for three man ruling party (Caesar and what two men made up the first triumvirate?). Now VIR is latin for mankind and GENS is latin for people so I made up a word troika-gens. This because I believe that no one looks up words anyway and they'd just assume it was something fancy. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:564 Date: Sat 26 Mar 88 09:50:06-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Re: Troishommes (...Actually, I'd be interested to know just who are these 3 people that Evan has in mind...) Now, to business. These are the possibilities as I see them (though the names may be changed to protect the guilty...): 1. SU-ETC/ALT.FLAME CLONE: su.alt (rational name, unlimited distribution) The less said about this, the better. 2. LIMITED DISTRIBUTION: csd.alt (rational name, limited distribution) assumes that bozos are in EE and aren't likely to be on a machine that gets csd.* groups. Problems: not all bozos are in EE not all bozos are necessarily outside of CSD for that matter... However: I would contend that the campus-wide distribution is the main problem with SU-ETC. The larger the distribution, the more likely it is to attract bozos. Reduce the distribution and the bozos won't want to bother. 3. THE INFO-COBOL APPROACH: csd.protocol.test (irrational name) assume that bozos in general won't know enough to examine a clearly useless group like csd.protocol.test Problems: a) non-bozos won't be able to find us either. b) once the bozos find out, it makes no difference at all what the name is. In fact, I suspect this will ultimately lead to a *higher* bozo concentration... 4. MODERATION: csd.alt (moderated newsgroup) This takes care of bozo-exclusion. Problems: a) need a moderator. Now this could be managed by some automatic filter to zap postings from bozos, but even so... b) Somebody has to write the filter. Who decides who the bozos are? c) The powers that be may not be too thrilled about this... 5. MAILING LIST: No. We're low-volume but we're not that low-volume. In any case, bozos can still send mail if they really want to. In short, I don't think we should expend inordinate amounts of effort on bozos. Bozos move in only when they think they have an audience. So let's just newgrp csd.somethingorother and call it a day. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:565 Date: Sat 26 Mar 88 09:52:55-PST From: Roger Crew Subject: Voting for names Reply-To: crew@labrea.Stanford.EDU Whatever happens we still need a name. I volunteer to collect name votes. Scenario #2 (cf. my previous msg) will be assumed (though your vote may well imply Scenario #3...) Send a one-line message to crew@labrea. Anything outside of the first 50 characters of the Subject line will be ignored (*). There will be no other rules. Vote early and often. E.g., To: crew@labrea.Stanford.EDU Subject: csd.roger-or-andy (*) your whole message may be ignored as well. I'm only collecting votes; I make no guarantee that these votes will have anything to do with the final outcome. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:566 Date: Sat 26 Mar 88 12:55:12-PST From: Andy Freeman Subject: polya-only "su.roger-or-andy" I've been told that newsgroups don't have to be distributed; they can live on one computer. (Since polya isn't currently used for distributing newsgroups, this should be easy.) Then the only problem is that some su-roger-or-andy folks won't have polya accounts. How many of those folks won't be using Ullman's RTs? (I'm supposed to be setting up rrn for them, and plan to use polya as the news server, so they'll be able to see any polya only groups.) I'm beginning to think that a non-distributed/polya-only csd.elite or something similarly pompous is the right approach. If by chance some of "them" stumble on it, we tell them that they can't post because they aren't elite. I'll tell Bowman and MRC if the time comes; will Evan tell Hussein? Any volunteers for Ilan Vardi? -andy ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:567 Date: Sun 27 Mar 88 11:02:48-PST From: Ramsey's favorite quote source Subject: Supremacy Reply-To: SHERRY@Sushi.Stanford.EDU "To be happy one must be (a) well fed, unhounded by sordid cares, at ease in Zion, (b) full of a comfortable feeling of superiority to the masses of one's fellow men, and (c) delicately and unceasingly amused according to one's taste." -- Henry Louis Mencken Prejudices, Third Series [1922] I vote we stop pretending to be elite, and just call the bboard roger-or-andy again (on polya) with csd distribution. -- Sherry. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:568 Date: Sun 27 Mar 88 16:43:41-PST From: Scott M. Seligman Subject: Re: Supremacy >"To be happy one must be (a) well fed, unhounded by sordid cares, >at ease in Zion, (b) full of a comfortable feeling of superiority >to the masses of one's fellow men, and (c) delicately and unceasingly >amused according to one's taste." > > -- Henry Louis Mencken > Prejudices, Third Series [1922] > >I vote we stop pretending to be elite, and just call the bboard >roger-or-andy again (on polya) with csd distribution. > >-- Sherry. I second Sherry's wonderfully insightful (and hopefully uninciteful) suggestion. This being the only proposal receiving more than 1 vote, and ours being a democratic society, I think that settles it. !Vive le roger-or-andy! -- Scott (At least I'm well fed.) ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:569 Date: Mon 28 Mar 88 14:17:26-PST From: Rich Washington Subject: Re: Voting for names I'd vote for either 1) same name ("roger-or-andy"), or 2) csd.alt (which is probably the more appropriate name). The ideas about csd.protocol.test et al are along the lines of taking a Lamborghini and putting a VW bug body over it so nobody steals it. Rich ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:570 Date: Mon 28 Mar 88 15:56:02-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: scruples From 3/31/88 issue of New York Review of Books personal ads: MWM [Married White Male] (wife very ill w. heart & lung condition), late fifties, prof., tall, good looking, European, libidinous, wants long lasting, caring, loving discreet liason w. bright, attractive, sexy understanding female (M. or S.) 35-45. Recent photo please. Understandable? or Scumbag? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:571 Date: Mon 28 Mar 88 17:24:31-PST From: Elizabeth Wolf Subject: scruples Well, one would at least hope that his wife comes across the ad and figures it out. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:572 Date: Tue 29 Mar 88 09:54:55-PST From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: Re: scruples > Well, one would at least hope that his wife comes across the ad and figures ^^^^ > it out. Why? Ain't she got enough problems? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:573 Date: Wed 30 Mar 88 09:09:52-PST From: Elizabeth Wolf Subject: Scruples RE: Gidi's message She may have problems, and then again she may not. It depends whether you believe every word in his ad. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:574 Date: Wed 30 Mar 88 10:10:24-PST From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: Re: same If we don't believe whatever he wrote in his ad, why think he's an asshole? I mean, he IS an asshole for writing the stuff, but if it's not true then (a) he's not cheating on a poor dying wife (b) he's not the suave gentelman he presents himself to be (c) ergo, his wife can't recognize him from the fictitious description... Gosh, I'm getting tangled up in this nonsense. WHAT ABOUT SU-ROGER-OR-ANDY 'S FUTURE? SUSHI IS DYING AND WE ARE DISCUSSING SILLY ADS !! WHAT DO I READ NEXT MONDAY ???!!! ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:575 Date: Wed 30 Mar 88 14:37:15-PST From: Ramsey Haddad Subject: Last posting? Since Andy got the first posting on this bboard, should we let Roger have the last one? Or should we all vie for the honor? We can set up command files that send a message to the bboard every 5 seconds, or some such. But the problem with this appraoch is: who is going to be able to determine the winner (assuming that the disk is re-initialized, right after Sushi is disabled)? ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:576 id AA06978; Wed, 30 Mar 88 17:11:14 PST Date: Wed, 30 Mar 88 17:11:14 PST From: seligman@polya.stanford.edu (Scott Seligman) Subject: ... Justice, and the American Way >From the New York Times, 3/30/88: "Goetz Appeals Conviction on Weapons Possession Charge" Lawyers for Bernhard H. Goetz appealed his conviction on weapons possession yesterday, arguing that he should have been sentenced to a year in prison instead of six months. The unusual appeal is based on the premise that if he had been sentenced to a year, Mr. Goetz could be eligible for parole in two months, his lawyers, Barry I. Slotnick and Mark M. Baker, said in a brief filed in the Appellate Division of the State Supreme Court in Manhattan. The possession sentence means that he must serve at least four months. The maximum sentence he could have received was seven years. ========================= Message sushi-era:577 Date: Fri 1 Apr 88 10:28:47-PST From: Gideon Avrahami Subject: X ``Intimacy to me is two people sitting in front of a candle listening to important music nude,'' she said. ``Thinking it means something that you both love the same video and neither of you could finish The Sot-Weed Factor.'' "Postcards from the Edge" Carrie Fisher ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:578 id AA18410; Sun, 3 Apr 88 17:12:23 PDT Subject: Data transparency? what's that? Date: Sun, 03 Apr 88 17:12:22 PDT From: Roger Crew I just figured out what UNIX mail-file format is. It's total brain-damage. Try sending a message to yourself containing one or more lines beginning with the word "From" followed by a space and see what you get. Roger ========================= Message sushi-era:579 From gangolli Tue Apr 5 13:16:06 1988 id AA01427; Tue, 5 Apr 88 13:16:06 PDT Subject: Temporary su-roger-or-andy on polya Post-To: roger-or-andy Date: Tue, 05 Apr 88 13:16:05 PDT From: gangolli Speaking of hacking unix mail stuff, I now have a mail receiver set up on polya that implements a weak temporary su-roger-or-andy bboard. Messages 1-579 are already there from SUSHI's bboard and this message makes it 580. Through April 14, if posting to SUSHI's su-roger-or-andy, just cc me with the Post-To: as the first line of text, like I've done here. If and when we get roger-or-andy set up right on polya, all of the messages will be moved there. To post to it, mail your message to me, but include a line of the form: "Post-To: su-roger-or-andy" or "Post-To: roger-or-andy" in the header or as the first text line of your message. My mail receiver will intercept it and post it to ~gangolli/Mail/roger-or-andy/?? where ?? is the current msg number. Note that the word Post-To: must appear at the beginning of its line, and that a space is required after the colon. To read from it: mh users: create a virtual folder by doing the following pushd ~/Mail ln -s ~gangolli/Mail/roger-or-andy roa popd then use roa as a standard folder (read-only). saying for example, folder +roa next, prev, and show to see messages. currently the last message number is 579 non-mh users: say: mkdir ~/Mail pushd ~/Mail ln -s ~gangolli/Mail/roger-or-andy roa popd then say folder +roa (answer yes to the question) show 579 'next', and 'prev' move back and forth to see messages. If you're at the last message 'next' will tell you so when invoked. At later times (even later logins), just say 'next' to check roger-or-andy for new postings Of course, roa can be changed to a different name of your choice. --anil. ========================= Message sushi-era:580 From gangolli Wed Apr 6 16:43:44 1988 id AA29699; Wed, 6 Apr 88 16:43:44 PDT Date: Wed, 6 Apr 88 16:43:44 PDT From: gangolli (Anil Gangolli) Subject: Was this worth anything? Post-To: roger-or-andy Hey, is anybody reading this? Ramsey, Evan, will you post a quote or two? Two days, no postings. Is this the demise of roger-or-andy? Aaaaarrrgh (?) --anil. ========================= Message sushi-era:581 From GANGOLLI@Sushi.Stanford.EDU Wed Apr 13 11:45:13 1988 id AA17291; Wed, 13 Apr 88 11:45:13 PDT Date: Wed 13 Apr 88 11:39:19-PDT From: Anil R. Gangolli Subject: temp su-roger-or-andy Post-To: roger-or-andy No one seems to be using the temporary roger-or-andy stuff. Maybe no one is reading it on SUSHI either. Peter suggested I tell you non-mh users that you should put /usr/new/mh in your path to use the commands in my previous message. If there is no action on the roger-or-andy bboard for two more weeks, I'll probably rm it to all to hell. aaah the power of unix. --anil. ------- ========================= Message sushi-era:582 From seligman Thu Apr 14 13:10:57 1988 id AA01782; Thu, 14 Apr 88 13:10:57 PDT Subject: Re: temp su-roger-or-andy Date: Thu, 14 Apr 88 13:10:56 PDT From: seligman Post-To: roger-or-andy You're not alone in the universe, Anil. ========================= Message sushi-era:583 From tucker Thu Apr 14 14:49:40 1988 id AA06169; Thu, 14 Apr 88 14:49:40 PDT Subject: I'm reading this too Date: Thu, 14 Apr 88 14:49:38 PDT From: Andy Tucker Post-To: roger-or-andy Has anyone else noticed that gnuemacs regular expressions aren't really regular expressions? You can search for {wxw | w is in a+ and x is in b+} with the string "\\(a+\\)b+\\1", even though it isn't regular. I feel like complaining to Stallman that his regexp facility is too powerful. --Andy ========================= Message polya-era:143 From: rw@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Rich Washington) Subject: Re: $1.53 contest Date: 27 Apr 88 05:48:55 GMT Keywords: prize, aliens "Hey man, Halloween's not for another six months" ========================= Message polya-era:144 From: rw@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Rich Washington) Subject: Re: Test (no, that's not right--born-again rock stars) Date: 27 Apr 88 05:54:00 GMT In article <2636@polya.STANFORD.EDU> pallas@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Joe Pallas) writes: >It may also be sex-linked; does anyone know of >any female instances? > I believe Patti Smith became born-again 5 years ago or so. That was a pretty drastic change for her. ========================= Message polya-era:145 From: andy@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Other old folks music this weekend Date: 28 Apr 88 04:37:22 GMT Summary: Some of us read too many newsgroups. The poster I saw (outside of Macheesmo Mouse on University Ave., Palo Alto) didn't mention NRPS, but it did say special guests and that the show is from noon to sundown. -andy Article 7387 of rec.music.gdead: >From: bill@isl.Stanford.EDU (Bill Moore) The Byrds and New Riders [of the Purple Sage] are also playing in San Gregorio CA, Saturday, down 84 almost to the coast, behind a general store/bar about 2 miles from the beach (it's right on the road, gas pumps in front. Rumor: CSNY will show (Neil Young frequents the store and recently bought some beer there for a CSNY rehearsal at his house.) The Bad News: there's a *Dead show* that day! I hear the show starts at noon, 2 hours before the dead. Hmmmmm..... the owner was bummed to hear about Frost. Oh well. Speaking of Frost, if Dark Horse hasn't mentioned it, both shows (yow!) will be broadcast, according to a flyer I saw which say Don't go if you don't have a ticket, listen on KZSU 90.1 FM. -- Andy Freeman UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:146 From: sherry@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) Subject: Wafers Date: 5 May 88 03:56:21 GMT Keywords: lecithin, vanillin The Pony has now replaced the fresh-from-the-oven wafers (cf message a long time ago that's now disappeared) with Wafkies (two dots over the "a"). They are premium wafers, made from an "Old World recipe". Which explains, I suppose, why they contain partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, lecithin, and vanillin. (I know, the Old World is a place, not a time... Where is it, anyway?) Also, what country are they trying to suggest by the name Wafkies?? (How many languages have dots over "a"'s? I know Swedish does, but "ies" is not exactly a common Swedish word-ending.) Is this country known for it's great wafers? How can I get there cheaply? -- Sherry. ========================= Message polya-era:147 From: haddad@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: Re: Wafers Date: 5 May 88 05:00:03 GMT I take this to mean that you are dissatisfied with the W\"afkies made by Intersweet, Inc. of Skokie, Illinois? And that is why you gave the remainder of the package to me? Thanks. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:148 From: bjork@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Steve Bjork) Subject: roger-or-andy's lemon tree Date: 5 May 88 21:07:29 GMT Well, we appear to be having a bumper crop this spring. Perhaps a bottle of Tequila and some rock salt are in order... --Steve ========================= Message polya-era:149 From: haddad@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: Hobson's Ice Cream Date: 6 May 88 05:43:21 GMT Are you one of those people who read the Daily on Wednesday? Did you see the article about Hobson's Ice Cream? Did you think, "hey, maybe I'd like to try it sometime?" Did you then scour the article, searching for an address or a phone number or something? And you found ... nothing. Did you then try calling information from your office phone? When you tried 411 or 555-1212, did you get that weird beep that says, "you shouldn't be calling this number, idiot"? When you tried 415-555-1212, did you get a recording saying to punch in your accounting number? If you said "yes" to all these questions, then welcome to the club. If you're a woman, maybe we should even go on a date or something. Anyway, the address is: 3590 Alameda De Las Pulgas, Menlo Park. The phone: 854-2484. PS-- "Calcium builds strong bodies." slogan from National Dairy Association or some such group. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:150 From: haddad@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: smarter Yellow Pages Date: 6 May 88 17:56:09 GMT Brand new phone books are out in Palo Alto. They have "SMART Yellow Pages". This means a whole bunch of new information pages and indices. One "Community Access Page" has a section on "Places To Go". There are a whopping total of four entries on it "Nightlife" in Palo Alto. If that isn't pathetic enough, note that two of them are: Cafe Maroc, 420 Ramona Street, near Alma Street. Middle Eastern dancing is featured Tuesday through Saturday at this Maroccan restaurant where you can sit on pillows and eat with your fingers. The New Varsity. 456 University Ave and Cowper Street. Receive a discount on the price of a movie when eating dinner at this theatre-restaurant. To the next person to have dinner & dancing at Cafe Maroc or dinner & discounted movie at the New Varsity: I'll reimburse you. I'm a generous guy. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:151 From: haddad@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: Who writes this stuff? Date: 6 May 88 18:00:26 GMT Advertisement 1. For the Happy Lye Lye Chinese Restaurant: "Our food and atmosphere are not what used to be here." Advertisement 2. For Colonel Lee's All-You-Can-Eat Mongolian Barbecue: "A Weight Watcher's Paradise." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:152 From: andy@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Re: Hobson's Ice Cream Date: 7 May 88 01:25:33 GMT In article <2767@polya.STANFORD.EDU> haddad@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) writes: > Anyway, the address is: 3590 Alameda De Las Pulgas, Menlo Park. The >phone: 854-2484. This is across the street from the Dutch Goose (an okay place to suck down bivalves although senior asshole night is there too often) and Flea Street Cafe (a fine dining experience). My cat's vet is near there too, but I don't know what that has to do with anything other than it gets me another sentence in this paragraph that I probably shouldn't be writing anyway. -andy -- Andy Freeman UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:153 From: sherry@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) Subject: Sick traffic light. Date: 8 May 88 20:17:52 GMT Keywords: traffic, lights, general silliness "April prepares her green traffic light and the world thinks Go." -- Christopher Morley John Mistletoe [1931] Don't ask me why Bartlett's deemed the above quote worthy of admission into its esteemed book of quotations, but nevertheless it suits its purpose, which is to introduce the following observation. The traffic light at the corner of Palm Drive and Arboretum used to be my favorite light around. It was timed perfectly. Just when a car would pull up, the light would sense its arrival and turn green. And if a car were just a little too slow following the car in front through the intersection, then whoomf! the light turned red, and the guy primping his hair in the rearview mirror was penalized two full lights before he could move again. The best thing, though, was that the light was so perfectly predictable that if you were on a bike, you could see the number of cars waiting/arriving in each direction, and so you could almost always adjust your pedaling speed so you'd never have to wait at that corner. Pretty heady stuff! Anyway, this stopped being true around May 1. I don't know, maybe May is preparing her red traffic light and the world's thinking slow down or something, but I'm saddened by this turn of events. It's not often one finds such a perfect light. Maybe there's a traffic light illness going around -- Auto Impeding & Delaying Syndrome. Let's curb this sickness while we can. If you have seen or know of any other sick traffic lights, please send your findings to Lauren Mercer, city engineer of Menlo Park -- he's the only one who can stop this, before it's too late. Once again, you heard it here, on su-roger-or-andy, first. -- Sherry. ========================= Message polya-era:154 From: crew@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Sick traffic light. Date: 9 May 88 06:50:27 GMT Keywords: traffic lights, general silliness, brain damage in Menlo Park It may interest you to know that this particular light has been on a sensor for only about a year. Before that it was a straight timer, with a particularly long cycle, I might add. My driving habits have been completely warped to avoid that intersection at all costs (to this day I still use Campus & Galvez to get out to El Camino,... even when going North...). I'm also rather curious to know just what it is that the City Engineer of Menlo Park can do about a traffic light that is in a different county. Actually judging from the state of traffic lights in Menlo Park (or their traffic management in general, for that matter), it's just as well that this isn't under their jurisdiction. Nothing against your City Engineer, you understand; I would tend to place the blame on the City Council and its general program of making life miserable for anyone who has to drive through Menlo Park (the theory being, I suppose, that people will thus be discouraged and drive AROUND Menlo Park --- this doesn't work very well when the neighboring towns do likewise). Background: One Sunday morning at around 5:00am (*), I took a drive along El Camino from Palo Alto all of the way up to San Francisco. Menlo Park is one of the only towns along the way whose El Camino traffic lights are NOT on sensors (I had to stop about 5 times, 2 of them were in Menlo Park). In contrast, my award for the best (El Camino) traffic lights goes to those in San Mateo; these were the only ones that were blinking. Roger (*) this was back in March when I was exploring the time zones. For a real post-holocaust town, try Santa Cruz (the boardwalk area) at 6:45am on a Monday morning. Something else on my list of things to do: catch sunrise at San Bruno Mt. on a clear day. ========================= Message polya-era:155 From: cohn@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: The Light Date: 9 May 88 18:13:53 GMT Crew understates the case. The light used to wait 10 minutes in each of the four directions then another 10 to allow helicopters to land and spelunkers to tunnel up. People who just missed the light often turned around and went back home. One guy was rumored to have sold his car and bought a bike so he could go home via Serra. So don't tell me about the light. Also available: how hard the comp was when I was a boy. ========================= Message polya-era:156 From: rw@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Rich Washington) Subject: Re: Hobson's Ice Cream Date: 9 May 88 19:37:13 GMT So, has anyone else tried Hobson's? A few of us went there a couple days ago. It appears that their forte is blend-ins (especially blending a couple types of ice cream along with other things). The flavor that they were pushing that night was a mixture of cappuccino and cookies & cream ice cream with oreos blended in. That got rave reviews from some in the group. The New York cheesecake also received high marks for tasting better than other stores around here. Since I don't like cappuccino or cheesecake, I missed out on those, and I personally thought their flavors were for the most part pretty pedestrian (in terms of having anything that begged to be tried). The ice cream quality (in terms of things like ice cream to ice) was good but not incredible. So I guess that I'll store it away as a good place to go for blend-ins, but not something I'd go too far out of my way for otherwise. Rich P.S. What did the Daily article say? I missed that. ========================= Message polya-era:157 From: crew@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: more traffic fun Date: 13 May 88 23:59:08 GMT Has anybody seen the idiocy that they're installing on Park Blvd. in Palo Alto (one block east [north] of where it meets El Camino)? While I happen to think that many situations are, in fact, best handled by a traffic circle, this is definitely not one of them. In fact, this has to be one of the stupidest locations that I've ever seen (and having been in England for a year, I've seen some pretty stupid ones). ... this all combined with the junk they put in down at the other end by California to make traffic go through in only one direction. Somebody is clearly going to a lot of trouble to make sure that their peace of mind isn't disturbed by any icky thru traffic --- and they don't seem to mind wasting taxpayer money on it, either... (at least it's not my taxes...). Folks, this calls for a protest. It's really quite simple. From now on, I'm going to drive on Park Blvd. from El Camino to California every chance I get. I invite you all to join me and do likewise. It's quite simple and rather convenient, too, despite the circle (if you're heading from Stanford over to Oregon and/or Alma you trade several traffic lights for 3 stop signs). It's a rather pretty neighborhood, too. Roger ========================= Message polya-era:158 From: bthomas@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Sarah R. Thomas) Subject: Re: more traffic fun Date: 14 May 88 19:41:15 GMT I thought the "traffic circle" was a temporary rerouting while they fix some pipes (or do something requiring lots of digging, anyway). Surely it's not a permanent thing. Becky ========================= Message polya-era:159 From: gidi@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Even more traffic fun Date: 15 May 88 04:28:36 GMT In article <2826@polya.STANFORD.EDU> crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: >Has anybody seen the idiocy that they're installing on Park Blvd. in >Palo Alto (one block east [north] of where it meets El Camino)? ... >Folks, this calls for a protest. It's really quite simple. >From now on, I'm going to drive on Park Blvd. from El Camino >to California every chance I get. I invite you all to join >me and do likewise. ... > Roger Thanks for the suggestion, Roger. I've been taking this scenic route repeatedly these past two days and enjoying it tremendously. It is especially good for when one has all one's precious records and stereo equipment and one travels very slowly from Escondido to one's new apartment off Park Blvd. No traffic lights, no traffic, no nothing. ... Yes, yes, ``one'' is I and I moved! Isn't life good? (*) Gidi (*) Not really-- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:160 From: crew@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: more traffic fun Date: 15 May 88 06:27:04 GMT > I thought the "traffic circle" was a temporary rerouting while they fix > some pipes (or do something requiring lots of digging, anyway). Surely > it's not a permanent thing. Hmmm... of how many other towns do you know that pour concrete curbs and create nicely groomed islands in the middle of the road whenever they go to work on pipes? On the other hand, this *is* Palo Alto we're talking about here, so all bets are off... Roger I can't shake the feeling that there's some deep psychosis involved here. Ever wander around Palo Alto and come across bits of evidence that other forms of life once existed? Like, you're walking down University, past the dozen or so Italian Ice Cream / Croissant / Sushi places, and you stumble onto e.g., the alley behind the old New Varsity with its grafitti and drug-induced murals (or the decorations on the walls of the California St. bike underpass)... It seems as if, about 10 years ago or so, there was one final tumultuous battle between the emerging yuppies and the last surviving 60's radicals. You can guess who won. Somebody could make a movie out of this... ========================= Message polya-era:161 From: tah@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: The Pursuit of Excellence -- apparently a conservative notion Date: 15 May 88 07:50:44 GMT Keywords: American educational system Kingsley Amis and Robert Conquest, Short Education Dictionary: Alphabet: a set of arbitrary signs which children are still often compelled to learn by rote; usually taught, moreover, in an arbitrary order. Examination: an irrelevant, external test purporting to check a student's knowledge by a set of written questions often repugnant to his personality. Jesse Jackson, on the stump at Stanford: "Education is a right, not a privilege." [As far as I remember, it was not too long ago that some other Democrat relied less on populism, demanding something like "Don't ask what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country!" That's how far we've come.] Western-Culture bashing (also at Stanford): Plato and Shakespeare removed from the reading (and to be replaced by some book of a preferably Buddhist black female author). [Dare to disagree with this cut? Want to be called racist and elitist by a student mob shouting "Ha He Hi Ho, Western Culture has to go!," as happened to some faculty members?] Is the awful high school system not enough? Do you have to condemn also your colleges and universities to mediocrity? I realize that the history of this country has made it, fortunately, very sensible about the unequal treatment of different classes of human beings. Nevertheless I claim that the resulting exaggerated egalitarianism is the main reason for the sad state of the American educational system, and that this system is in deep trouble (the fact, not the causes or remedies) is one of the rare issues liberals and conservatives can agree on. (See, for example, George Will in Newsweek: "Of the two calamities that have recently befallen intellectual life in America, one, the American League's designated-hitter rule, could be repealed easily. Not so the trivialization of higher education.") Time and again, I hear or read about college teachers complain that a majority of the freshman class doesn't know basic calculus and can't spell it. In certain parts of Europe we have different types of high schools, for different ability levels of students. One of the amazing results of this is that I, never having had a history or philosophy or physics course in college, still don't feel that I have inferior knowledge in any of those areas compared with the average graduate from, say, Harvard. (In fact, on a test of some 30 questions about "general cultural knowledge," posted recently on su-etc, I did no worse than the average Harvard graduate who did better than the average graduate from any other tested school. And this test was, needless to say, heavily culturally biased.) Yes, we do read Aristotle and do learn how to solve (simple) differential equations in high school, provided you can pass an exam to get into that type of high school (absolutely no tuition, the state provides free high school and college education to everyone who can pass the entrance exams; the high school teachers have the equivalent of a master's degree in the subjects they teach). Proposing such a scheme of dividing kids into different ability-levels here, I always receive the argument that it is elitist and "anti-democratic" and would be abused to divide along racial and income borders (why?). I even hear that it were unconstitutional because you've got something like "All women are created equal" in your constitution (which was, by the way, one of the greatest achievements in history -- I will never dispute that, I just dispute its overstretched and unintended application). I claim that not all good things are equally good for all people, because -- dare I say it -- not all people are equal. That, aiming at the lowest common denominator, the current high school system will not only deprive this country of its talent and its leading position in the world, but neither serves the mediocre nor the less talented students any better than a not-so-egalitarian system. And that the current trend on American university campuses, among which arguably still are the best research institutions in the world, the putting of "diversity" (already nearly a sacred word -- whenever you oppose it rationally you get accused of being narrow-minded and discriminating against some group) over quality, from admissions to curricula to faculty, will have the same effect. Democracy and equality of all citizens are political, not social concepts. They pertain to the source of sovereignty and the pursuit of justice, not to a life-style or a classless society (this, characteristically enough, Marxian slogan has found its way already into the Democratic campaign). Democracy is not served best by equalizing across the board and cutting opportunities, but, on the contrary, by individualism and excellence and striving for distinction. An egalitarian political and judicial system does not presuppose an egalitarian society and educational system, but, on the contrary, a society and an educational system which generates excellence and furthers distinction. It needs schools which furnish standards, and elites that measure up to them, for the political, legal, economic, and scientific sector. Or to paraphrase Jackson: Education is a duty (of every citizen), not a right. [Just some thoughts from an irritated Christian white male who, as such, can be freely charged of racism, sexism, and other anti-isms.] ========================= Message polya-era:162 From: seligman@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Scott Seligman) Subject: Nils Nillson. No, make that Nilson. Date: 20 May 88 04:11:35 GMT Here's an excerpt from /etc/aliases, the mail alias file, on polya. # Nils Nilsson (Chairman) nilsson:nilsson@tenaya nilsson-private:nilsson-private@tenaya nilson:nilsson nillson:nilsson nielson:nilsson nilsen:nilsson ========================= Message polya-era:163 From: cohn@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: lunar commestibles Date: 20 May 88 04:39:31 GMT For a limited time -- two moon pies are available for the price you would normally expect to pay for a single moon pie (in the machine). I once bought a 50$ Pontiac Lemans because I thought I'd never again in my life have the chance to get so much movable weight for so little. The same general idea holds for moon pies. Though detestable and unwholesome that is a lot of volume for the buck. Conversation piece earrings, micro-discuses, the possibilities are two. ========================= Message polya-era:164 From: andy@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Re: The Pursuit of Excellence -- apparently a conservative notion Date: 20 May 88 05:04:49 GMT Keywords: American educational system In article <2836@polya.STANFORD.EDU> tah@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) writes: > you've got something like "All women >are created equal" in your constitution (which was, by the way, one of the >greatest achievements in history -- I will never dispute that, I just dispute >its overstretched and unintended application). I should know for sure, but I think that's from the Declaration of Independence, which has no legal status any more. It was superceded by other documents; I should know which ones too. BTW - I claim that one of the first ten things written was something along the lines of "The youth today are chasing hell in a hand-basket." (and they didn't even have Evan to tell them where the term came from; hand-baskets may be a good way to go to hell). One of those dead white Greeks (Plato, Socrates, Aristotle) wrote it much later. -andy got a BS when Stanford didn't have Western Culture and the distribution requirements could easily be satisfied in one year without interfering with the pursuit of happiness. (No, this doesn't explain why I have two copies of The Prince, or even why his copy of Caesar's Gallic War is interlinearlly translated, i.e., every other line is English. Good thing I've never read it.) -- Andy Freeman UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:165 From: crew@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: The Pursuit of Mediocrity Date: 20 May 88 11:01:57 GMT Keywords: American non-educational system Thomas Henzinger writes: > you've got something like "All women are created equal" in your > constitution (which was, by the way, one of the greatest > achievements in history -- I will never dispute that, I just > dispute its overstretched and unintended application). > andy Freeman replies: > I should know for sure, but I think that's from the Declaration of > Independence, which has no legal status any more. It was superceded > by other documents; I should know which ones too. It's definitely *not* in the Constitution (hint: do the initials ``E.R.A.'' remind you of anything??). You can only get so much mileage out of the 14th Amendment. The Declaration of Independence never had any more legal status than the 1984 Republican Party Platform (in fact, if you think about it, both documents fulfilled similar functions). Spill lemon juice on it, bake it in the oven, put it in a box and hang it on the wall --- that's about all it's good for. In any case, I would be extremely surprised if even the Declaration of Independence had anything at all to say about women. The road to hell is paved with poorly made handbaskets. Roger ========================= Message polya-era:166 From: gidi@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: The Pursuit of Excellence -- apparently a conservative notion Date: 20 May 88 19:17:55 GMT Keywords: American educational system In article <2864@polya.STANFORD.EDU> andy@polya.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) writes: >-andy got a BS when Stanford didn't have Western Culture and the >distribution requirements could easily be satisfied in one year >without interfering with the pursuit of happiness. (No, this doesn't >explain why I have two copies of The Prince, or even why his copy of You mean ``Love Sexy?'' -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:167 From: tah@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Barefoot and pregnant Date: 20 May 88 21:31:44 GMT Keywords: ? What does that mean? Tom -- ========================= Message polya-era:168 From: bthomas@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Sarah R. Thomas) Subject: Re: Barefoot and Pregnant Date: 20 May 88 21:41:20 GMT As in "keep 'em barefoot and pregnant"? Refers to the idea that women's lot in life is to bear children, cook, and keep house (she doesn't even need shoes since her "job" doesn't require her to go outdoors). For some, it conjures up the picture of poor mountain women in Appalachia, cooking up some grits in their raggedy clothes. As a woman from northern Appalachia, I can tell you the idea still holds in some areas, if you go far enough up into the "hollers". Becky ========================= Message polya-era:169 From: haddad@polya.STANFORD.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: W Date: 22 May 88 00:05:50 GMT From a "Mother Jones" article by Molly Ivins: If you go someplace where people come from all over America -- say the Grand Canyon or Disneyland -- you will find you can consistently pick out two kinds of Americans from all the others: midwesterners and southerners. Middle Westerners tend to be exceptionally sensible people. Almost everything they say makes you want to nod and mutter, "Yep, that's right." If, for example, you hear someone say, "Ethel, I told you if you wore high heels on the hike, you'd get sore feet," you know right away that he is from the Midwest and Ethel is from the South. Because midwestern women do not wear high heels on hikes: they're too sensible. But to southern women, appearannce is more important than pain. Florence King [author of: Southern Ladies and Gentlemen] even argues that faux pas matter more than sins to southerners. We often lie in the interest of kindness, seemliness, or social ease. Perhaps it would help to think of this as something of an Oriental approach to life, in which the concept of "face" has great importance. Personally, I don't think there's a single damn Oriental thing about it, but it beats having Yankees think we're stupid. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:170 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: J Date: 23 May 88 21:24:43 GMT I treat women as my equal. Of course, most women don't like to be treated as a paranoid, balding Jew with contacts. -- David Feldman ========================= Message polya-era:171 From: andy@polya.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Everyone out for softball/volleyball/croquet/food Date: 25 May 88 19:21:02 GMT The readers and writers of su-roger-or-andy could form a team for any sport at the csd picnic this Friday. Personally, I plan to anchor the relay team in burger-eating. -andy -- Andy Freeman UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:172 From: sherry@polya.Stanford.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) Subject: New world record? Keywords: good, plenty Date: 27 May 88 21:04:26 GMT I just want to know -- is this a new world record? I got 3 (three) boxes of Good 'n Plenty's stuck in the candy machine before getting 1 (one) out. So has anyone either: (1) paid more than $2 for a box of Good 'n Plenty's (2) gotten more than 3 items stuck in the candy machine? -- Sherry. ========================= Message polya-era:173 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: All of those stupid propositions... Date: 30 May 88 23:26:58 GMT Well, I did an absentee ballot today. The only really interesting part was the propositions. Being in a particularly masochistic mood, I decided to read all of the little comments and rebuttals that accompanied them. Anyway, I thought I'd subject you to my interpretations & votes (by the way, I've already mailed It, so if I've screwed up, you'll just have to drag two of your friends to the polls to undo the damage I've done). In particular, I'm especially curious to hear what the natives have to say. Hit `n' now if you're not in a political mood... -------------------------------------------------------------- #66 - All counties must elect their assessors [YES] I really liked the arguments against this one: ``...but, but, but,... you'll be TAKING AWAY the county's RIGHT to decide whether its assessor will be elected or appointed. That's undemocratic.'' Undemocratic. Right. Looks like somebody out there is sweating. #67 - Kill a cop, get 25 years... ...but only if it's 2nd degree murder. Maybe you can plea-bargain it down to 1st degree murder: ``Yeah, I uh... planned it. Right. Yeah, uh... well, I was holding the gun, and well, I just sort of planned to pull the trigger, and then I pulled the trigger and, uh...'' Looks like they didn't think this one out very carefully. [NO] #69 - Lyndon is back and bigger than ever. [NO] I won't dignify this one with an explanation. #68 - Liberal version of campaign finance reform (matching funds for everyone, contribution limits, spending limits) #73 - Conservative version of campaign finance reform (no public funds or xeroxing, contribution limits (sort of), spending limits (sort of)...) What's wrong with strict spending limits, contribution limits, AND no public funds? According to one of the arguments, the US Supreme Court won't allow it. WHY? (Supreme Courts can be so annoying sometimes...) It's hard to tell which of these does more damage. In any case, if both ends of the political spectrum are unhappy, the status quo can't be all that bad. [NO on both] #72 - Let's update Prop. 13 (Gann's version) #71 - Let's update Prop. 13 (everybody else's version) (I would really love to know just what it is that Gann has against schoolteachers. He must have had a bad experience back in 5th grade...) 71 looks somewhat reasonable (various provisions for basing the appropriations limit on various factors that might actually affect appropriations, e.g., school enrollment, California CPI rather than national CPI, etc...). Any zingers are well hidden. [YES] 72 looks like it's mainly redistributing the money... redistributing it straight into the transportation fund (for some reason I can't fathom, Gann seems to really dislike the idea of putting sales tax money into schools and social services...). The appropriation limits only go up because the highway money is no longer to be counted as part of the limit. Fine, if all you care about is highways. (I know they say ``transportation'' rather than ``highways,'' but in this state the two appear to be synonymous). [NO] (seeing as California already has the best maintained highways of any state I've seen, with the possible exception of New York). BOND ISSUES Rule of thumb for bond issues When in doubt, vote NO. It may be a worthy cause, but it'll cost twice as much to pay for it with bonds as with taxes. #70 - Wildlife Conservation bullshit Bond Issue [NO] #74 - Highway bullshit Bond Issue [NO] #77 - Earthquake bullshit Bond Issue [NO] #75 - School construction Bond Issue This one's tricky. As I understand it, Prop. 13 explicitly forbids a rather significant proportion of state and local revenues from being spent on schools, which in turn are getting desparate. So perhaps bonds are the only way (... ouch!... ). Well I voted [YES], but I could be completely wrong about this. #76 - Veterans Bond Issue Fiscal impact people say this won't actually cost anything since it'll be the veterans who take out the loans who will be paying this off... [YES] This one's a toss-up, but I was in a generous mood. ...with luck, not too many of the veterans will default. Hmmm... SANTA CLARA COUNTY INITIATIVES: #A - new Dept. of Corrections (independent of the Sheriff) to run the Santa Clara County jails (i.e., separate staff specifically assigned to the jails). #F - Sheriff Winter wants the whole ball of wax for himself. The arguments here are pretty amusing too. ``But if you don't have our FULLY TRAINED deputies manning the jails, ...why,..., well it's just dangerous. The inmates are gonna break out and terrorize the whole county... You'll be sorry.'' I suspect that spending the night sitting around the jail playing cards beats having to tool around in a patrol car all night. [YES on A] [NO on F] #B,#C,#D Looks like the State has a surplus and the County is drooling [NO] [NO] [YES - maybe] #E - Toxic Waste Dumps: Would you mind very much if other counties dumped their s--- in *your* backyard? [NO] .. (surprise) Getting a voter referendum on this is probably a waste of time. How about if we take all of our toxic waste, drive it up to the Nevada border, and just pitch it... I'll bet they'd never notice. ========================= Message polya-era:174 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: Re: All of those stupid propositions... Date: 31 May 88 00:04:01 GMT In article <2961@polya.Stanford.EDU> crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: >#A - new Dept. of Corrections (independent of the Sheriff) to run > the Santa Clara County jails (i.e., separate staff specifically > assigned to the jails). >#F - Sheriff Winter wants the whole ball of wax for himself. > > The arguments here are pretty amusing too. > > ``But if you don't have our FULLY TRAINED deputies manning the jails, > ...why,..., well it's just dangerous. The inmates are gonna break > out and terrorize the whole county... You'll be sorry.'' I got a phone solicitation on this one. I figured that the quickest way to get rid of her was to agree whole-heartedly, "Yes, that's a dumb idea." Unfortunately she wasn't sure which position I was declaring a dumb idea. This caused her a fair amount of consternation. I finally used my mental tape-recorder to remember which position she was espousing and convinced her that I meant that the *other* position was dumb. She was greatly releaved and proceeded to make sure that I understood the correct voting pattern. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:175 From: rw@polya.Stanford.EDU (Rich Washington) Subject: Re: New world record? Keywords: good for, plenty of nothing Date: 31 May 88 20:22:06 GMT Speaking of the candy machine, I realize I haven't been around MJH much, but have you all over there turned into massive candy eaters? I was in there yesterday, and there was almost nothing in the machine -- certainly nothing I was about to fork out money for. Out in the boonies, Rich ========================= Message polya-era:176 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: J Date: 31 May 88 20:45:32 GMT I have reached my sexual peak, and it's lonely at the top. Carrie Snow -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:177 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: June 7 Date: 7 Jun 88 18:11:47 GMT Drugs are Bad Crime is Messy Don't be Sad Vote for Jesse Remember today is vote day. I'd like to market a machine called a "Candy-Shaker" I envisage something about 4 tons that could shake the bejeesus out of an ordinary candy machine. Anyone want to cover marketing? ========================= Message polya-era:178 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Ovid, Ars amatoria, I 135-158 Date: 8 Jun 88 04:44:26 GMT Go boldly to the games; there will be many beautiful women. ... If you can, sit as close to her as you can, and pretend that you cannot do anything about it because the seat is too small. When you are seated close to her, think of something ordinary to say to her to begin your conversation. Ask her about the horses which are passing by. After that, agree without contradicting what she says. ... If a gust of wind or dust comes unexpectedly, cover her, if you can, without reproach. If you cannot, rescue her, that is to say, brush the dust which is on her gently with your fingers. If there is no dust, pretend that there is. If you cannot find a major reason for serving her, create a minor one. ... If her cloak or clothing drags on the ground too much, as sometimes happens when a woman trails her dress on an ugly path, pick it up and hold it up for her until you come to a good path. If you do not receive a reward for this service, at least you will be able to see her legs. However, look around you lest another see them also, for another could see them who would soon be overcome by love for her and he could thwart you with her.-- ========================= Message polya-era:179 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: Re: June 7 Date: 8 Jun 88 17:39:03 GMT In article <3018@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >I'd like to market a machine called a "Candy-Shaker" I envisage >something about 4 tons that could shake the bejeesus out of an ordinary >candy machine. From the June 1988, Harper's Index: Number of deaths in America, since 1981, caused by vending machines having fallen on people who shook them: 8. Evan is (naturally) correct that we should have a machine take the risks for us. Who's in robotics? -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:180 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: Bee Girls Date: 13 Jun 88 20:25:30 GMT "Invasion of the Bee Girls" (1973) will be on channel 44 this Saturday night at 1:30AM. The reviews conflict as to whether it is any good. Has anyone out there seen it? SF Chron. Review: 1 star (out of 4) Young women with voracious sexual appetites cause their male partners to start dropping like flies. Leonard Maltin: 3 stars (out of 4) Wonderfully campy (and sexy) sci-fi outing about a strange force that's transforming women into dangerous creatures who you-know-what men to death in a small California town. Video Movie Guide: 3 stars (out of 5) Enjoyable film about strange female invaders doing weird things to the male population of a small town in California. Plot is not too important in this wacky sci-fi spoof. Not for kids. So is it a one star or a three star movie? Are normal women transformed by a strange force or are there female invaders? So many questions, so few answers ... -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:181 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: Re: Bee Girls Date: 19 Jun 88 20:57:39 GMT In article <3054@polya.Stanford.EDU> haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) writes: > >"Invasion of the Bee Girls" (1973) will be on channel 44 this Saturday >night at 1:30AM. It was on. I had my VCR tape it. The sound reception at the begining of the tape is poor. I'd give it 2 stars (out of 5). >SF Chron. Review > Young women with voracious sexual appetites cause their male partners >to start dropping like flies. Accurate. >Leonard Maltin > Wonderfully campy (and sexy) sci-fi outing about a strange force >that's transforming women into dangerous creatures who you-know-what >men to death in a small California town. Campy, but not wonderfully so. Also, it's not an amorphous "force", but rather it is a deliberate transformation that is imposed on selected women. >Video Movie Guide > Enjoyable film about strange female invaders doing weird things to >the male population of a small town in California. Plot is not too >important in this wacky sci-fi spoof. Not for kids. Only mildly enjoyable. No invaders. Do these guys actually watch the movies or do they write their reviews from the titles? I don't believe that it was intended as a spoof; hence, I wouldn't considered it wacky. Passes one sci-fi test: correctly predicts the future, albeit in an entirely unintentional way. The malefactors use their cover in a classified institution to help conceal their actions. No drug profits, however. For "At The VCR": Ramsey. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:182 From: tucker@polya.Stanford.EDU (Andy Tucker) Subject: Re: Bee Girls Date: 29 Jun 88 07:33:47 GMT In article <3054@polya.Stanford.EDU> haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) writes: >"Invasion of the Bee Girls" (1973) will be on channel 44 this Saturday >night at 1:30AM. I finally got around to this on my tape queue. Not bad, but I agree with Danny Peary (GUIDE FOR THE FILM FANATIC): Nicholas Meyer always claimed that he wrote his "B"-style horror film with tongue in cheek, but it's not that much different or funnier than earlier films like LEECH WOMAN. Picture isn't as much fun as its reputation would have you believe, but there's lots of sex and a memorably bizarre sequence in which thousands of bees encase a nude woman in a cocoon. --Andy ========================= Message polya-era:183 From: pallas@polya.Stanford.EDU (Joe Pallas) Subject: This is really bothering me... Date: 8 Jul 88 02:34:16 GMT If Elvis is alive and well and living in Michigan, then just WHO has been impersonating him from beyond the grave? ========================= Message polya-era:184 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: a chinese story Summary: now finish your thesis Keywords: Quickness Date: 16 Jul 88 08:40:11 GMT Organization: The Roger-or-Andy Fan Club "Among Chuang-tzu's many skills, he was an expert draftsman. The king asked him to draw a crab. Chuang-tzu replied that he needed five years, a country house, and twelve servants. Five years later the drawing was still not begun. ``I need another five years,'' said Chuang-tzu. The king granted them. At the end of these ten years, Chuang-tzu took up his brush and, in an instant, with a single stroke, he drew a crab, the most perfect crab ever seen." --from Quickness, Calvino in Six Memos for the Next Millenium. ========================= Message polya-era:185 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Zen Cohen Date: 16 Jul 88 16:59:27 GMT ...and so after five years, the graduate student went to his advisor and said, no he didn't have a thesis, could he [the advisor] wait another 5 years. And the advisor replied, "Would I then see the most perfect thesis?" at which the student smiled and said, "No, but I'll draw a damn fine crab" ========================= Message polya-era:186 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Zen, zen, zen (ouvre le chien) Date: 19 Jul 88 18:36:51 GMT ... And so after five times five years the king asked, Are you ready? And with one swift stroke of the brush the artist painted the most amazing likeness of the sun, and all those who saw it turned away for fear of being blinded by the image, which shone in a light of its own. But the king frowned and slowly uttered the immortal words: ``That's nice, but I wanted a BUD light!'' -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:187 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: W Date: 19 Jul 88 19:57:53 GMT Douglas Adams' "Dirk Gentry's Holistic Detective Agency" is only sort of worth reading. I did however like a few passages here and there. Here's one: ***** High on a rocky promontory sat an Electric Monk on a bored horse. From under its rough woven cowl the Monk gazed unblinkingly down into another valley, with which he was having a problem. The Electric Monk was a labor saving device, like a dishwasher or a video recorder. Dishwashers washed tedious dishes for you, thus saving you the bother of washing them yourself, video recorders watched tedious television for you, thus saving you the bother of looking at it yourself; Electric Monks believed things for you, thus saving you what was becoming an increasingly onerous task, that of believing all the things the world expected you to believe. Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. The problem with the valley was this. The Monk currently believed that the valley and everything in the valley and around it, including the Monk itself and the Monk's horse, was a uniform shade of pale pink. This made for a certain difficulty in distinguishing any one thing from any other thing, and therefore made doing anything or going anywhere impossible, or at least very difficult and dangerous. Hence, the immobility of the Monk and the boredom of the horse, which had had to put up with a lot of silly things in its time but was secretly of the opinion that this was one of the silliest. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:188 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: W Date: 20 Jul 88 18:19:36 GMT More "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" ***** This was the evening of the last day of Gordon Way's life, and he was wondering if the rain would hold off for the weekend. The forecast had said changeable -- a misty night tonight followed by bright but chilly days on Friday and Saturday with maybe a few scattered showers toward the end of Sunday when everyone would be heading back into town. Everyone, that is, other than Gordon Way. The weather forecast hadn't mentioned that, of course, that wasn't the job of the weather forecast, but then his horoscope had been pretty misleading as well. It had mentioned an unusual amount of planetary activity in his sign and had urged him to differentiate between what he thought he wanted and what he actually needed, and suggested that he should tackle emotional or work problems with determination and complete honesty, but had inexplicably failed to mention that he would be dead before the day was out. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:189 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Pornography Date: 20 Jul 88 22:50:08 GMT No doubt many of the faithful readers of su.r-or-a are disappointed, having committed to reading this message and having found nothing pornographic so far. Such readers are bound to be disappointed by what follows. In a thoughtful moment between bouts of important work I was struck by seemingly irrelevant names of some men's porno mags. PLAYBOY is obviously a word with connotations of wild abandon or perhaps some preternatural suavity [Or John Millington Synge for the literati in our midst], but is OUI supposed to represent an affirmative reply to a request for physical congress? PENTHOUSE is puzzling to me. HUSTLER doesn't sound too good but perhaps that is the image they are shooting for. Is it the case that I am impossibly naive and these are all slang, patois, cant, argot what-will-you for genitalia? Comments Ramsey? ========================= Message polya-era:190 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: Re: Pornography Date: 20 Jul 88 23:12:05 GMT In article <3326@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: > PLAYBOY ... OUI ... PENTHOUSE ... HUSTLER I fed these four names as input to a spare AI learning program that was lying around. Using version spaces and all that crap it came up with the magic predicate: (OR (TWO SYLLABLE WORD) (FOREIGN WORD)) This revelation opens the way for us to name new porno magazines. I think that RAMSEY and HADDAD would be big winners as porno magazine names. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:191 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: Pornography Date: 20 Jul 88 23:52:25 GMT In article <3327@polya.Stanford.EDU> haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) writes: >In article <3326@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: > OUI ``Oui'' is the English language (i.e. American) version of the french magazine ``Lui,'' which means ``He'' or ``Him.'' You guys really need a refresher course on European culture. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:192 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: rapture Date: 21 Jul 88 17:58:31 GMT "People say that what we're all seeking is a meaning for life. I don't think that's what we're really seeking. I think that what we're seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive." -- Joseph Campbell. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:193 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Update Date: 21 Jul 88 21:41:03 GMT Thanks go to the readers of su.rog* for bringing my attention to those glossy mags whose monikers consisted of short vigorous monosyllabic verbs whose transitive natures left no space for confusion about their meaning. ========================= Message polya-era:194 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: Update Date: 22 Jul 88 21:40:56 GMT In article <3339@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >Thanks go to the readers of su.rog* for bringing my attention >to those glossy mags whose monikers consisted of short vigorous monosyllabic >verbs whose transitive natures left no space for confusion about their meaning. Makes ya think... Is it a coincidence that, on the oh-so-other end of the spectrum, su.roger-or-andy is septosyllabic? -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:195 From: andy@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Check Out the Gams On That Columnist Date: 24 Jul 88 18:42:27 GMT Friday, July 22, 88 SF Chronicle - Jon Carroll Tuesday was not as hot as Monday, but Tuesday was plenty hot enough, so I wore my shorts to my other office. Not The Chronicle; I would never wear shorts to The Chronicle because it would offend Abe Mellnikoff, who always wears an 18-piece suit no matter what the weather. No, my other office is on Potrero Hill, where I occasionally pitch in to help a small nonprofit organization that mails out 8-by-10 glossy photographs of game show hosts in bondage. The profits are used to support the Hugh Downs Home for Battered Game Show Hosts. It's a full-circle kind of deal. (Actually, my other office is the World Headquarters of the Pickle Family Circus, for whom I occasionally lick envelops and fetch coffee, but I'm not allowed to mention the Pickle Family Circus because if I mentioned the Pickle Family Circus it would be taking advantage of my position to promote the Pickle Family Circus, which is a wonderful nonprofit band of traveling zanies, but you didn't read it here.) ``Oooh, oooh, check out those legs,'' remarked one of the serious- minded young women at the Pickle Family Circus. ``Great legs,'' added an award-winning stage designer. ``What are those legs doing after work?'' asked a highly intelligent grant writer. I should emphasize that I did not mind these raucous comments about my legs. In fact, I took such obvious pleasure in this casual repartee that a past president of the International Jugglers Association had to throw a bucket of water on me. I would have been a great slut. But consider what that scene would have been like had the sexes been reversed. Suppose a woman had walked into a roomful of men who began making jovial and entirely well-intentioned comments about the quality of her legs. Would she experience unalloyed pleasure? Would she be able to egg them on without feeling at least a twinge of guilt, or fear, or loathing? Probably not. Clearly, the natural reaction to compliments is pleasure. If even casual acquaintances have nice things to say about some aspect of my body, I'm delighted to hear about it. If they'd like to expand on their remarks, I wouldn't mind at all. But, for most women, routine praise of physical attributes from all but the most trusted friends brings up Issues: Economic oppression, rape, enforced stereotypes, the whole yucky ball of psycho-social wax. I mean, that stuff can drive you crazy. Begin to think about it (and it's hard to avoid) and every clothing choice becomes a statement of some sort, even if the statment is ``I'm not really making a statement here, OK?'' And every compliment becomes a dilemma, one of those self-referential Monty Python routines: What does he mean by that? What do I think about what he means? What do I mean by what I think? What do I mean by ``mean?'' Whatever the reaction turns out to be, it's really never going to be spontaneous joy. We've really managed to screw up uncomplicated pleasure. Not good, not good. I've got the manifesto of the Slut Liberation Front sitting in my drawer. Maybe when things calm down a bit, we can really begin to talk about safe sex. UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:196 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: LYRICS - The Song Lyrics Server. Introduction. Date: 26 Jul 88 00:59:10 GMT I came across the following message about a song lyric server. You send mail asking for song lyrics and it mails the lyrics back. This and the following few messages are about it. Overall response time is about a half hour. LYRICS - The Song Lyrics Server Dave Taylor (taylor@hplabs) [the following demonstrates quite well just how far people are branching out with on-line information -- it's from an article in the BITNET publication "NetMonth", edited by Chris Cordon] LYRICS@UMASS.BITNET is a file server storing song lyrics. It accepts commands by mail only. The format for a request from the lyrics server is as follows: Command/param1=option/param2=option/param3=option There are 3 commands available for requests. Lyrics - prints lyrics Albums - prints album titles and authors Songs - prints album titles, authors, and songs on album These commands will accept 3 parameters. /Author=xx restricts search to works of author xx /Album=xx restricts search to album xx /Song=xx restricts search to song titled xx Examples: Albums/Author=Peter Gabriel lists album titles of Peter Gabriel Lyrics/Album=So prints lyrics of any album entitled So Songs/Album=So lists all songs on any album entitled So Lyrics/Song=Red Rain lists lyrics of any song entitled Red Rain Multiple parameters are also valid. For example: Lyrics/Album=So/Song=Red Rain lists lyrics of a song Red Rain that is on album So Albums/Author=Peter Gabriel/Song=Red Rain lists album by Peter Gabriel that contains song Red Rain Requesting Lyrics: To make a request to the server, simply type the appropriate command line in the body of a message to LYRICS@UMASS. If you would like to make a request from the server, a good place to start would be sending just "Albums" (the Albums command with no parameters) which will list all album entries. Multiple requests can be made in one letter by typing each command set on a separate line. The subject line is ignored by the server. The server checks for mail every 10 minutes, so a response shouldn't take longer than that under most circumstances. Network replies obviously depend on other factors as well. Some requests may entail lengthy responses. Users with minimal file space shoudl be aware of this. Note: a * next to a song title indicates that it is an instrumental, or no lyrics are available for it. Advanced help is available by typing HELP/option where option is one of the following available topics: FORMAT - instructions for contributing lyrics SEARCH - describes the wildcard string search capability Contributions are always encouraged and appreciated. Please send all questions, comments, corrections, additions, and whatnot to: Lyrics Manager, LYRMAN@UMASS.BITNET. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:197 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: LYRICS. More info on commands. Date: 26 Jul 88 01:00:56 GMT Here's the response to the message with the single line "HELP/SEARCH": Request: HELP/SEARCH String Search Utility for Lyrics Server ------ ------ ------- --- ------ ------ The lyrics server wildcard string search will seek out character sequences in the three valid fields of Author, Album, and Song. Putting the character + in the field of search will direct the program to ignore any number of characters that may be between whatever precedes and succeeds the +. There may be any number of +'s in the string in any position. The major benefits of this feature include abbreviating requests, thereby reducing any errors that might be made if one is unsure of a precise name or spelling. Some song names in particular may have odd spacing or punctuation which must be matched exactly if not using this string search. Also, one can always look for peculiar patterns and common words in various songs titles, if one is into that sort of thing. Examples: --------- al/au=pete+ will return the albums of authors whose names begin with the field 'pete', i.e. Pete Townshend, Peter Gabriel. ly/s=+excellent birds+ will return the lyrics to any song title which contains the string 'excellent birds' ly/s=+and+ will return lyrics of all songs that have the string 'and' in the song title (quite a few) s/au=+t+w+s+ will return songs of an author whose name has a 't' somewhere, followed by a 'w' somewhere, followed by an 's' somewhere, i.e. pete ToWnShend Multiple parameters with wildcards are also valid. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:198 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: LYRICS. Posting Lyrics. Date: 26 Jul 88 01:02:15 GMT If you want to help by typing in lyrics and adding them to the database, read this; otherwise skip. The reponse to "HELP/FORMAT": Request: HELP/FORMAT File Formatting for Lyrics Server ---- ---------- --- ------ ------ The format for Lyric Server files is fairly simple. The title to each song must be preceded by a + which must be on the beginning of a line. The markers are used for counting and locating the individual songs. The first two lines before the first song title should contain the author and album title. Example: Peter Gabriel So +Red Rain --- ---- . (lyrics) . . +Sledgehammer ------------ . (lyrics) . etc. Any instumentals contained on the album may be included for the sake of completeness. On the same line as the song title should be some appropriate notation indicating this. The names of the album, author, songs, as well as the file location info is stored in the master directories. Send lyrics and any other inquiries to Lyrics Manager. LYRMAN%UMASS.BITNET@CUNYVM.CUNY.EDU -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:199 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: LYRICS sample. Talking Heads. "Little Creatures". Date: 26 Jul 88 01:04:55 GMT It is unfortunately not entirely clear how to parse this response. When does one song end stop and the next start? (The ">" in ">From" is an artifact of some Unix mailer.) Request: LYRICS/AUTHOR=TALKING HEADS/ALBUM=LITTLE CREATURES Author: Talking Heads Album title: Little Creatures And She Was And she was lying in the grass And she could hear the highway breathing And she could see a nearby factory She's making sure she is not dreaming See the lights of a neighbor's house Now she's starting to rise Take a minute to concentrate And she opens up her eyes The world was moving and she was right there with it (and she was) The world was moving she was floating above it (and she was) and she was And she was drifting through the backyard And she was taking off her dress And she was moving very slowly Rising up above the earth Moving into the universe Drifting this way and that Not touching ground at all Up above the yard CHORUS She was glad about it... no doubt about it She isn't sure where she's gone No time to think about what to tell them No time to think about what she's done And she was And she was looking at herself And things were looking like a movie She had a pleasant elevation She's moving out in all directions CHORUS Joining the world of missing persons (and she was) Missing enough to feel alright (and she was) (Give Me Back My) Name There's a word for it And words don't mean a thing There's name for it And names make all the difference in the world Some things can never be spoken Some things cannot be pronounced That word does not exist in any language It will never be uttered by a human mouth Let X make a statement Let breath pass through those cracked lips That man was my hero And now that word has been taken from us Some things can never be spoken Some things cannot be pronounced That word does not exist in any language It will never be uttered by a human mouth Give me back my name Give me back my name Something has been changed in my life Something has been changed in my life Something must be returned to us Something must me returned to us Creatures of Love A woman made a man A man he made a house And when they lay together Little creatures all come out Well, I've seen sex and I think it's alright It makes those little creatures come to life I can laugh or I can turn away Well, I've seen sex and I think it's okay We are creatures, creatures of love We are creatures, creatures of love >From the sleep of reason, a life is born We are creatures, creatures of love It's okay to be afraid When the blue sparks hit your brain We can love one another I've been told that it's okay Doctor, doctor, tell me what I am Am I one of those human beings Well I can laugh or I can learn to think So help me now to find out what I feel We are creatures, creatures of love We are creatures, creatures of love We've been here forever, before you were born We are creatures of love, We are creatures of love A man can drive his car And a woman can be a boss I'm a monkey and a flower I'm everything at once Well, a woman and a man can be together If they decide to they'll make little creatures Watch 'em now! Little creature of love With two arms and two legs >From a moment of passion Now they cover the bed We are creatures of love, we are creatures of love We are creatures, creatures of love We are creatures, creatures of love >From the sleep of reason, a life is born We are creatures of love, we are creatures of love The Lady Don't Mind Last time she jumped out the window, well, she only turned and smiled. You might think she would say something, but you'd have to wait a while. Well the lady don't mind. No, no, no, the lady don't mind She just turns her head and disappears, I kinda like that style Little boat that floats on a river, it's drifting through a haze She stops by whenever she wants to, well, there she goes again Well, it's no trouble at all. No, no, no trouble at all Well, what she does is all right with me, and I kinda like that style Come on. come on. I go up and down. I like this curious feeling. I know, I see. It's like make believe. Cover your ears so you can hear what I'm saying. I'm not lost but I don't know Where I am. I got a question. All right. All right. This is what we like. Who knows, who knows, What I'm thinking She says love is not what she's after, and everyone knows. Each time she looks in the mirror, she lets her feelings show. Well, the lady don't mind No, no, no, the lady don't mind. Well, what she says is all right by me, and I kinda like that style Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Here we go again I don't know, I don't know, What I'm sayin'. Hey man. Hey man. I sure don't feel the same She likes to say what she's feeling Hey. Did I get a big surprise. I know you think so. Come on. Come on. She says anything. Who knows, who knows, what she's thinking. Perfect World Well, I know what it is But I don't know where it is Where it is Well, I know where it is But I don't know what it looks like What it looks like Well, I know what it looks like, But I don't know where she comes from Well, I know where she comes from, But I don't know what's her name. (and she said) This is a perfect world I'm riding on an incline I'm staring in your face You'll photograph mine And I've been walking, talking Believing the things that are true And I've been finding The difference between right and wrong...good and bad See me put things together Put them back where they belong Am I just like the others Have I always been singing the same song CHORUS Somebody said that it happens all over the world I do believe that it's true And the sun's coming up And we're doing all the things that we should Doesn't everbody here believe in the things we do? (And she said) CHORUS It's a strange situation What's wrong with you? Baby...baby...baby What you doing in my house? And it's all true There's nothing wrong with you (And I said) CHORUS Stay Up Late Mommy had. A little baby. There he is. Fast asleep. He's just. A little plaything. Why not. Wake him up? Cute. Cute. Little baby. Little pee pee. Little toes. Now he's comin' to me. Crawl across. The kitchen floor. Baby, baby, please let me hold him I wanna make him stay up all night Sister, sister, he's just a plaything We wanna make him stay up all night Yeah we do See him drink. From a bottle. See him eat. From a plate. Cute. Cute. As a button. Don't you wanna make him. Stay up late. And we're having fun. With no money. Little smile. On his face. Don't cha' love. The little baby. Don't you want to make him. Stay up late. CHORUS Here we go (all night long) Sister, sister (all night long) In the playpen...woo...(all night long) Little baby goes, ha! (all night long) I know you want to leave me... Why don't. We pretend. There you go. Little man. Cute. Cute. Why not? Late at night. Wake him up. CHORUS Here we go (all night long) Sister, sister...woo... (with the television on) Little baby goes...woo! (all night long) Hey, hey, baby! (all night long) And he looks so cute (all night long) In his little red suit (all night long) Walk It Down I...I am just a number I...hang on to what I got You...say what you want to I...I...I...I just try to stay alive I...put myself together People say, get away, somebody will turn you in Life, life without surrender Togetherness...ecstasy is what I need I can laugh, but I should cry When love and understanding are the ultimate crimes (And I said) Walk it down. Talk it down. (oh, oh, oh) Sympathy. Luxury. Somebody will take you there. Walk it down. Talk it down. (oh, oh, oh) Sympathy. Luxury. Somebody will take you there. She...says she remembers. Time...long time ago. We...belong together. I...I...I...I turn up the radio Lies, lies and propaganda I...gonna tell you what I need Life, life, without surrender Togetherness...ecstasy is what I need I got yours and you got mine And I can swim, but I should fly CHORUS Ain't no crime to believe I took my money, I bet my life What you see is what you get But it sure ain't what we need. CHORUS Television Man I'm looking and I'm dreaming for the first time I'm inside and I'm outside at the same time And everything is real Do I like the way I feel? When the world crashes in into my living room Television man made me what I am People like to put the television down But we are just good friends (I'm a) television man I knew a girl, she was a macho man But it's alright, I wasn't fooled for long This is the place for me I'm the king, and you're the queen CHORUS Take a walk in the beautiful garden Everyone would like to say hello It doesn't matter what you say Come and take us away The world crashes in, into my living room The world crashes in, into my living room The world crashes in, into my living room The world crashes in, into my living room And we are still good friends...(Television man) I'm watching everything...(Television man) Television man...(Television man) I'm watching everything...(Television man) Television man...and I'm gonna say We are still good friends...and I'm trying to be Watchin' everything...and I gotta say We are still good friends...You know the way it is Television man...I've got what you need We are still good friends...I know the way you are Television man...I know what you're tryin' to be Watchin' everything...and I gotta say That's how the story ends. Road to Nowhere WELL WE KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOIN' BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'VE BEEN AND WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE KNOWIN' BUT WE CAN'T SAY WHAT WE'VE SEEN AND WE'RE NOT LITTLE CHILDREN AND WE KNOW WHAT WE WANT AND THE FUTURE IS CERTAIN GIVE US TIME TO WORK IT OUT We're on a road to nowhere Come on inside Takin' that ride to nowhere We'll take that ride I'm feelin' okay this mornin' And you know, We're on the road to paradise Here we go, here we go CHORUS Maybe you wonder where you are I don't care Here is where time is on our side Take you there...take you there We're on a road to nowhere We're on a road to nowhere We're on a road to nowhere There's a city in my mind Come along and take that ride and it's all right, baby, it's all right And it's very far away But it's growing day by day And it's all right, baby, it's all right They can tell you what to do But they'll make a fool of you And it's all right, baby, it's all right We're on a road to nowhere Your request matches 1 albums and 9 songs. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:200 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: what is it with all of these mailers? Date: 27 Jul 88 07:25:42 GMT Full-Name: Roger F. Crew Fuller-Name: Roger Frederick Crew Fullest-Name: Roger Frederick Crew (sorry, that's all) Lets-Just-Make-Sure-Shall-We: Roger Frederick Crew I-Suppose-They-Wont-Be-Happy-Until-They-See: Roger Frederick Aldridge Bennett Malcolm Jesse Hammond Chandler Livingston Crew Too-Bad-Im-Not-Sufficiently-British-To-Get-Away-With-Sh-t-Like-That: ... So whose brilliant idea was it to add all of these Full-Name: fields, anyway? ========================= Message polya-era:201 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: instructions Date: 9 Aug 88 16:57:36 GMT From the instruction booklet for the VCR version of "Clue": Turn off the tape and begin to play with the person to the left of the TV. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:202 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: from a junk food wrapper Keywords: nuts, time Date: 15 Aug 88 22:10:03 GMT ``Since time began everybody used nuts as a source of food...'' Yeah. Even the squirrels. ========================= Message polya-era:203 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: from the Introduction Date: 16 Aug 88 04:14:14 GMT Source: *An Incomplete Education*, Ballantine Books, New York, 1987, 656pp. Authors: Judy Jones & William Wilson It's like this: You're reading the Sunday book section and there, in a review of a book that isn't even about physics but about how to write a screenplay, you're confronted by that word again: *quark*. You have been confronted by it at least twenty-five times, beginning in 1978, but you have not managed to retain the definition (something about building blocks), and the resonances (something about threesomes, something about birdshit) are even more of a problem. You're feeling stymied. You worry that you may not use spare time to maximum advantage, that the world is passing you by, that maybe it *would* make sense to subscribe to a third newsweekly. Your coffee's getting cold. The phone rings. You can't bring yourself to answer it. Or it's like this: You *do* know what a quark is. You can answer the phone. It as an attractive person you recently met. How are you? How are you? The person is calling to wonder if you feel like seing a movie both of you missed the first time around. It's "The Year of Living Dangerously", with mel Gibson and that very tall actress. Also, that very short actress. "Plus," the person says, "It's set in Indonesia, which, next to India, is probably the most fascinating of Third World nations. It's like the political scientists say, `The labyrinth tha is India, the mosaic that is Indonesia.' Right?" Silence at your end of the phone. Clearly this person is into overkill, but that doesn't mean that you don't have to say something back. India you could field. But Indonesia? Fortunately, you have cable --- and a Stouffer's lasagna in the freezer. Or it's like *this*: You know what a quark is. Also something about Indonesia. The two of you enjoy the movie. The new person agrees to go with you to a dinner party one of your best friends is giving at her country place. You arrive, pulling into a driveway full of BMWs. You go inside. Introductions are made. Along about the second margarita, the talk turns to World War II. Specifically, the causes of World War II. More specifically, Hitler. Already this is not easy. But it is not interesting. "Well," says another guest, flicking an imaginary piece of lint from the sleeze of a double-breasted navy blazer, "you really can't disregard the impact Nietzsche had, not only on Hitler, but on a prostrate Germany. You know: The will to power. The Ubermensch. The transvaluation of values. Don't you agree, old bean?" Fortunately, you have cable --- and a Stouffer's lasagna in the freezer. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:204 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: economics Date: 17 Aug 88 21:17:05 GMT Source: An Incomplete Education ECONOMICS *EcoSpeak* Profit: To get a firm grasp of profit and its counterpart, loss, you might consider the Biblical quotation, "What does it profit a man if he gain the world but lose his soul?" For an economist, the correct way to answer this question would be to calculate the revenues received from gaining the world and subtract the costs incurred by losing one's soul. If the difference (known as "the bottom line") is a positive number, you have a profit. Opportunity Costs: The idea behind the line, "I could've had a V8." In economics, there is a cost to using your resources (time, money) in one way rather than another (which represented another opportunity). Think of it this way: There is an opportunity cost associated with your studying economics instead of a really useful subject like podiatry. *EcoThink* The Theory of Rational Expectations: Maintains that people learn from their mistakes. It is illustrated by the story of the economics professor who was walking across the campus with a first-year economics student. "Look," said the student, pointing at the ground, "a five-dollar bill." "It can't be," responds the professor. "If it were there, somebody would have picked it up by now." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:205 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Random notes Date: 18 Aug 88 20:56:26 GMT I was once walking with my friend Roz in NYC and I suggested we could become rich by making a machine that took the entrenched smell of urine out concrete. He replied that in fact, the idea would fail insofar as the urine covered much worse smells. This came to mind when I asked myself the question, does the carpet smell worse or better after being cleaned. You know that a guy (Zia in this case) has lead a violent life when he shuffles off his mortal coil by exploding and the newscasters can list five separate groups that might have ardently desired this eventuality. Now everyone rush off and be the first to put a stain on the lounge carpet. ========================= Message polya-era:206 From: haddad@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey Haddad) Subject: Cambodia Date: 19 Aug 88 06:30:08 GMT Source: *An Incomplete Education*, Ballantine Books, New York, 1987. Authors: Judy Jones & William Wilson POLITICAL SCIENCE. *A Nervous American's Guide to Living and Loving on Five Continents* Cambodia. What you need to know when you are dating a Cambodian: Your date may be a little edgy, since he or she lives in a country occupied by 160,000 or so of its traditional enemies, the Vietnamese. Your date may be gone a lot; unless you're invited along, don't ask too many questions. He or she is probably out blowing up bridges for one of the three guerilla groups still operating in the countryside or hiding out across the Thai border. If you *are* invited along, definitely ask questions; specifically, which guerrilla group is your date working for? If it's Prince Sihanouk's band, no sweat; Sihanouk, who is admittedly out of his league when he tries to play the bigpowers off against each other, may well have Cambodia's interests at heart and has, at any rate, managed to hang on longer than anyone else. If it's either of the other groups, however, kiss your date goodbye and promise to write. One, the apparently well-meaning Khmer People's National Liberation Front, serves mainly as cannon-fodder, and the other is the same Khmer Rouge that tortured babies for faulty ideology during the last regime. And speaking of babies, don't be surprised if your date seems to be rushing a bit on that score; the goverment is enouraging Cambodians to propagate as fast as they can, to fill the population void left by the irrepressible Khmer Rouge. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:207 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: The Triumph of Mediocrity Date: 21 Aug 88 00:47:10 GMT On July 10, 1985, among hundreds of newsworthy events around the world, were the following: Bishop Desmond Tutu, Nobel laureate, charged into an angry mob to save a suspected police informer from being burned to death. An Israeli court convicted 15 Jewish terrorists of murder and other acts of violence against Arabs. A Greenpeace protest vessel was blown up in Auckland harbor, killing the ship's photographer. A Turkish supertanker was struck by an Iraqi missile and heavily damaged. Bolivia established full diplomatic relations with mainland China, and ordered Taiwan's ambassador to get out within 72 hours. The government of Sri Lanka freed 643 political prisoners. China and the Soviet Union signed a $14-billion trade agreement. Egyption police discovered six tons of hashish hidden under a shipment of tomato paste aboard a cargo vessel bound for South Yemen from Greece. In Washington the House voted to repeal a nine-year-old ban on American aid to guerrillas fighting the Marxist regime in Angola. Attorney General Meese refused to rule out kidnapping as a means of bringing terrorists to justice. The Nuclear Regulatory Commission came under attack for not properly considering earthquake hazards at the Diablo Canyon plant. Eight major fires in California destroyed 300,000 acres of forests and scores of homes. A disaster emergency was declared for New York City and several counties to its north, because of an acute water shortage. All of this on the same day. Yet the lead story on two of the three major American network news broadcasts that evening was the announcement that Coca-Cola had decided to go back to its old taste after experimenting with a new one. (from Norman Corwin, "Trivializing America") -- ========================= Message polya-era:208 From: andy@cayuga.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Re: The Triumph of Mediocrity Date: 21 Aug 88 01:16:41 GMT In article <3680@polya.Stanford.EDU> tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) writes: >On July 10, 1985, among hundreds of newsworthy events around the world, >were the following: [list of trivia, mostly foreign reruns, deleted] >All of this on the same day. Yet the lead story on two of the three major >American network news broadcasts that evening was the announcement that >Coca-Cola had decided to go back to its old taste after experimenting with a >new one. So, what's your point? Only one network failed to figure out what was most important to me that day. -andy UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:209 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: The Triumph of Mediocrity Date: 22 Aug 88 23:01:02 GMT In article <3680@polya.Stanford.EDU> tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) writes: >On July 10, 1985, among hundreds of newsworthy events around the world, >were the following: > > [ long list of events, some of them less boring then the others ...] > [ ... and then ...] > A disaster emergency was declared for New York City and several counties to >its north, because of an acute water shortage. > >All of this on the same day. Yet the lead story on two of the three major >American network news broadcasts that evening was the announcement that >Coca-Cola had decided to go back to its old taste after experimenting with a >new one. > Since there's no water, let'em drink Coke. Tom, Tom, Tom. What bugs you, anyway? Neither the intellectual nor the moral level of America are correctly reflected in the network news broadcasts. People who really want to know what happened read the Wall Street Journal or some such rag. The rest turn on the news for entertainment. So let's entertain ourselves with the last stanza of Bob Dylan's Black Diamond Bay (from Desire) - I was home alone one night In LA watching old Cronkite on the seven o'clock news. Seemed there was an earthquake that Left nothing but a Panama hat and a pair of old Greek shoes. And it didn't seem like much was happening So I turned it off and went to grab another beer. Looks like every time you turn around There's another hard luck story that you're gonna hear, And there's really nothing anyone can say, And I never planned to go anyway To Black Diamond Bay. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:210 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Overcoming the odds Date: 24 Aug 88 18:06:32 GMT From an ad for ``Pena Moai Cultural Center'' (1944 University Ave, East Palo Alto) : The 10 members of O Mighty Isis play disco funk, even though most of them grew up in Palo Alto. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:211 From: sherry@polya.Stanford.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) Subject: Top Five Keywords: rock, roll Date: 6 Sep 88 02:00:19 GMT For those of you who spent your Labor Day more productively than listening to the top-however-many rock songs on 97.3 (while you weren't either walking your bike back from the Loop because you got a flat tire or waiting outside MJH because you locked your keys in for the umpteenth time), the top five songs were (not sure about the titles -- they're at least well-recognized lyrics from the songs): 1. Can't Get No Satisfaction (Rolling Stones) 2. Come Together (Beatles) 3. You Can't Always Get What You Want (Rolling Stones) 4. The Wall (Pink Floyd) 5. Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin) Pretty sad, I think. Two Stones songs, and no Who?? And the top Beatles song is Come Together?! Blech. Wonder what "top" means? -- Sherry. ========================= Message polya-era:212 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Top Five Keywords: rock, roll Date: 6 Sep 88 06:27:54 GMT Hee hee hee... let's just replay a few subject lines, shall we? 207: The Triumph of Mediocrity 208: Re: The Triumph of Mediocrity 209: Re: The Triumph of Mediocrity ... 211: Top Five Is there now any doubt as to where the ``Top Five'' list came from? (figure that a few hundred million brain-dead tone-deaf people can't be wrong) Granted, I NEVER understood what was so great about the Beatles. ``But, but, ... your parents are supposed to hate this stuff. That makes it good, right?'' uh... sure. Actually, what's funny is that there are a number of Beatles songs that I actually like.... provided they're not being played by the Beatles themselves (it has to do with the combination of electric guitars with the treble turned all the way up, Ringo Starr's 4-beats-per-measure drumming, and the mid 1960's conception of stereo, all of which is just acutely painful to listen to...) Roger (wants to go back in time and strangle the inventor of the electric guitar) ========================= Message polya-era:213 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Re: Rock Music Keywords: The Triumph of Mediocrity Date: 7 Sep 88 00:19:18 GMT Though students do not have books, they most emphatically do have music. Nothing is more singular about this generation than its addiction to music. The continuing exposure to rock music is a reality, not one confined to a particular class or type of child. One need only ask university students what music they listen to, how much of it and what it means to them, in order to discover that the phenomenon is universal in America, that it begins in adolescence or a bit before and continues through the college years. It is {\it the} youth culture and there is now no other countervailing nourishment for the spirit. Some of this culture's power comes from the fact that it is so loud. It makes conversation impossible, so that much of friendship must be without shared speech. Rock music has one appeal only, a barbaric appeal, to sexual desire --- not love, not eros, but sexual desire undeveloped and untutored. This phenomenon is both astounding and indigestible, and is hardly noticed, routine and habitual. But it is of historic proportions that a society's best young and their best energies should be so occupied. People of future civilizations will wonder at this and find it as incomprehensible as we do the caste system, witch-burning, harems, cannibalism and gladiatorial combats. It may well be that a society's greatest madness seems normal to itself. Rock music itself and talking about it with infinite seriousness are perfectly respectable. It has proved to be the ultimate leveler of intellectual snobbism. But it is not respectable to think of it as providing weak and ordinary persons with a fashionable behaviour, the imitation of which will make others esteem them and boost their own self- esteem. My concern here is not with the moral effects of this music --- whether it leads to sex, violence or drugs. The issue here is its effect on education, and I believe it ruins the imagination of young people and makes it very difficult for them to have a passionate relationship to art and thought. Rock music provides premature ecstasy and, in this respect, is like the drugs with which it is allied. Rock addiction, particularly in the absence of strong counterattractions, has an effect similar to that of drugs. The students will get over this music, or at least the exclusive passion for it. They will assiduously study economics or engineering and the Mick Jagger costume will slip off to reveal a Brooks Brothers suit beneath. They will want to get ahead and live comfortably. But this life is as empty and false as the one they left behind. The choice is not between quick fixes and dull calculation. This is what liberal education is meant to show them. But as long as they have the walkman on, they cannot hear what the great tradition has to say. And, after its prolonged use, when they take it off, they find they are deaf. Allan Bloom, The Closing of the American Mind -- ========================= Message polya-era:214 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Whither roger ! andy ? Date: 7 Sep 88 00:39:38 GMT Where is the light banter, persiflage and badinage of l'antan (don't worry - some of those words are french) (only one really). Maybe it's time for return of the quotes: I saw one the other day - author forgotten (sorry) "No man was ever made wretched in a brothel." Without context I was wondering which of the two meanings that sprang to mind instanter was intended: 1. If we take WRETCHED to mean LOWLY then the quote can mean that a person's moral standing is not influenced by going to a brothel. This would then be analogous to Wilde's quote that no one's morals were ever influenced by Art. 2. If we take WRETCHED to mean DESPAIRING then the quote can mean that one's mood cannot take a turn for the worst in this of all places. This would then be akin to saying that no one ever killed himself on payday. Did anyone see the Redskins Vs. the Giants? I have never ever seen a team collapse that hard. The Giants got 0 points and negative yardage in the first half while the Redskins gambolled at will. Then they (Big guys) won. ========================= Message polya-era:215 From: andy@cayuga.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Helpful hints Date: 7 Sep 88 02:51:04 GMT There's so much I don't know, and I don't know how much there is that I don't know I don't know. Instead of continuing in that theme, I'll end the paragraph. The hook for my thesis proposal presentation was rules of thumb. Hennessy seemed particularly amused by one relating the length of an alligator to the distance between its eyes. (The length in feet is apparently equal to the distance in inches, and they call the English system unnatural.) Ullman reacted strongest to the idea that anyone who agrees with everything you say is either a fool or out to skin you; that rule was quite relevant to the rest of the presentation and my defense. I've forgotten what Flynn liked. Well, this is the third paragraph and it's time to get to the point, but I can't do it in this paragraph because it has a different subject. While reading a recent posting about changing foreign money, I noticed that while it was somewhat useful information, I didn't remember anyone asking for it. I then realized that I didn't know whether that mattered. This is the same line of reasoning that leads people to accuse newspaper advice columnists of making up the questions; this is an attractive idea because the alternative is to admit that writing a coherent sentence can't be that complicated since even the turnip- brains who write to ask what to do when their stove catches on fire can do it. I decided I don't care whether anyone really asked about changing foreign money. (The last time I had foreign money, I deposited it by mail and let the bank figure out what to do with it. I got a good exchange rate and I didn't have to go out of my way.) In fact, I might be happier if there weren't any more questions, so just post answers from now on. Don't wait for someone to figure out what they need to know. -andy UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:216 From: andy@cayuga.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Suzie's last name is Derkin Date: 7 Sep 88 06:47:18 GMT and Hobbes was "captured" with a tuna fish sandwich. I still want to know Calvin's last name. -andy didn't ask a question, did he? oops UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:217 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: Rock Music Keywords: The Triumph of Tipper (?) Gore Date: 7 Sep 88 16:37:32 GMT Recently, in this newsgroup, two seemingly distinct individuals (Andy and Tom) have staged unbridled attacks on (a) the Beatles and (b) rock music in general. At the same time, the volume of Evan's postings has shrunk considerably, and his latest contribution was mired in linguistic obscurity. I propose that the readers of this group pause now for a moment and ask themselves: Uh? [ Moment of silent contemplation observed ] I feel better now. From the winner of the San Francisco comedy competition: ``I don't know if I'll go to heaven or hell, I just hope God grades on a curve.'' -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:218 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: The Kids Are Alright Keywords: Re: Rock Music Date: 7 Sep 88 20:28:00 GMT My generation now, or life's rock: I know it's only rock'n roll and you like it, like it, yes you do. My generation then, or life's dull (between rock and a hard place): What? You can't get no satisfaction? Don't you know that you can't always get what you want? -- Tom. -- ========================= Message polya-era:219 From: rw@polya.Stanford.EDU (Rich Washington) Subject: Re: Top Five Keywords: rock, roll Date: 8 Sep 88 05:21:31 GMT In article <3836@polya.Stanford.EDU> sherry@polya.Stanford.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) writes: > ... Wonder what "top" means? > When done by a radio station, this often means "most often requested" or "most often played." This has more to do with the actual audience or intended audience, respectively. The moral of the story is that if you think that a radio station's top 5 show taste on par with Tammy Bakker, then you should probably be listening to another station. Rich ========================= Message polya-era:220 From: andy@cayuga.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: The advantages of today's TV Summary: The cartoons of my youth weren't merchandised, then. Date: 8 Sep 88 20:39:24 GMT In soc.college <1129@imagine.PAWL.RPI.EDU> David McIntyre writes: When I was in college at Drew, in Madison, NJ, channel 68 in NJ broadcasted scambled movies at night. I think it was called WMHT, and was an early pay-channel that you didn't need cable for. If while in the dorm we noticed through the scambling that an interesting-looking movie was playing (in the strips that were visible) someone would scream into the hall "Form Voltron!!" (Voltron is a cartoon robot, that is constructed by 6 or so smaller pieces coming together.) Everyone in the hall would run into the room. We would all raise both arms in the air, placing our left hands on the person to our left's head. The people at the ends of the chain would touch one of the UHF antenna's input jacks. For some reason, this acted as a primitive descrambler!!!!! We could watch all the dirty movies we wanted, as long as we would hold the chain (which was never more than about 5 minutes, mostly due to strange looks from people passing in the hall). ----- I want to know how they figured this out. -andy UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:221 From: andy@cayuga.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: And What Did You Learn in Your PhD Program? Date: 9 Sep 88 01:10:25 GMT Alex Schaeffer (sic?) mentioned an article in the July 88 issue Journal of Chemical Education that explained grad school to him. I've journeyed to the far reaches of the campus, to the Chemistry and Chemical Engineering Library, to bring a photo-copy of this article back to the civilization that is MJH (okay, the C&CEL is in the building next to Keck, which is across the street from the parking structure, but none of you ventured there, except Andrew K, a valiant co-traveller). The photo-copy is on my desk. If I don't know you've read it, it's okay if you do. If you want to take it away, ask. -andy UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:222 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 11 Sep 88 04:07:31 GMT Source: *Holidays in Hell*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1988. Author: P. J. O'Rourke "People are all exactly alike. There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian aborigone have fewer differences than a lhasa apso and a toy fox terrier. A Japanese raised in Riyadh would be an Arab. A Zulu raised in New Rochelle would be an orthodontist. I wish I could say that I found this out by spending arctic nights on ice floes with Inuit elders and by sitting with tribal medicine men over fires made of human bones in Madagascar. But, actually, I found it out by sleeping around." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:223 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 12 Sep 88 16:37:31 GMT Source: *Holidays in Hell*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1988. Author: P. J. O'Rourke October 1984, Lebanon: "Bassboat." "Bizport." "Passboot." "Pisspot." It's the one English word every Lebanese understands and no Lebanese can say. The first and most enduring impression from a visit to Lebanon is an endless series of faces, with gun barrels, poking through the car window and mispronouncing your travel document. Some of these faces belong to the Lebanese Army, some to the Christian Phalange, some to angry Shiites or blustering Druse or grumpy Syrian draftees or Scarsdale-looking Israeli reservists. And who knows what the rest of them belong to. Everybody with a gun has a checkpoint in Lebanon. And in Lebanon you'd be crazy not to have a gun. Though, I assure you, all the crazy people have guns, too. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:224 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 13 Sep 88 10:00:04 GMT Source: *Holidays in Hell*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1988. Author: P. J. O'Rourke Sidon and Tyre, the two coastal cities of southern Lebanon, were once the principal towns of ancient Phoenicia and spawned a mercantile empire from Turkey to Spain. Important archaeological work has been done in both places, exposing six millennia of human misbehavior. Lebanon has been overrun in turn by Canaanites, Egyptians, Assyrians, Babylonians, Persians, Greeks, Romans, Arabs, Crusaders, Arabs again, Turks, French, more Arabs, Israelis and occasional U.S. Marines. In the morning I visited the principal archaeological digs. These are all decorated with small blue and white signs saying the ruins are national treasures protected by the convention of the Hague of 12 May 1954, and in case of armed conflict notify UNESCO. I suppose I should have phoned. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:225 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 14 Sep 88 10:00:05 GMT Source: *Holidays in Hell*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1988. Author: P. J. O'Rourke Syrian checkpoint stories are the Polish Jokes of Lebanon. One of Ahmed's stories -- and he swears this one is true -- is about a checkpoint on a hill where the Syrian soldier wanted to inspect a car trunk. "I can't get out," said the driver, "I have no emergency brake, and I must keep my foot on the brake pedal or the car will roll away." "Don't worry," said the Syrian, "I will sit in the car and hold the brake pedal." So they changed places. "Now open the trunk," said the Syrian. The driver opened it. "All right," yelled the Syrian from inside the car, "is there any contraband in there?" -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:226 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 15 Sep 88 10:00:04 GMT Source: *Holidays in Hell*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1988. Author: P. J. O'Rourke I headed as coolly as I could for the muzzle of the Israeli .50-caliber machine gun now being pointed at my chest. Personally, I was glad to confront the only armed maniacs in thee Middle East who aren't allowed to shoot U.S. citizens. I hoped they remembered. "That's *my* helmet you're wearing," I was thinking. "those are *my* boots, and *I* paid for that gun so you can just go point it at someone else." Not that I said this aloud. The hole a .50-caliber bullet comes out of is *not* small. It looks as if you could put your whole foot in there. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:227 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 16 Sep 88 10:00:05 GMT Source: *Holidays in Hell*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1988. Author: P. J. O'Rourke Make sure your driver knows English well enough to translate. Lebanese English is often a triumph of memorization over understanding. "I come from the village of Baabdat," the driver will say in quite an acceptable accent, "it is very beautiful there in the mountains." "Right," you'll say, "but you'd better pull over, that guy behind the sandbags is leveling an anti-tank gun at us." "You do?" the driver will say, "Is it in Texas? I have a nephew in Houston." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:228 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Movie nonreview Date: 16 Sep 88 21:19:27 GMT just saw Last Temptation of Christ. At 2 hours & 45 minutes it could have stood quite a bit of editing. I think this might be the movie to put back to back with Life of Brian (I don't know. Definitely wouldn't be as good as the Excalibur/Monty Python &the Holy Grail combination). Meanwhile, the thought occured to me that the Middle East doesn't seem to have changed all that much in the past 2000 years. Could it be something in the water supply? ========================= Message polya-era:229 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: The Folly of CS Keywords: folly, women, CS, stable marriages Date: 22 Sep 88 18:24:14 GMT >From article 429 comp.theory on polya: (W MY COMMENTS) | Message-ID: <8809221510.AA14987@jade.berkeley.edu| | Date: 22 Sep 88 14:54:17 GMT | Sender: daemon@ucbvax.BERKELEY.EDU | Reply-To: TheoryNet List vavasis@polya.Stanford.EDU (Stephen A. Vavasis) writes: >... says to me, ``The California Assembly, >a group of paid professional legislators, thinks that >you should do their job for them.'' [...] >letting poorly informed voters make the decisions [...] Yeah, Steve. This is sometimes known as ``democracy.'' -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:242 From: vavasis@polya.Stanford.EDU (Stephen A. Vavasis) Subject: more on "ka-plunk" Date: 19 Oct 88 01:29:41 GMT ------ Greg chastised me for posting a message about politics on this bulletin board with no levity, and Gidi chastised me on-line for being anti-democratic. Accordingly, I'll retract my earlier message about how initiatives should be run in California. Instead, I make a new proposal: Initiatives should be decided in a Dating-Game-style game show. California Bachelorette: Special interest group number two, if your initiative became the law, would you raise my insurance rates for driving nude? Special Interest #2: I'll give you FREE insurance if you drive nude in MY neighborhood. Ha, ha just kidding! Actually, our initiative is the fairest as far as nude drivers are concerned . . . ========================= Message polya-era:243 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: more on "ka-plunk" Date: 19 Oct 88 18:36:14 GMT In article <4556@polya.Stanford.EDU> vavasis@polya.Stanford.EDU (Stephen A. Vavasis) writes: >... and Gidi chastised me >on-line for being anti-democratic. Did I? No I didn't. I tried to point out that you are, in essence, distrusting of the democratic process. I wouldn't chastise you for that. I don't trust those bums, either. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:244 From: seligman@polya.Stanford.EDU (Scott Seligman) Subject: Re: "ka-thunk" Date: 20 Oct 88 00:46:04 GMT Steve writes: >... says to me, ``The California Assembly, >a group of paid professional legislators, thinks that >you should do their job for them.'' [...] >letting poorly informed voters make the decisions [...] I agree. It's bad enough that we've got politicians making laws for us. For God's sake let's not allow the *people* to make them! What a scary thought! -- Scott ========================= Message polya-era:245 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Those Voracious Sheep Summary: Sheep eat (and eat and eat) Keywords: sheep, voracious, those Date: 20 Oct 88 21:46:07 GMT To-Steve-et-al: Life is Here, Politics is Elsewhere. Try su.etc. Apologies-to: Kundera Someone you know writes: Driving up 101 through Oregon last month on my way up to Seattle I had the occasion to study the markedly differing grazing habits of sheep and cows. Much of the road through northern Oregon between about Newport and Tillamook passes dairy cattle and sheep farms. Akiro and I like to roll the windows down and catch the scents of that wholesome honest down-to-earth lifestyle. It is a reassuring reminder of the many alternatives to our high-tech life as we fly past at 60mph in our velour seats, enveloped by digital hi-fi. [O.K. Right. I've been reading the New Yorker again. Back to the substance.] Now anybody who has ever passed cattle grazing knows that among a random sample of about 100, several of them will be lowing, nodding, looking about, standing stupidly, swatting flies with their tails, and, in general, doing what cows do. Not so with sheep. "Of course," you say. "Why whould sheep do what cows do? Sheep do what sheep do." But what do sheep do? They eat. No, I mean to the exclusion of all other activity, they eat. Of the perhaps one thousand sheep I passed at various points on my route and its various detours, perhaps one or two, at most four were not eating. Perhaps they were asleep. Perhaps they were dead. The next time you pass a sheep field look at the sheep. Notice how they all have their heads down: munch, munch, munch, munch. Sheep are machines for turning grass into wool. It is no wonder the cattlemen of the last century so violently opposed the sheep farmers. [Oops. That last sentence belongs on su.etc.] Exercise: A random sample is taken of n=1000 iid Bernoulli trials with unknown parameter p. Four failures occur. Estimate p with high confidence. Repeat under the assumption that two of the failures are spurious data. ========================= Message polya-era:246 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Of all the Date: 20 Oct 88 23:10:56 GMT truly horrible car accidents that occur in Washington state - the kind where the cars form a low velocity model of SLAC as a preliminary to losing a dimension, WHP (washington CHP's) have noticed that 48/100 are caused by cow gazers (bovine viewers) and 48/100 are caused by sheep gazers (ovine viewers) with the remainder being accountable to crack monsters, dope fields, Quaalude Quagga's and sundry people smuggling in cigarettes under the delusion that the anti-proposition 99 people were telling the truth when they maintained that smuggling is a lucrative business. e.c ========================= Message polya-era:247 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: the plate of dogsh_t and the cup of green slime sitting on the stove Date: 21 Oct 88 04:20:21 GMT There should be a law against this (i.e., prohibition of `food' having no redeeming social or cultural value). Roger ========================= Message polya-era:248 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Re: the plate of dogsh_t and the cup of green slime sitting on the stove Summary: I believe someone thought they were a plate of bean sauce and a cup of green chili sauce respectively, but I can see what you mean. Date: 21 Oct 88 06:14:05 GMT I believe they were intended (at one time) to be a plate of bean sauce and a cup of green chili sauce, respectively. They have been there all after noon (since at least 3:00). At 3:00, the plate of bean sauce was still recognizable as such, though I can identify with the header of Roger's msg. ========================= Message polya-era:249 From: rw@polya.Stanford.EDU (Rich Washington) Subject: Re: Those Voracious Sheep Keywords: cuddly sheep, cudly cows Date: 24 Oct 88 04:30:32 GMT In article <4593@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: > .... It is no wonder the cattlemen of the last >century so violently opposed the sheep farmers. >belongs on su.etc.] At the risk of supplying historically correct information (although that is frowned upon in the bboard community), I'll venture to say that I'm pretty sure that cattlemen opposed sheep farmers in large part because sheep eat grass by pulling up the roots, whereas cows just eat the green stuff above ground. So after sheep get through with a field, the grass may or may not come back in great enough quantity to feed the cows. a pseudo-hick ========================= Message polya-era:250 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Congratulations! Keywords: Scuba Scam Date: 26 Oct 88 04:26:42 GMT You have been selected to receive an exciting luxury cruise to the Grand Bahamas, for a 6 day, 5 night stay in Freeport, PLUS a 5 day, 4 night stay in fabulous Orlando, Florida. To claim your vacation, please call the below listed number, and we will add a vacation for 6 days, 5 nights in Hawaii. ... [Cost of initial call will be reimbursed. You must claim your vacation immediately. House of Holiday, Inc. is a member of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.] I got this postcard yesterday, and I called. It's supposedly a promotion, and includes a total of 14 nights in first-class hotels and the cruise, for two persons (no airfare). And here's the first catch: the "promotional fee" is $199. They wanted my credit card number over the phone, which I didn't give them. I said I would mail a check, which they said was OK; but they wouldn't send me any brochures or anything before they get the check. Now although $199 looks like a bargain, I'm not going to send someone in Georgia (that's where the postcard came from) a check without having any reassurance that I'm getting something for that money. Is this an outright scam? What is the right way to deal with it? What is the legal situation? (They asked me which state I was calling from and whether I was over 25, so there must be some (legal?) restrictions.) -- Tom. -- ========================= Message polya-era:251 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Food fetishes Date: 28 Oct 88 06:08:27 GMT Has anyone taken a good look lately at the Moon Pie (C4) in the vending machine? That thing must have a half-life of a million years. ========================= Message polya-era:252 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Local Fauna Keywords: tarantulas, rattlesnakes, bobcats Date: 29 Oct 88 23:25:55 GMT Akiro treed a bobcat today on the Dish. The bobcat had been chasing something else, but realized Akiro was after it when he was about 10 yards away. A chase ensued. Akiro had treed one inadvertently last year, (i.e. the bobcat noticed him but Akiro hadn't noticed the bobcat), so I knew that bobcats did live up there. Also bobcats are not too rare in the foothills, especially around Huddart park. But this reminded me of two things I had wanted to mention before. About a month or month and a half ago, I saw, on two successive days, tarantulas on the dish. I had never seen these desert dwellers around here before. Rattlesnakes yes, but no tarantulas. Do you think, like in local piranha incidents, these were former pets which have been abandoned? Or is there perhaps another local breed of spider that looks remarkably like a tarantula? (Yes, I do know what they look like.) --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:253 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: (Gross) Thought for the Day (rot13) Keywords: entirely sick Date: 31 Oct 88 06:06:42 GMT If you decide to ^X this, you have only yourself to blame: Rire abgvpr ubj, va bhe fbpvrgl, rngvat vf bsgra n uvtuyl prerzbavny shapgvba pbzcyrgr jvgu fbpvny pbairagvbaf naq cebgbpbyf,... ... jurernf rkpergvba vf uvtuyl crefbany, bsgra qbar vaqvivqhnyyl va ybpxrq ebbzf, naq abg qvfphffrq va cbyvgr fbpvrgl Fhccbfr vg jrer gur bgure jnl nebhaq: (*) ``Re,... rkphfr zr. V unir gb tb rng.'' (*) Sbbq qryvirevrf jbhyq or znqr rneyl ba Zbaqnl zbeavatf naq jbhyq vaibyir gur onatvat bs ynetr zrgny pnaf. Be creuncf rirelbar jbhyq whfg unir n ynetr sbbq gnax va gur onpx lneq gung jbhyq arrq gb or svyyrq bppnfvbanyyl. Fhpu n gnax jbhyq or irel jryy uvqqra. (*) Anghenyyl, gur onguebbz jbhyq or pbzzhany jvgu frireny erprcgnpyrf neenatrq nebhaq n prageny gnoyr (n prageny cvg?), gnfgrshyyl qrpbengrq, bs pbhefr. (*) Ohlvat onguebbz sheavgher naq hgrafvyf jbhyq or qbar jvgu gur fnzr pner naq nggragvba gb fglyr naq gnfgr gung bar pheeragyl nfpevorf gb fvyirejner naq qvavat ebbz sheavgher. Gurfr jbhyq znxr hc gur infg znwbevgl bs jrqqvat tvsgf (naq gurer jbhyq or pbeerfcbaqvat ertvfgevrf). (*) Pbafvqre gur nanybthr gb qvaare cnegvrf, juvpu jbhyq or vzcbegnag fbpvny bppnfvbaf. Nagv-pngreref (v.r., grnzf bs crbcyr fcrpvnyvmvat va gnfgrshy naq ryrtnag erzbiny) jbhyq or va uvtu qrznaq. Gubfr jvgu abg nf zhpu zbarl gb guebj nebhaq zvtug betnavmr n OLBO (oevat lbhe bja ohpxrg) nssnve. Jr znl nf jryy unir fbzrguvat pbeerfcbaqvat gb erfgnhenagf nf jryy. Cvpgher (vs lbh jvyy) gur pynffvrfg bs fhpu rfgnoyvfuzragf, pbzcyrgr jvgu jryy-qerffrq jnvgref pneelvat nebhaq ynetr, urnivyl ynqra fvyire genlf ... (*) Gur npghny frffvba vgfrys jbhyq unir vg'f cebgbpbyf: r.t., ehyrf sbe cebcre hfr bs hgrafvyf. r.t., nccebcevngr cenlref jvgu juvpu gb ortva gur frffvba, sbe gubfr bs zber eryvtvbhf crefhnfvbaf (``Tvir hf guvf qnl bhe qnvyl ...''). Zvff Znaaref jbhyq qribgr ragver pbyhzaf gb gur fhowrpg. ========================= Message polya-era:254 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Smoke on the water Date: 7 Nov 88 22:03:54 GMT The Daily supports "yes" on prop 99, because, it says, the 25% percent tax on cigarettes will offset the increase in health costs and insurance that we all suffer because of smokers. How about the increase in health costs and insurance due to sexually transmitted diseases? Maybe we need a 25% tax on, well, nevermind. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:255 From: rw@polya.Stanford.EDU (Rich Washington) Subject: Re: Smoke on the water Date: 8 Nov 88 08:30:42 GMT In article <4877@polya.Stanford.EDU> gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) writes: > >How about the increase in health costs and insurance due to sexually >transmitted diseases? Maybe we need a 25% tax on, well, nevermind. > Well, since putting a 25% tax on condoms would be rather counterproductive, the obvious thing to do is legalize prostitution and put a 25% tax on it. Of course, judging from the cigarette tax, you'd get ads saying that gangs would go to Nevada, load vans full of the tax-free hookers, and bring them back here.... ========================= Message polya-era:256 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Election Polls Date: 8 Nov 88 20:04:03 GMT Well I voted for Dukakis and I'm Jewish so I'm pretty sure all Jews voted for Dukakis so thats 6 million but I didn't see any Blacks there and there must be about 20 million Blacks so that doesn't look good. But I'm white and so extrapolating from personnal experience I believe all wHites voted for Dukakis but there was a guy in front of me who was also whIte and he had a really nice suit and I figure he voted for Bush so the white vote seems to be split pretty much down the middle. It'll be a close one -- it should hinge on the old guy behind me of indeterminate political leaning. ========================= Message polya-era:257 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Election Polls Date: 9 Nov 88 00:00:32 GMT Results of Roger's poll: I voted NO on all the bond issues. The two people in line in front of me voted YES on all the bond issues. So much for my vote. At least now I can tear up my sample ballot and unsubscribe from ca.politics. ========================= Message polya-era:258 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: On the bright side Date: 9 Nov 88 18:05:01 GMT After Kristallnacht in Germany (50 years ago) there was an attempt to rescue 10,000 Jewish children by bringing them to America. The attempt failed because 75% of the US populace was against it. It has probably gotten harder to convince Americans that good ideas are bad. ========================= Message polya-era:259 From: casley@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ross T. Casley) Subject: Re: (Gross) Thought for the Day Summary: Been there, done that Keywords: entirely sick Date: 17 Nov 88 23:03:45 GMT Regarding Roger's gross thought for a day several weeks ago now. (Remarking on the asymmetry between society's treatment of eating and, er, elimination.) I've never seen the movie, but I'm told that Bunuel's Eng2French("The Phantom of Liberty") is based on exactly the same thought. The things you learn from newsgroups... Ross ========================= Message polya-era:260 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: (Gross) Thought for the Day Keywords: entirely sick Date: 18 Nov 88 02:22:31 GMT In article <5142@polya.Stanford.EDU> casley@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ross T. Casley) writes: >I've never seen the movie, but I'm told that Bunuel's >Eng2French("The Phantom of Liberty") is based on exactly the same >thought. Only one scene: Two families, with children and all meet for a Sunday lunch or something. They exchange polite conversation and then go sit around the table. They unbutton their trousers or lift their dresses (as prescribed by gender) and sit on the porcelaine bowls... CUT to a man sitting alone in a small room, eating. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:261 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: God are we superior or What? Date: 2 Dec 88 04:13:17 GMT We *never* rehash old flames on OUR bboard. Nor would you *ever* see flames like the following: "Well where *I* grew up we would address groups of women with the colloquial "Achtung WENCHES!" or "Yo, distaff!" and they *never* took offense at that so I don't see why they might here." "If you say it with the correct intonation, there is no reason why a greeting of "Hey you tarts." isn't completely acceptable." Well hardly ever. ____________________________________________________________________________ "Hey if you understood everything I said, you'd be Gidi" (?)-- Anon. ========================= Message polya-era:262 From: arul@polya.Stanford.EDU (Arul A. Menezes) Subject: Buy CDs for $6 each !!! Date: 2 Dec 88 07:10:57 GMT Xref: polya su.market:7398 ba.market:3105 su.etc:14344 csd.bboard:1859 csd.new-phd:46 csd.new-mscs:20 soc.culture.indian:10751 su.roger-or-andy:262 Hi everybody, I'm trying to sell this great new CD club I've joined. I'll summarize first & then go into details. ** The bottom line is approx $72 for 10 CDs, including postage, ** handling, tax etc. Or $79 for 11 CDs. If you buy two 2-CD sets ** instead of 4 single CDs (ie 6 albums & 2 duble-albums) you ** save about $10, so that makes it approx $60 for 10 CDs ** THATS JUST $6 PER CD!!!! So if you are still interested, read on. It is called the CBS CD club, and offers you 6 free CDs, and optionally 1 at $6.95, and requires a commitment of 4 CDs at full price. The regular price for CDs is $14.95 usually, and $24.95 for 2-CD sets (Each set counts as 2 CDs towards the obligation). Postage and handling and tax works out to about $4.50 for the first consignment, and $2 for each of the other CDs. The club has a fairly large selection, not fantastic but pretty good. Its ideal for people just starting up a collection. All the popular stuff you might want to buy is there, and you save nearly 40-60% over stores. They also have some off-beat stuff, so if your taste is as weird as mine you might just find what you are looking for. You are welcome to drop by MJH408 or call me at 415-723-0618(w) or 415-328-6758(h) if you would like to glance at the catalogues I have. If you can find 10 CDs you really like, then this is the best deal you can possibly get. Buy your 10 and then junk the club. I was introduced to this club by a friend of mine & am pretty happy with it so far. Yes, I am getting a free gift by selling this club to you (!!) but I would not cooperate with the company if it was a con. You're likely to be happy, (and so will I!!). Give it a thought. arul PS: the club is pretty eclectic, with lotsa Rock, pop, country, jazz, you name it. It also has some classical, but I dont have those catalogues. -- ================================================================ == arul@polya.stanford.edu Dont Worry Arul Menezes == == 415-328-6758 (h) Be Happy == ================================================================ ========================= Message polya-era:263 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: God are we superior or What? Date: 2 Dec 88 18:59:02 GMT In article <5404@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >We *never* rehash old flames on OUR bboard. Of course not, Evan. We, being unanimously agreed and unquestionably correct, have eliminated the need for flamage and resurrected the joy of posting senseless, useless garbage that sustains the soul! (Amen.) ________________________________________________________________________ George Bush "really did mean it" when he said, he wanted a "kinder, gentler" nation. Our sources reveal that his script writer was recently employed by Ex-Lax. ________________________________________________________________________ "Hey if you understood everything I said, you'd be giddy (?)-- Anon. ========================= Message polya-era:264 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: trying out Gnews Date: 5 Dec 88 11:53:12 GMT I'm rather pleased with Gnews. Being able to type = and have the list of [Garbage Collecting...] Subject lines (and From lines!) get dropped into a buffer so that they can be sorted is a big win. I hardly have to [Garbage Collecting...] bother with kill files anymore. Being able to [Garbage Collecting...] do tracebacks of References (i.e., find me the article that this idiot was replying to) is another big win. It's rather [... Yikes!... . . . . . . . excuse me ... ESC-ESC Eval: (setq cursor-in-echo-area nil) ... there, now. Where was I? oh right... ] surprising that rrn can't do this easily seeing as NNTP is set up to be able to quickly [Garbage Collecting...] retrieve messages by Article-ID. And, of course since it sits inside [Garbage Collecting...] of Emacs, I can customize the crap out [Garbage Collecting...] of it. There are a few things that are [Garbage Collecting...] slightly annoying however. -- ========================= Message polya-era:265 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: trying out Gnews Date: 7 Dec 88 06:05:51 GMT In-reply-to: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Hmmmm,... Well it looks like Gnews 2.0 actually works. Nor does it garbage collect very much at all. mmmmfm munch mh`unch chew chew smack gulp BBBBUUUUUUUUURRRP!... [...more sounds of Roger eating his words deleted...] No fun aiming at a target that's long since moved on... ========================= Message polya-era:266 From: bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) Subject: Anagram Madness Date: 8 Dec 88 18:53:18 GMT One of our far-flung friends reports... Thought you folks might like some of the better (really!) anagrams for our new prez... Be glad I didn't send you the worst of them. ----------------------------------------------------------------- *** "George Bush" *** He bugs Gore. Oh, gee, grubs. *** "George H Bush" *** Oh, he buggers. Gosh, beer, ugh. *** "George Herbert Bush" *** Rob the buggers here. Beg Roger Ebert: "hush!". He regrets rough ebb. Shrub, herb, tree, Eggo. Be the hero, Burr eggs. *** "George Herbert W Bush" *** Other Hebrew buggers. Rebut shrew; beg her "go!". Brew Eros' herb, get hug. *** "George Herbert Walker Bush" *** Bush, tree, large herb grew OK. Slaughter Hebrew, rob Greek. Hebrew laughter: go berserk. Hebrew struggle: Baker hero. He grew brutal, he go berserk. Go urge berserk Hebrew: halt. A huge, berserk rebel growth. Globe War Three? Berserk! Ugh. Brewer's barrel: huge hot keg. Hebrew, Greek, Gaul: brothers. Beg hero: skewer the burglar. Burglar bothers Greek; whee! Her lobster bake grew huger. Slugger, hawker, beer, the orb. (The essence of baseball.) Greek bugler, a short Hebrew. (Note... Greek bugler, Hebrew torahs. ...nice subanagrams... Greek bugler, oh Hebrew star. ...for these three.) Berserk, huge rebel wart hog. (Who'd of thunk it?) We're broke: hurl the beggars. Greek brows be her laughter. Greek hero: gels thaw rubber. (Condom/lubricant warnings.) Bugger errs, he broke the law. Ugh, war bothers Greek rebel. The harbor blew Greek "surge". (Pithy post-election analysis.) Urethra kebob; her legs grew. (First half obviously refers to Reagan's trans-urethral resection. Can anyone explain the second?) ========================= Message polya-era:267 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: You decide Date: 15 Dec 88 01:41:53 GMT I was walking with my friend (also named Evan) when we saw a bumper sticker reading "Jesus died for your sins, make it worth his while." An altercation ensued instanter as to whether this were mockery or not. I thought it was obviously so and Evan thought that there was a 50% chance that the intended spirit of the exhortation was "don't let his sacrifice be in vain." More chronicalling (examining?) of the minutiae of my walk with Evan. We passed a bank that had an eagle on a box marked NIGHT DEPOSIT. Evan suggested we drop an eagle in the slot. We passed a bag-piper in Harvard Square. My eyeballs were freezing and the piper was wearing a kilt. I asked Evan if he thought anything were worn under the kilt and he replied that everything was probably in working order. A blind man nearby was tapping spiritedly with his cane in a metronomic fashion. Evan suggested that the blind man harbored regrets. I foolishly asked, "You mean he wishes he weren't blind?" Evan replied, "No, he wishes he were deaf too." Evan doesn't like pipers. The point is -- doesn't this look like one of those articles on the very last page of the Chronicle? ========================= Message polya-era:268 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: IQ dependent Execution. Date: 12 Jan 89 18:37:54 GMT There has been some discussion of whether someone with an IQ of 50 can be said to be GUILTY and thus liable to execution. I see two solutions to this problem. 1. Execute only people whose IQ is (> 80) OR (a multiple of 7 AND < 80). The planned demise for those in the second range should be especially wretched. Having the second range might strike you as arbitrary but it'll keep people honest on the test. 2. Have the execution style get exponentially worse with increasing IQ. The Mafia will then favor low IQ hit-men and we'll get a spate of funny hit-man movies with Danny Devito and Dustin Hoffman when Art imitates Life. ========================= Message polya-era:269 From: Affirmative Aggregation Subject: the usefulness of having Webster's on line Date: 20 Jan 89 06:49:05 GMT Yup, the NeXT has my approval. It's worth the price just to be able to look up all of your friends, enemies, and relatives in the online Webster's... Doubtless Messrs Anile Gangplow (*) and Evanescence will agree. andy is not in the dictionary. Affirmative (*) some particularly hideous imagery comes to mind here. ========================= Message polya-era:270 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Old Noah Built Himself a Dictionary Date: 20 Jan 89 20:07:44 GMT wolvesden:~ |54> webster roger crew " rog.er \'raj-*r\ interj [fr. Roger] : -- used esp. in radio and signaling to indicate that a message has been received and understood " Rog.er \'raj-*r\ [fr. the name Roger] : -- a communications code word for the letter r " 1 crew \'kru\ chiefly Brit past of CROW 2 crew n [ME crue, lit., reinforcement, fr. MF creue increase, fr. creistre to grow] 1 archaic : a band or force of armed men 2 : ASSEMBLAGE 3 a : SET, GANG b : a company of men working on one job or under one foreman or operating a machine 4 a : the whole company belonging to a ship sometimes including the officers and master b : the persons who man an aircraft in flight c : the body of men manning a racing shell -- crew.man \-m*n\ n ========================= Message polya-era:271 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Concurrent Read Exclusive Write) Subject: It's finally over! Date: 21 Jan 89 00:40:22 GMT With George's inauguration, the bicentennial is, after 13 years, finally over. No more of this ``Two hundred years ago today (the declaration of Independence)/(the battle of Yorktown)/(the Constitution) was signed/fought/ratified/folded/spindled/mutilated...'' Yay! Now we can get on with our lives (we're all set until 2012 [bicentennial] or 2026 [quartermillenial] assuming everything lasts that long...) ========================= Message polya-era:272 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: more fun with words Keywords: geek Date: 21 Jan 89 18:16:57 GMT ``Mad'' Marcia pointed out the following rather interesting definition: wolvesden> webster geek _ geek \'gek\ n [prob. fr. E dial. geek, geck fool, fr. LG geck, fr. MLG] : a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usu. includes biting the head off a live chicken or snake That's ``live,'' mind you! --anil. p.s. but only usually. ========================= Message polya-era:273 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Summary: First in a series reproducing those little blurbs from the New Yorker Keywords: New Yorker, blurbs Date: 23 Jan 89 22:42:35 GMT Source: NY, Jan 23, 1989, p. 33 ERRATA WE NEVER FINISHED READING [From "Poetry Pilot," published by the Academy of American Poets] Errata We wish to report two typographical errors which appeared in the October issue in Donald Justice's essay on Henri Coulette. On page 4, William Desmond Taylor's name should be Tanner, not Turner, and ... ========================= Message polya-era:274 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: New Yorker blurbs Date: 29 Jan 89 01:35:46 GMT Source: NY, Jan 30, 1989, p. 94, comments also by NY editors * Tullahoma, because of its geographical location, is approximately 75 miles from Nashville. -- Larry Taft in the Nashville Tennessean. That's how it goes with geography. * Edward W. Chester, a conservative historian at the University of Texas, said it is too early to evaluate Reagan. But, echoing many of his academic colleagues, he said, ``The deficit does bother me. The deficit does bother me.'' -- Missoula (Mont.) Missoulian. Enough echoing already. ========================= Message polya-era:275 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Z Date: 30 Jan 89 17:29:21 GMT Anil may quote the New Yorker, but all I read is Bloom County: Mom: Is Sammy Davis, Jr., an African-American or a Jewish-American? Son: He's a visually impaired Jewish-American-African. [...] Son: So what am I? Mom: Un-married at 31. Happy birthday! -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:276 From: snoeyink@polya.Stanford.EDU (Jack Snoeyink) Subject: in yesterdays mercury Date: 3 Feb 89 21:58:41 GMT Meanwhile, the Federal Aviation Administration's regional office in Alaska issued some restrictions on night flying ... Lou Cancelmi, a spokesman for Alaska Airlines said. -- o Jack _/\_. (')>-(`) snoeyink@polya.stanford.edu ========================= Message polya-era:277 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Alt.sex Date: 3 Feb 89 22:05:07 GMT In looking around at various newsgroups, I've culled the following messages from alt.sex. I'm sparing the gerneal su.etc crowd, but the rest of you get to read them. Explicit language. Some four lett word. Subject: Awareness in using CONDOM. Here is a list of slogans promoting the National Condom Week, which I found in my campus. 1) Cover your stump, before you hump. 2) Before you attacker, wrap your whacker. 3) Don't be silly, protect your willy. 4) When in doubt, shroud your spout. 5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner. 6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong. 7) If you'r not going to sack it, go home and whack it. 8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey. 9) If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize. 10) It will be sweeter, if you wrap your peter. 11) She won't get sick, if you wrap your dick. 12) If you go into heat, package your meat. 13) While you'r undressing venus, dress up the penis. 14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your trouser mouse. 15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member. 16) Never deck her, with an unwraped pecker. 17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool. 18) The right selection? Protect your erection. 19) Wrap it in foil, before checking her oil. 20) A crank with armor, will never harm her. 21) No glove, no love. 22) When in doubt, leave it out. 23) Want to activate the cock, put the sock. 24) When you are in charge, collect your discharge. 25) When there is a flutter in your pants, get the rubber in you hands. 26) Urge for a f**k, reach for a latex. Subject: Re: Sex and Protection Keywords: virginity age Xxxx writes: > [ stupid suburban bullshit ] > ... get a real life ... Hey, grow up, kiddy. This is alt.sex -- once again, and watch that screen now (take the passifier out of your mouth first) -- alt.SEX Now note the word after the dot. S-E-X. Not foo-foo, not gush, not making.love. SEX. Now, if your ideas of SEX are gushy, fine -- but keep your opinions about other definitions to yourself. Or post them on alt.gushy.goo.neato where they belong. Subject: Re: The Straight Dope on Pubic Hair You're about as funny as Charlton Heston, you FUCKING IDIOT! I've been reading these lame explanations of pubic hair for about a week and a half now and I'm going to tell you all the truth about it's origin and reason for existance. Pubic hair is simply there because of the lymph % under the skin in your crotch. It's the same as with your scalp and under arms. It is higher in these areas relative to the rest of your body, even on hairy people who have more lymph. I know this is boring, but at least it's the factual explanation of this silly subject. If you don't like it, then just frost my fucking bush! Subject: Re: : More on simultaneous orgasm In article Xxxxx writes: }I like seeing my partner orgasm, too. The facial expressions alone are worth }it. People look most beatiful and intense when they orgasm. But I find that }my orgasm is more intense when it is prompted or helped along by my lover's }orgasm. Really? It's been my observation that the facial contortions of a woman in the throes of orgasm are indistinguishable from those associated with childbirth or being shot in the stomach. Subject: Re: autofellatio In the referenced message, jb20+@andrew.cmu.edu (Joseph Peter Bailey) wrote: > I read that one in every thousand guys are able to preform oral sex on >themselves. Once in my more flexible days, I tried this. I was able to lick most of the head of my penis, but could not do this and breathe at the same time. My guess is that it's far more common than one in a thousand. I brought up this subject on the WELL a while back, and most of the guys who responded admitted that they had at least attempted the feat. The women, of course, found the topic either fascinating or disgusting. Q. Why does a dog lick his balls? A. Because he can! Subject: (Infrequent Orgasms) and sexist lesbian propaganda. >so what you are saying, then, is that it's just NOT >POSSIBLE for a woman to satisfy a woman more than a >man can? you unbelievable sexist fuckhead. >Xxxxx Hey Xxxxx, do you realize that what you are saying is inherently sexist in the opposite sense of what you are i9rritated at? What about the attitude that women can satisfy women better than men? That's just as much utter bullshit as the idea that women can't satisfy women. Assuming equal sensitivity, knowledge and desire to please their partner both sexes are approximately equal. The only exception I'd believe is in the case where a given partner of a given sex appreciated sexual organs of a particular sex, as in the case of a woman who found female breasts exciting. Of course there are men with what amounts to breasts anyway. What about the case where women just enjoy the feel of a penis, as some "lesbians" do on occasion. In this case a man, with a real penis, as compared to a strap on or vibrator, is going to be the more satisfying option. Either way it's a matter of personal preference, not inherent superiority of one sex or the other in pleasing a given sex. The point is you really seem to have gotten a bit rabid over this one. Sure the guy chose his words rather poorly and his phrases were rather crude and tasteless. What he should have said was that the problem was most likely mental/emotional and not physical. Finally, I'll state right now that >*I*< find it extremely irritating when someone spouts lesbian propaganda claiming that I can't satisfy a women as well as she can, strictly because I'm a man. A point that HAS been proven false in empirical studies several times in the past. If a gven lesbian with this arrogant attitude wants to play sexual ego games of this sort with me she'd better be prepared to lose. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:278 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Alt.sex Date: 3 Feb 89 23:27:28 GMT In-reply-to: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Ramsey, Be warned. If you repost the discussion about oral sex during menstruation, I am going to shoot you. Roger ========================= Message polya-era:279 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 3 Feb 89 23:57:04 GMT Source: NY, Feb. 6, 1989, p. 75 (incl. comments) Last year I tried to attract a hummingbird by buying a feeder and filling it with sugary water. The only thing it attracted was hundreds of black ants. I'm taking a different tactic this year. I ordered a strumpet vine the other day for delivery in the spring. -- Dolores Holmes in the Macomb, (Ill.) Journal. You may end up with a lot worse than black ants. * Toastmasters International Petaling Jaya Club will hold a Letting off Steam session at 7:30pm, Dec. 14 at P. J. Hilton. Here's your chance to vent feelings of anger and frustration on any subject excepting politics, race, re- ligion and other topics deemed sensitive. --Kuala Lumpur Star. What about oat bran? ========================= Message polya-era:280 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: sex Date: 4 Feb 89 00:01:57 GMT Yeah, Ramsey. My KILL file for roger-or-andy is empty, and I'd like to keep it that way. What? You say sex is more interesting than New Yorker blurbs? Foo! --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:281 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: Alt.sex Date: 4 Feb 89 00:10:42 GMT In article <6634@polya.Stanford.EDU> crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: >Ramsey, > > Be warned. If you repost the discussion about oral sex >during menstruation, I am going to shoot you. > > Roger Roger, if you will recheck the name of this newsgroup, it is roger-OR-andy. Thus, as the original charter for the newsgroup mentioned, anything of interest to Roger OR Andy could be posted. Stop trying to censor this newsgroup without Andy's concurrence. Andy, do you want to read about oral sex during menstruation? -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:282 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Re: Alt.sex Date: 4 Feb 89 05:42:33 GMT In article <6638@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >Andy, do you want to read about oral sex during menstruation? My favorite articles/discussions in this group have been those dealing with strange personal experiences (written by the experiencers) and strange things from publications I don't read. I'm still subscribed to alt.sex but haven't been reading much lately (right, why do I feel like I just said that I only read Playboy for the articles, and I don't even read or look at it, honest) except to check that the alt.sexers aren't talking about oral sex during menstruation. The closest current alt.sex topic is self-fellatio. As you'd expect, most of the people have only heard of it, but the only guy who admits to personal experience says that it isn't that difficult but not enjoyable enough to make up for the fact that he couldn't breathe. He also claims that when he brings it up, women are either very interested or very disgusted. (I really should pay more attention because I've never heard him mention any of this at the parties we've both been at.) That's enough of my digression. Ramsey - what can you tell us about oral sex during menstruation? Evan - is there a word for it (perhaps one that isn't as ambiguous as "oral sex during menstruation", since that doesn't make it clear whose lips are where) or a relevant pithy saying? Tracy - is there a bath vs. shower angle here? Gidi - has Miles Davis ever written a song about it? Perhaps some of the other readers will contribute in their own special way. In short, I don't particularly want to see reposted netnews articles from alt.sex. Then again, I don't really care what is posted here as long as I'm neither bored nor overwhelmed by the volume. -andy UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:283 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Explosion on Su-R*A* Date: 5 Feb 89 21:41:01 GMT The dearth of alveolar oxygen occasioned by the act of auto-fellatio is a red herring if ever I heard one. The paramount impediment is, quite naturally, the lumbar pain engendered by the required barbell's on one's back. Actually, anyone who has ever had a penis attached to their body would realize immediately that technical problems would impede the act even if one were endowed with cartiliginous vertebrae. [I hope no one is thinking of posting the awkward note "... a problem endowed with cartil...."]- I think Miles Davis expressed it best in his song "Palate and Glans." ========================= Message polya-era:284 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: I thought I'd never see the day Keywords: Evan goofs Date: 6 Feb 89 04:24:00 GMT Oh Evan! Erudite Evan! Master of English, that language we only aspire to use. Thou hast misspelled cartilaginous! Quick, claim it was not a failing of thy most complete mastery of the Bard's tongue! Assure us that it was only a brief spasm of the hands, or a mere straying of fingers from their home keys! ========================= Message polya-era:285 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: A Pefect Flaw Keywords: Original, Winter, One, Act Date: 9 Feb 89 23:58:44 GMT Hacked for the last few nights? Tired of playing rogue? Try this for a change: Alex W. and I are involved (backstage) in a Ram's Head production. The play, by a Stanford undergraduate, is called "A Perfect Flaw." Performances will be Tuesday, February 14 (Valentine's day), through Sunday, February 19, at 8 pm at Elliott program center (Governor's Corner). Tickets ($4.00) are sold at White Plaza, daily from noon to 1 pm. I think it's a really nice play. There are two guys, Steve and Leonard, and two women, Mary and Deidra. Steve and Leonard live together (Steve is gay, Leonard bisexual), and Mary (an ex-girlfriend of Leonard's) is visiting them. Deidra (an other ex-girlfriend of Leonard's) is cute but dead; she overdosed on pills years ago. Lots of dialogues and monologues about mutual emotions until, in the end, Leonard leaves Steve to start a new life. -- Tom. P.S.: There is a quote from the play in my .plan file. ========================= Message polya-era:286 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 10 Feb 89 06:42:34 GMT Organization: Roger-Or-Andy Groupies Source: The New Yorker, Feb. 13, 1989, p. 82 * THERE'LL ALWAYS BE AN ENGLAND [Letter to the editor of the London Times] FROM DR PETER LANYON-ORGILL Sir, as an inveterate wearer of shorts (except in pouring rain or when attending church services or symphony concerts), now in his seventh decade, and who has had only one day's illness in the last 50 years, I would like to endorse Mrs Tulloch's sentiments (October 27) and share her condemnation of the modern unhealthy habit of forcing small boys into long trousers, whereas only 20 years ago they did not usually ``go into longs'' until they were 13 or 14. Unfortunately, even though one's handsomely tanned lower limbs have acquired their natural colour by exposure to the gentle Devonian sunshine or sea air, one is constantly accused of having joined the hordes of unpatriotic lemmings who have deserted their native shores to suffer the unsympathetic attention of Mediterranean climes. Yours, Faithfully, P.A. LANYON-ORGILL 2 Haddon Lees, Tor Park Road, Torquay, Devon. ========================= Message polya-era:287 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 17 Feb 89 17:59:41 GMT Source: New Yorker, Feb. 20, 1989, p. 106 ON SECOND THOUGHT DEPT. [From the Gainesville (Fla.) Sun] If caught in a lightning storm away from shore, boaters should place themselves away from any metal fittings including the mast and boom, according to Ewen Thomson, a University of Florida professor of electrical engineering and a lightning researcher. Lying or sitting in the direction of the length of the boat and staying low is also important, he said. Keep away from the water and try to stay dry. ``Also, it isn't a good idea to sit right on the bottom of the boat. But by the time you add all those things together, there's really no good place left to sit,'' he said. ========================= Message polya-era:288 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Re: NYQ Summary: What was the date of that New York Times? Feb. 20? That's an even more interesting phenomenon than the article... Keywords: blurbs Date: 17 Feb 89 18:10:46 GMT What was the date of that New York Times? Feb. 20? That's an even more interesting phenomenon than the article... ========================= Message polya-era:289 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 17 Feb 89 19:10:15 GMT In article <6951@polya.Stanford.EDU> eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) writes: > > What was the date of that New York Times? Feb. 20? That's > an even more interesting phenomenon than the article... Call it ESP, omniscience, or just wierd science. I CAN SEE THE FUTURE. Check your local bookstore on the 20th. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:290 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Dialing 1 Date: 18 Feb 89 02:51:57 GMT We now have to dial 1 before the area code when direct-dialing. However, when we want operator assistance for a call to another area code, we don't put a 1 before the area code (after dialing 0). It seems that if the 1 is necessary in one case, it must be in another. For example, suppose that 213, I think that's an LA area code, becomes a prefix in 415. If I want to direct-dial someone in that prefix, I dial 213-wxyz. If I want to direct-dial someone with a similar number in LA, I dial 1-213-wxy-zabc. If I want an operator assisted call to 415 prefix 213, I dial 0-213-wxyz. If I want an operator-assisted call to the similar LA number, I dial 0-213-wxy-zabc. How does the phone system decide when to stop listening for more numbers? -andy UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu (415) 329-1718/723-3088 home/cubicle ========================= Message polya-era:291 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Dialing 1 Date: 18 Feb 89 07:09:22 GMT In-reply-to: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) In article <6980@polya.Stanford.EDU>, andy@Gang-of-Four (Andy Freeman) writes: > If I want an operator assisted call to 415 prefix 213, I dial > 0-213-wxyz. If I want an operator-assisted call to the similar LA > number, I dial 0-213-wxy-zabc. How does the phone system decide > when to stop listening for more numbers? There was a discussion about this just recently in comp.dcom.telecom. It turns out that if you want an operator assisted call to 415 prefix 213, you'll have to dial 0-415-213-wxyz; that in the national dialing plan (to which all localities are eventually going to conform sometime Real Soon Now...), an initial 1 or 0 are both indicators that 10 digits will follow, i.e., that the next 3 digits are an area code. I'm not sure how this idea of dialing 0 to get the operator fits in here; I suppose that's still handled by a timeout... (of course, ever since divestiture this has been all messed up anyway --- *which* operator did you say you wanted???) -- Roger Crew Copyright 1989 -- All Rights Reserved. (so there!) Usenet: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!crew Internet: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU ========================= Message polya-era:292 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: Dialing 1 Date: 19 Feb 89 20:12:54 GMT In article <6981@polya.Stanford.EDU> crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: >In article <6980@polya.Stanford.EDU>, andy@Gang-of-Four (Andy Freeman) writes: > >> If I want an operator assisted call to 415 prefix 213, I dial So now we know what's really on Roger-Or-Andy's mind. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:293 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: cat meeting Date: 24 Feb 89 17:15:26 GMT What's this I hear about cats meeting somewhere? to rescue someone or other? Is it Salman Rushdie? Don't they fear retaliatory measures from Khomeini? Eh? What? Oh, a meeting about rescuing cats. Oh, unrelated to the Rushdie affair. Oh, wrong bboard. Never mind. ========================= Message polya-era:294 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Mohammed is OK by me Date: 24 Feb 89 18:40:14 GMT Not out of cowardice but out of open-mindedness I would just like to say that Mohammed is alright by me and that I see nothing contradictory in the Koran (Qu''r'a'n). No one can conclusively link any joke about Mohammed and Satan and several tarts to me. No smoking gun. Also, the character in my upcoming book "The Satinic Verses" [19.95 Pinguin Press] named Mohammid bears no relation to any characters, historical or fictional. ========================= Message polya-era:295 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: This is surely a case of mistaken identity... Date: 24 Feb 89 18:53:48 GMT Anyone who oppressed the Jews in 131 A.D. [3800 orso Jewish (hey how about a T.V. show 3000 something)] would be much older than me. In Massada, near the end of an unsuccessful rebellion against the Romans at the end of which the Jews were scattered all over Europe, the last 1000 or so survivors gathered on top of a butte in the middle of a desert that makes Nevada look like a rain forest and committed suicide. You can visit Masada today. It is multiple miles from anywhere in particular. If you get up at 4 AM you can climb one of two paths - the one the Jews used (steep), the one the Romans made (easy). When you climb down at about noon you can rest at a small open air cafe at the base that sells soda and snacks and in particular you can buy a soda for about 1 shekel, which in real money is about 60 cents. Which brings me to the point of this all - In this barren rock, miles from anywhere, with old Sol (the sun to be sure) broiling above, you can buy an ice cold can of soda with beads of condensation on the outside, for less than it costs in MJH. Can't you see it? We are going to be haranguing our kids about the 30 cent sodas of our youth like *our* parents harangue us with the 5 cent sodas! We have become the next generation. ========================= Message polya-era:296 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: If you want more proof of our decrepitation Date: 24 Feb 89 19:05:45 GMT Do you remember taking the SAT when it was June and you were in a large gym of people, and the smell of the field and the muffled shouts of your more sporting peers were seeping into your skull and your watch was ticking ominously as you realized that the passage you had just read for 3 minutes made absolutely no impression on your consciousness and would have to be reread and you asked yourself - How the shit do they come up with stuff that is *so* SUPERNATURALLY *DULL*!!! If Ram's latest posting on su.etc describing the art of the novel doesn't look to all the world like one of those passages (ok it lacks the questions) The theme of the above paragraphs can best be described as (a) In literature, authors critique different philosophies by presenting characters representing each philosphy. (b) In literature, authors critique dissimilar philosphies by presting characters representing each philosphy. (c) Do you want to go to Harvard or is it your parents? (d) You can miss this question and still get a 740. Ok Maybe 710, but with the extra-currics - you're a cinch. then what does? Sorry Ram. ========================= Message polya-era:297 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: I can do this all day Date: 24 Feb 89 19:07:05 GMT That is what freedom of speech is all about! Hooray for my country!!!! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! ========================= Message polya-era:298 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: If you want more proof of our decrepitation Date: 24 Feb 89 20:06:56 GMT In article <7177@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: > > How the shit do they >come up with stuff that is *so* SUPERNATURALLY *DULL*!!! > >If Ram's latest posting on su.etc describing the art of the novel >doesn't look to all the world like one of those passages (ok it lacks >the questions) > >(c) Do you want to go to Harvard or is it your parents? I'm just practicing Ev. You see: Those that can't do, teach. Those that can't teach, write SAT questions. Remember Ev, I *didn't* go to Harvard. I just went to this little pre-med institution in Charm City (Baltimore) that no one can ever even spell correctly --- and obviuosly I'm not in a med program now. I have decided that my goal in life will be to make life miserable for anyone who *really* wants to go to Harvard. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:299 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: free Baby Ruth bar Date: 24 Feb 89 20:10:53 GMT In article <7177@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >Sorry Ram. That's a "sorry if you got offended when I called you a stupid lard ass" apology if I ever heard one. It is not heartfelt and hence is not accepted. Off with his head. If the person who does it has curly hair (on top of their head!), then instead of only a Baby Ruth bar, they'll get a six-pack of Snickers. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:300 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: If you want more proof of our decrepitation Date: 25 Feb 89 07:53:04 GMT In-reply-to: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) In article <7180@polya.Stanford.EDU>, ramsey@polya (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: > > I have decided that my goal in life will be to make life miserable for > anyone who *really* wants to go to Harvard. I can see it now ... (the following is excerpted from the Autumn 199n Harvard course listings): CS 105 - Introduction to Analysis of Algorithms (R.W.Haddad) (required for CS majors) Data Structures. Sorting. Searching. Hashing. NP-Completeness and the Polynomial Hierarchy. Linear Programming. Recurrence Relations and Generating Functions. PRAM algorithms and network models. Expander graphs. Boolean cicuit complexity. Random algorithms. Lower bounds. Mathematical Techniques (including Stieltjes Integration and Darboux's Method). You killed my father. Prepare to die. MTWThF 8-10am Roger ========================= Message polya-era:301 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: other glimpses into the future Date: 25 Feb 89 08:08:59 GMT In-reply-to: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) ... this one is from the catalog of The University of Southern North Dakota (Hoople), Autumn 199n: CS 3a -- Using TSO (R.F.Crew) An introduction to various features of IBM's Advanced TSO operating system as implemented on the University computer. JCL will be covered. I think I'll go shoot myself now. MWF 8am Roger ========================= Message polya-era:302 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: First -- I would Date: 25 Feb 89 22:24:25 GMT like to apologize sincerely to Ramsey. The message was ill conceived and shall be removed from back copy of su.r*. Moreover, it will be determined on which terminals the message appeared and those terminals will be destroyed. Lastly, it will be determined what people saw those a copy of the message and they shall be hypnotized and brainwashed to believe they never saw the message. ========================= Message polya-era:303 From: bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) Subject: Re: First -- I would Date: 27 Feb 89 20:53:52 GMT In article <7207@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >Lastly, it will be determined what people saw those >a copy of the message and they shall be hypnotized and brainwashed to >believe they never saw the message. What messaeg? ========================= Message polya-era:304 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: dem blurbs Date: 28 Feb 89 22:03:01 GMT Source: The New Yorker, Feb. 27, 1989, p. 76 * LOST & FOUND LARGE LONG HAIRED white male lost Dec. 17th; E Vineland area. --- Vineland (N.J.) Cumberland News. Answers to ``Leif.'' ========================= Message polya-era:305 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Splitting Date: 5 Mar 89 23:23:40 GMT In my abscence I shall depend upon you, the faithful to set the teeming hordes straight. Of course, the readers of su-rog* themselves constitute a screaming horde but they're MY screaming horde. Just do it. Stupid. e.c ========================= Message polya-era:306 From: bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) Subject: Re: Splitting Date: 6 Mar 89 00:57:48 GMT Evan leaving? I won't believe it until I see him gone. ========================= Message polya-era:307 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Splitting Date: 6 Mar 89 08:00:27 GMT In article <7437@polya.Stanford.EDU> bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) writes: >Evan leaving? I won't believe it until I see him gone. You wouldn't actually see him gone, now would you. To see him, he would still have to be here. Evan, good luck. May the winged Nike of su-rog* be with you. Yes, just do it. Your hordemate, --anil. ps. Don't gloat, Evan. ========================= Message polya-era:308 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: Splitting Date: 6 Mar 89 17:15:45 GMT In article <7437@polya.Stanford.EDU> bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) writes: >Evan leaving? I won't believe it until I see him gone. I did. I came here on Saturday and saw him loading stuff into a big car (parked illegaly in the disabled, er, physically diverse zone). I'll go home and play Eric Clapton's "E.C. Was Here" and meditate on the transiency of human nature. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:309 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Anybody seen... Date: 10 Mar 89 20:11:18 GMT Organization: The New Zoo Revue our Evan? He seems to have escaped. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:310 From: bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) Subject: Re: Anybody seen... Date: 10 Mar 89 20:28:12 GMT I haven't seen him for a while, but he may just be hiding. I still haven't seen him gone. ========================= Message polya-era:311 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Re: Evan's imminent departure Date: 10 Mar 89 23:14:39 GMT I saw Evan earlier this week, trying to sell his car to someone.... I believe he's skipping town by next week (before the new owner of the car comes after him). ========================= Message polya-era:312 From: larrabee@polya.Stanford.EDU (Tracy Larrabee) Subject: Re: Evan's imminent departure Date: 10 Mar 89 23:51:37 GMT In as much as Evan has agreed to dine with me (et alia) on Monday evening, I am going to be pissed if he blows this fascist pest hole before then. ========================= Message polya-era:313 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: More spoor Date: 11 Mar 89 00:14:17 GMT I saw him just a minute ago. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:314 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Stoopid Date: 11 Mar 89 00:19:39 GMT I was going to make that last message "I had sex with him yesterday" but for some reason my mail.init file sticks in "Ramsey Haddad" at the bottom of each message. Well not for some reason, for the specific reason that I accidentally deleted all my .* files and then copied Ram's and narcissist that he is, his name gets stuck on everything he sends. So the message about having sex with Evan would have been read by everyone as an admission of homosexuality by Ram instead of a joke by Ev. I want to make it clear that I do not intend to ascribe by word or deed homosexual proclivities to Ram although several people said they saw Tower boofing him at an air-force base once. e.c (disregard below) -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:315 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 25 Mar 89 21:29:18 GMT Source: The New Yorker, Mar. 27, 1989, p. 93 * SENTENCES WE HATED TO COME TO THE END OF [From a notice sent to members of the United Services of America Federal Credit Union in San Diego, Calif.] Checks that are payable by one bank but are payable through another bank, such as Credit Union Share Drafts that are payable through a bank, are considered local or nonlocal based upon the location of the bank by which the check is payable, not the payable through bank whose routing number appears on the check. Glad they clarified that. ========================= Message polya-era:316 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 6 Apr 89 17:25:13 GMT Organization: Anil Roger Gangolli? Gratuitous-Header-Garbage: No, the R. in my name does not stand for Roger Source: The New Yorker, April 10, 1989, p. 120 * For a special group of any size up to 400, you will dine while viewing glorious scenery, while you glide past unspoiled river splendor through the large picture windows of the magnificently appointed ship. --Brochure from Camelot Cruises. Women and Children first! * RAISED EYEBROWS DEPARTMENT [From "A History of Mexico," by Henry Bamford Parkes] Maximilian lived like a soldier, sleeping in a blanket on the Hill of Bells east of the town, where the imperialist troops were concentrated, exposing himself constantly and winning the applause of his men. ========================= Message polya-era:317 From: bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) Subject: Re: NYQ [really WNW] Keywords: blurbs Date: 7 Apr 89 19:26:38 GMT In article <8215@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: [High class tripe deleted.] Alright. I'm sick of it, and here's my answer. Tin skull whistles 'Yellow Submarine' A replica of a human skull that guards the tomb of a European emperor whistles the Beatles' hit Yellow Submarine' through its teeth, stunned witnesses report. "It sounds crazy, but I know what I heard," Alex Bartels told reporters in Vienna, Austria. "My wife and I were with a groups of 20 people who were admiring the skull and the tomb. "Suddenly the skull began to whistle through its teeth. Everybody who heard it was flabbergasted. But we agreed that the tune was unmistakable. "It was definitely that Beatles' song 'Yellow Submarine'. And it whistled the whole thing before it quit." ========================= Message polya-era:318 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: NYQ [really WNW] Keywords: blurbs Date: 7 Apr 89 20:05:09 GMT In article <8258@polya.Stanford.EDU> bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) writes: >In article <8215@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >>[High class tripe deleted.] > >Alright. I'm sick of it, and here's my answer. >[Low class tripe deleted.] Fine. But at least reference your source. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:319 From: phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU (Geoffrey Phipps) Subject: Re: NYQ [really WNW] Summary: NNW at 20 miles per hour Keywords: blurbs Date: 7 Apr 89 21:00:57 GMT [Various references deleted to keep my editor sane] > > > >Alright. I'm sick of it, and here's my answer. > >[Low class tripe deleted.] > > Fine. But at least reference your source. > > Ramsey W. Haddad He did, even if he got it wrong: WNW should be WWN, i.e. The Weekly World News. I might add that I recognised the reference immediately, even though it had a typo in it. "NYQ", on the other hand, had me mystified for weeks. Just shows what I read. While on a similar topic, I recently boght a Mojo Nixon/Skid Roper CD with the opening track: "Diana Gibson is pregnant with my Two-headed love child". Listening to the song reveals that the child is covered with fur like a bigfoot. Shows what they read too. Still, that track is eclipsed by "She's Vibrator Dependent". Lyrics available on demand. Geoff Phipps ========================= Message polya-era:320 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: NYQ [really WNW] Keywords: blurbs Date: 7 Apr 89 21:42:33 GMT Yes, I agree it is snobbery of the most repugnant variety: preying on the inadequacies of our own educational system, ridiculing those who are less fortunate, and not necessarily less intelligent, than we, claiming ourselves somehow elite, incapable of the gauche errors of the rest of humanity. But, this is The New Yorker Way! Maybe one could even go so far to say that this is the New York Way. Barry is right, though. We being su.roger-or-andy, elite of the elite, distribution restricted, and all that, are above even this. Hereafter we should bring our superiority to bear. Prey on the New Yorker! Put them in place! Extoll the immortal prose of direct mail advertisements and podunk town newspapers! ========================= Message polya-era:321 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: NYQ [really WNW] Keywords: blurbs Date: 8 Apr 89 01:13:33 GMT In article <8264@polya.Stanford.EDU> phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU (Geoffrey Phipps) writes: >[Various references deleted to keep my editor sane] You know, people, we should all be ashamed of our behaviour here. Evan's account is not yet cold and we're already having a DISCUSSION for chrissake, with references and cross references and so forth. Ugh. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:322 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Pardie Tickette says: "Wash it down with a Pepsi, it's some good!" Date: 8 Apr 89 20:37:21 GMT POTATO CHIP SANDWICH 2 slices of bread mayonnaise potato chips Spread the mayo generously across the bread. Pile the potato chips on to one of the slices as high as you can. Then top it with the other slice and mash down until all the potato chips are crushed. from "White Trash Cooking" by Ernest Matthew Mickler. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:323 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Wall Street Journal Date: 8 Apr 89 20:48:33 GMT "When Hirohito dies, the television networks broadcast 48 hours of documentary material on the emporor's life and times. Interest apparently wore thin after a few hours. Video stores later reported that rentals of pornographic videos soared." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:324 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Cerebus #118 Date: 9 Apr 89 06:07:24 GMT Yowza! Dave does it again. (there be spoilers...) ``Cerebus remembered you and Cerebus didn't come back to find you. That was wrong and Cerebus is sorry about that. ``You brought Cerebus back his sword and Cerebus treated you as if you were looking for a handout. That was wrong and Cerebus is sorry about that....'' The S.O.B. is actually apologizing! I keep getting this feeling that something truly awful is going to happen to Jaka. Doubtless, the miscarriage is going to prove significant, what with Iest being currently run by the Cirinists. Roger PS. I suppose now that I've gone and opened this Pandora's Box, I'll have to bring in my copies of High Society and Church & State for people to peruse. PPS. If we had stuck with our original plan of calling this group su.roger-AND-andy, Cerebus would be one of about five allowed topics (another being telephone dialing plans, as seen a number of weeks ago). ... at least, I *think* there might be five; perhaps that's being overly optimistic... -- Roger Crew ``... just remember your second marriage.'' Usenet: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!crew Internet: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU ========================= Message polya-era:325 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Wall Street Journal Date: 9 Apr 89 16:56:03 GMT Is Japanese television so kinky that 48 hours without it drives the populace to buy X-rated videos? Konichi WOW! --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:326 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: fried tripe Date: 9 Apr 89 20:58:23 GMT Tza Ngo Ba Yip: Canton A: 1 lb beef tripe B: 1 clove garlic, chopped C: 1 tablespoon light soy sauce D: 1.5 teaspoons salt E: .5 teaspoons ginger powder Preperation: I. Cut A into pieces 1.5 inches by 2.5 inches. II. Combine B, C, D, E, add A, mix well, and marinate A in mixture 15 minutes. Cooking: 1. Steam 30 minutes over boiling water. Drain and dry with paper towel. 2. Deep fry at 350 degrees 2 minutes. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:327 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: tripe Keywords: tripe Date: 9 Apr 89 22:29:36 GMT Source: The New Yorker, April 3, 1989, p. 116, comments mine By the way, * Harry Raisleger moved with a 2nd from Mary Chobot that an amplifier for the Choraliers be purchased. After discussion and an amendment from Charles Sindelar that the organist be given lessons, the motion carried. -- Minutes of Wisconsin Czechs, Inc. Close call. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:328 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: you missed Date: 10 Apr 89 01:27:32 GMT an elite. We on su-rog* are the elite of the elite of the elite. And I am a little more elite than that. So there. e.c -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:329 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Justice Date: 10 Apr 89 17:41:30 GMT Mario Morby, 12, a cancer patient in remission in Streetly, England, who had amassed a Guiness-book record 2 million postcards of getwell support from around the world, was found suffocated in December after a pile of an estimated 500,000 cards fell over on him. -andy UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu BELLNET: (415) 723-3088 ========================= Message polya-era:330 From: bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) Subject: Re: you missed Date: 10 Apr 89 19:18:36 GMT In article <8320@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: [blah blah blah] How come I feel like I'm trapped in a Topper movie? Hi evan! Still here, I see. ========================= Message polya-era:331 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: British Punctuation Date: 12 Apr 89 02:19:40 GMT In article crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: >True democracy can be quite a horrible thing for people with minority views. "Hear! Hear!" as the British say. But how do they punctuate it? You spent a year there, didn't you Roger? -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:332 From: casley@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ross Casley) Subject: Re: British Punctuation Date: 12 Apr 89 03:44:26 GMT "Hear! Hear!" is correct, according to my high school copy of the Pocket OED. Well done, Ramsey. -Ross ========================= Message polya-era:333 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: British Punctuation Date: 12 Apr 89 10:05:45 GMT In-reply-to: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 12 Apr 89 02:19:40 GMT In article <8383@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: > > "Hear! Hear!" as the British say. But how do they punctuate it? you got me... I would have assumed something more restrained, like ``Hear, hear,'' or maybe even ``Hear. Hear.'' > You spent a year there, didn't you Roger? indeed, but I spent most of my time there learning about weird spellings and archaic usages (quite bizarre to hear people using the word ``whence'' in everyday conversation --- it's a fun word to use, however). Roger ps... of course we could get to all of the bizarre variations, like ``Beer! Beer!'' at the local pub, or ``Deer! Deer!'' at the nature preserve, or ``Lear! Lear!'' at the Shakespeare festival... ========================= Message polya-era:334 From: sherry@polya.Stanford.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) Subject: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Keywords: raining, running Date: 18 Apr 89 01:20:31 GMT Source: The Atlantic Monthly (May 1989, p. 16) Q & A Q: Does it really make sense to run in out of the rain, or will you end up bumping into more raindrops than you avoid? A: To most of us, common sense dictates a breakneck dash, although some argue for a rigidly upright walk (to minimize the exposed surface area). To lay this controversy to rest, the Italian physicist Alessandro de Angelis has calculated the rate of saturation of people moving through vertical rain at various speeds. His computations undermine the case for careful, slow movement; more surprisingly, they also suggest that running very, very fast is probably not worth the effort. While a person walking briskly, at 3 meters per second, stays substantially drier than one who strolls leisurely, he gets only 10 percent wetter than someone sprinting at 10 meters per second -- the pace of a world-class run. Whether rational analysis is likely to prevail over reflex is another question entirely. ========================= Message polya-era:335 From: seligman@polya.Stanford.EDU (Scott Seligman) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Keywords: raining, running Date: 18 Apr 89 03:51:29 GMT Sherry writes: > a person > walking briskly, at 3 meters per second ... gets only 10 percent wetter > than someone sprinting at 10 meters per second -- the pace of a > world-class run. Ah, but he stays wet longer. And he has to wait in line behind the runners for his hot chocolate. -- Scott ========================= Message polya-era:336 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Date: 18 Apr 89 03:58:45 GMT In-reply-to: sherry@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 18 Apr 89 01:20:31 GMT Actually, there isn't a whole lot to calculate. Consider the situation from the reference frame where the raindrops stay fixed and the person moves both horizontally and vertically, instead of just horizontally: . . . / . / . . . . ... .. . . . . . . . / ./ . . . .... . . . .. . . . . ./ ./. . . . . . . . . .. . ... . . .. .. . / /. .. . .. . . . .. . / . ./ .. .. . . .. . . . . . .. . . / . / . . . . . . . . . . . . . ./. / . . . . . . .. .. . . /. . / . . . / .. . . . . .. . .. . . / II./ . /. . . . . . ..... .. . . .. . . . . / /. . / . . .. . . .. .. . . /.. / .. ./ .. . . .. . . . . / / I / . . . . .. . . . . . +----+ /. . ... . . . . . . . t . | | . . .. / . .. . .. . . . . . . | | . / .. . . . . . . . ^ | . | . ./ ... . .. . . . .. . . | | | ./ . . . . . ... . . . . | . .. | .. | . / . . . ... . . .. . .. ... | |./ . . . . . . . . . --> x +----+ . . . . .. . . . . . . How wet you get is (to first order) directly proportional to the sum of the areas of the two parallelograms (I and II) (Area of I) = (how tall you are) * (how far you have to go) (Area of II) = (how wide you are) * (how long it takes) Note that in the (usual) case where one has a fixed distance to run, it is only the area of parallelogram II that depends on how long you stay out in the rain and since most people are much taller than they are wide this tends to be insignificant except at low speeds. Thus the fatter you are, the faster you should run... ... unless you have the foresight to be wearing a large sponge on top of your head. Roger (came *that close* to being a physics major...) (raindrops courtesy of the GNU Emacs random number generator) ========================= Message polya-era:337 From: morris@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Kate Morris) Subject: Mixed metaphor of the week Date: 18 Apr 89 17:59:24 GMT Joe Hsy (jhsy@portia.stanford.edu) writes on su-etc about someone's recommendations for the ASSU elections: > I know plenty of brilliant "analytical minds" in the CS department > that I wouldn't elect for office with a ten foot pole. I've heard of prodding people to do things, but this sounds unnecessarily severe! -Kate ========================= Message polya-era:338 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Date: 18 Apr 89 18:41:59 GMT In article crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: . . . / . / . . . . ... .. . . . . . . . / ./ . . . .... . . . .. . . . . ./ ./. . . . . . . . . .. . ... . . .. .. . / /. .. . .. . . . .. . / . ./ .. .. . . .. . . . . . .. . . / . / . . . . . . . . . . . . . ./. / . . . . . . .. .. . . /. . / . . . / .. . . . . .. . .. . . / II./ . /. . . . . . ..... .. . . .. . . . . / /. . / . . .. . . .. .. . . /.. / .. ./ .. . . .. . . . . / / I / . . . . .. . . . . . +----+ /. . ... . . . . . . . t . | | . . .. / . .. . .. . . . . . . | | . / .. . . . . . . . ^ | . | . ./ ... . .. . . . .. . . | | | ./ . . . . . ... . . . . | . .. | .. | . / . . . ... . . .. . .. ... | |./ . . . . . . . . . --> x +----+ . . . . .. . . . . . . >How wet you get is (to first order) directly proportional to the sum >of the areas of the two parallelograms (I and II) > > (Area of I) = (how tall you are) * (how far you have to go) > (Area of II) = (how wide you are) * (how long it takes) This all assumes that you can't vary the angle of your body to the ground. It turns out that by slanting your body, you can reduce Area I to 0. Thus how wet you get is directly proportional to "how long it takes" --- and so you should run. . . . / . / . . . . ... . . . . . . . / ./ . . . .... .. . .. . . . . ./ ./. . . . . . . . . .. . ... . .. .. . / /. .. . . . . .. . / . ./ .. .. . . .. . . . . . . / . / . . . . . . . . . . . . ./. / . . . . . . .. . . . /. . / .. .. . . . . .. . .. . . . / II./ . . . . . . . ..... .. . . .. . . . . . / /. . . . .. . . .. . . /.. / .. . .. . . .. . . . / / . . . . . . .. . . . . . +----+ . . ... . . . . . . t ./ / . . .. . .. . .. . . . . . . / / . .. . . . . . . . ^ / / . . ... . .. . . . .. . . | / / . . . . . . ... . . . . | / / .. . . . . ... . . .. . / / .. ... . . . . . . . . . --> x +----+ . . . . .. . . . . . . The optimum angle is a function of the relative speeds of the rain and the runner: angle = arctan( speed of rain / speed of runner) ... If I remember my geometry correctly. Ramsey (came *that close* to being a math major) (Well OK, that's a lie.) (raindrops courtesy of the Roger) -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:339 From: bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) Subject: Drat. Another chance missed... Date: 18 Apr 89 21:38:45 GMT Well, with the summer's construction west of the quad alomst over, I was about to start a small betting pool: after all the fences come down, how long will it be before they tear up the first hole? The odd construction of that last sentence comes from noting that this morning I saw two of Stanford's finest tearing a hole in the ground. Sorry campers, but the construction never stops... Barry (came *that close* to being a bookie) or perhaps Barry (came *that close* to being a CS PhD) ========================= Message polya-era:340 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Date: 18 Apr 89 23:22:55 GMT In article <8558@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >This all assumes that you can't vary the angle of your body to the >ground. It turns out that by slanting your body, you can reduce Area >I to 0. Thus how wet you get is directly proportional to "how long it >takes" --- and so you should run. > > >The optimum angle is a function of the relative speeds of the rain and >the runner: > angle = arctan( speed of rain / speed of runner) At least one person has told me that I'm full of shit. They insist that the front of the body will sweep up some water. So, let me elaborate. (This all assumes that the rain has reached some terminal velocity.) Argument 1: If the angle is small enough, then you will get rain on your *back* instead of on your front. Thus, somewhere in between angle = 90 and angle = 0, there is: (1) an angle where you stop getting rain on your front, and (2) an angle where you start getting rain on your front. I claim that the two angles are the same and that it is the angle in my formula. Argument 2: Let's look at a specific case: speed of rain = speed of runner. Hence, our body is at an angle of 45 degrees. Since some peoople weren't convinced by Roger's diagram, let's try a series of snapshots instead. (Scale: two horizontal spaces = one vertical space) The letters are raindrops. A * following a letter means that it is about to hit the person. K K K K K K K K*K K K J J J J J J/\ x*x x x I I I I I/ \y*y y y H H H H/ /z z z z G G G/ /A A A A A F F/ /B B B B B B time = 1 E/ /C C C C C C C / /D D D D D D D D L L L L L L L L L*L L K K K K K K K/\ K*K K J J J J J J/ \x*x x I I I I I/ /y y y H H H H/ /z z z z G G G/ /A A A A A time = 2 F F/ /B B B B B B E/ /C C C C C C C M M M M M M M M M M*M L L L L L L L L/\ L*L K K K K K K K/ \K*K J J J J J J/ /x x I I I I I/ /y y y H H H H/ /z z z z time = 3 G G G/ /A A A A A F F/ /B B B B B B N N N N N N N N N N N M M M M M M M M M/\ M L L L L L L L L/ \L K K K K K K K/ /K J J J J J J/ /x x I I I I I/ /y y y time = 4 H H H H/ /z z z z G G G/ /A A A A A From each level of raindrops, 3 of them hit the *top of the head*. One in the center and one at each corner. No other raindrops hit. By the time our body gets to where the x-y-z-A-B-C-D-E raindrops were, they will have fallen further down. By the time the F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M raindrops get to where the body was, the body will have moved further to the right. Well, does anyone believe me now? -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:341 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Keywords: It's Gonna Rain Date: 19 Apr 89 00:09:27 GMT I don't believe any of your analyses. You're all forgetting Peano's basic axioms of precipitation. He formulated these sometime after his famous arithmetic axioms, but these just never got as much attention. P1) Quando piove, diluvia. When it rains, it pours. This was later adopted as a motto for some unknown reason by the Morton Salt Co, but the original context seems to have been forgotten. P2) Quando diluvia, si bagna. When it pours, you get wet. Gotta agree. Have you any experience to the contrary? P3) Solo di rado piove daverro cane e gatti. Only rarely does it rain actual cats and dogs. P4) Non mente il pluviometro. The rain gauge doesn't lie. This has been, if not explicitly, at least implicitly, adopted by modern-day meteorology with no credit to Peano whatsoever. The independence of the fourth axiom was for some time questioned, as it had a different and significantly more complex character than the other three. But it was eventually shown that a model existed in which the first three were valid, but that could be extended so that either the fourth or its negation could be adopted. ========================= Message polya-era:342 From: pallas@polya.Stanford.EDU (Joe Pallas) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Date: 19 Apr 89 02:16:40 GMT In-reply-to: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU's message of 19 Apr 89 00:09:27 GMT Don't any of you clowns ever carry an umbrella? Sheesh! joe ========================= Message polya-era:343 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Date: 19 Apr 89 21:10:36 GMT In article <8579@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >Well, does anyone believe me now? Yeah. But what I was thinking was that if you ran, the air velocity on your body surface will cause faster evaporation of raindrop-induced wetness, thus leaving you actually drier. But then again... Consider the extra body heat generated by excessive physical activity and the added wetness due to increased perspiration, and it seems that the net result is a somewhat-more-than-usual smelly person running in the rain bumping into innocent people who didn't forget their umbrellas at home. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:344 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Date: 19 Apr 89 22:27:31 GMT In article <8585@polya.Stanford.EDU> pallas@polya.Stanford.EDU (Joe Pallas) writes: >Don't any of you clowns ever carry an umbrella? Sheesh! "An umbrella is of no avail against a Scotch mist." -- James Russell Lowell, {\it Literary Essays, Vol III, On a Certain Condescension in Foreigners} I assume that a Scotch mist corresponds to the case where (speed of rain = 0). Thus our formula yields, angle = arctan(0) = 0. So, in a Scotch mist, you want to crawl on your belly. This is hard to do with an open umbrella. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:345 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Date: 19 Apr 89 23:28:46 GMT In article <8602@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >I assume that a Scotch mist corresponds to the case where (speed of >rain = 0). No, it's a whisky cocktail with crushed ice and a twist of lime. But it makes crawling on your belly with an open umbrella even harder. BTW, here's a trivia question for y'all: What is the difference between whisky and whiskey? -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:346 From: phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU (Geoffrey Phipps) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Date: 20 Apr 89 00:07:04 GMT In article <8604@polya.Stanford.EDU|, gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) writes: | | BTW, here's a trivia question for y'all: What is the difference | between whisky and whiskey? | Several hundred kilometres. The Scots spell it without the 'e', the Irish use the 'e'. Perhaps I have it the wrong way round, but I don't think so. | | -- | Gidi | ------------------------------------------------------------------------ | "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) | ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:347 From: bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Keywords: It's Gonna Rain Date: 20 Apr 89 00:41:50 GMT In article <8581@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >I don't believe any of your analyses. You're all forgetting Peano's >basic axioms of precipitation. He formulated these sometime after his >famous arithmetic axioms, but these just never got as much attention. [...] For those of you who have never delt with this subject before, you might want to prove the following theorems as a quick exercise: 1) Every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven. 2) It rains on the just and unjust. 3) [Bacherach's conjecture] I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining. ========================= Message polya-era:348 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: So this is how physicists occupy themselves? Date: 20 Apr 89 00:52:46 GMT In article <8608@polya.Stanford.EDU> phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU (Geoffrey Phipps) writes: >In article <8604@polya.Stanford.EDU|, gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) writes: >| >| BTW, here's a trivia question for y'all: What is the difference >| between whisky and whiskey? >| >Several hundred kilometres. The Scots spell it without the 'e', the >Irish use the 'e'. ... and the Canadians go with the Scots while Americans side with the Irish (check your next Bourbon bottle). Which makes this a rather rare case where the American spelling has an extra 'e' over the British one. (And please don't flame me for calling the Scots British.) Ta-ta, -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:349 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Easy come, easy go. Date: 20 Apr 89 22:26:51 GMT Source: Mother Jones, May 1989 ``When it was reported that [Robert] Cray refused an invitation to join the Bush/Atwater inaugural blues jam, he suddenly became something of a political hero. ... ``He did turn down the gig, right? "I would have loved to have done it. We were on the road that night." '' -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:350 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: _Cyborg_ quotes Date: 21 Apr 89 09:17:10 GMT ``Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggghhh!'' ``Eeeeeyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuughhhh!'' ``RRRRRRrrrrrraaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrrrr!!!!'' ``Uuuuuunnnngh. HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!'' ``Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!'' [brief pause as one of the female bystanders goes nuts: ] ``Oh STOP IT! Please!'' [and now for a quick action-sequence: ] ``OOoof!'' ``RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRR'' ``Uuungh!'' ``Uuungh!'' ``Uuungh!'' ``Uuuuuunnnffffgh!'' [enough fighting; time for some more character development: ] ``Uuuuuunnnngh. HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!'' ``RRRRRRrrrrrraaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrrrr!!!!'' ``aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwrgh'' ``Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!'' ``EEEEEEEYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!'' ``Booooof!'' This movie should be out for perhaps a couple more days. JoeBob says check it out... R. ========================= Message polya-era:351 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: S.F. Examiner article on Soviet forces withdrawing from Hungary Keywords: Cicciolina, tank, Hungary Date: 28 Apr 89 00:39:54 GMT Following is the first paragraph of the April 26 S.F. Examiner article on the withdrawal of Soviet forces from Hungary: Kiskunhalas, Hungary -- The first Soviet tank withdrawals from Eastern Europe got under way Tuesday with a minor mishap when Italian porno star Cicciolina released a "dove of peace" that promptly flew under the treads of a moving tank and was squashed. ========================= Message polya-era:352 From: ashok@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Ashok Subramanian) Subject: Category theory courses Date: 3 May 89 17:52:31 GMT You might have noticed that there is a course being offered this quarter in the Mathematics department entitled "Categories for the working logician." Rumor has it that there are plans afoot to continue this trend by offering a course entitled "Categories for the unemployed logician" over the summer quarter. --ashok Department of Disinformation ========================= Message polya-era:353 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Category theory courses Date: 3 May 89 18:06:52 GMT In-reply-to: ashok@carcoar.Stanford.EDU's message of 3 May 89 17:52:31 GMT In article <8918@polya.Stanford.EDU> ashok@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Ashok Subramanian) writes: > a course entitled "Categories for the unemployed logician" over the summer > quarter. or perhaps ``Computer Science for unemployed category theorists'' And now the commercial: ``Let's get something straight. THIS is your brain... and THIS is Category Theory.'' ``THIS is your brain doing Category Theory. Any questions?'' ========================= Message polya-era:354 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: So he does Date: 4 May 89 01:33:02 GMT In article crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: . . . / . / . . . . ... .. . . . . . . . / ./ . . . .... . . . .. . . . . ./ ./. . . . . . . . . .. . ... . . .. .. . / /. .. . .. . . . .. . / . ./ .. .. . . .. . . . . . .. . . / . / . . . . . . . . . . . . . ./. / . . . . . . .. .. . . /. . / . . . / .. . . . . .. . .. . . / II./ . /. . . . . . ..... .. . . .. . . . . / /. . / . . .. . . .. .. . . /.. / .. ./ .. . . .. . . . . / / I / . . . . .. . . . . . +----+ /. . ... . . . . . . . t . | | . . .. / . .. . .. . . . . . . | | . / .. . . . . . . . ^ | . | . ./ ... . .. . . . .. . . | | | ./ . . . . . ... . . . . | . .. | .. | . / . . . ... . . .. . .. ... | |./ . . . . . . . . . --> x +----+ . . . . .. . . . . . . -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:355 From: kos@polya.Stanford.EDU (Andrew Kosoresow) Subject: News Flash Keywords: fusion,breakthrough,wowsa! Date: 4 May 89 19:04:36 GMT Using the latest findings from the Utah Fusion experiments, a Stanford researcher was able to prove that frozen food prepared in a microwave cools faster than identical food prepared in an oven, when heated to the same "steamy sizzling gloppy" temperature. ========================= Message polya-era:356 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 6 May 89 16:21:33 GMT Source: The New Yorker, May 8, 1989, p. 52 * THERE'LL ALWAYS BE AN ENGLAND [From the London Times] SIR, This morning I went into my garden shed to find a bumble bee (Bombus terrestris) buzzing on the inside of the window. When I enclosed it in a cloth to help its exit I noticed that the pitch of its buzz went up one octave. After releasing it I went to the piano and found that its original note was the C sharp below middle C. I wonder if any of your readers have observed the buzz-note of other Bombidae. Yours sincerely, G.B.R. Walkey, 14 Main Road, Newton Regis, Tamworth, Staffordshire ========================= Message polya-era:357 From: sherry@polya.Stanford.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) Subject: The Ultimate Part-Time Job Keywords: money, free food, what more can you want? Date: 7 May 89 17:57:37 GMT For those of you who are sick of Ramen, spaghetti, and frozen pizza: The Tab (some version of the Palo Alto Weekly) is having a contest. Write a review of one of your favorite local restaurants, and you might get a job as one of two restaurant reviewers for the paper. And all the finalists get free dinners or lunches at "some of the Midpeninsula's finest restaurants". Sounds like a great deal, for eating a meal or two out and writing a 300 word review! For them what's interested, entries should be sent to: The Great Restaurant Critic Contest The Tab P.O. Box 1610 Palo Alto, CA 94302 ========================= Message polya-era:358 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Ramen? Date: 7 May 89 20:21:06 GMT In-reply-to: sherry@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 7 May 89 17:57:37 GMT ``Ramen''? ummm... what is this? webster (courtesy of gsb-how.stanford.edu) turns up some interesting possiblities: ra.men.tum \r*-'ment-*m\ n pl ra.men.ta \-*\ [NL, fr. L, a shaving,...] : a thin brownish scale on a leaf or young shoot of a fern Get a few hundred young fern shoots (good luck finding ferns around here), shave off the thin brownish scale, spread it in a baking pan to dry out in a 300 degree oven. Mix with bread crumbs and parmesan cheese --- absolutely wonderful for veal cutlets... Well,... maybe not. " ru.men \'ru-m*n\ n pl ru.mi.na \-m*-n*\ or rumens [NL, fr. L, gullet] : the large first compartment of the stomach of a ruminant in which cellulose is broken down by the action of symbionts -- ru.mi.nal adj This is obviously a delicacy in some part of the world I don't ever want to visit. _ ra.met \'ra-.met\ n [L ramus branch] : an independent member of a clone mmmmm... try again. _ 1 ra.ven \'ra-v*n\ n [ME, fr. OE hr{a-e}fn; akin to OHG hraban ...] : a glossy black corvine bird (Corvus corax) of northern Europe, Asia, and America -- compare CROW Pie recipes, anyone...? The only other possibility I can think of is some bizarre connection with the Ranyhyn tenders in Donaldson's books (sorry..., I liked these; flames to rec.arts.sf-lovers...) Roger ========================= Message polya-era:359 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Ramen and other staples Date: 8 May 89 18:43:49 GMT Roger is obviously unaware that some students subsist on Ramen noodles, a boil-for-3-minutes-and-imbibe form of junk food that is supposedly based on Chinese noodles. Of course it's not in the dictionary, it's a brand name. But then it should be capitalized... ========================= Message polya-era:360 From: young@polya.Stanford.EDU (R. Michael Young) Subject: Re: Ramen and other staples Date: 8 May 89 18:52:19 GMT You guys overlooked the obvious: Login name: rdz In real life: Ramin Zabih Groups: users Directory: /u1/rdz Shell: /bin/csh Last login Sun May 7 21:54 on ttyp0 from Tip-MJHd.Stanfor No unread mail Project: Intelligent penguins. No plan. Or is Ramin really the boil-for-3-minutes thing you were talking about? ========================= Message polya-era:361 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Notice found on inside of toilet stall Date: 12 May 89 21:07:40 GMT Today in Tressidder (sp?) Union, I happened to notice a poster on the inside of a toilet stall in the women's room. Usually the sorts of things posted there (besides graffiti) are there so that one can discretely scribble down a phone number: rape crisis line, VD clinic, etc. However in this case the notice in question was an announcement of a Stanford Glee Club concert tomorrow night, with "accompaniment by Roger Crew". ========================= Message polya-era:362 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Notice found on inside of toilet stall Date: 12 May 89 21:31:07 GMT In article <9149@polya.Stanford.EDU> eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) writes: > >However in this case the notice in question was an announcement of a >Stanford Glee Club concert tomorrow night, with "accompaniment by >Roger Crew". > Boy, that Roger, he really gets around. While it seemed to me that he was always in 450, hacking away ... Must be quite a crowd-getter too, to have been specially mentioned on the poster. His name alone must evoke some excitement in a women's stall! Andy, are your exploits comparable? --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:363 From: maslen@pescadero (Thomas Maslen) Subject: Neither Roger nor Andy Date: 15 May 89 00:51:48 GMT From comp.software-eng: ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > As someone said, "Software will be a science when programmers stand on each > other's shoulders instead of each other's toes." [I would be grateful if > someone can point to the originator of this] If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants. -- Isaac Newton In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with the giants on whose shoulders we stand. -- Gerald Holton If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders. -- Hal Abelson In computer science, we stand on each other's feet. -- Brian K. Reid ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, *I* think it's cute. BTW, who the hell is Hal Abelson? Thomas ========================= Message polya-era:364 From: rdz@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Ramin Zabih) Subject: Re: Neither Roger nor Andy Date: 15 May 89 01:41:47 GMT Hal Abelson is a CS professor at MIT. It makes the joke somewhat funnier if you realize that he is quite short. (He also works a lot with Gerry Sussman, who is better-known. I don't know if this is part of the joke or not...) Ramin Zabih Computer Science Dept. rdz@Score.Stanford.EDU Stanford University ========================= Message polya-era:365 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Ther'll always be an England, toujours I swear Date: 17 May 89 19:58:54 GMT let's get this straight - we all have in mind a nation full of eccentrics pinching the bottams (english spelling) of bumblebees and wearing tweads and such but in reality there are only a handful of these blokes (guys) and the rest are these violent drunks that go to soccer matches and crush the people next to them. so next time everyone at a soccer match gets crushed (well almost everyone obviously you can't have everyone get crushed unless you get fancy) we should all say - ah there'll always be an england -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:366 From: snoeyink@polya.Stanford.EDU (Jack Snoeyink) Subject: Re: Ther'll always be an England, toujours I swear Date: 17 May 89 22:32:46 GMT But, P. E. C., when the soccer blokes crush each other, (using some fancy footwork, I admit) THEN there will always be an england of bumblebee blokes. -- o Jack _/\_. (')>-(`) snoeyink@polya.stanford.edu ========================= Message polya-era:367 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Keep your eyes on Date: 19 May 89 12:46:41 GMT Roger - he was sighted logged on at 5:40AM. I noticed an advert for one of those Byzantine agreement talks today (that's when I noticed it who the hell knows when the talk is). Is this stuff like the 100 meter dash -- ie the performance will get better indefinitely (as long as you allow Canadians to do it) until you can achieve agreement in constant time when everybody lies. Ramsey, you're the theoretician, you tell us -- me? I'm no theoretician, I'm an AI-NA-MTC-Software-Hardware jock - I'm no theoretician, so says Ram. yo, e.-- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:368 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: Keep your eyes on Date: 19 May 89 18:58:35 GMT In article <9306@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: > Ramsey, you're the theoretician Me? I'm no theoretician, I'm an AI-NA-MTC-Software-Hardware jock - I'm no theoretician. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:369 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: are babies more fun than tennis?? Date: 19 May 89 19:08:41 GMT In the past couple of years, Stanford Shopping Center has been invaded by stores catering to Palo Alto's new Moms & Dads. Designer clothes for babies, etc... Sometime this year, the Herman's Sporting goods near Alma & University closed up and disappeared. And now, the 50 year old Stanford Sporting Shop (next to Mountain Mike's) is going under. Liquidation sale starts this weekend. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:370 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: are babies more fun than tennis?? Date: 19 May 89 19:15:36 GMT In article <9315@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes about how baby clothes replace sporting goods in the Palo Altan shopping consciousness. No wonder, sez I, the PA yuppies are constantly in search of expensive hobbies. There's only so much you can spend on bikes, but with crack prices soaring, you'll never stop spending on your children. Ta ta, -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:371 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Babies v. sporting equipment Date: 19 May 89 19:44:42 GMT Babies as entities are incomparable to pieces of sporting equipment, this has been shown numerous times, most notably in "Towards an understanding of children as rowing machines" and "Soloflex kids." The closest model using modal operators shows that *making* babies is more fun than *making* sports equipment.. And that's good enough for me.-- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:372 From: morris@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Kate Morris) Subject: IBM Service Bulletin (Mouse Balls) Date: 19 May 89 21:00:34 GMT From: trewitt@miasma.Stanford.EDU Subj: IBM Service Bulletin ************************************************************ | Evidently, this is for real. | *************************************************************** | ESD PRODUCT SERVICE SUPPORT | SUBJECT:NEW RETAIN TIP | | Record number: H031944 | Device: D/T8550 | Model: M | Hit count: UHC00000 | Success count: USC00000 | Publication code: PC50 | Tip key: 025 | Date created: O89/02/14 | Date last altered: A89/02/15 | Owning B.U.: USA | | Abstract: MOUSE BALLS NOW AVAILABLE AS | FRU (Field Replacable Unit) | | | TEXT: | MOUSE BALLS ARE NOW AVAILABLE AS A FRU. | IF A MOUSE FAILS TO OPERATE,OR | SHOULD PERFORM ERRATICALLY,IT MAY | BE IN NEED OF BALL REPLACEMENT. | BECAUSE OF THE DELICATE NATURE OF | THIS PROCEDURE,REPLACEMENT | OF MOUSE BALLS SHOULD BE ATTEMPTED BY | TRAINED PERSONNEL ONLY. | | BEFORE ORDERING,DETERMINE TYPE | OF MOUSE BALLS REQUIRED BY EXAMINING | THE UNDERSIDE OF EACH MOUSE. | DOMESTIC BALLS WILL BE LARGER AND HARDER | THAN FOREIGN BALLS. BALL REMOVAL | PROCEDURES DIFFER,DEPENDING UPON | MANUFACTURER OF THE MOUSE. | FOREIGN BALLS CAN BE REPLACED USING THE | POP-OFF METHOD, AND DOMESTIC | BALLS REPLACED USING THE TWIST-OFF METHOD. | MOUSE BALLS ARE NOT USUALLY | STATIC SENSITIVE,HOWEVER,EXCESSIVE | HANDLING CAN RESULT IN SUDDEN DISCHARGE. | UPON COMPLETION OF BALL | REPLACEMENT,THE MOUSE MAY BE USED IMMEDIATELY. | | IT IS RECOMMENDED THAT EACH | SERVICER HAVE A PAIR OF BALLS FOR | MAINTAINING OPTIMUM CUSTOMER | SATISFACTION,AND THAT ANY CUSTOMER | MISSING HIS BALLS SHOULD | SUSPECT LOCAL PERSONNEL OF REMOVING | THESE NECESSARY FUNCTIONAL ITEMS. | | | P/N33F8462 -- DOMESTIC MOUSE BALLS | | P/N33F8461 -- FOREIGN MOUSE BALLS | | | | SAS KEYWORDS: | | PSY2||8525SYSMISC 8530SYSMISC 8550SYSMISC | | 8560SYSMISC 8570SYSMISC 8580SYSMISC | | | USERID (RSSTEWART) NODEID (BCRVM1) | | INT.ZIP 1225, DEPT 2AW, TL 443-4597 (407-443-4597) | | ESD PRODUCT SERVICE SUPPORT,BOCA RATON,FL. | | ||| | | ||| | ||| | || | | | ======================================================================== ========================= Message polya-era:373 From: ashok@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Ashok Subramanian) Subject: Paper or plastic? Date: 20 May 89 00:37:11 GMT I've noticed that the standard bagger's chant at the Safeway in Menlo Park has recently changed from "Paper or plastic?" to "Is plastic OK?" Anybody know the inside story, or how this is related to Palo Alto's new measures to encourage the use of alternatives to plastic? --ashok ========================= Message polya-era:374 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Ashok is looking for significance Date: 22 May 89 13:08:03 GMT in an unlikely place - the price of paper probably went up about a penny a ton. This causes the default chanting to change. Later this summer, I have it on good authority that the cost of paper will drop 2 cents and the plaintive request will be transmogrified to "Do you want paper or do you not give a shit about the environment you swine." Actually I think that the plastic is easier for the baggers to use - it is set up nicely and the bags are small so they don't have to balance the eggs at the top and the rolls at the side, it might just be individual enterprise on their part who knows e.r "There'll always be a Palo Alto."-- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:375 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Re: are babies more fun than tennis?? Date: 22 May 89 21:28:50 GMT In article <9316@polya.Stanford.EDU> gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) writes: >There's only so much you can spend on bikes, but with crack prices >soaring, you'll never stop spending on your children. It's my understanding that crack prices are actually dropping; this (and the current price level) "encourages" so much market growth that revenues and profits are increasing. (After all, that is the point of getting a bigger market.) Price-wars have broken out as different factions try to grab a larger share of this market, even though margins are probably shrinking; I suspect that someone who comes up with ways to drive down production costs will become extremely rich. (Where is a manufacturing/ production MBA/IE/OR when you need one? I'll bet they could even use someone who knows about scheduling.) Retailers are already using marketing techniques like happy hours, two-for-one deals, and I wouldn't be surprised if they revived the "get a free dish every week to complete your set of tacky flatware"; I doubt they'll give out free maps though. Are there any free markets that aren't illegal? (Other than international markets, like that for oil.) -andy UUCP: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu BELLNET: (415) 723-3088 ========================= Message polya-era:376 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: My idea Date: 23 May 89 13:07:45 GMT I guess it depends a lot on what crack looks like but why not replace crack with quartz crystals. Quartz crystals last longer, are less harmful to the old body and give you spiritual peace. The two obvious drawbacks are that they don't give you a drug-induced sense of euphoria and when the crack monster finds this out he will want to have a vigorous discourse with you. So never sell anywhere twice - fund a trip across America by selling quartz crystals. Enjoy getting stopped by cops when your trunk is full of small quartz crystals. Write about it and sell the article to Esq. or somesuch. Or continue reading the net bboards. Either way. E Never Force anything Mechanical Never Kick anything Inanimate Never Fuck around with the Inevitable -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:377 From: sherry@polya.Stanford.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) Subject: The Bionic Stomach Date: 23 May 89 15:50:17 GMT Source: San Jose Mercury News 5/23/89 In keeping with the health-consciousness of the present decade, the editors of the Guinness Book of World Records have decided to scrap all but one of the "gluttony records" (e.g., how fast can you eat 100 eggs). The one they're retaining is that of greatest omnivore, and the reigning champion is one Michel Lotito of France, whose diet since 1966 has included: * 10 bicycles * 1 supermarket cart * 7 television sets * 6 chandeliers * 1 coffin * 1 Cessna light aircraft ========================= Message polya-era:378 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Question Date: 23 May 89 17:25:06 GMT Why are so many people trying to protect whales, while at the same time attempting to make the AIDS virus extinct? I mean, is this a matter of size, or just good old ethnocentricity? D'you think I could get Jerry Garcia and Springsteen to do a "Save The Virus" concert? -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:379 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Every day as I drive to work Date: 24 May 89 14:35:31 GMT I pass a large sign that says "Yes! you can live forever" The first couple times, I turned as I passed so I could see what the small print was. There doesn't seem to be any. It is 50/50 whether is it something religious or some medical quackery - but there is a third possibility, yet unmentioned, to wit, perhaps they can fend off the grim reaper indefinitely down hyeah. Certainly it would be too hot for him to come down during the summer. -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:380 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Would you sleep with her? Date: 24 May 89 16:30:14 GMT From SF Chronicle (5/24): Kelly McGillis let it out in Cannes that she will soon make a new movie in which she plays a macabre sex killer, a woman living in Vienna after World War I, who commits a series of horrible, bloodthirsty murders in which the trademark is a castrated victim. ... [Recently,] the tall and gifted actress said publicly for the first time that she had herself experienced a brutal rape in the past. Of this new role, Kelly remarks, "Taking this part might seem as if I'm getting my revenge on men, over what happened to me in the past. But that's not true. This is just another role." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:381 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: 4 months? Big deal! Date: 24 May 89 16:36:28 GMT From SF Chronicle (5/24): Stefania Follini, who lived underground in a sealed cave with no human contact for more than four months, emerged yesterday to face the bright midday desert sun ... During that time, she lost track of time, heard no human voice and communicated with the outside world only by means of a computer linked to another computer. ------------- Sounds like what I've been doing for the past 6 years. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:382 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Attack of the killer rats^H^H^H^H^H trees Date: 24 May 89 16:42:36 GMT From SF Chronicle (5/24): Some of the vegetation in the contaminated zone around the Chrenobyl nuclear power plant is growing to giant size, a newspaper reported today. "Some plants are exhibiting giantism"... including "giant green pines." ... "although there have been some genetic deviations noted in rodents in the zone, no noticable changes in their condition or behavior has appeared." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:383 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Peace in our time Date: 24 May 89 20:17:57 GMT Source: Rolling Stone, April 20, 1989 P.J. O'Rourke suggests: Has anyone ever considered the American Girlfriend Plan for World Peace? What you do is give every important world leader an American girlfriend. For instance, there never would have been a Pearl Harbor. "Now you listen to me, Hideki Tojo. If you think you're going off to bomb Hawaii and leave me here all by myself, you've got another thing coming, Mr. Big Shot Japanese Warlord!" I'm sure it would work. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:384 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: Peace in our time Date: 24 May 89 23:28:28 GMT In article <9442@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >Has anyone ever considered the American Girlfriend Plan for World >Peace? What you do is give every important world leader an American >girlfriend. It seems like somebody else (KGB?) has already been on the job of giving every important AMERICAN leader (an oxymoron, no doubt) an American girlfriend... Looks like it's working. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:385 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: The Solar-Powered Ventilated Golf Cap Date: 26 May 89 18:19:27 GMT The Solar-Powered Ventilated Golf Cap. Offered exclusively by Hammacher Schlemmer, this is the only golf cap with a built-in solar-powered fan which directs a constant breeze toward your forehead to cool you on hot days. The motor is powered by six 1/2-volt solar cells for daytime use and by two AA batteries (included) for nighttime; a 2-position switch lets you choose between solar or battery operation. A Velcro attached sponge inside the headband can be moistened to cool you as water evaporates and as the pad absorbs perspiration. Made of nylon mesh with nylon front; adjustable plastic strip fits hat sizes 6 7/8 to 7 5/8. Weight: 4.8oz. Item# 37022M Price: $29.95 Price includes shipping, insurance and handling --- but not CA sales tax. Unconditionally guaranteed --- any item may be returned, and they pay for the return postage. Call toll-free: 1-800-543-3366. 24 Hours. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:386 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Animated Quacking Duck Phone Date: 29 May 89 00:00:06 GMT Source: Hammacher Schlemmer catalog, Summer 1989 Animated Quacking Duck Phone. Modeled after traditional duck decoys, this telephone alerts you to an incoming call with a series of quacks rather than with a ring and, unlike other models, its beak moves in sync to the quacking sound. Made of Malayan jelutong, a fine- straight-textured wood, it is hand-carved and painted in traditional woodland colors. It uses a 1.5 inch, 100-ohm speaker to authentically reproduce the call of a male mallard duck. The telephone can be used on either pulse or tone systems, has a memory that stores up to ten 16-digit numbers and has automatic last number redial. The ringer can be adjusted for high, low or off. LED indicators in the duck's eyes light up when there is an incoming call or when the receiver is removed from the base. Four AA batteries (included) power its beak. Comes with 19 inches of coiled receiver/base cord, 73 inches of base/ phone jack cord. Connects to any modular telephone jack. Height: 6 7/8 inches. Width: 4 inches. Length: 13 1/4 inches. Weight: 2.9 lbs. Item# 35647M Price: .50 Price includes shipping, insurance and handling --- but not CA sales tax. Unconditionally guaranteed --- any item may be returned, and they pay for the return postage. Call toll-free: 1-800-543-3366. 24 Hours. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:387 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: The Only Orthopedic Pet Bed Date: 31 May 89 00:00:06 GMT Source: Hammacher Schlemmer catalog, Summer 1989 The Only Orthopedic Pet Bed. Originally developed for pets suffering the discomforts of arthritis, joint stiffness or hip dysplasia and used in veterinary clinics, this is the only pet bed that has an orthopedically designed multi-conical foam cushion to provide increased comfort, air circulation and healthy joint support for your dog or cat. Its 169 conical contours permit even weight distribution throughout the shoulders, torso and leg regions and foam pockets under the pet for effective dispersion of body heat. Washable flea-resistant denim cover. Polyurethane foam pad is non-allergenic and non-toxic. Width: 36 inches. Length: 36 inches. Weights: 2.5 lbs. Item# 36304M Price: .95 Smaller-sized pet bed (25 inches by 25 inches) Item# 36305M Price: .95 Price includes shipping, insurance and handling --- but not CA sales tax. Unconditionally guaranteed --- any item may be returned, and they pay for the return postage. Call toll-free: 1-800-543-3366. 24 Hours. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:388 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: The Only Orthopedic Pet Bed Date: 31 May 89 01:27:35 GMT The Only Ram Rammer Constructed of durable foam rubber, this device makes the ideal implement with which to bung your rampant Ramsey soundly over the head, or wherever else you might want to bung him. Particularly useful in training your Ramsey not to post junk mail to your favorite bboards. Makes an excellent conversation piece; comes with wall mount. Can also be used on non-Ramseys, and probably-Ramseys. Unconditionally Guaranteed, except if used. $19.99 ppd. 1-800-Ram-Rams 24-hours. ========================= Message polya-era:389 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: On reading junk mail catalogs Date: 31 May 89 04:53:05 GMT I see that Ramsey is spending his time reading yuppie catalogs. No doubt he is eagerly planning the superfluous consumer products on which he will spend the voluminous salary he expects to be making shortly. ========================= Message polya-era:390 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: As a former Ram roommate Date: 31 May 89 13:51:12 GMT I feel compelled to explain why Ram reads the HS and Sharper Image catalogues. He has a constant and compelling need to refurbish his electronic possessions. When he reads these catalogues and sees air conditioned hats, he is able to point and those and say "THAT is truely useless." This then allows him to go out and buy an electric pencil sharpener for his car with perfect equanimity. -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:391 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: useless Date: 31 May 89 16:07:31 GMT While posting those messages, I was expecting some foreigners (Hussein, Singh, Henzinger) to chime in with how decadent our country is. Instead people chime in with how decadent *I* am. Unfair. Unfair. And as to making boodles of money: it'll be about the same as Evan makes and no one gave *have* him a hard time; plus, Palo Alto has a higher cost of living than Houston. That is, it has a higher cost of living even before I buy the things in the catalog that any Palo Altan *needs*: like the pencil sharpener for the car. Anyway, those were the only three items I was going to post from the HS catalog. Don't worry, I wasn't going to convert su.r-o-a into an electronic version of the Home Shoppers Club. But seriously, I haven't been able to get my hands on a Sharper Image catalog, recently. Anyone have one I could take a peek at? -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:392 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Allow me to pluck Date: 31 May 89 17:31:14 GMT the opium pipe from your teeth Ram -- in sharp contradistinction to the pictured you limned of a character on the order of Silas Marner counting his gold pieces and cackling, my life is a spartan one with simple pleasure where pleasure are to be had, like tending my garden, scouring the floor and sharpening the blades of my fire-truck-red turbo-hovercraft. -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:393 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: During a moment Date: 31 May 89 17:42:22 GMT of enlightenment this afternoon - suddenly everything Gidi has ever said became crystal clear. Almost immediately Israelis started flooding into my office and my desk clock was replaced by a funky black-red-blue affair. I realized that by dint of understanding everything he had ever said I had become him. With intense concentration I was able to misunderstand a chance remark he once made one time when we met in the hall and I was able to revert to being moi meme. Close. "hell, if you understand everything you say you'd be yourself." "Ramsey is a sybaritic, hedonistic bourgeouise pig." E.S.R.-- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:394 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: National Secret (In japanese) Date: 1 Jun 89 02:21:50 GMT The following joke is from fj.jokes and is probably very funny. Can anyone out there translate this from the Japanese for me. In article <1827@secisl.seclab.JUNET> mune@secisl.seclab.JUNET (Muneaki Saito) writes: )$B$R$H@NA0$N%=O"$G$N$*OC$G$9!#!V%U%k%7%A%g%U$O!V9q2H5!L)O31L:a!W!#(J ) )$B%U%k%7%A%g%U.J?$5$s$NH=CG$r6D$$$G$$$k!W$NH/8@$K9q2H5!L)O31L:a$,E,MQ(J )$B$5$l$l$P@$3&Cf$K ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >The following joke is from fj.jokes and is probably very funny. >Can anyone out there translate this from the Japanese for me. > .... [Kanji codes deleted] In a rather liberal translation, the joke reads: >During a moment of enlightenment this afternoon - suddenly everything >Gidi has ever said became crystal clear. Almost immediately Israelis >started flooding into my office and my desk clock was replaced by a >funky black-red-blue affair. I realized that by dint of understanding >everything he had ever said I had become him. With intense >concentration I was able to misunderstand a chance remark he once made >one time when we met in the hall and I was able to revert to being moi >meme. Close. > >"hell, if you understand everything you say you'd be yourself." > >"Ramsey is a sybaritic, hedonistic bourgeouise pig." > E.S.R.-- >Probably Evan Cohn What it has to do with national secrets is beyond me. Perhaps that Ramsey is a sybaritic, hedonistic bourgeouise pig was not generally known there. --anil with probability 1. ========================= Message polya-era:396 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: National Secret (In compressuuencode) Date: 2 Jun 89 03:37:34 GMT In-reply-to: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU's message of 2 Jun 89 02:16:28 GMT In article <9628@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >The following joke is from fj.jokes and is probably very funny. >Can anyone out there translate this from the Japanese for me. Well, I don't know Japanese, but I was going to try translating it into TECO. Meanwhile, while we're waiting for Tom Hz. to get back from Isreal so we can see what the Austrian (*) translation looks like, we'll have to make do with this compressed/uuencoded version M'YV0/D" \$&DCIPT;LZ " .BS9LV9=S0 ?'&#(B(;-*<04,G(D2)(.B@23-G MH9F.>,&1 L0<^J0(8,QST4[9>3D$8GPC(* X^D(9,&!)HP);("5,F MXYR? GUD!=N1# @S;%8238A6XIN&-BN:23.FS$(W?MO8I#EG3=-7 M9%NHDQ%.K AB-4TY>R'W1.U#:;9 M4A,5:%Y/#;V1!G400236$('-YP)UU(FP'8LLH&51'F_4T1QD"FKUXG?8\0BE ME.'9M.4)I#FV)71UF>&""$@"Y8,(4E UGTTD+013'F* Y1YC36Y'!DLD[3<& M5%'*<48949+D&!P:G4E= HP6X<(4+DCA0@LO40>%'&_4^9I-1=CA(@A#O(&& $&PK8"D89 Roger (*) yup, Austrian. Hey, it's true; I saw it on The Six Million Dollar Man once. There's this scene where Steve Awesome is in this Austrian cafe and wants to get this message to somebody, so he asks the waitress how to say somethingorother in Austrian and she tells him... (**) In another episode of this same show there's a scene showing a fully-equipped launch gantry. And I do mean fully-equipped; it even had a few tape drives thrown in for good measure. (***) For another television classic (I was about to say American television classic, but realized that in this case, we don't get to claim credit): Sunday nights at 9pm -- Channel 54 is showing SPACE: 1999 This inspired my very first public TV contribution. ========================= Message polya-era:397 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: My .signature File Date: 2 Jun 89 19:09:34 GMT Seems like the r-or-a community is abuzz with fear and terpidation re the possibility of my .sig file's innocent remark being actually another version of the curse of the pharoahs or The Fly III, whereby accidental comprehension of my every word (highly unlikely of course, but after all, we're in California) will start the violins screaming in the background and the guttural bellowing sounds of my mid eastern accent will rise inside your throat to gag and choke you. Not so. However, in the interest of preserving the public's peace of mind, I'm willing to change my .signature. Moreover, I will accept suggestions from probably anyone. The best .sig suggestion will win a plastic-plus black-and-red desk clock or its equivalent in coupons. Gidi -------------------------------------------------- ========================= Message polya-era:398 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Gidi's .signature File Date: 2 Jun 89 20:12:05 GMT Why not: Probably Gidi Avrahami, Possibly Miles Davis, Certainly Not Evan Cohn. or perhaps Just gotta be me, just gotta be me!! .|` .|` You just gotta be me .|` --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:399 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Gidi's dilemma Date: 2 Jun 89 21:59:15 GMT Try these on for size: "Problems that were formerly unsolvable are now dealt with by threat of reprisal." W.A. The management is not responsible for any disillusionments, heartbreaks or ennui poisonings. SJ P "Say no more. Or else stand by for a dose of grievious bodily harm. " K.A. (Mordechai Richler's Humor Collection) I recollect one time George had got a gallon of bourbon that he was saving for birthday. The night before his birthday, for a prank, I poured the bourbon out of the jug and filled it with the fluid that drains off a keg of nails. Came his birthday, George drank that whole jug without even making a face. It didn't affect him a bit, either, except for the rest of his life whenever he saw a hammer he'd scream and cover his head. Max Shulman (Life in a Putty Knife Factory?) If bullshit were music you would be a brass band. Mark V. McCollum -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:400 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: Evan's treasure of wit Date: 2 Jun 89 22:15:29 GMT In article <9687@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) presents some interesting quotes for our perusal. But why are some of the sources given as acronyms (W.A., SJ P, K.A.) and others fully expanded? Or am I the only one who's not familiar with these wise folk? -- Gidi -------------------------------------------------- ========================= Message polya-era:401 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Initials Date: 5 Jun 89 13:53:58 GMT Because I forget some names and remember others. W.A. is Woody Allen, sJP is Sidney Perelman and K.A. is K.A. -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:402 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Initials Date: 5 Jun 89 18:55:32 GMT In article <9730@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: > >Because I forget some names and remember others. W.A. is Woody >Allen, sJP is Sidney Perelman and K.A. is K.A. But who the hell is E.S.R. ? :-) ========================= Message polya-era:403 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: man is dull Date: 7 Jun 89 17:20:35 GMT Source: "Labyrinths of Reason", William Poundstone, 1988 "Are there *any* mythical beasts which aren't simple pastiches of nature? Centaurs, minotaurs, unicorns, griffons, chimeras, sphinxes, manticores, and the like don't speak well for the human imagination. None is as novel as a kangaroo or starfish." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:404 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: man is dull Summary: But is Poundstone a dullard? Date: 7 Jun 89 20:30:04 GMT In article <9780@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >"Are there *any* mythical beasts which aren't simple pastiches of >nature? Centaurs, minotaurs, unicorns, griffons, chimeras, sphinxes, >manticores, and the like don't speak well for the human imagination. >None is as novel as a kangaroo or starfish." Mythical creatures are not generally intended to be utterly fantastic; sometimes amazing, sometimes horrifying, but believable. Pastiches of observed animals are more believable. Kangaroos and starfish are novel, but would you recount "Perseus slaying the Kangaroo" in any heroic adventure? This excerpt doesn't speak well for Poundstone. Most mythology is much more interesting. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:405 From: maslen@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Maslen) Subject: Man is incredible [Was Re: man is dull] Date: 7 Jun 89 20:51:53 GMT In article <9787@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >Mythical creatures are not generally intended to be utterly fantastic; >sometimes amazing, sometimes horrifying, but believable. Pastiches of >observed animals are more believable. Kangaroos and starfish are Does the word "believable" grate on anyone else? I'd like to put in a vote for "credible" (or are there nuances of which I'm unaware?). Thomas ========================= Message polya-era:406 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: man is dull Date: 8 Jun 89 01:33:52 GMT In article <9787@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: > Kangaroos and starfish are >novel, but would you recount "Perseus slaying the Kangaroo" in any >heroic adventure? This excerpt doesn't speak well for Poundstone. >Most mythology is much more interesting. On re-checking the book, he was merely elaborating on Descartes: "For even when painters try to create sirens and satyrs withthe most extraordinary bodies, they cannot give them natures which are new in all respects; they simple jumble up the limbs of different animals." Are you willing to take on Descartes? (Should be easy to beat him since he's dead.) "Anil slaying Descartes" -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:407 From: ashok@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Ashok Subramanian) Subject: Scrambled headlines and bacon, please Date: 8 Jun 89 03:26:59 GMT "Cancer may help stop mice in cheeseburgers," screams the headline from Scott's cubicle next to mine. "Some forms of cavities may help prevent indulging in chocolate" says another, more modestly but just as firmly. "We help injure victims and their relatives", says an ad in the until-oh-so-recently-dumb yellow pages. An insert in the Daily entices all and sundry to what it calls the Last Supper: "We guarantee you will never enjoy a better meal." The ad for the exotic erotic ball on campus reads "Proper attire or Stanford ID required." And thanks, Shaibal, for the classic ad from Capitol Tire Systems, now safely out of business (thank goodness!): "We take care of your tires and alignment to maximize your tire wear." --ashok (a little mendacity goes a long ways) ========================= Message polya-era:408 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Star-trek, Homer and the manticore Date: 8 Jun 89 13:09:22 GMT Since time immoral man has been trying to create fantastic images of non-existent creatures. And Descartes is wailing because the best we can do is put a horn on a horse. Well first off - the anatomy of a creature is not the only criterion for judging uniqueness. Location is important. Finding a starfish in your breakfast cereal is as amazing as finding a manticore. And you have to judge the powers - unicorns are known for being particularly susceptible to the blandishments of virgins. Now this is certainly an unusual trait - who among us..well perhaps this is a bad example. Descartes would be bummed to find that we haven't gotten any better- the best they can usually do on Star-Trek in terms of representing extra-terrestrials is having guys with big heads to represent intelligence and blue women to represent exoticism. What is the point of this? Only that I'd take the blue women every time. You too Ram?-- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:409 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Joe Bob Date: 8 Jun 89 16:36:45 GMT Joe Bob Briggs, the movie conoisseur and social commentator, can be heard on KRQR, FM 97.3, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, 8:08 AM and PM. Gidi says check it out. And now for the business at hand. What Descartes was too dumb to understand (yes, I'll take on a dead philosopher any time) is that totally fantastic creatures cannot really touch the human psyche. What we (meaning humans, not necessarily r-or-a readers) are terrified of is the human with non-human traits. A man (okay, woman) with scaly skin is more horrible than an aligator. A centaur evokes more visceral fear than a ten foot starfish. Just think of Evan and you'll know what I mean. Descartes' pseudo-rational approach to mythology makes him the percursor of many a boring science fiction book and reader. -- Gidi -------------------------------------------------- ========================= Message polya-era:410 From: pallas@polya.Stanford.EDU (Joe Pallas) Subject: Re: Star-trek, Homer and the manticore Date: 8 Jun 89 16:39:49 GMT In-reply-to: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 8 Jun 89 13:09:22 GMT Now, just a minute there. While I have nothing against blue virgins, I feel compelled to come to the defense of Star Trek Classic. Amongst the peculiar creatures were: the horta, a silicon-based rock-like creature the companion, an amorphous energy cloud the flying plastic vomits Vulcans (who are not susceptible to the blandishments of virgins, except when they wear revealing outfits that lift and separate) (I mean the virgins' outfits, not the Vulcans') Of course, there were also: Yarnek, a rock-like creature the Organians, amorphous energy beings the spirit of Jack the Ripper, an amorphous energy being the Metrons, amorphous energy beings the weird blood-sucking cloud, an amorphous ... never mind In any event, I suspect that Descartes would be more impressed by Jimmy Swaggart, Lyndon Larouche, and Cal Worthington as mythical creatures than he would by anything we've made up intentionally. joe ========================= Message polya-era:411 From: bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) Subject: Re: Star-trek, Homer and the manticore Date: 8 Jun 89 18:09:09 GMT In article <9813@polya.Stanford.EDU> pallas@polya.Stanford.EDU (Joe Pallas) writes: >In any event, I suspect that Descartes would be more impressed by >Jimmy Swaggart, Lyndon Larouche, and Cal Worthington as mythical >creatures than he would by anything we've made up intentionally. I don't believe that Cal Worthington and His Dog Spot [which outwardly resemble an odd assemblage of human and animal parts], Jimmy Swaggart [mostly human parts] and Lyndon Larouche [your guess is as good as mine] can be said to be anything but a culture myth, and thus created every bit as intentionally as an a hoopsnake or a skronk. ========================= Message polya-era:412 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: filtering the news Date: 9 Jun 89 15:03:45 GMT Source: "The Day I Became an Autodidact" by Kendall Hailey "My attitude about current events has always been that the really important ones would become part of history and I'd catch them then." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:413 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs galore Date: 9 Jun 89 16:39:44 GMT Source: The New Yorker, June 12, 1989, p. 88, 96 * Prime Minister Thatcher's censorship has enraged Britain's intellectual. -- The Times. Who he? * Mrs. Garcia's serves all your favorite Mexican dishes, including burritos, tostadas, quesadillas, and tacos, all made from scratch daily, using no lard. You can choose from chicken, beef, pork, or purely vegetarian ingredients in all paintings and abstracts, sofas and chairs in turquoise and peach, tables of glass, stone, and metal. -- L.A. Weekly You choose. We're still deciding. * A THOUGHT FOR THIS WEEK [Headline in the Waterbury (Conn.) Republican] HIGHER FERTILITY RATE YIELDS MORE BIRTHS * Big companies are aggressively buying weekly newspapers. Perhaps 50 percent of the nation's 7,600 weeklies are now independent, compared with an estimated 50 percent a decade ago. -- The Times. Another trend dies aborning. ========================= Message polya-era:414 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: mental exercise Date: 10 Jun 89 16:40:10 GMT For your summer pleasure: /u2/ramsey/sk/sokoban. You `@@' have to push *all* the `$$' blocks through the maze and onto the `..' cells. But be careful. One wrong step and you could be in an impossible position. No fear, you can restart or back-up to a previously stored position. There are 50 different puzzles which gradually increase in difficulty. The `?' command will give you all the help you need. Thanks go to ber@astbe and Tracy and everyone on the path between them. Curses and bug complaints go to me. Warning: There are some termcap entries where the walls of the maze are not visible. z29-a and h19 seemed to work fine. If you have trouble and can't figure it out, curse and then send me a complaint. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:415 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: mental exercise Date: 10 Jun 89 22:01:45 GMT In article <9904@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >For your summer pleasure: /u2/ramsey/sk/sokoban. > >The `?' command will give you all the help you need. Not quite. Say that you exit and save a partially completed puzzle using the "s" command. When you restart sokoban, you have to explicitly restore it using sokoban -r Without the "-r" flag, it will start you out with a reintialized puzzle of the appropriate level --- but without your partial moves. Don't worry roger-or-andy, I won't convert this bboard into rec.games.sokoban. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:416 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: mental exercise Summary: P=NP Date: 11 Jun 89 23:42:39 GMT And whoever said games interefere with research? Yesterday evening, I succeeded in reducing SAT to SOKOBAN, where the SOKOBAN problem is simply: is a given instance of sokoban solvable; can you save all the "$$-guys"? (Yes that's "$$-guys", Thane.) Independently Ashok reduces SOKOBAN to a problem of deciding membership in a certain minor-closed family of graphs, and applying the recent results of Seymour and Robertson shows that SOKOBAN is in P, but non-constructively. Corollary: P=NP. We publish tomorrow. :-) ----- Probably A. Gangolli, but possibly A Joke. ========================= Message polya-era:417 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Sokoban Date: 12 Jun 89 13:42:20 GMT There are two things that make you feel older - one is seeing that they gave the AA qual again and the other is not knowing the computer games that grad students waste their time on. Imagine this double whammy coming on a Monday! In response to Pallas' message of many days ago defending the Star Treks of yore for their creativity in representing the forms of alien life: yeah there were a couple of novel ones but it usually sufficed to paint the guy half white and half black or give him pointy ears or an Eastern European accent or a funny hat and a bad haircut. Admit it - our intergalactic lothario, J. T. Kirk never scored with an alien life form that say Ramsey wouldn't have lunged at. The most he would say is "hmmm blue and 6 breasts - sure bring her on." -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:418 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Z Date: 12 Jun 89 23:33:18 GMT I get better offers now. I don't get the ``Texas Chainsaw Circumcision'' scripts anymore. -- Robin Williams -- Gidi -------------------------------------------------- ========================= Message polya-era:419 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: sorry sorry sorry sorry Date: 12 Jun 89 23:44:12 GMT I knew I was wise not to say "this is my last sokoban message". I fucked up. A bunch of you did (s)aves which created USERNAME.sav files in one of my directories. I decided to move them. This meant I had to recompile. Unfortunately after re-compiling, I forgot to do a chmod u+s So anyone who ran the program after that didn't get their new score saved. I fixed that now. I'll never make this mistake again. Honest requests to update the score file can be dealt with. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:420 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: more deep-fried brains Date: 13 Jun 89 13:15:37 GMT All right.... twits! .... You asked for it: Go into GNU emacs and do M-x load-library ~crew/emacs/cf M-x cf It's Canfield and there are 3 distinct ways to cheat. ? for instructions. ========================= Message polya-era:421 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: new record Date: 13 Jun 89 22:06:18 GMT Marcia just received *4* copies of the exact same junk mail on the same day. 2 to Marcia A. Derr 1 to Maria A. Derr 1 to M. A. Derr -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:422 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Once a year Date: 14 Jun 89 13:19:33 GMT bboard guidelines dictate that every bulletin board must have a short debate on religion so as to foster understanding between communities of differing beliefs and dislike of the Jews. "There be 3 things which are too wonderful for me, yea 4 which are unknown, the way of an eagle in flight, the way of a ship upon the sea, the way of a serpent upon the ground and the way of a man with a maid." Especially a french maid in one of those skimpy outfits. Oo la la. The point is that all of man's knowlege fits inside this one statment PLUS I applied a glue gun to a wounded beach ball when I was a kid and I once had a computer program that I couldn't get to work which pretty much shows that scientific theories are flawed and hopeless. I accept the following as a article of faith that no one of sound mind can dispute "There is one curious george and H. Rey is his prophet." Ram - back me up on that one. -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:423 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: C_r___s G__rg_ Date: 14 Jun 89 16:44:02 GMT From the incomplete archives of su-roger-or-andy: :::::::::::::: Date: Thu 8 Oct 87 12:10:40-PDT Found among the unpublished manuscripts of H.A. Rey: The G_orge's Prayer Our Cu_ious G_orge who art in Ramsey's desk drawer Hallowed be thy name Thy kingdom come Thy will be done On Earth As it is in Cu_ious G_orge Flies a Kite NOTES: (1) The manuscript, from which this was carefully copied by the British simiologist I. M. A. Monkee II, has since mysteriously vanished. (2) Some members of the Curious George cult have declared this a fraud, pointing to the apparent anachronistic reference to Ramsey's desk drawer. Others believe this a prophetic element of the prayer, attesting to its validity. ------- ========================= Message polya-era:424 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: C_r___s G__rg_ Date: 15 Jun 89 10:10:59 GMT In-reply-to: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU's message of 14 Jun 89 16:44:02 GMT > ... > On Earth > As it is in Cu_ious G_orge Flies a Kite > actually, this is the basis for the plot of the next Indiana Jones movie. Indy goes off in search of The Kite, finds it, runs into Nazis who take it away from him, then watches as they attempt to fly The Kite, thus calling forth the power of C_r___s G__rg_ which in a burst of truly intense special effects proceeds to blast all of the skin from their bones and reduce the remainder to small gooey puddles of fat. Roger ========================= Message polya-era:425 From: morris@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Kate Morris) Subject: sokoban Date: 16 Jun 89 01:19:54 GMT Ok, so I'm cruising along playing sokoban, and I've just finished solving level 50 (yes guys, that's fifty, L, 110010, 0x32. 062, '2'...). As I triumphantly move the final packet into position, instead of bells ringing and congratulations messages, I get the following: sokoban: cannot open screen file Now, that would be ok; I know that there *are* no more screens after 50. But *it*didn't*record*my*score*!! So, no one will ever know. And Ramsey's gone home already, so I can't go yell at him about inadequately debugged software. -Kate ========================= Message polya-era:426 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Hey guys - Date: 16 Jun 89 13:37:24 GMT There are women reading this bboard - were you aware of this? Ram, Roger? -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:427 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: sokoban Date: 16 Jun 89 16:39:26 GMT In article <10050@polya.Stanford.EDU> morris@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Kate Morris) writes: >Ok, so I'm cruising along playing sokoban, and I've just finished solving >level 50 > > sokoban: cannot open screen file There are two ways to solve any problem: the craftsman or the "what-a-life". Those of you who aren't in the set {Ramsey, Evan} might not have run against Mr. "what-a-life" the plumber. Count your blessings. Anyway. I have not fixed the code. So there. (Kathy says she'll send me a patch which I'll install.) In the interim, I have created a trivial level 51. When you get there, don't play the level. Instead quit. Ah that gives me a better idea: level 51 will not be trivial, it will be impossible -- thus preventing accidental completion. Are such kludges good or bad practice for my upcoming systems career? Ramsey. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:428 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: I'm not much of an expert on the Japanese School system Date: 19 Jun 89 21:30:05 GMT If I type some choice between USA and SU when it asks where to send to su-roger-or-andy is there a difference? Are there unofficial tallies for the longest average time a class takes to leave? I think that my class might hold the record. Is anyone here going to push their kid to enter a PhD program? I swear that I am going to let my kid make his own choice, completely free of pressure from me, as long as he gets to wear a stethescope at the end. Akira is a big dog, but I thought he'd be bigger. Andy, is the Japanese school system fair or what? -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:429 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: I'm not much of an expert on the Japanese School system Date: 19 Jun 89 22:26:21 GMT If you use the distribution USA it gets sent everywhere in the whole country, Evan. Machines nationwide suddenly see this new newgroup, and everyone gets this new-newsgroup-su.roger-or-andy-put-it-where- in-your-.newsrc message, some administrator somewhere says "What's is this garbage, and what's it doing here?" and man, Evan, THEN YOUR IN TROUBLE! BTW, the Akiro-pup is by no means a big dog, and I have never claimed he is. Yet, let me remark in passing, Evan, that your entire neck would fit quite easily in his mouth. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:430 From: weening@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Joe Weening) Subject: Re: I'm not much of an expert on the Japanese School system Date: 19 Jun 89 23:02:55 GMT In-reply-to: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU's message of 19 Jun 89 22:26:21 GMT You should use "su", but really it doesn't matter since we take care not to send this newsgroup to systems except Polya (and its news clients). My class probably holds the recent record for longevity, but with most of us finishing this year we may have trouble keeping it. In the old AI lab days, I'm told, there were quite a few people here into the double-digit range. -- Joe Weening Computer Science Dept. weening@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU Stanford University ========================= Message polya-era:431 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: As Goethe Date: 20 Jun 89 13:02:16 GMT The opera ain't over till the fat lady sings - most of my class is still here so longevity records can't be compared yet though lower bounds can be provided. With regards to Akiro -*I* have always claimed he was a big dog but I retain a certain amount of dubiety whether my neck would fit comfortably in his mouth. I would be inclined to make the experiment but I fear that there is no Heimlich manuever for Evan necks. Tant pis-- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:432 From: gangolli This message is missing from the archive. It seems to have been cancelled by the sender, probably Andy, see message polya-era/438. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:433 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Anecdote Date: 20 Jun 89 20:31:37 GMT Paraphrased I'm afraid - Ring Lardner and X decided to get drunk so they got some good scotch and some lousy hootch for when they were drunk and it didn't matter. Next morning X is hung over and he drinks a glass of scotch and gets sick. Tries a second time and then a third with the same results - Ring opens one eye and calls out, Hey X, if you're just practicing, would you mind using the hootch? -- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:434 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Re: I'm not much of an expert on the Japanese School system Date: 20 Jun 89 20:51:53 GMT In article <10101@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Koan) writes: >Andy, is the Japanese school system fair or what? I'm moving to EPA next week; MRC has moved to Washington state. I've never seen Shogun and don't have a TV, let alone a VCR; MRC has the best collection of Japanese videos on the West Coast and knows the production history of every one released in the past five years. I learned one phrase of Japanese from someone who watched Shogun, but I forgot it. The Japanese school system is more Japanese than most others. One of my college friends was sent here by his parents so that he wouldn't have to go through the Japanese school system. -andy UUCP: {arpa gateways, sun, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu BELLNET: (415) 723-3088 ========================= Message polya-era:435 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: anarchist triptych Keywords: art, anarchist Date: 20 Jun 89 21:14:15 GMT On the wall of Tresidder facing the new coffee house patio is a hanging mural triptych with an accompanying sign reading: SANCTITY OF THE BLANK WALL This empty wall was filled by people who wanted to change their environment, and did. Brought together by SWOPSI 149, we collectively created this image. Another (A) effort. For more info call (415) 948-3476 write P.O. Box 4965, Stanford. where (A) is the closest I could get to the anarchist A-in-a-circle. Putting aside the question of how anarchists can every do something collectively, Plambeck [1] has given an interpretation, which I now paraphrase. P: On the left we see a world in turmoil. Volcanoes erupt; the masses, cogs in a great machine, swim in a dark sea. Basically bleak. Yet a few people, whom we must assume are anarchists, grasp for something new and better. In the middle frame the anarchists, now holding the "broken cog" (A) symbol, have pulled themselves, with each others' help, above the masses, still cogs in the machine. Finally in the third frame, the anarchists are attaining bliss in an ideal world under the symbol of the broken cog (A). Plambeck also comments on the evident symbolism of the broken cog. Again paraphrasing, P: Representing the split from the mechanized, it also conveys the non-entirety of the anarchist philosophy, which leaves always some part to be completed by the individual. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:436 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: reference on previous Date: 20 Jun 89 21:16:04 GMT Sorry, I omitted the reference for the previous: [1] Plambeck, T., personal communication. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:437 From: morris@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Kate Morris) Subject: Re: I'm not much of an expert on the Japanese School system Date: 20 Jun 89 21:54:37 GMT In article <10124@polya.Stanford.EDU> andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) writes: >In article <10101@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Koan) writes: >>Andy, is the Japanese school system fair or what? > >The Japanese school system is more Japanese than most others. > >-andy > >ps - Kate Morris read a book once and she really doesn't know anything >more. It's great being quoted out of context, in the true bboard/usenet tradition. My comment was "I don't know anything more about the Japanese educational system". Just so you know, -Kate (don't you hate having your messages rejected because you didn't write enough?) ========================= Message polya-era:438 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: bike race suggestion Date: 21 Jun 89 08:22:50 GMT from the door of mjh450 to the door of mjh408 and back 16 laps [ I wonder what sort of contortions one goes through to get this sanctioned by the US Cycling Federation (or if they send their secret police after us if we don't) ] ``... 3 riders have broken out of the pack! There they go! it all depends on this next turn...'' Roger (conceivably) ps. Yes, this really can be done. pps. andy canceled an article. ooooooo! ========================= Message polya-era:439 From: phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU (Geoffrey Phipps) Subject: Re: bike race suggestion Date: 21 Jun 89 17:31:20 GMT Roger wrote (wabidly?) > > from the door of mjh450 > to the door of mjh408 > > and back > > 16 laps > ps. Yes, this really can be done. Sorry, bin done. Not here, but back at Sydney University I did a couple of laps of the CS building at 3am. Linoleum square floor, so it was pretty slippery. Lots of glass doors around too. After we finished our Honours projects we did a couple of laps of the roof (not on our bikes). The CS building at Sydney is shaped like: ----------- | | | | | | | | | ----------- This could lead to a figure 8 course with interesting interactions in the middle corridor. g ========================= Message polya-era:440 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: bike race suggestion Date: 21 Jun 89 18:45:57 GMT In-reply-to: phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 21 Jun 89 17:31:20 GMT figure eights? circles? you're cheating. I mean just the stretch of hallway with 460, the elevator and 402 on it. No looping around by the patio & Cheriton's office. Now, a bike race on the roof of MJH would be extremely interesting. Roger ========================= Message polya-era:441 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: I'm not much of an expert on the Japanese School system Date: 21 Jun 89 19:16:34 GMT Organization: Roger OR Andy Fan Club, Stanford Chapter In article <10134@polya.Stanford.EDU> morris@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Kate Morris) writes: > (don't you hate having your messages rejected because you didn't > write enough?) One can avoid such news program stupidity by indenting the > characters by a space. Then they're not counted. --anil. p.s. I did not read this in a book, and further, I claim that this is not all that I know. Evan may dispute this, but I remain one of the few who have ever corrected his spelling. p.p.s. My earlier lucid translation of a certain Kanji message attests to my expertise in Japanese, but not on the Japanese school system, which I admit is very Japanese, and probably systematic and scholastic, too. p.p.p.s. Akiro may be a Japanese name, but was not chosen as such, though he was dubbed Kuma-chan (little bear) once by someone who knew someone who probably saw Grizzly Adams in Japanese. Akiro knows only Canineji. ========================= Message polya-era:442 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Having attended Date: 21 Jun 89 20:12:11 GMT the Japanese school system for 12 years and being as I am a scholar in Medieval Japanese court poetry, I feel that I have nothing to add to Anil's and Andy's cogent observations. Anil points out that he once corrected my spelling ... I have never been immodest enough to state that I was anything but an average speller, only that I have the best vocabulary in the entire world bar none. And now a serious question - what is a good name starting with an S? I'm not having a kid any time soon - not to worry but quite possibly I'll have one in this life time and I don't want to be unprepared. -- what are the best names in general - not too weird, not too ethnic - something like um... Evan or Ian or Deirdre or Cara or Caella or Natasha which is arguably too ethnic. Dede (pronounced dee-dee). And it has to go with Reid - Vito is a lovely name but goes better with Castanucci or Gangolli. ciao bellae-- Probably Evan Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:443 From: morris@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Kate Morris) Subject: Re: bike race suggestion Date: 21 Jun 89 22:07:15 GMT In article <10151@polya.Stanford.EDU> phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU (Geoffrey Phipps) writes: >Roger wrote (wabidly?) >> >> from the door of mjh450 >> to the door of mjh408 >> >> and back >> >> 16 laps >> ps. Yes, this really can be done. > >Sorry, bin done. Not here, but back at Sydney University I did a >couple of laps of the CS building at 3am. Linoleum square floor, so it >was pretty slippery. Lots of glass doors around too. After we finished >our Honours projects we did a couple of laps of the roof (not on our >bikes). A year or two before Geoff's honours year, my year used chairs on wheels to do the same thing (very scary; chairs are considerably less stable than bikes, especially when being pushed by a couple of drunken students). The year before mine, someone went through a glass door doing this. Don't try this at home, kids, -Kate ========================= Message polya-era:444 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: It Shakes it bakes Date: 23 Jun 89 13:13:37 GMT It's shake and bake chicken -- I wake up, drag my butt into work and hustle over to Stanford just in time to see Anil chiding people for inditing inferior poesy. This I believe is somewhat unfair on his part - after all, some people just have that stuff lodged within them and are forced to either expell it or seek professional help. Did we not all give our parents lumpy ashtrays when we were callow youths (yootz in the paralance of Brooklyn)? -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:445 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs, snobbery Date: 23 Jun 89 20:42:37 GMT Source: The New Yorker, June 26, 1989, p. 92 * SIC TRANSIT GLORIA MUNDI DEPT. [Adv. in Yankee] Will swop autograph of Massachusetts Governer Michael S. Dukakis for antique white wicker baby carriage or stand planter. * AMERICA, AMERICA [Adv. in the Boulder (Colo.) Daily Camera] MOTHER-IN-LAW MOUNTAIN TOURS Half day Guanella Pass Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday mornings thru June We pick up visiting mothers-in-law and return them to your door. Discount price without meal $25.00 THE MOUNTAIN GUIDES, INC. ========================= Message polya-era:446 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Auld Lang Syne Date: 24 Jun 89 09:09:29 GMT First, let us all thank the Curious One that Evan is Evan, and not a Treitel, Bowman, or Hussein come back to haunt the su bboards from wherever the hell it is they are now. Now, continuing... Poesy, Evan, indeed, is a weakness which I must admit having indulged in myself. But I don't write in Norwegian, and I don't post to Norwegian bboards. Mine's also not so god-awful bad, but hey, that's a matter of opinion. The viking's verse had one redeeming feature. It reminded me of a I heard about two weeks ago at the Albion in SF: (Back me up on this one, Thane): shake shake shake the dishes break... ok, enough. good song. Note: it is completely inappropriate to bring up the topic of Haiku again at this point. Thane, say nothing about bats. But, speaking of bats, the question arose the other day as to why "guano" was the appropriate term for bat excrement. Indeed, why not, as with deer, scat or spoor, or, as with humans, the p or s words. Yes, the question I leave you with is: "Why, precisely, `bat guano'?" --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:447 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: The Undead Date: 24 Jun 89 17:34:51 GMT Why grads keep returning to the boards- Search as you might - there is no greater source of imbecilic argments than su-etc and if you go into academics or business especially, there is no greater source of Curious George panegyrics then su-rog*. I must come back. shake! bake! bubba Anil Vikings burn you at the stake Don't step on prongs of rake (rare 5-7-6 haiku) To be serious, I have stayed off the su-etc board - that much is to my credit, but the current religion debate is drving me nuts. If I see one more Gilham (generically speaking) argument that starts - I am religious and I am (adjective). How can you be (adjective) and not religious (since I am both), I'll scream. I am not religious and I am short. How is that you are short and religious? blow me away. E -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:448 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Not Quite Texas Keywords: The Middle East Date: 24 Jun 89 20:55:30 GMT Do you know what Israel and (hotel-suite Texan) George Bush have in common? No, it's not an in-principle agreement on some proposed peace initiative. It's their favorite song! And it is an equally unlikely one for both. These days the most popular T-shirt design on the beaches in Netanya and Herzliya and Rishon is not the star of David, but a huge smiley face in flourescent pink or green or yellow, sometimes showing teeth, sometimes tongue, sometimes wearing a yarmulka, sometimes even a streimel, and always shouting in big letters: Don't Worry, Be Happy! And if embattled Israel can adopt this motto, why not you too? For one, I'm back. Don't say it. Life's no picnic. *** Some of you know that I spent the past quarter in a quiet, idyllic corner of this planet. It was good --- I even got some work done. But pretty soon that dire lack of excitement made me cook up some stories to stay on the mind of some folks back home. I sent these messages by email to an, as I realize now, hopelessly incomplete mailing list, and to save Idit the trouble of forwarding, I am going to post them in seven (quite long) parts to this bboard. -- Tom. ========================= Message polya-era:449 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: First Middle-Eastern Impressions Date: 24 Jun 89 21:01:05 GMT Blond is a foreign color here. But I had no idea that eighteen-year-old girls carrying Uzis can look quite attractive. The omnipresence of machine guns is, by the way, not the only constant reminder of the political situation. Already at the airport you can buy T-shirts saying (under the picture of an F16) ``Visit Israel before Israel visits you,'' or ``Fighting for peace is like f\ldots ing for virginity.'' When Rajeev and I wanted to go to (the Arab part of) Jerusalem yesterday, we were told that it was a very bad day --- some anniversary of Israelis taking land from Arabs ---, and that they were expecting riots. Zohar, however, insisted that we should go (does he want to get rid of us?), so that our parents could see us on the evening news. There are also more pleasant sides to life in the Middle East. People don't talk; they shout. At a bank in Rehovot, our attempt to open a checking account failed: after a while the lady at the teller had convinced us to get a safety deposit box instead. (We would deposit money only once, and it would take a month or so to get the checks; it made no sense to get an account.) Well, so we joined another line waiting for the guy who was in charge of safety deposit boxes. He, however, seemed to come up with an infinite list of arguments why it would be better to open an account (!): from a safety deposit box we could get cash only during banking hours, we would get no interest, no checks, etc., etc. Everything else failing to persuade us, he finally withdrew to pure unwillingness: we might leave the country without returning his keys, and why should he, anyway, offer the service of a safety deposit box to us who don't even have an account at that bank. Pressured by Zohar's wife Nitza, who is a customer of that bank, (Oh, have I forgotten to mention that she was there with us? All of the arguing was, of course, done in Hebrew at a deafening level of volume.) both the safety deposit box guy and the account lady went to the branch manager. Waiting for quite a while again, we could hear them shouting through the door. When I asked Nitza what was going on now, she explained that ``they were discussing the issue.'' (Somehow I couldn't help getting the impression that each of them was just too lazy to fill out that one damned form that was needed to get us either an account or a box, and that they rather spent the day arguing. Besides, one wonders whether the manager has any say in the running of that bank.) Guess what brilliant a solution they eventually came up with: Nitza had to open the safety deposit box under her name. This incident prompts me to say a word about the usefulness of English. I was told that anywhere in Israel I could get around with English. Nonsense; tellers at banks hardly know any English, not to mention bus drivers or waiters. All the shop signs and food labels and price tags are just in Hebrew. At one felafel stand in Yafo I tried to communicate in Pidgin English only to find out that the guy spoke perfect German. But surely English suffices at the Weizmann Institute. Well, it took me about fifteen minutes to explain to somebody at the housing office that I needed light bulbs and coat hangers. Zohar claims, though, that it would have taken me fifteen minutes even if I spoke fluent Hebrew. He sums it all up when he describes Israeli bureaucracy: in the United States, you expect things to get done; in Israel, you expect things to work out. Not so in school. Instead of working things out, there the preferred method seems to be to get them done for you. The other night I saw a TV commercial I couldn't believe. It was put on the air by the department of education. You see a girl (why not a boy?) sitting in a classroom taking the final, standardized exam before graduation from high school (the closest American analogue is probably the SAT). She doesn't know one of the answers. A little animated devil is dancing on the desk in front of her and tells her to copy from her neighbor. She is tempted but brave, and comes eventually up with her own answer, much to the praise of the background voice. (Otherwise TV and movie theaters are heavily loaded with pretentious European stuff; four years in the States seem to suffice to make one dependent on occasional infusions of Hollywood produce. But I hear that I'll be back just in time for the new Indiana Jones movie.) If you think Israel is bad, go to Egypt. You can get the first taste of what to expect there by applying for a tourist visa at the Egyptian embassy in Tel Aviv. After waiting in line once, we got the application form. We filled out the form, and waited for another hour in line. Having finally arrived at the counter, the guy who, provocatively, has a huge stapler sitting on the desk in front of him, sends us away to get our passport pictures stapled to the application forms. It's quite some experience to run (the embassy is open from 9 to 11 a.m.) through the noisy and dirty streets of Tel Aviv, in every store desperately asking for a stapler to borrow. ========================= Message polya-era:450 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: In the Holy Land Date: 25 Jun 89 23:58:59 GMT Having wimped out on Land Day, we finally made it to the Old City last week. The ``Old City'' --- that's the name of the oldest, and possibly sleaziest, tourist trap on this planet: the (largely Arab) old center of Jerusalem, a labyrinth of dirt, souvenirs, tourists, and pickpockets. Its main export is religion. It's hard to believe that the three major monotheistic religions can be traced back to that armpit of a town. First there are the Jews. Having been driven out of the city of their temple twice (first by the Babylonians around 600 BC, and then by the Romans in 70 AD), they've bounced back in 1967 and, instead of building temple number three, seem to be content with a pile of stones that is assumed to be the western wall of what used to be temple number two. Then there are the Christians, who've easily constituted the majority of dumb targets for the local Arab junk merchants ever since the Crusades. Tell Hans Huber from Hintertupfing (Incidentally, were you ever taught in school that a quarter of mankind is Chinese? If you visit the more vulgar tourist spots around the globe, you get the impression your teacher must have meant German.) --- so tell Hans Huber that {\it this\/} (between a pile of garbage and a shop that sells ``authentic Christian merchandise,'' i.e., wooden crosses in all sizes) is the very place where Jesus, with the cross on his back on the way to his crucifixion, received a handkerchief from Veronica (presumably some semi-Saint) and wiped his nose some two thousand years ago (I'm not kidding; I copied this from a huge stone plaque on the wall of the authentic-Christian-merchandise building), and he (Hans Huber) will pay any price for one of those crosses and be happy about his newly gained divine insight. That there are at least two halls where the Last Supper is supposed to have taken place, and three gardens of Gethsemane, does not exactly instill my confidence in the historical accuracy of these ``sights.'' It doesn't, however, seem to bother the countless groups of pilgrims from all over the world who meticulously reenact the story of Jesus' last days at twenty-something stations. Finally there are the Muslims, whom I better not offend, because they seem to be able to hide any sense of humor particularly carefully. Jerusalem is (after Mekka and Medina) the ``third-holiest'' place of Islam (wonder how Palo Alto does in this ranking); it is the place where Mohammed ascended from earth straight into the seventh heaven. They built the magnificent Dome of the Rock over the rock where this event took place; you can even see (and touch, like hundreds of people every day who hope to get healed, modulo some skin disease) the Prophet's very footprint on the rock, as well as the fingerprints of the archangel who held back the rock at launch time. (Incidentally, Jesus took off from a hill nearby 600 years earlier, but the church that reminds you of that, original, ascent looks pitiful in comparison.) The area around the holy Moslem places is guarded by frightful looking Arabs with walkie-talkies, while all the places of strategic importance, like the towers of the city wall, are occupied by Israeli soldiers armed with tear gas and machine guns. The place with the best view of the Dome of the Rock and the surrounding temple square was, unfortunately, closed off by the Arabs. So we followed closely two Israeli soldiers who were scouting through the area into the forbidden zone, leaving the Arab guards looking angry but without daring to say anything. Once I turned around, however, to take a picture (one time I'm going to die for the sake of a decent picture; in Norway, wanting to take a shot of some reindeer suddenly passing by, I jumped out of the car and fell off a cliff; in Paris I managed to get, in heavy traffic, between the two center lanes of the six-lane-wide Champs Elysees to take an unslanted picture of the front of the Arc de Triomphe) --- so once I turned around, the two Israelis continued and disappeared and, immediately, the Arabs started an incredible chaos of running and shouting and waving hands, and finally kicked us out of the temple square. (I got the picture.) One cannot escape the simultaneous presence of those three religions in the entire city: once the muezzin has stopped announcing prayers from the minaret of some mosque, the bells of a nearby church start ringing for service (synagogues are comparatively noise-free). All Moslem shops are closed on Fridays, the Jewish ones on Saturdays, and the Christian ones on Sundays. Rehovot, which is entirely Jewish, is dead (and I mean, dead) from sunset on Friday to sunset on Saturday (shabbat) --- no restaurants, no movies, no buses, nobody on the streets. On Fridays, every newspaper prints the times of the relevant sunsets for Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, and Haifa (which differ by around eight seconds) on the front page, so that, I suppose, the shabbat can be observed also on cloudy days. The prohibition to ``operate machines'' on shabbat does not only ground ElAl, but has some valuable consequences, too. It makes people inventive. Everything is controlled by automatic timers: lights, so that nobody has to turn them on, refrigerators, so that opening the door does not cause the cooling engine to start, and stoves, which operate throughout the day in a special, low-key, shabbat mode. In the hospitals all elevators are set to stop on every floor on Saturdays, so that nobody needs to push a button. If you call Zohar on Friday night, chances are that the five-year old Amit answers the phone. If you ask him for his father, he says that his parents have gone out and his babysitter ``can't talk'' (that is, she is not allowed to pick up the phone). Talking of intense religious practices: the father of a friend of Zohar's died the other day. She is from Palo Alto and flew in. Her family (i.e., brothers) are orthodox Yemenites (i.e., Jews from Yemen), and that requires sitting on the floor for seven days, continuously, mourning, doing absolutely nothing else; being fed. Every morning at 5:30 friends and neighbors are gathered until there are ten men, which is the minimum needed for prayer (women don't count). At 8:00 the men disappear for work, and she's left on the floor. And of course there won't be any entertainment for her (like a vacation) for an entire year. Note that all three religions (even Islam to a considerable degree) preach tolerance and non-violence. Yet their cohabitation has never been as peaceful as my description might have implied. In fact, it seems that nothing ever changes in this corner of the world (let's look only at the last two thousand years): heathen Romans fight both Jews and Christians, Byzantine Christians and European Crusaders fight Moslem Seljuks and Mamelukes and Turks, Moslem Arabs rip off Christian pilgrims and tourists, Christians and Jews have never gone together well, Jews and Arabs can't stand each other more recently. Even the techniques have stayed the same over the centuries; David downed Goliath with a slingshot around 1000 BC, and you can still get stoned (as some graffiti put it) on the West Bank these days. ========================= Message polya-era:451 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: tah Date: 26 Jun 89 21:27:10 GMT Tom, Tom, sun too hot. Twenty pages in su-rog. Bzzzzzzzzzzt -- Gidi -------------------------------------------------- ========================= Message polya-era:452 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Exodus Date: 27 Jun 89 01:20:35 GMT One might argue that the Middle East begins at the central bus station in Tel Aviv (people who've been there know what I mean); it certainly blooms by the time you get to the Egyptian border in Rafiah. I got there last week. Travel to (and from) Egypt gives usually rise to enough adventures to fill five books; I shall restrain myself to a few short notes. So, what has left the single deepest impression on me? Was it standing face to face with civilized mankind's most ancient monuments, ``gasping in awe'' [soundtrack, son et lumiere at The Pyramids]? Or was it walking through the output of civilized mankind's leakiest sewage system? I have to admit that it's a tough call, but I will have to go with a totally unanticipated thrill (not to say, fear for life) of proportions inconceivable to the common man of Western taste and culture. Don't get me wrong; Egypt is safe (the country, that is, not the food; but that's a different story). I walked around, alone, in the poorest and dirtiest districts of Cairo. There are always people who will follow you through half of the city, begging for baksheesh, but I was never afraid for my money (or life) the way I would be in many a European (or American, respectively) city. The scary thing in Cairo is that you cannot avoid taking a cab at times: the ride is cheap, and it is guaranteed to beat every roller coaster. I've driven in Paris and Rome (and Boston, too, which is harmless). There, drivers take pride in breaking the law by elegant and sometimes even acrobatic maneuvers. Traffic in Cairo is different. There is no law. In continental Europe, we have two-way stop signs --- a very simple and reasonably civilized way to break ties at an intersection. It took me some time to get used to California's four-way stops, which require a more complicated protocol but are, in return, somewhat fairer. I will never get used to the algorithm applied in Egypt: no-way (I) stop. It scares the hell out of me. At most intersections there are neither traffic lights nor stop signs (just in case there are any, they are readily ignored). When you approach an intersection and spot another car on collision course with you (and just one other maniac is an illusoric best-case scenario), two things are in order: speed up, and honk. He who has the most guts wins; the others withdraw into stunt-worthy braking maneuvers. In my entire life I hadn't (been) driven so many times the wrong way against one-way streets as during one cab ride in Cairo. Lights aren't used at any time of the day or night. Seat belts either don't exist, or they don't work. Horns do. Whenever you don't hear anybody honking, be careful --- there's something wrong. On the way from the border to Cairo, a Swiss couple moved from the first row to the back of the bus, because they couldn't stand watching all those near misses with pedestrians. And when the bus driver falls asleep while stopping at a gas station, it doesn't exactly enhance your feeling of security either. There are also more relaxing peculiarities of Egyptian driving habits. Cars (and other vehicles, such as carriages drawn by water buffalos) don't form parallel queues moving forwards; they move at random speeds into random directions. (Hotel windows offer an excellent view of such scenarios. Take your time; it's free entertainment for hours.) The favorite place to drive is right on a line that separate lanes, in case the sidewalks are already occupied. In fact, it's hard to distinguish, from above, the sidewalk from the parts of the street designed for motorized vehicles; the crowd of honking cars and honking two-wheelers and swearing drivers, and pedestrians and animals jumping around in order to avoid being hit, fills the streets from one wall to the other for twenty-four hours a day. Though Cairo might not have enough space to drive, it certainly offers, to the insider, plenty of space to park. Triple parking is the rule in the calmer areas of the city. Everywhere else, the most convenient place to park is right where you are. Once my taxi got stuck in a traffic jam, and so did the lady in front of us. So she left her car in the middle lane of a five-lane street, locked it, and went shopping or something. That, understandably, upset my driver, who jumped out of the cab and started one of those arguments that make such optimal use of voice and hands that you can follow the details from a block away. (I think that if she hadn't been female, we would have seen fists.) Yet all without any result; in the end we (and the rest of the, heavy, traffic) had to drive around her car. And don't think that you can escape the hazards by choosing different means of transportation. Egyptian traffic habits are not at all restricted to the road. In the sleeper from Cairo to Aswan you need bed belts that keep you in bed when some camels decide to rest on the tracks. The ferry across the Suez canal docks by hitting the quay at full speed. Hence it shouldn't come as a surprise that Egypt Air, on the flight to Abu Simbel, doesn't give a damn whether your carry-on luggage is stored underneath a seat or in an overhead compartment, and whether your seat belt is fastened at take-off and landing. I hope I'll never have to find out how good they really are. ========================= Message polya-era:453 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: more C_r___s G__rg_ blasphemy Date: 27 Jun 89 03:57:46 GMT Spot the blasphemy in this mail order catalog entry: "Curious George, the happy monkey who left the jungle to live with the man with the yellow hat, belongs on the same special shelf with Harold and his magic crayon. His curiousity is always getting him into messes, which his good humor and ingenuity invariably clean up. Ages 4 and up." The most offensive thing is the phrase "who left the jungle". He did not merely "leave the jungle" --- he was abducted. Indeed his own curiousity was used against him in ensnaring him under the yellow hat. This difference isn't merely important because of its' reemphasis of his curiousity. Rather it is crucial because it shows that G__rg_, like the minor prophet Howard the Duck, was "Trapped in a world he never made". -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:454 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Tah and the Man in the Yellow Hat Date: 27 Jun 89 13:31:22 GMT Ramsey - you're irrational - Curious George created the man in the yellow hat (MYH) - he certainly has control over him - it is merely another experiment in free will. Also let me say that I live pretty much is a world I did make and I think I prefer the other. Anent our Teutonic de Tocqueville, I think the narratives are pretty good - As they say on su-etc - if you don't like the messages just hit the 'n' key 5000 times. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:455 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: god,atheists,abortion,gun-control,pro-choice,pro-life,Civil Liberties #65535,monogamy,bigamy,mormons,underdog,racism,sexism,oppression,protest,ETC. Date: 27 Jun 89 18:34:23 GMT Note the big ETC. In the following 5000 notes, I'll present postings from su.etc, and considerable critique of my own. Just hit the key if you don't like them. ps. Kudos to our Middle-Eastern correspondent, and no, Evan, I have no objection to him writing prose in English. And yes, I agree with Evan that the Man in the YH was necessarily a creation of the Curious One, and yea, even as he crawled into the Yellow Hat trap, C.G. had complete and utter control over the Man, and all things, past, present, and future, even Ramsey's desk drawer. And no, the Curious one has no trouble being both benevolent and omniscient. Only, I still don't understand why He made me short. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:456 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: The Price Is Right Date: 27 Jun 89 19:18:45 GMT Most Egyptians are nice and friendly. They have only one annoying quality: they think that all foreigners are rich and dumb, and outrageously so. And most foreigners are. They are necessarily rich and dumb in a country in which a bottle of Pepsi sells for 20 piasters (i.e., 8 cents) in all-Egyptian cafes, and for at least 2 pounds (i.e., 200 piasters) at tourist attractions. It's still an annoying attitude. The name of the game is bargain, bargain, and when the seller seems to have hit rock bottom, bargain some more. For instance, the brand of film I use costs 12 pounds per roll in any first-class hotel. So it can hardly be expected to cost more than that on the street. Yet you'll be asked for no less than 35 pounds. It is extremely important not to show any interest and to walk away. The guy who sells the film will follow you and ask you to pay whatever you're willing to. Not slowing down, you offer 5 pounds. He'll pretend outrage and tell you that he doesn't do the sort of monkey business everybody else tries with tourists, and that he has six kids at home: 25 pounds. You say 8 and no more, and claim that's what you paid the day before. 20, says he, and only because you look like his little brother. To shorten the story (which, unlike the actual ritual, can fortunately be shortened), it will take approximately ten minutes and 300 yards before he's down to 12 pounds and you reach for your wallet. That very moment he'll reveal the fine print and demand 12 pounds plus a couple pounds baksheesh (tip), and come up with reasons that would make any professional stand-up comedian feel proud (like that he carried the roll of film for you all the 300 yards from his stand). Just be firm; give him 12 pounds, and he'll give you the roll (and be happy, since, for his standards, he's still making plenty of profit). Bargaining in Egypt is a way of life, a form of art. It takes time to master it. Don't despair if you find out that you paid that blood sucker three times more for ten postcards than the Australian you just met. You're going to get ripped off more than once but, by trial and mostly error, you'll learn. Two of the more important lessons you'll learn pretty quickly are that you better know the approximate fair price before even thinking of buying anything (or taking a cab), and to carry uncanny amounts of change around. If you can't pay precisely the price agreed upon, the change will be gladly kept as baksheesh. The 10-pound bills and larger ones you got at the bank for your dollars are absolutely useless; it took half an afternoon to find a bank that would give me 20 pounds worth in 10- and 25-piaster bills --- quite some bundle. (There are no coins, and the smaller bills look like they've passed through the hands of each one of the sixty million Egyptians: from dust to dust, as the Muslims say.) The advanced school of the bidding game is the bazaar. It is extremely educational to bargain for fun, by pretending interest in, say, that three-inch sphinx of fake alabaster. If there is more than one souvenir stand, the initial price will differ by orders of magnitude. But be careful, if you're too explicit about your desires, you may, within seconds, find yourself surrounded by twenty-some people from age 5 to 80 who want to sell you exact copies of that supposedly hand-made sphinx. Explicit or not, miles around every ancient pile of rocks tourists are under a constant and well-organized siege and attack from junk merchants that makes the local mosquitos faint in envy. It is simply amazing how much stuff an Egyptian can hide in his caftan. If you don't react to the stone scarabus he's sticking into your face, he'll pull a bundle of banana (false papyrus) rolls with hieroglyphic approximations out of his pocket, and throw around prices in five different languages. At such places there is no way around learning the art of ignoring people. Even one unintentional look at merchandise can spoil the next five minutes, which you'll spend convincing somebody that you wouldn't take his junk for free. More creative strategies than plain non-attention work, too, but they quickly get tiresome. My favorite one was, if bothered by a guy who's trying to sell me things, to offer him, equally vividly gesticulating, my sunglasses or something: ``Only 50 pounds. Good price. Small money.'' They usually got the point. Once you feel more comfortable with the local customs, you may let the competition do the bargaining for you. This works particularly well with taxi drivers in front of hotels. You name your destination, and if you're lucky they'll start underbidding each other. If you're unlucky, you might end up having to walk, at 12 noon and 105 degrees, for an hour under a blazing sun. It happened to me, and I don't recommend it. After having negotiated the fare from 10 down to 3 pounds, I had already opened the door of the cab when somebody pulled me back from behind and offered to give me a ride in his horse carriage for 2 pounds. I didn't really care too much for a horse carriage, because a car would have been faster, but the guy was so insistent that I somehow ended up in his carriage. I should have known better; we were hardly away from the hotel (and, thus, the competition) when he started whining for more money. Unsuccessful, he finally stopped: ``2 pounds to here. 10 pounds to Karnak temple [which is where I wanted to go].'' I argued of course (as much as you can argue with somebody who knows maybe ten words of the English language) that he'd promised me to get me to that temple for 2 pounds, and I didn't agree to pay him a piaster more than that. It was only then when I realized how carefully he'd chosen the location to stop: on the other side of the street there was a cop, and I was dragged there. After some discussion in Arabic (I assume that my driver offered his buddy, the cop, a substantial commission), the policeman said, in a voice that made it clear that he didn't expect any resistance, ``10 pounds: official price.'' For a second, I wondered how many tourists they'd gotten to pay that way. I looked at the cop, then I looked at the driver, and at that moment I realized that we'd probably nothing in the world in common except that both of us needed to shave. And I walked away. ========================= Message polya-era:457 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: My time spent in an Egyptian Prison or Date: 27 Jun 89 20:16:54 GMT the cop who wasn't kidding by TAH. Your are forgetting an important rule of travel - not going to a prison in a foreign country is worth 100*E*R*C*U*S. This rule was formulated by the US citizen E.R.C in 1989. E is 100 if you are south of the equator else 1 R is 100 if an American has been killed there recently else 1 C is 100 if it is a Communist country else 1 U is the basic unit of currency in the country S is 100 if you are in the southern part of that country else 1 Example: To avoid arrest in England pay 100 lbs. To avoid arrest in Alabama pay 10,000 dollars You get the idea -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:458 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: god,atheists,abortion,gun-control,pro-choice,pro-life,Civil Liberties #65535,monogamy,bigamy,mormons,underdog,racism,sexism,oppression,protest,ETC. Date: 28 Jun 89 03:07:15 GMT Wow. If this had been on su.etc, my kill file would have klobbered it about 16 times. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:459 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Innocents Abroad Date: 28 Jun 89 17:50:56 GMT Egypt is a country of contrasts (what isn't?); it's like a third-world nation lost inside a huge archeological open-air museum. In Cairo, there are people who live in magnificent ex-palaces of pashas and sultans and kings, and others who use the tombs of those rulers as shelters. The Nile front with its luxury hotels and government silos looks just like home; I bet that most of the sixteen million (and growing) Cairenes haven't even walked by there. While ninety percent of all Egyptians were been born in this decade, ninety percent of all Egyptian buildings seem ancient. A few are. Some of them are discomfortingly ancient, indeed. If you stand in front of the pyramids, which were built as early as 2800 BC (they used more lasting construction materials back then), just let the following thought cross your mind: at the time of the last pharaoh (1000 BC, a time when most Europeans were still living on trees) those suckers were already as old as Roman ruins are today. Now that I call ancient. And speaking of those qui sont foux, the Romans: when Julius Caesar took Cleopatra out for a nightly stroll, already nearly thirty centuries looked down on them. What do you think will still be there in another 5000 years (6989 AD) --- Sears tower or the pyramids? I normally travel Let's-Go-style. Let's Go can be quite practical; it tries to warn you of all the hazards (``A long, uninterrupted honk usually indicates that the driver is either unwilling or unable to swerve.'') and, once back home when you read it, you realize that it could have saved you a lot of trouble: ``Often tourists are taken because they simply could not anticipate such inventive sneakiness. Many is the tourist, for example, who finds himself perched ten feet off the ground on a rented camel, stunned with disbelief that it costs 5 pounds more to be let down.'' (I'm glad to hear that I missed out on some of the tricks.) Let's-Go style is not about renting camels, though. Let's-Go style, that is traveling as economical and untouristic (i.e., cheap and dirty) as possible. It is, instead of dining in five-star hotels, checking out the street pubs where the natives drink the sort of coffee that makes the uninitiated stay awake, trembling like a palm tree in the wind, for days; where they smoke water pipes (one sip and you'll cough for a week), play domino, and watch Arabian Nights (the Egyptian equivalent to Dallas). Can't do if you travel (of all people) with an Indian. Suddenly you'll find yourself staying in hotel rooms with TV and fridge, taking the first-class sleeper up the Nile (dinner and breakfast served in the cabin), and having luncheon buffets at country clubs in the middle of the desert, that is, where it's sprinkled to allow Lord Huntington to pursue his favorite leisure activities of golf and horse-back riding (nice horses, those Arabs). In other words, you feel like the pyramids have been moved to your lovely summer home in Yorkshire (how convenient, isn't it?). Fine, you say, Egypt is really not the place to challenge the youth hostels and the lamb chop they sell in the streets. Perhaps; but surely you want to get to know the country (and its people), not just rush from one three-star (courtesy of Baedeker) temple of Amenophis III (1480 BC) to a one-star (because it's on the way) tomb of Tuthmosis III (1370 BC) to yet another three-star remnant. Relax --- if you travel with an Indian, you'll be up for more exciting things (than chasing down a rocky and irrelevant past). You'll exercise all the harmless, the tasteless, and the disgusting practices of gee-honey-look-what-a-cute-hut-those-people-are-living-in tourism. You'll buy one-wash (afterwards they lose both their color and their shape) T-shirts and have your name, spelt in hieroglyphics, printed on them. You'll wear the headcloth of a sheikh and have a picture taken of yourself, in true Lawrence-of-Arabia look, on a camel in front of sand dunes. You'll sail a felucca down the Nile, and in the afternoon, when there's no wind, you (and the other fifteen fine examples of the species tourist on board) have yourself rowed back, against a strong current, by two Egyptian kids. You'll take pictures of life in the villages, waiting at the window of the train for aesthetically pleasing compositions --- the poorer the conditions, the more scenic the picture. To get a seat in one of the front rows at the nightly sound-and-light spectacle of Giza, the not-so accidental tourist will join the stampede of representatives from all civilized Western nations. Only the ones most skilled in using their elbows will succeed (usually continental Europeans, who have plenty of practice). (Have you ever noticed the difference between American and European lines, say, at cash registers or ski lifts? Some claim that the constant struggle for air and forward progress that is so characteristic of European assemblies of human beings with a common goal, makes the intrinsically boring process of waiting more exciting. Just imagine how exciting Disneyland could be \ldots) If you're, like James and Anya, among the lucky (i.e., more ruthless) ones, you'll be able to watch the sphinx and the pyramids appear, in all their glory, in orange and pink and purple. If you were smart, however, you'd gone there at sunrise or sunset, which makes the sound-and-light show look like a cheap arrangement of flashbulbs. To achieve a truly embarrassing climax of our decadent feast of playing tourist, Rajeev (I can't believe having done this, so I have to put all the blame on somebody else) made me pay 20 bucks (and that's a fortune in a country where the average monthly income is 150 pounds, or 60 US dollars) for a ride on a magic carpet. Just kidding. We took a nightly Nile cruise on a river boat, dinner buffet and belly dance show (hootchy-kootchy, as the announcer phrased it) included. The food was OK, the band wasn't, and the ladies were fat. (But what else would they jiggle?) ========================= Message polya-era:460 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Innocents Abroad Date: 28 Jun 89 19:05:54 GMT In article <10307@polya.Stanford.EDU> tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) writes: > ... (nice horses, those Arabs). Yeah, and the Arabians too. ========================= Message polya-era:461 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Re: Innocents Abroad Date: 28 Jun 89 21:06:21 GMT Webster's 9th: Arab n [ME, fr. L Arabus, Arabs, fr. Gk Arab-, Araps, fr. Ar Arab] (14c) 1 a: a member of the Semitic people of the Arabian peninsula b: a member of an Arabic-speaking people 2: ARABIAN HORSE ========================= Message polya-era:462 From: seligman@polya.Stanford.EDU (Scott Seligman) Subject: Secret identity? Date: 29 Jun 89 07:20:24 GMT Les Earnest writes: >Constance Stillinger writes: >> Oh, come on. Five hours (wlog) with one person is not qualitatively >> the same as one hour each with five people. > >And both are qualitatively different from one hour with five people. >(Wow!) Is it possible? Can it be? Let's check it out.... LES LEE LYE LYN Oh nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! And by the way, have you ever noticed that the people who take the longest to wash their hands also take the longest to dry them? My theory to explain this is that wetness is cumulative, so the longer you keep your hands under the faucet the wetter they get. Scott ========================= Message polya-era:463 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Rocky and Other Customs Date: 29 Jun 89 19:58:08 GMT The bus for Israel leaves Cairo at four in the morning, to reach the border by noon --- just in time to get through all the lines and formalities and exit fees by three, when the Egyptians close the border. Coming from Egypt, Israel looks suddenly like a civilized nation: houses instead of huts, roads instead of pot holes, green instead of sand. At the border you also have to switch buses, which allows you, finally, to relax and fall asleep, with full confidence in your new, Israeli driver. I hadn't slept for long when a sudden, incredible bang woke me: the side window next to the driver had exploded. Having seen all those Egged buses with brokes windows, and since we were driving through the Gaza strip, my first reaction was naturally: duck! The bus is under attack from intifadah kids throwing rocks at the windows! It was, as it turned out, premature excitement; I was told that the left rear view mirror of our bus had hit an oncoming truck, swung into the window, and broken it into a thousand pieces. Too bad. But at least I could go to sleep again. Moderate driving was not the only thing I'd been looking forward to when returning to Israel:\footnote{ Driving in Israel is not at all comparable to the Egyptian nightmare. The Israeli driver is very considerate. The problem is that there are so few of them --- compared to the large number of fighter pilots that populate the highways. Those mistake their cars for airplanes, but cannot get off the ground, with the exception of a hop or two along the way, due to the lack of wings. Yet they never stop trying.} I was really starved. (I know it's hard to believe that somebody may actually look forward to Israeli food. The variety served at the Weizmann Institute consists of schnitzel every other day, and those are the better days. It's like Israeli music; you feel like you hear the same song over and over again. Yet if you come from Egypt you're looking forward to something, anything, edible that doesn't give you diarrhea.) To generalize from the Weizmann diet is not quite fair, though. Even if you stick to kosher restaurants, which cook all meat to death (blood isn't kosher), the food can be delicious. The trick is to go out with Zohar (which is, admittedly, hard to do more than once a month if you want to keep your weight function polynomial); I've really come to enjoy both the Eastern European stuffed-vegetables cuisine (which is actually pretty close to Austrian) and the oriental humus-techina culture. They also have great (i.e., chocolate) pastries. So, still at the cafeteria at the border, I ordered nonetheless that most international of foods, a hamburger, and got that most Israeli of variants: a ground beef patty between two layers of tasteless, kingsize crackers. Why do they eat, during Passover, only unleavened bread, while on all other days they eat either leavened or unleavened bread? Beseder, I've heard The Story (of time not permitting to bake bread on the run from the pharaoh's army, which seemed to be more effective than Nasser's), but bread is by far not the only taboo during Passover. Entire sections of the supermarkets are covered by black plastic wrappings. Why, for example, is pineapple syrup not kosher for pesah? Possible traces of yeast? God knows. (And talking of kosher things, I recently discovered that most marketable of labels, kosher, together with a certification of some rabbi, on the laundry detergent I'd bought. Can anybody enlighten me as to what implications that has for my clothes?) Never having realized how much I depend on bread or (edible, not matzos) substitutes, I reached behind the black wrapping (makes you feel like Eve reaching for that consequential apple) and hid a bag of wafers in my shopping basket. I should have known better: the cashier spotted the sacrilege immediately and kept sermonizing in Hebrew. One of the many customers, all of whose attention was, of course, caught within seconds, explained to me that it was illegal for Jews to sell bread, and all the other covered stuff, during Passover. So much for the separation between state and religion (and the power of the orthodox parties). Later I would realize, not without some satisfaction, that I was not the only one missing pitas: the last day of Passover ends, like all Jewish holidays with the appearance of three stars in the sky, with an incredible rush (we're talking Soviet-style lines here) on everybody and everything that sells bread. Actually, since I'm in a rare open-minded mood of admitting to my misconceptions, I might as well tackle this one too: despite the fact that the Chief Rabbinate is in charge of all marriages and divorces, Israel is not a religious state (at least not as puritanical as the US). Jewish- socialist seems like an appropriate term that's as diverse and inconsistent as that tiny country. The newspapers carry the black-market course of the dollar (!), the beaches are topless, and there are more prostitutes in Tel Aviv than I've ever seen in my life. The ultra-orthodox groups don't even recognize the state of Israel for its lack of religious principle (and a Messiah); neither do they speak, in daily life, Hebrew, which is supposed to be the language of prayer only. It's extremely interesting to walk through the narrow streets of Mea Sharim, where everybody still dresses like they did in the Polish and Russian ghettos and stetls for hundreds of years, and to try to decipher all the Yiddish signs in Hebrew script (Yiddish is really a, to modern German ears funny-sounding, dialect of medieval German). All over the place there are posters that warn that ``The Torah prohibits the Jewish daughter to dress immodestly.'' Immodest dressing is then defined as showing either knees or elbows, or wearing pants. (Shorts may provoke rock-throwing; so do cars on shabbat. They sell post-cards in Israel that say: ``I got stoned in [multiple choice] Nablus/Hebron/Gaza/Mea Sharim/all of the above.'') Men who walk through Mea Sharim are only requested to cover their heads (that is, luckily I didn't have to grow earlocks). It's about thirty miles and a world from the hundred gates to the beach. ========================= Message polya-era:464 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Not to blaspheme George Date: 29 Jun 89 21:52:14 GMT But it is time for a schism - I introduce Evanism and its adherents, EvanGelists. The cap G is to distinguish us from the other type. The set of rules if basically simple, the intersection of Judiasm, Moslemity and Christianness PLUS a complete subservience to Evan. Advantages: 1. If it turns out that I am not God and one of the above religions is, you'll still get into Heaven when you get your ticket punched. 2. Most probably, the "subservience to Evan" clause won't be invoked. Almost never. I wouldn't worry about it - it's never bothered me. 3. The basic axiom to assume is simple - "I believe Evan exists - I saw him play rogue once." 4. Tax exempt status (still ironing out some details). You should know that I don't plan to die in any particularly spectacular manner and no true EvanGelist has EVER done anything that would be considered Evil except perhaps interrupt a joke. Do I have followers? Ram? -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:465 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: The fate of cult religions Date: 29 Jun 89 22:08:34 GMT I thought this was roger-or-andy's bboard, not Evan's. Or is he taking over while Roger is out of town? I see Shell isn't keeping him fully occupied. (That must be where the expression about finding work for idle hands comes from). To start your own cult, do you have to be only power hungry, only bored, or both? Perhaps we can get a first-person perspective on this... ========================= Message polya-era:466 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Blasphemy Date: 29 Jun 89 23:28:08 GMT In article <10337@polya.Stanford.EDU> eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) writes: >I thought this was roger-or-andy's bboard, not Evan's. Or is he taking >over while Roger is out of town? taking OVER? EVAN taking over? TAH is. CG is. ERC is not. Come on, Shosh, are you so worried? Have some EvanGelo (delicious). -- Gidi -------------------------------------------------- ========================= Message polya-era:467 From: pallas@polya.Stanford.EDU (Joe Pallas) Subject: Laundry Detergent Date: 30 Jun 89 03:13:39 GMT I can't offer any insight into the significance of kosher laundry detergent, but I was fascinated by the latest addition to the MJH vending machine: Smokey Bacon [Potato] Chips from Snyder's of Hanover. Not only are they kosher, they're dairy. joe ========================= Message polya-era:468 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Idleness, Idolatry and the Devil's Playground Date: 30 Jun 89 13:02:27 GMT Bored? Nah. Idle? maybe a bit - but my schism declaration comes from a realization that I am omniscient and all-seeing or perhaps I mean omnivorous. No I looked it up - I mean omniscient -- for example I undertand everything Gidi has ever said including that chance remark in the hall yet I am not him since I am everyone, a unity so to speak - well maybe that's too straight-forward to base a religion on - OK - I am a moiety - the great 1/2ness (1/6th of a trinity for the same price). "We may not be big, but we're small." your god and mine Ep-- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:469 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: fortunes we knew we'd get Date: 30 Jun 89 17:20:19 GMT Last night after munching down some take-out Chinese (nice food, that Chinese) from Su Hong I settled down for some tea and the included fortune cookies. The first contained: Get your mind set in the groove it should follow. The second read: Get your mind set in the groove it should follow. Yes, two of a kind. Now what could that groove be? Yes, my Tao, no wait, my thesis! G_d (= (ESR+C.G.)/2) I'd almost forgotten! I knew there was something I was supposed to be doing. I have therefore vowed to work diligently (groovily?) on my thesis. As soon as I get back from camping this weekend. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:470 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: my mommy can beat up your mommy Date: 30 Jun 89 17:41:10 GMT Anyone who has not played sokoban at all or only played up to level 1 or 2 has in effect said: "Ramsey, you are a good-for-nothing goof off, who amuses yourself with worthless time wasting." So, to everyone other than tah, crew, kos, larrabee, lincoln, tucker, axwang, seligman, sawyer, jacobs, gangolli, plambeck Pffttttt! -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:471 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: P.J.O. Date: 2 Jul 89 03:00:52 GMT My main man P.J. O'Rourke has a three page spread in People (July 3 issue). I didn't realize that he was the National Lampoon editor who got readers to send in naked photographs of their girl-friends (with their heads covered by buckets). It says he's about to finish up an updated version of "Modern Manners --- An Etiquette Guide for Rude People". Evan, is this one of the books of his that you bought and decided was *not* funny? The article has two snipets from the book. On sex: "Never do anything to your partner with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch." On attire: "A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:472 From: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Report from the East Date: 2 Jul 89 20:29:54 GMT In article <10337@polya.Stanford.EDU> eswolf (Shoshana) writes: > > I thought this was roger-or-andy's bboard, not Evan's. Or is he taking > over while Roger is out of town? Hardly. Perhaps we should start a new su.roger-or-andy statistics category for the most out-of-town postings. And my postings count double since, at the moment, I'm at least twice as far away as Evan (Reid/Cohn/Chthon/Phthor/whatever) is. Important facts for today (subtitle: ``Roger goes driving in NYC for the first time in his life''): 1. There is no ramp from the southbound (actually eastbound) Cross-Island Parkway to the Throg's Neck Bridge. 2. The BQE isn't actually the BQE until you get north of the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel exit; it's really the Gowanus Expressway. Does anyone know what a gowanus is? 3. The lower deck of the Verrezano Narrows Bridge is really quite boring. (Don't you just hate it when they build these really impressive bridges that rise hundreds of feet above the water, and then for guardrails they put in an eight foot high piece of steel plating so that you can't see a d**ned thing?) And now, let us have a moment of silence for the Danbury (CT) Howard Johnson's (an important landmark of Roger's youth) which has evidently passed away to that great orange roof in the sky (as have, it appears, most of the other HoJos as well... sigh --- years from now, Blazing Saddles will no longer make sense). This (June 28 -- The Day of HoJo Remembrance and Atonement) will be an important fasting day for whenever Roger gets around to starting His own religion. -- Roger Crew ``Dick, you're fired!'' (yes, that movie...) Usenet: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!crew Internet: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU ========================= Message polya-era:473 From: gangolli This message is missing from the archive. It may have been cancelled by the sender. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:474 From: seligman@polya.Stanford.EDU (Scott Seligman) Subject: Re: Report from the East Date: 3 Jul 89 21:22:01 GMT Roger Crew writes: > >2. The BQE isn't actually the BQE until you get north of the > Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel exit; it's really the Gowanus Expressway. > Does anyone know what a gowanus is? Actually it's only the Gowanus Expressway late at night. The rest of the time it's the Stop-and-gowanus. Scott ========================= Message polya-era:475 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Against All Odds Keywords: Independence Day Date: 5 Jul 89 03:23:21 GMT Passover is only the first of several Israeli spring holidays. I would not be surprised to learn that from the middle of April to the middle of May of 1989 less than fifty percent of all days were working days. The seemingly unbounded number of religious (and other) festivals and remembrances makes this country a paradise for school kids and working men and women. For the conscientious tourist, it's kind of a nuisance: every holiday screws two days, bus-wise; on the previous day you can't get back and on the holiday itself you can't leave for a trip if you depend on public transportation. Two of the more profane holidays in May are Memorial Day and Independence Day. They are back to back; the mourning for soldiers KIA (and the sirens that remind you thereof) turn, with the familiar first three stars, into fireworks and a big party. I was told that there used to be dancing in the streets. Nowadays, that the country has reached its midlife crisis, Independence Day seems more a feast of infantile revival, not unlike Stanford's Sunday flicks ritual of trying to hit that blonde three rows in front of you with paper bullets. Plastic hammers (and extra-long plastic hammers for extended reach) and shaving cream are sold everywhere in the crowded streets and hit on your head and sprayed into your face. In need of personal defense (in true military jargon that is, for retaliatory as well as first-strike purposes), I used three cans of that synthetic snow within one hour in the ecstatic masses on Zion square, Jerusalem. Needless to say (in other words, even Rajeev noticed) that my targets were mostly teenage and female, and preferably in the Israeli Defense Forces, which feature, in the hot season, mini skirt uniforms as well as the well-trained ability to scream particularly hysterically. (Relax; they lived up to their reputation and wrapped me in my share of shaving cream too.) The following day I visited the Mount Scopus campus of the Hebrew University. It tops Stanford in several surprising respects: it's beauty is even more spectacular, offering a perfect view over the entire city of Jerusalem. And so are its financial instincts; Stanford doesn't feature (yet) a Frank Sinatra cafeteria at a Nancy Reagan plaza. It was in the university bookstore that I came across some Freshman (or was it high school) book on Judaism. By pure chance I read a story about a rabbi called Eliezer. I have no idea how well-known the episode is, so I'll try to retell it as well as my memory serves me. It must have been the time of the Yavne sanhedrin (between 70 and 135 AD); the rabbis were having a lively debate about the meaning of some passage in the Torah. Rabbi Eliezer, in particular, dissented from all the others, and he was so convinced of being right that he called on God to let a river flow uphill to prove him correct. The river changed directions; yet the other rabbis were not moved. Neither were they persuaded by a few more miracles: they insisted that all decisions had to be based on majority votes, that God had given the Torah to Israel and it was Israel's right and responsibility to interpret it. (And, so the story goes, God was pleased by their persistence.) This is the first post-biblical episode (where is it from?) of Judaism I've ever encountered (thanks to the total educational black-out on the subject in Austria). I was pretty impressed. Not that I'm looking for another religion (I haven't come clear with one yet), but what a refreshing alternative to the absolute sovereignty of the pope in the Roman Catholic church (whose conservativism may endanger decades of slowly gained progress)! And it was proposed 2000 years ago, when most people(s) were thinking (if they were thinking at all) in terms of authority and compliance, not rights and responsibilities. Why my sudden lack of healthy sarcasm and Christo-Germanic patriotism? This year Israel turned 41. Austria turned (also in May) 34, or 71 or 1013, depending on how you count. In the wake of the Waldheim affair, amnesia has been called The Austrian Disease. Yet it's not as easy, for me, to take a not-so serious look at Israeli and, in particular, Jewish customs, as on, say, Arab ones. Ridicule through exaggeration often doesn't sound funny but old and cheap (maybe I should wait for Purim); the borderline to misunderstanding, real or imagined, seems dangerously close. The reasons for my insecurity are of course historical. There are not many things that are always on my mind (one of them is a woman). But ever since I've arrived here, there is this constant awareness of the crazy, and often seemingly random, historical context we're caught in, and which seems embodied by this tiny, unlikely nation at the Eastern shore of the Mediterranean. This year Israel turned 41. In 1748 the French philosopher Montesquieu wrote a letter to the inquisition, which still (in 1748!) used to excel in that most peculiar of medieval Christian practices, the burning of human beings, preferably witches and astronomers and Jews, at the stake: ``We must warn you of one thing: in future ages if someone will dare say that in the century in which we lived the peoples of Europe were civilized, you will be cited as the evidence that they were barbarous; and your image will be such that it will dishonor your age.'' It is this century in which my grandparents needed certificates to prove their Aryan genealogy. It is this century in which my grandfather fought for a Gro\ss deutsches Reich in Poland and France and Russia. It is this century (in fact, this very decade) in which, in the international furor about Austria's presidential campaign, a Viennese paper felt compelled to spread rumors about a ``conspiracy of world Jewry'' (whatever that is) against a small central European nation. It is the twentieth century after the birth of a Jew who proclaimed himself to be the Messiah. After four millennia of burning without being consumed, it is this century in which the Jews were in a greater need of a Messiah than ever. It is also the century of the birth of the first independent Jewish state in 2000 years. The Germanic tribes were illiterate back then. This year Israel turned 41. On independence day many people were picnicking in the parks around the Knesset and the Hebrew University. The dream of a Viennese journalist had (nearly) come true. In 1902 Theodor Herzl, who by some was thought to be the desperately awaited Messiah, published his novel Altneuland (Old New Land). He envisioned a new Jerusalem, capital of a Jewish state, fifty years ahead: modern suburbs around the filthy Old City, parks, tree-shaded boulvards, institutions of learning, Arabs and Jews living side by side in friendship. In the epilogue of the book he wrote: ``If you will it, it is not a dream. All the acts of mankind were dreams once and will become dreams again.'' One reason for which I started to write these messages is that, during my absence, I have to bore you with the same .plan file for months. It was this .plan that used to read once, and will --- so I've come to realize --- read again, ``If you can dream it, we can do it.'' Epilogue I am writing this (overly lengthy) note (or, rather, I'm thinking of the lines to write --- it's shabbat!) while sitting in a rocky canyon near the monastery of Saint Catherine in the Southern Sinai. Rajeev and I had gone to Follow-the-sun-to Eilat. And the sun there was (according to insider sources, more so than in Kanpur, India). The best way (one might argue, the only way) to spend your day in Eilat is below sea level: above sea level, you feel like in a gigantic hair dryer turned on extra hot; below, you feel like accidently tossed into an aquarium. So do the fish (or maybe it was just that I looked particularly amusing to them, during my first shot ever at scuba diving --- truly the best way into the Red Sea since Moses). From Eilat it's just across the border into the Sinai. Yet it's an expensive venture every time you go to Egypt; for Austrians, because they need to pay for the cleanliness of their country (50 bucks for routine vaccinations); for Indians, because they have to pay for their government's non-acceptance of Israel and flirt with the PLO (50 bucks per reentry for visa renewal). So I'm sitting here in a rocky canyon at the foot of Mount Sinai, where Moses supposedly received the ten commandments (why does that always make me think of Charlton Heston?). It's close to midnight. Yet there's an amazing amount of light all around; the steep rock faces and silent shapes of huge boulders are glowing below a full moon. It must have been exactly twelve moons ago, on the fifteenth of Iyar, when my parents and I took a nightly walk in Yosemite valley; Yosemite means ``the glowing rock'' in some Indian language. There's a Yosemite in the Sinai. It was a beautiful night. A night when men would turn to women and realize that they do not know them. I realized only that I might very well be (to borrow from Robin Williams) in more dire need of a [censored] than any white man in history. From there to Zion square, from Titus to Herzl, from lugubrious to hopeful to 41, it's only a stream of consciousness. Maybe it will take fifty, maybe 2000 years. No reason to give up. ========================= Message polya-era:476 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Public Service Message Date: 5 Jul 89 04:23:29 GMT If you'd rather not give Stanford $50 more, remember to turn in your study list by Friday. If you're on a full-time RA, the dept code is 030, the course is Grad Special, #501, and you only get one unit for it. The people at registration convinced me to put down Ullman's section number (83), which is pretty silly if you think much about it. (Unless they're clever enough to match my department with the section number, which doesn't handle all of the cases.) If you know better than I about this, call me at 329-1718, as Polya will be down Wednesday night through Friday and I'm moving during Wednesday day. In article <10351@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >Anyone who has not played sokoban at all or only played up to level 1 >or 2 has in effect said: > "Ramsey, you are a good-for-nothing goof off, who amuses yourself >with worthless time wasting." Nice hair though. >So, to everyone other than > tah, crew, kos, larrabee, lincoln, tucker, axwang, seligman, sawyer, > jacobs, gangolli, plambeck You forgot Kathy Morris, who finished it first. >Pffttttt! >-- >Ramsey W Haddad -andy UUCP: {arpa gateways, sun, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu BELLNET: (415) 723-3088 ========================= Message polya-era:477 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Ways to die Date: 5 Jul 89 17:29:46 GMT (1) You're an 18 year old kid on summer break from school. Your mom has taken your younger siblings off shopping. You're watching your MTV and dreaming of the Pudding Pops that mom will bring back from the store. All of a sudden ... crash ... a pilot-less mig-23 slams into your house and you're dead. (2) You're an old retired president out for a leisurely horse back ride. And ... thump ... you're thrown to the ground. You survive, but you can't help thinking about the fact that your original Secretary of Commerce died in a similar incident. (3) You're an n-th year grad student writing your thesis. You take a break to send inane messages to su.roger-or-andy. All of sudden, Ashok decides that he's had enough of your drivel and he sneaks up behind you ... -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:478 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: hats and other stuff Date: 5 Jul 89 19:39:02 GMT Some men look stupid in hats. Typically because they wear stupid hats. A hat should have a purpose, not just be decorative. Most stupid hats are decorative. To keep the sun off or the heat in are legitmate purposes. Ram, spend any time in the desert sun or a few summer days in the Sierra above 8000, and you'll quickly find out that head cover, and preferably with a brim, is indispensible. Guys like me whose hair begins to fail to give adequate coverage are even prone to wear hats around these climes in the summer. Now for the serious part: is "Gowanus" related to "guano," is either related to a gow's anus? which begs: what precisely is a gow? --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:479 From: tucker@polya.Stanford.EDU (Andy Tucker) Subject: Re: Auld Lang Syne Date: 5 Jul 89 22:54:00 GMT In article <10222@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >But, speaking of bats, the question arose the other day as to why >"guano" was the appropriate term for bat excrement. Indeed, why not, >as with deer, scat or spoor, or, as with humans, the p or s words. >Yes, the question I leave you with is: "Why, precisely, `bat guano'?" "Guano" comes from the Quechua word "huana" via Spanish (source: OED). The word originally referred to the excrement of sea birds on some islands off the coast of Peru (the huana was used for fertilizer). If I remember correctly, bats are fairly common in Peru. I'd guess that either bat excrement is similar to that of seafowl, or the Peruvian Native Americans used bat excrement as fertilizer, or both. "Bat guano" is also an apt description of the new BATMAN movie... ========================= Message polya-era:480 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Differential Equations is BUNK Date: 7 Jul 89 06:11:03 GMT Ever take a differential equations course? They taught you all about Predator/Prey cycles, right? Well, it's all garbage. We had an outbreak of moths in our house. Our cats were thrilled. They started eating them. But diff. eq. says that the cat population should then increase. It didn't. The moths are gone now. Diff. eq. says that the cat population should now decrease. Wrong again. What other lies did they teach us in school? Say it ain't so. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:481 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Supremes Date: 7 Jul 89 13:30:34 GMT I had an argument at lunch today that started with my asking why Supreme Court justices lasted so long. This guy thought that probabilistically, the chance that a randomly picked 65 year old would live to 80 was better than the chance that a randomly picked American would live to 80. This is no doubt true. This gave me my pick-me-up for the day - Scalia and Kennedy and O'connor will only live as long as randomly chosen 50 year olds. Pity the poor right-wing bastard who tries to stack the courts with 20 year old zealots - they probably won't make it to 30. When the Demos grab the big white one next they should pack the court with the 130 year russians from the old dannon yoghurt commericials - those guys have proven staying power. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:482 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Ramblin' Rose Date: 7 Jul 89 16:12:27 GMT Hugh McGuire on csd.bboard asks: >Do you know who's been classifying mail addressed to "TAN CHOON HWEE" >--- i.e. "Tan, Choong Hwee" --- as undeliverable? Please have the >person file the mail appropriately. Well you got me stumped. I mean here I am with a B.a, m.S and pH.D (10 years of schooling!) and I can't answer a simple computer science question. Pete Rose reminds me of the old anecdote about the man who is brought before a judge for stealing. The guy was caught at a fur-shop with a load of furs and a crow bar. The judge asks him whether he wants to plead guilty or get a lawyer. The guy asks for a lawyer. The judge is a bit exasperated - "You were caught red handed with the furs and the crow bar -- IN the shop! - why do you want a lawyer?" The guy says, "I'd just like to know what he could possibly say." They got Rose dead to rights, I guess he just figured he couldn't lose by doing what he is doing. Maybe if he drags it out long enough they'll put him in the Hall of Fame while he is waiting. Has your cat gotten heavier Ram? That might be the explanation. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:483 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: books Date: 7 Jul 89 16:48:39 GMT I just bought this book that was on sale this week at the bookstore: 300 Years of Gravitation, ed. by Hawking and Israel. I've read well into the first chapter, and they still haven't told me what kept things down on the planet before 300 years ago. Or, alternatively, what brought things finally crashing down when they were so contentedly floating about before. I mean, doesn't this violate the principle of inertia or something like that? These physicists, so far removed from the notion of deductive reasoning. Now Eventics, by M. Fakheri that's Science! Check it out at the Printer's Inc in M.V. A clear cogent explanation of the whole universe, people, behaviour, philosophy everything, in an amazingly simple framework too. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:484 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Ramsey's cats Date: 7 Jul 89 18:58:14 GMT Ramsey, the lack of increase and subsequent decrease in your house's cat population may have something to do with the operations the two resident cats underwent some years ago. PDE's don't take into account medical meddling. ========================= Message polya-era:485 From: phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU (Geoffrey Phipps) Subject: Partial Dee Cat Dee Tee Date: 7 Jul 89 19:43:37 GMT Ramsey seems worried that his cat population didn't increase. This doesn't disprove the predator-prey theory, as his cats probbaly gained weight, hence increasing the cat density per unit volume. How would one verify it experimentally? Well, seal all the doors and windows, then fill the apartment (still containing the cats) with water, carefully measuring the amount of water used. This will give you the volume of the cats (plus random furniture, sleeping housemates). Repeat as necessary. g ========================= Message polya-era:486 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Partial Dee Cat Dee Tee Date: 7 Jul 89 21:16:11 GMT Aw, come on, Ram, you didn't verify the Cauchy-Riemann conditions or solve the Navier-Stokes equation or apply the Laplace-Beltrami operator or anything mathematical. In short, what you did was nothing but that experimental physics crap. Experimental error, Ram. Your cats really ought to be dead. In fact, had you thought about it even a moment, you would have seen that a quantum mechanical explanation is evident. Let \Psi be the wave function representing the state of the cats-moth-ramsey-furniture- house-etc system. Let L be the self-adjoint operator corresponding to the life property for the cats. Allow system evolution according to Schroedinger and finding that the systems' eventual wave function gives non-zero probability of no decrease in cat life (weight in the appropriate basis eigenvector of L). Of course, if you measure this, you will not be able to measure the incompatible property V of the cats' combined momentum, but who the hell really cares. Some pals of Schroedinger envisioned a similar cruel experiment on his cat, without the moths, but with a very complicated Rube Goldberg setup involving radiocative particles and a deadly poison gas. But they were never really insensitive enough to actually try it. Instead, they contented themselves with building harmless bombs and stuff. Ramsey, you're just too cruel. You could, with non-zero probability, have dead cats on your conscience. Think about it. I should broadcast your name on the CAT NETWORK. Brenda Santomauro would hunt you down. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:487 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Earth Day 1990 organizational meeting Date: 8 Jul 89 00:14:02 GMT In-reply-to: rick@hanauma's message of 6 Jul 89 14:47:22 GMT Wow. I remember Earth Day 1970. Our school had this huge assembly out on the front lawn (we almost never went out on the front lawn). They planted a tree, gave some speeches, sang a few songs, and then we had the rest of the day off. I was thinking, ``Gee, this is excellent. A new holiday.'' I also remember the following year ... ... all of the blank looks I got when I asked when Earth Day was going to be... ========================= Message polya-era:488 From: pallas@polya.Stanford.EDU (Joe Pallas) Subject: Re: Partial Dee Cat Dee Tee Date: 8 Jul 89 01:18:03 GMT In-reply-to: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU's message of 7 Jul 89 21:16:11 GMT In article <10453@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: Of course, if you measure this, you will not be able to measure the incompatible property V of the cats' combined momentum, but who the hell really cares. Anil, you obviously have no cats. At 3am, the combined momentum of the cats as they chase each other across your face is the most significant variable imaginable. ========================= Message polya-era:489 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: a world of CURIOUS ideas Date: 8 Jul 89 19:50:40 GMT Bill Moyers interviewing Pulitzer Prize winning playwright August Wilson. Wilson: So she took me to the library, and when I was five years old, I had my library card. Moyers: What did you read? Wilson: I started with "Curious George". -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:490 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: CURIOUS ideas/ QM Date: 10 Jul 89 01:03:53 GMT I think, reading the Word of C.G. (as conveyed by His prophet) played a fundamental part in my development too. I must remember to tell Bill Moyer the next time he interviews me. Oh, and remind me to suggest that he ask other famous people what the Curious One has meant in their lives. And anent the previous QM stuff: 1) I apologize to cat owners who sometimes care about the combined momentum of their cats. In instances like Joe points out, a measurement of the V variable might be interesting. Also, while one can generally infer that when V is of positive magnitude, L is also, one cannot entirely rule out the possibility of dead cats in motion (not self-propelled). 2) Some point out that Einstein once complained of the Copenhagen interpretation of QM, saying "God does not play dice." It is now fairly well-accepted that indeed God does not play dice; because God does not exist. The C.G. however does play dice, plays quite well, and enjoys it. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:491 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Ram is ready to embark Date: 10 Jul 89 18:16:58 GMT On his way in the real world - having learned how to conduct a debate in the rigourous (Br. spelling please) academic manner - there is nothing more for him to learn. Let us dissect his most recent su.etc posting. >>There are certainly problems with this argument. This logic might be >>extended to infants, or even young children. >Check the book "Social Justice in the Liberal State", by Bruce >Ackerman, Yale University Press, 1980. Always start by recommending a good introductory test to your opponent. It puts you on the high ground and allows bystanders to discern who is the idiot in need of the lecture and who is the genius who feels a moral compunction to stamp out ignorance. If you get by this stage without sustaining a bloody nose you are basically home free and you can make up facts as needed to substantiate your arguments. ...here fits the discussion of the book in vague terms... >Overall I remember the book as being interesting but not persuasive to >me. The dialogues he chose were not the ones I would have, that is, >he never answered some challenges that I would have raised and that >seemed quite natural to raise. But I read the book when it first came >out and don't remember it too well now. Now that you have established that you can quote from the book and your foe is slinking off with his tail twixt his legs you must protect yourself from people who actually *have* read the book. "I read it when it first came out but it's been sitting on my shelf a while so it probably has changed a lot in tone." You miss but one beat Ram,at this juncture, you are supposed to encourage your vanquished but unworthy opponent to read more (suggest some texts preferably with Introduction in the title), argue more (with other simpletons) and maybe excercise a bit to lose that roll. Overall though I must say Bravo Ram - a good text for your perusal is "A Basic Beginner's Introduction to some of the Fundanatals of Rhetoric" -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:492 From: plambeck@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: The Reticent Religious Right Date: 10 Jul 89 19:50:38 GMT From today's SF Chronicle, headline ``How Religious Groups Stopped Partners Law,'' by Don Lattin: .....before and after yesterday's hourlong worship service, McIlhenny continued his steadfast refusal to make any comment to the press on the petition drive or the domestic partners law. McIlhenny, who is 42 and has led the Sunset District church for 16 years, would not even comment on why he refuses to comment. These religious types can be *so* stubborn! I'll bet if you asked McIlhenny for a few remarks on his refusal to comment on why he refuses to comment, he would really clam up. ========================= Message polya-era:493 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: Ram is ready to embark Date: 10 Jul 89 20:43:31 GMT In article <10487@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >On his way in the real world - having learned how to conduct a debate >in the rigourous (Br. spelling please) academic manner - there is nothing >more for him to learn. Evan's note pains me, but not for the reason he might expect. I had been saving up a quote to spring on him at the appropriate moment, but alas, now he would call me a hypocrit for it: As the Earl of Chesterfield said in the "Letters to His Son", "Wear your learning, like your watch, in a private pocket: and do not pull it out and strike it, merely to show that you have one." Indeed, is it possible to use this quote, without making a hypocrit of one's self in the process? -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:494 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Z Date: 10 Jul 89 20:47:29 GMT Schick could talk a line of bullshit like I never heard before, and in this he had the distinct advantage of being American and therefore never hesitant about expressing an opinion. from ``Illywhacker'', by Peter Carey (he's Australian) -- Gidi -------------------------------------------------- ========================= Message polya-era:495 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Ram's Dilemma Date: 11 Jul 89 12:53:07 GMT In his last message, Ramsey bleats: >Evan's note pains me, but not for the reason he might expect. >I had been saving up a quote to spring on him at the appropriate >moment, but alas, now he would call me a hypocrit for it: >As the Earl of Chesterfield said in the "Letters to His Son", > "Wear your learning, like your watch, in a private pocket: and do >not pull it out and strike it, merely to show that you have one." >Indeed, is it possible to use this quote, without making a hypocrit of one's self in the process? Simplicity itself, Ram - the problem here is that as Americans we are cowed by the titles of Royalty or by anyone named after a cigarette. To use the quote, simply ascribe it to another source: I usta have a friend Vinnie - I think his name was Vinnie Testaverde - he usta be a bouncer - not too bright a guy but he did have this one sentiment that seemed to make sense. He'd say, "Yo, Rambo, you a smart boy - right? a college boy - but your smarts should be like your dick, see what I'm saying? you don't pull it out just to show people you got it? right? -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:496 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 11 Jul 89 17:24:05 GMT Source: The New Yorker, July 10, 1989, p. 96 * OUR DISGRUNTLED CRITICS [From a music review by Martin Litvin in the Galesburg (Ill.) Post] The featured composition on the last half of the concert was Tschaikowsky's Fifth Symphony, a melodic, roiling, moiling epic in several movements which was done with great brio and fierce sweep, so that with the fine acoustics of the Orpheum, the music drove all before it and left everyone in the auditorium in the state of happy, quivering jelly and sent people homeward almost stupefied by the drama and perspiration of brilliant music played to a fare-thee-well. For a selected guest list, the Admiral Corporation gave a private reception in the Kensington Hotel at which the beautiful Miss Chase was introduced to a host of admirers. (Not invited were the people who write reviews in the Galesburg Post for the symphony orchestra or do programs about the group on cable television.) ========================= Message polya-era:497 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Attila the Wet Blanket Date: 11 Jul 89 19:41:01 GMT Source: Eyewitness to History, ed. by John Carey, Harvard Univ Press, 1987 Author: Priscus Dinner with Attila the Hun: "A Scythian entered, a crazy fellow who told a lot of strange and completely false stories, not a word of truth in them, which made everyone laugh. Following him came the Moor, Zerkon, totally disorganized in appearance, clothes, voice and words. By mixing up the languages of the Italians with those of the the Huns and Goths, he fascinated everyone and made them break out into uncontrollable laughter, all that is except Attila. He remained impassive, without any change of expression, and neither by word or gesture did he seem to share in the merriment." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:498 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Time-Machine & Abortion Date: 12 Jul 89 03:42:34 GMT If you could go back in time and abort any of the current participants in the su.etc abortion debate, who would you pick? -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:499 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: More Ways to Die Date: 13 Jul 89 17:54:52 GMT Source: The Complete Book of Food: A Nutritional, Medical, & Culinary Guide Author: Carol Ann Rinzler APRICOTS: The bark, leaves and inner stony pit of the apricot all contain amygdalin, a natural chemical that can break down into several components, including hydrogen cyanide (Prussic acid) in your stomach. Cases of fatal poisoning from apricot pits have been reported, including one in a three-year-old girl who ate fifteen apricot kernels. WATER: If we take in much more water than we need to replace what we lose, the excess water will dilute the liquid inside our cells, lowering the normal concentration of electrolytes (sodium, potassium, chloride). Because a proper ratio of electrolytes is vital to the transmission of impulses from cell to cell, a continued excessive intake of fluid may cause water intoxication, a condition whose symptoms include lethargy, muscle spasms, convulsions, coma, and/or death. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:500 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Racing with les Flics Date: 14 Jul 89 17:34:51 GMT Ajay Dravid on the Big Boards writes: >Next time >you're driving down 101 or even El Camino and see a car pulled over by the >cops, look carefully. My experience has been that in 7 or 8 cases out of 10, >the driver will be black. *My* experience is that in 7 or 8 cases out of 10, the driver will be me. Ramsey me and Hearse have got 11 tickets in the last 4 years. The cop, as s/he is leaving the donut shop has to make a decision whether h/se wants to wrestle with crack addicts with the associated risk of loss of life and/orlimb or nab pudgy white weenies in hondas who will be polite and intimidated. My experience is that in 96 cases out of 94, the cop will check his moustache for excess lemon custard , pat his gut and head on off to Stanford to round up some doggies. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:501 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Racing with les Flics Summary: color me Clairol Date: 15 Jul 89 06:15:18 GMT Let me begin by saying I am a person of color. I was driving down 280 at 90 with a broken taillight. Suddenly, one of those CHP guys swoops in like a bat out of hell; you know, look in your rear view and instant horror flick on a 2x7" screen. My dog, who is black, was lying down in back, and I was suddenly thinking he looks pretty much like he'd maybe just sated himself on human blood or something, and was maybe hiding back there from the cop. I knew that we would get some pretty bad treatment. So the cop comes up, white by the way, and takes my license. Some squalking on the radio, and he comes back. "Well, did you know your license expired a year ago?" "Really? No, I didn't." "And your registration tags are two years old." "Really? Quite bizzarro man." "Can I see your registration?" "Sure. Here." "Are you J. R. Smith?" "No, who's he?" "The last registered owner of the car." "Oh, yeah, now I remember. He's my cousin's boyfriend and he kinda gave me the car. Yeh, that's the ticket, he GAVE it to me." "Hmmm. Just a minute." ...More squalking... "It seems you have $1500 in traffic tickets pending. Also you're wanted for three felony counts, and several misdemeanors. I'm going to have to take you in." "Geez, man. Your just doing this because my dog is black. If he was white, there'd be no problem. Come on admit it." "Dog? Oh, hey, you got a license for that animal?" ========================= Message polya-era:502 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: NetHack 3.0 Date: 15 Jul 89 20:34:39 GMT Uh oh. I'd better hurry up and finish my thesis before this is finally released: In article <12873@netnews.upenn.edu> izchak@linc.cis.upenn.edu (Izchak Miller) writes: >After one full year of work, NetHack 3.0 will be released next week. >The code will be handed over to the moderator of comp.sources.games >early in the week for posting. I cannot speak for him, but I expect >that the game will be posted on comp.sources.games reasonably soon >thereafter. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:503 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: A Jewish Reid Date: 16 Jul 89 20:04:18 GMT What ultimately happens to a Jewish person who changes their last name to Reid? The paper today had a case study. Christine took the name Reid instead of her father's last name of Thurman. She was just arrested with a number of other people. They are suspected of developing bombs and anti-helicopter missles for use by the IRA. Keep an eye on Evan. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:504 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: How would Vinnie word this one? Date: 16 Jul 89 20:11:13 GMT "A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn" -- George Peppard as Banacek. OR: "A truly wise man never goes bollard jumping" -- Evan's friends. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:505 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: It must be Date: 17 Jul 89 13:17:24 GMT something about the name Reid, Ram - I doubt that Christine was Jewish. No, the metamorphoses that I am keeping an eye on is the mutation to a Brian Reid clone. Actually that might be good because then I would understand at least one text formatter.-- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:506 From: pallas@polya.Stanford.EDU (Joe Pallas) Subject: Re: It must be Date: 17 Jul 89 19:50:27 GMT In-reply-to: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 17 Jul 89 13:17:24 GMT Careful there, Evan. If you were Brian Reid, you'd understand everything he says. ========================= Message polya-era:507 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Huh? Date: 18 Jul 89 04:33:22 GMT OK. So someone installed sokoban in /usr/games. Fine. But where did the missing 14336 bytes go? csh> ls -l /usr/games/sokoban csh> -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 59392 Jun 20 15:10 /usr/games/sokoban* csh> ls -l ~ramsey/sk/sokoban csh> -rwsr-xr-x 1 ramsey 73728 Jun 12 10:29 /u2/ramsey/sk/sokoban* -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:508 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Huh? Date: 18 Jul 89 05:45:20 GMT In-reply-to: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 18 Jul 89 04:33:22 GMT strip(1) NAME strip - remove symbol table and relocation bits SYNTAX strip name... DESCRIPTION The strip command removes the symbol table and relocation bits ordinarily attached to the output of the assembler and loader. This is useful to save space after a program has been debugged [you did remember to debug it, didn't you?]. The effect of strip is the same as use of the -s option of ld. FILE /tmp/stm? temporary file SEE ALSO ld(1), clothe(1) QUESTIONS Can somebody tell me why they didn't install the score file? Does this mean I have to play all 50 levels all over again? INTERJECTION Aaaaaaarrrrrrrgh! 1 ========================= Message polya-era:509 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: "What can the white man say to the black woman?" Date: 18 Jul 89 17:00:04 GMT Keywords: Source: su.etc Ram writes on.etc: "What can the white man say to the black woman?" -- prose-poem by Alice Walker. "Let's make a movie." -- Steven Spielberg. Ok. bad taste. --anil. ---- Could be Brian Reid, or Possibly Evan Cohn, but Probably Not Mikhail Gorbachev ========================= Message polya-era:510 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: cats & moths; predator & prey -- resolved Date: 18 Jul 89 18:44:01 GMT Upon closer inspection the spider population has increased. Perhaps it was the spiders who effectuated the moth eradication. I will never kill another spider. More spider worship to follow. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:511 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Sp_d_rs -- yet another way to die Date: 18 Jul 89 19:18:46 GMT Moving to the next aisle we have the spiders --- our finest collection. This little fellow is the Heptophilidi --- unfortunately harmless. Next to him the nasty Lycosa Reptoria; his tiny fangs cause creeping ulcerations of the skin. And here my prize, the black widow. Isn't she lovely and so deadly. Her kiss is fifteen times as poisonous as that of the rattlesnake. You see her venom is highly neuro-toxic, which is to say that it attacks the central nervous system. Causing intense pain, profuse sweating, difficulty in breathing, loss of consciousness, violent convulsions, and finally death. You know, I think what I love most about her is her inborn need to dominate, possess. In fact immediately after the consummation of her marriage to the smaller and weaker male of the species, she kills and eats him. She is delicious. And I hope he was. Such power and dignity. Unhampered by sentiment. If I might forward a slight so personal philosophy: I feel that man has ruled this world as a stumbling demented child king, long enough. And as his empire crumbles, my precious black widow shall rise as his most fitting successor. --- Imagine Vincent Price saying this. Heaven. If you can't imagine it, go out and buy Alice Cooper's "Welcome to my Nightmare". I think you're gonna like it. I think you're gonna feel you belong. ========================= Message polya-era:512 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: What the white Ramsey can say to the white Evan Date: 18 Jul 89 21:42:09 GMT There are two ways to make sure you don't linger around Stanford longer than your peers. The classic way is to get out quickly. The alternate way is to throw flames to the bboard and walk away. Everytime this happens - everyone's average tenure (but yours) goes up by a day. Well done Ram. Guilt-ridden liberal though I am, I feel a bit dubious about Brown's explanation that the anger in Walker's message is generalized and wouldn't apply to me specifically. Around the time of the '67 war I believe it was, Nasser said something like "we'll hang the last Jew by his own entrails." The Israelis complained in the UN but were told that this was almost surely exaggeration and it would quite probably be someone elses entrails and it was all technical jargon anyway and not to worry. Reminds me a bit of that. I do hope that u.underdog is a freshman for then my faith that freshman still argue earnestly about irresolvable issues, sing lustily from their hearts and rejoice in the fellowship of keen minds and even keener bodies will be sustained and even refreshed. I killed a black spider with a red spot on its butt the other day - I hope to hell that it was a daddy long legs wearing a halloween suit. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:513 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Roger talks to himself occasionally Date: 18 Jul 89 22:33:08 GMT In-reply-to: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 18 Jul 89 21:42:09 GMT udog (a.k.a. Dwight Joe) is a graduate student in Electrical Engineering. For some reason I don't quite understand, this is not a complete surprise. The other night, I was chasing a particularly obnoxious moth around my trailer when it decided to visit the nether reaches of my bathroom, thus encountering my latest tenant; the moth was quickly wrapped up and put out of circulation. Said tenant, who ordinarily would be subject to immediate prosecution as an unlawful tenant under Roger's Tenancy and Subleasing Control Act of 1984, was granted an indefinite stay of execution. -- Definitely not Brian Cohn ========================= Message polya-era:514 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: What the white Ramsey can say to the white Evan Date: 18 Jul 89 23:10:48 GMT Evan writes: > The alternate way is to throw flames to the bboard and walk away. The pop psychology book "Games People Play" has a nice label for this activity: "Let's you and him fight" ========================= Message polya-era:515 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Sp_d_rs -- yet another way to die Date: 18 Jul 89 23:15:10 GMT In-reply-to: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 18 Jul 89 19:18:46 GMT In article <10684@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: > Her kiss is fifteen times as poisonous as that of the rattlesnake. > You see her venom is highly neuro-toxic, which is to say that it > attacks the central nervous system. > Causing intense pain, profuse sweating, difficulty in breathing, loss > of consciousness, violent convulsions, ... and, ... if you happen to be male,... the most amazing hard-on you've ever had in your life (as if one is going to get anything out if it between rounds of intense pain, profuse sweating, difficulty breathing, loss of consciousness and violent convulsions...) -- None of the following: Evan Reid Ivan Reed Vain Deer Read Vein Vine Dare Near Dive Dire Nave Never Aid Die Raven Ere Divan A red vine Ever a din ========================= Message polya-era:516 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: what *do* I mean? Date: 19 Jul 89 01:18:19 GMT csh> webster webster webster: connected to server at next.stanford.edu Word: andy andy No definition for 'andy'. Maybe you mean: 1. any 2. and 3. ancy 4. andr Word: evan evan No definition for 'evan'. Maybe you mean: 1. evian 2. evans 3. van 4. ean 5. eva 6. elan 7. even 8. evap Word: anil anil No definition for 'anil'. Maybe you mean: 1. nail 2. anvil 3. anile 4. nil 5. ail 6. ani 7. aril 8. axil 9. anal 10. angl 11. anis Word: webster: Closing connection. csh> ========================= Message polya-era:517 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: Huh? Date: 19 Jul 89 04:20:35 GMT In article crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: > >QUESTIONS > Can somebody tell me why they didn't install the score file? No. > Does this mean I have to play all 50 levels all over again? No. I have now merged the score files. I was getting too much work done and I needed to find an excuse to goof off. Anyone who finds my actions to violate their privacy can send me a nasty note and I can remove their name from the now-public score file. ========================= Message polya-era:518 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: what *do* I mean? Date: 19 Jul 89 17:50:29 GMT Clearly you meant... wolvesden:~ |52> webster webster: connected to server at next.stanford.edu Word: roger rog.er \'rj-r\ interj (1941) [fr. Roger, former communications code word for the letter r -- used esp. in radio and signaling to indicate that a message has been received and understood Biographical Names WilliamsRoger 1603?-1683 Am. (Eng.-born) clergyman; founder of Rhode Island colony WolcottRoger 1679-1767 gov. of Connecticut (1751-54) Word: thane thane \'thn\ n (bef. 12c) [ME theyn, fr. OE thegn; akin to OHG thegan thane, Gk tiktein to bear, beget] 1: a free retainer of an Anglo-Saxon lord; esp: one resembling a feudal baron by holding lands of and performing military service for the king 2: a Scottish feudal lord-- thane.ship \-,ship\ n Word: webster: Closing connection. p.s. The dictionary on the NeXT seems to be lacking the definition of the common crossword entry: "anil" -- a blue dye. --anil. ------ Most definitely positively absolutely Anil, ... I think. ========================= Message polya-era:519 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Batman movie and bat guano Date: 19 Jul 89 21:23:07 GMT I went to see the Batman movie last night, and I thought it was great. Let's hear it for dark, gothic shlok. And great backdrops, too. Liz ========================= Message polya-era:520 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Batman Date: 19 Jul 89 22:00:33 GMT I guess I found Batman kind of dull - first of all there were the logical lapses - a guy with an achilles chin so to speak wouldn't walk up to guys on the street who have guns. He was specifically a man without superhuman powers but he seemed to survive things (plane crashes) rather too easily. The love part was not too compelling - didn't seem like either party was too concerned. The climax was a bit anti-climactic - after everything, the Joker just waited at the top of a building without any weapon? He may be crazy but he shouldn't be stupid. What the movie had was anice set and a built-in audience of fans - I don't know - I left feeling that I could have spect 60 million was it? dollars more productively. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:521 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Black widows Date: 19 Jul 89 22:35:20 GMT Obviously Ramsey finds black widows a passionate subject. Certainly the symptoms he describes invoke that image. However, they also sound peculiarly similar to the symptoms of lockjaw. Now there may be persons in this department who do not distinguish the two conditions (mad passion and lockjaw). (In fact, why do I say maybe?) But Roger's message was the first indication I had that an additional symptom of lockjaw (aka tetanus) is engorgement with blood... ========================= Message polya-era:522 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Black widows Date: 19 Jul 89 23:08:14 GMT In-reply-to: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 19 Jul 89 22:35:20 GMT In article <10730@polya.Stanford.EDU> eswolf (Elizabeth Wolf) writes: > > Obviously Ramsey finds black widows a passionate subject. Certainly > the symptoms he describes invoke that image. > > However, they also sound peculiarly similar to the symptoms of lockjaw. ... > > But Roger's message was the first indication I had that an additional > symptom of lockjaw (aka tetanus) is engorgement with blood... > One must not forget the connection between blood engorgement and mosquitos, which breed in small stagnant pools of water. Now, wood usually floats on water (as do ducks), but wood also burns. Wait, ... I've got it! A WIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTCH! -- Sir Bedevere ========================= Message polya-era:523 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: More on engorgement Date: 19 Jul 89 23:48:42 GMT What if this engorgement is not as selective as Roger indicates? I have this image of someone with fingers stiffly outstretched, and arms too, like a little kid who's been dressed in too many sweaters at once. Perhaps this tetanus reaction, attributed to muscle "locking", is in fact... blood engorgement at extremities. ========================= Message polya-era:524 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: Black widows Date: 20 Jul 89 02:38:28 GMT In article <10730@polya.Stanford.EDU> eswolf@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) writes: > >Obviously Ramsey finds black widows a passionate subject. Certainly >the symptoms he describes invoke that image. They are Vincent Price's words. Or Alice Cooper's? Anyway, after Vincent finishes his monologue, the music starts and Alice chimes in: These words he speaks are true We're all humanary stew if We don't pledge allegiance to THE BLACK WIDOW The horror that he brings, The horror of his sting, The unholiest of Kings, THE BLACK WIDOW. Our minds will be his toy, And every girl and boy will learn to be employed by THE BLACK WIDOW. Love me, Yes we love me, Love him, Yes we love him, Love me, Yes we love him. He sits upon this throne and picks at all the bones of his husbands and his Wives he's devoured. He stares with a gleam, With a laughter so obscene at the virgins and the children he's deflowered. Love me, Yes we love me, Love him, Yes we love him, Love me, Yes we love him. Out thoughts are hot and crazed, Our brains are webbed in haze, Of mindless, senseless, daze, THE BLACK WIDOW. These words he speaks are true We're all humanary stew if We don't pledge allegiance to THE BLACK WIDOW This is great stuff when you're a 9th grader. I was pretty puzzled when I received "Alice Cooper's Greatest Hits" and it didn't have a single song from "Welcome to my Nightmare". Was this some right-wing censorship plot? Was there going to be a constitutional ammendment forbiding pledging allegiance to THE BLACK WIDOW? There's great stuff on the "Nightmare" album. "Only Women Bleed" got plenty of air-time and did well on the charts. It belonged on the "Greatest Hits" album. My mother even liked the song --- until I told her the lyrics. As Elizabeth would say, "That's UGLY. Why do you {listen to/read/say} UGLY things!" -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:525 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: Black widows Date: 20 Jul 89 02:47:19 GMT In article <10730@polya.Stanford.EDU> eswolf@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) writes: > >Obviously Ramsey finds black widows a passionate subject. No. Tame, mundane stuff. The real alluring, exotic stuff is on side 2: One thing I miss is cold ETHYL and her skeleton kiss. We met last night making love by the refrigerator light. ETHYL, ETHYL, let me squeeze you in my arms. ETHYL, ETHYL, come and freeze me with your charms. One thing, No lie, ETHYL's frigid as an eskimo pie. She's cool in bed. She oughta be 'cuz ETHYL's dead. ETHYL, ETHYL, let me squeeze you in my arms. ETHYL, ETHYL, come and freeze me with your charms. Come on cold ETHYL, Freeze me babe, One thing --- it's true, Cold ETHYL I am stuck on you, And everything is my may, ETHYL don't have much to say. ETHYL, ETHYL, let me squeeze you in my arms. ETHYL, ETHYL, come and freeze me with your charms. Come here cold ETHYL, What makes you so cold? ... oo, so cold ... Cold ETHYL, Cold, cold ETHYL, If I live to ninety-seven, You'll be waiting in refrigerator heaven, 'Cuz you're cool, You're ice, Cold ETHYL, You're my paradise. See. I listened to this stuff in High School and turned out perfectly normal. I don't understand what Tipper Gore is so worked up over. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:526 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Normality Date: 20 Jul 89 19:09:16 GMT Yes, I agree one hundred percent with Ramsey. Not only did he turn out perfectly normal, but ALL of us here are perfectly normal. Let's hear it for normalization... ========================= Message polya-era:527 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Normality Date: 20 Jul 89 20:48:07 GMT Speak for yourself, Ms. Wolf. Ramsey certainly isn't normal. While Evan lives in Houston and telnets to a machine hundreds of miles away just to read and post to a silly bboard. Don't even mention Roger OR Andy. --anil. ---- Probably not Normal except in the limit, Possibly Poisson with mean 1. ========================= Message polya-era:528 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Re: Batman Date: 21 Jul 89 06:24:03 GMT In article <10729@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >set and a built-in audience of fans - I don't know - I left feeling >that I could have spect 60 million was it? dollars more productively. Really? You're in CS, posting to the newsgroup with the smallest distribution, and you think that 3 to 1 return on investment is unproductive? (Okay, so it will probably end up at 5 to 1.) -andy hasn't quite figured out how to express how he feels about the batman movie. "It wasn't that good, but it was pretty" is the closest he's come, but then, he likes batman comics, but thinks the TV show was silly. UUCP: {arpa gateways, sun, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu BELLNET: (415) 723-3088 ========================= Message polya-era:529 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Black widows, Batman and stuff Date: 21 Jul 89 20:30:40 GMT WHEN I SAID (SHADES OF MR CHICAGO) that I could do something more productive with 60 million dollars than make Batman I was referring specficially to buying Haiti, having it covered in Alpaca and having Elle McPherson brought in. I didn't mean that Batman wouldn't make money - perhaps I was unclear. Perhaps Roger is thinking what would happen if the black widow nipped him on the pecker. There are easier ways to achieve the effect he mentioned. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:530 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Black widows, Batman and stuff Date: 21 Jul 89 21:59:51 GMT In-reply-to: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 21 Jul 89 20:30:40 GMT > There are easier ways to achieve the effect he mentioned. intense pain, profuse sweating, difficulty breathing, loss of consciousness, violent convulsions AND the most amazing [etc...] Go ahead, Ev. I'm all ears (actually, I'll have to admit that this is not extremely high up on my list of Things to Figure Out Before I Turn 30). -- Definitely not Brian Cohn or Brian de Palma. ========================= Message polya-era:531 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: Normality Date: 22 Jul 89 03:56:18 GMT In article <10761@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: > Ramsey certainly isn't normal. I am normal in at least four senses of the word. However, I most definitely am not "ordinary". webster: connected to server at next.stanford.edu 1 nor.mal \'nr-ml\ adj (1696) [L normalis, fr. norma] 1: PERPENDICULAR; esp: perpendicular to a tangent at a point of tangency < YES, I never go off on tangents 2a: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle < NO, rules were meant to be broken. Anarchy forever. 2b: conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern < YES, I am finite and thus can be recognized by an fsa and described by < a regular expression (or "pattern", if you insist). 3: occurring naturally < NO, I was the product of a willful act. 5a of a solution: having a concentration of one gram equivalent of solute per liter < NO, I am able to concentrate better than that. 5b: containing neither basic hydroxyl nor acid hydrogen < NO, I just ate some, I think. 5c: not associated < YES --- they call me "The Outsider". 6 of a subgroup: having the property that every coset produced by operating on the left by a given element is equal to the coset produced by operating on the right by the same element < YES, I am perfectly symmetric. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:532 From: maslen@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Maslen) Subject: Re: Normality Date: 22 Jul 89 04:52:21 GMT In article <10807@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >< YES --- they call me "The Outsider". There, and I always thought he was this obnoxious French (is that tautologous?) dude that wasted an arab, no? Come to think of it, though, he had at least one redeeming feature; I seem to remember a line like "... to which I had nothing to say; so I said nothing." Guess we won't see Meursault on su.* any time soon. Thomas ========================= Message polya-era:533 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Sweating, pain etc... Date: 24 Jul 89 13:15:47 GMT I was just thinking of eating oleander leaves while reading a Playboy - what were you thinking of Roger?-- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:534 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Summary: word perfect Keywords: blurbs Date: 24 Jul 89 17:40:40 GMT Source: The New Yorker, July 24, 1989, p. 81. * Parents and board members expressed disappointment at the high school program cuts which would result from proposed reductions in teaching staff. Mr. Gilchrest is disappointment at the high school program cuts which would result from proposed reductions in teaching staff. Mr. Gilchrest is disappointment at the high school program cuts which would result from proposed reductions in teaching staff. Mr. Gilchrest is disappointment at the high school program cuts which would result from proposed reductions in teaching staff. Mr. Gilchrest is to be sacrificed. --Bethel (Conn.) Home News. Which may not come as a surprise. ========================= Message polya-era:535 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Sic Semper Gilcrests Date: 24 Jul 89 18:00:41 GMT That is the first time I laughed aloud at a bboard message in the last 6 years. Not to get too theoretical about racism but Ram here is so racist that his memory shuts off whenever he makes a racist remark and so he must rely on his friends to reveal his racism to him. Ah-hah he says - there would be a record on su-rog* - But no Ram, we are so ashamed of it that we excise your racist messages and renumber all of them. Take our word for it though, OK? -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:536 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: When does Evan get to call Ramsey a racist? Date: 24 Jul 89 18:52:17 GMT In article <10835@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: > > Ram here is so racist >that his memory shuts off whenever he makes a racist remark Proof by contradiction that Ram never makes racist remarks: Assume Ram made a racist remark. If Ram made a racist remark, eagle-eared-Elizabeth would hear it. If e-e-Elizabeth heard a racist remark, she wouldn't merely say, "That's ugly". No, no, no. If she posted to su.etc, her messages would be indistinguishable from W. A. Brown's. If she heard me make such a remark, she would give me the old heave ho. "Get lost. And take back everything you gave me." If Elizabeth gave me back everything I gave her, I would have four C_r___s G__rg_s. I only have three C_r___s G__rg_s. Contradiction. QED. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:537 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Typical Conservative Sophistry Date: 24 Jul 89 20:02:42 GMT I believe we are all reminded of what Oliver Cromwell said on the morning of Aug 16, 1612. I don't think I even need remind you of the exact string of memorable phonemes to which I refer. You argument is an exquisite example of sophistry mixed with specious reasoning and you have a weak backhand. I rebut on 2 pts. Elizabeth is quite fond of you. When she hears you say something undeniable racist she passes out. The synapses that transmitted the thought separate themselves from the rest of her brain and float freely. Clearly no posting results I stated quite clearly at graduation that I have a Curious George Doll Graduation Gift that I intend to give you. Although the doll resides with me, it is your property as established by numerous legal precedent. Thus you have 4 of the selfsame simians. Quite Easily Deceptive. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:538 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: What the white Ramsey can say to the white Evan Date: 25 Jul 89 01:38:39 GMT In article <10690@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: > >There are two ways to make sure you don't linger around Stanford >longer than your peers. The classic way is to get out quickly. The >alternate way is to throw flames to the bboard and walk away. The third is to set up a game and tell everyone where it is. And walk away. Nethack 3.0: /u2/ramsey/nh/nethack The 38 shar files are in the same directory (named: part??) if anyone wants to grab those to port to another computer (or get them from comp.source.games). I'll delete them in about a week. Now if I can only walk away... -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:539 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: C. G. Date: 25 Jul 89 05:45:42 GMT In article <10839@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: > If Elizabeth gave me back everything I gave her, I would have four >C_r___s G__rg_s. > I only have three C_r___s G__rg_s. > Contradiction. QED. Note by the referee: There is but one Cur_ous Ge_rge. What the author means to say is that he has three graven images of the Cu_ious O_e. And that had he made any racist remark he would have four. Indeed, the Ge_rge works in mysterious ways, but this would be remarkable. Reid [prev] has already pointed out that proofs based on the Elizabeth Hypothesis are suspect. I concur. Ramsey has still not proven that he is not a racist pig-dog --no wait pig-dog is too good a term, just pig. Yes, racist pig. Ram? --The Referee ---- Who Can it Be Now? ========================= Message polya-era:540 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: What the Black Evan can say to the Black Ramsey Date: 25 Jul 89 13:42:53 GMT Anil, you surely recollect what Oliver Cromwell muttered to himself when taking a shower on the morning of Nov 17, 1615, to wit: "Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, monkey do. Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure." Clearly the nature of -U-IOU- -EO--E is quartic. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:541 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: C. G. Date: 26 Jul 89 16:06:28 GMT In article <10850@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >Ramsey has still not proven that he is not a racist pig-dog --no wait >pig-dog is too good a term, just pig. Yes, racist pig. > >Ram? OK, I confess. But you guys have the proof all wrong. Here's how it goes: Ramsey uses the word "communist" to describe everything he dislikes. For instance, he is driving and the sun is in his eyes. He mutters, "Damn commie sun." He goes outside his house to pick up the morning paper, but it isn't there. Whose fault is it? "Communists!" Elizabeth says that when she was in South Africa, all the whites labelled everything they disliked as "communist". So, Ramsey is a white South African. All white South African are racist. Therefore Ramsey is a racist. QED-- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:542 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: What the Colored Anil can and damn well will say to the White Ramsey Date: 26 Jul 89 16:39:48 GMT Witness also Ramsey's willingness, as professed by Evan, to play the dominant white male to one of those voluptious blue women on the old Star Trek. By the way, has no one heard of the movie, "The Color Anil?" --anil. ----- (1) Indigo (blue) (2) a dye of this color. ========================= Message polya-era:543 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Have mercy on a non_jax resident Date: 27 Jul 89 17:44:24 GMT There were about 40 postings a day on su.etc for the last several weeks and it suddenly has been knocked down to 10 -- what happened - is it exam time or something? -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:544 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Genetics v. Environment Date: 27 Jul 89 17:58:54 GMT It is a struggle to recollect my salad days of high school through the haze of an intervening decade. I do recall that there was a fair sized subsegment of the population no member of which applied him/her self to the pursuit of knowlege, largely because they had just discovered SEX and found it to be more exhilirating than GEOMETRY. These roisterers probably could have done better academically but we can only guess how much. The poor bastards were punished once by not getting into good colleges and once again by not going to grad school. I just pity these poor bastards. If you subtract (in my school) the egg-heads (6) and the roisterers (300) from the class total (600). You are left with 300 (disregarding the egg-heads, which everyone did) people who showed no particular academic skill nor any particular propensity pour le pursuit of things physical. They had good nutrition etc... why did these people not show any academic skill? This is a serious question - too bad J. McCarthy etc... don't read this board. Ram? -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:545 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Genetics v. Environment Date: 27 Jul 89 18:21:56 GMT Humans being animals "naturally selected" to procreate, the surprising fact is not that many people would prefer SEX to GEOMETRY, but that the complementary set is non-empty. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:546 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: The rotten-lousy-anti-choice bastards Date: 28 Jul 89 18:13:33 GMT Since everyone is arguing about names allow me to suggest one. How come no one on the big board is arguing about the recent case where a man stopped some women (who he had impregnated) from having an abortion. I remember some sperm bank that was going to collect the ejaculatory products of Nobel Laureates. You know as men (those of us reading this who are men) we don't have this option of having a half Stanford Grad Student (I'm trying to pick the minimal element here), half Nobel Laureate kid. That's a shame - cause I might opt for a family of 1/2 nobel laureates. As it is, what choice do I have? Mother Theresa is right out. I mean how many women under say 40 have nobel prizes? This looks bad alright. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:547 From: pallas@polya.Stanford.EDU (Joe Pallas) Subject: Re: The rotten-lousy-anti-choice bastards Date: 28 Jul 89 21:11:14 GMT In-reply-to: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 28 Jul 89 18:13:33 GMT Is there any technical reason you couldn't have an egg bank? Sure, there's this problem that some people aren't keen on the rent-a-womb idea, but apart from that, certainly the extraction technology exists. Maybe they don't freeze as well? Maybe no one's thought of it? Maybe Nobel Laureate women aren't as hung up on passing on their genes as Nobel Laureate men are? Maybe joe should get back to work ========================= Message polya-era:548 From: tucker@polya.Stanford.EDU (Andy Tucker) Subject: Re: The rotten-lousy-anti-choice bastards Date: 29 Jul 89 05:29:49 GMT Evan writes: >I mean how many women under say 40 have nobel prizes? How old are Betty Williams and Mairead Corrigan? (Peace Prize, 1976) ========================= Message polya-era:549 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Pftoo Date: 30 Jul 89 21:08:02 GMT Sorry - Peace is a completely bogus Prize and doesn't even count - for 18 reasons. 1. One can assume that if X wins the Physics prize (for example) then X was a damn good physicist. Probably X was politically active in the physics community grooming friends and such but X was a damn good physicist. The prize couldn't have gone to any random Joe (sorry Joe) who was also working on the same stuff. Such is not true of Peace - Mother Theresa helps very poor people but then so do a lot of folks. 2. The best way to ensure peace is not to engage in war yourself. Whenever an international nasty boy takes a momentary time out, the Nobel committee presses a medallion upon him. Kissinger, Sadat, Begin, Teddy Rosevelt all got Nobel Peace Prizes. Gorbachev will probably get one. 'Swounds , they almost stuck one on Reagan. I bet you if Khadafy got on the news and said "Jesus I just realized what a peckerhead I am - I'm going to build schools and hospitals from now on I swear," they'd give him a prize in 2 years. 3. Not to get too Bowmanesque but what is being peaceful? Do the Vichy French get one for bowing to German pressure and avoiding bloodshed? 4-18 Sherry Listgarten is my ideal of a Nobel Peace Prize candidate. Sherry has never killed anyone and even had some slight misgivings when she had to break the legs of a man who she felt had cheated her in backgammon. She is unlikely to be called into combat unless the Chinese invade mainland USA and she is a sober citizen who keeps her nose clean and pays her taxes, negligible though they are. There are no doubt millions of equally deserving people but so what this is the Peace prize - Yo, Sherry - can you bear my children? Yeah I know - I don't like them much myself. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:550 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Cruelty to Birds? Pigeon S&M? Date: 31 Jul 89 00:37:42 GMT Check out the new roof fixture installed over the mjh450 patio. -- Roger Crew ``Dick, you're fired!'' (yes, that movie...) Usenet: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!crew Internet: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU ========================= Message polya-era:551 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: Pftoo Date: 31 Jul 89 03:52:35 GMT In article <10974@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >4-18 Sherry Listgarten is my ideal of a Nobel Peace Prize candidate. No. See below. > Yo, Sherry - can you bear my children? I happen to know that her answer to this is, "Only if you are the only male human alive." Thus she is inciting Evan to treacherous acts against all other male humans. When Evan wipes us all out, the responsibility will clearly lie with Sherry. Hence, she deserves the Nobel Genocide Prize. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:552 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Name that Ship! Date: 31 Jul 89 19:15:01 GMT They brought the Exxon Valdez into San Diego harbor yesterday for extensive repairs. News reports also mention that Exxon is planning to rename the vessel after its repairs. Any suggestions? --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:553 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Impaling pigeons Date: 31 Jul 89 20:55:57 GMT How many pigeon pies have the people living in MJH450 made out of pigeons impaled on the new gizmos on the patio roof? Why, this could add to the variety of food at TGIF, come fall. ========================= Message polya-era:554 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: kluge Date: 1 Aug 89 18:31:05 GMT Webster's gives this definition for "kluge." kludge \'klj\or kluge \'klj, 'kl-j\ n (1962) [origin unknown] :a system and esp. a computer system made up of poorly matched components I'd heard that "kluge" meant "clever" in German, and that the origin of this is that kluge meant a clever but messy hack. Can our Austrian colleague confirm the German meaning of this word? --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:555 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Resident German speaker Date: 1 Aug 89 22:31:16 GMT Our Austrian colleague is in Germany, at Concurrency summer camp. You'll have to wait till mid-August for a response from him. ========================= Message polya-era:556 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Resident German speaker Date: 1 Aug 89 22:41:23 GMT In-reply-to: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 1 Aug 89 22:31:16 GMT In article <11026@polya.Stanford.EDU> eswolf (Elizabeth Wolf) writes: > > Our Austrian colleague is in Germany, at Concurrency summer camp. Lots of odd possibilities here: SCHEDULE OF ACTIVITIES Monday 9:00am -- Breakfast 9:00am -- Swimming and Boating 9:00am -- Nature Hike 9:00am -- Lunch 9:00am -- Pioneering Exhibition 9:00am -- Softball Game .... [ yeah, ok, it's a cheap shot ] -- Me ========================= Message polya-era:557 From: tucker@polya.Stanford.EDU (Andy Tucker) Subject: Re: kluge Date: 2 Aug 89 05:41:32 GMT The following is based on shaky memory and thus may be inaccurate: "klug" is German for clever, but the pronunciation is different --- the `g' is hard. "kluge" (hard g, two syllables) is the form when modifying a feminine noun in the nominative case (and one other, I forget which). Andy (at least I got something out of those years of high school German) ========================= Message polya-era:558 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Kluge Date: 2 Aug 89 15:42:30 GMT Never had any high school german but I once sat next to a german on a long bus-ride so I would consider myself to be an expert at the bboard level. A Kluge is a small children's slide that grown men get on and go at high speeds - it is considered stupid and if you get off the track, messy - thus it has become synonomous with something that is both stupid and messy. Actually I have heard that kluge originally meant a clever little trick but it is clear that over time the connotations have changed. Schmuck, I am told, originally meant something that dangled like a watch fob for example but has (in more recent times) come to be synonomous with Mark Crispin. On a different track, regardless of what you think of the Israelis latest move - it must have recalled the youthful exuberance that allowed (forced?) you (as a child) to throw a rock at a hornet's nest and THEN decide what you expected to happen. Those were heady days.-- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:559 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Schmuck Date: 2 Aug 89 16:54:36 GMT In article <11049@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >Schmuck, I am told, originally meant something that >dangled like a watch fob for example but has (in more recent times) >come to be synonomous with Mark Crispin. My dog, whose reputation if not his size has now reached mythic proportion, is part German. I am quite certain that Schmuck, or Schmucken or something, means diamonds or jewelry or something, in German, mind you, not Yiddish, Herr Doctor Reid. --anil. --- You. ========================= Message polya-era:560 From: bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) Subject: Re: Schmuck Date: 2 Aug 89 20:11:09 GMT In article <11051@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >I am quite certain that Schmuck, or >Schmucken or something, means diamonds or jewelry or something, in >German, A friend of mine once showed me the safty warning on the inside of a German-built printer. It warned you to keep you necktie, hair and schmuck out of the gears. Ouchingly, Barry ========================= Message polya-era:561 From: pallas@polya.Stanford.EDU (Joe Pallas) Subject: Re: Schmuck Date: 3 Aug 89 00:53:32 GMT In-reply-to: bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 2 Aug 89 20:11:09 GMT I think ``jewelry'' is the definition Anil recalls. The English translation I received, which is definitely more poetic, is ``ornament.'' ========================= Message polya-era:562 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: two years? Date: 4 Aug 89 00:46:58 GMT Red-letter day: August 4, 1987 ``some aspire to bboards, others achieve bboards, still others have bboards thrust upon them...'' Date: Tue 4 Aug 87 22:23:11-PDT From: Andy Freeman Subject: First posting - topics It appears that the floodgates have opened; any discussion that is even vaguely Stanford-related gets an SU-* bboard. Roger Crew and I decided to have the first "personal" SU-bboard. (We have a group too but no dues, secret decoder rings, or course fees.) All mail sent to SU-Roger-or-andy@sushi will appear on this bboard. The stated topic of this bboard is anything that interests Roger or I. However, since neither of us have the access (or desire) to censor it you can ignore our feelings about topics. -andy ps - I think we need a real CS students bboard so that the students mailing list can be moderated. The various committee messages really shouldn't be sent to our mail files. ------- Date: Wed 5 Aug 87 06:43:32-PDT From: Roger Crew Subject: First posting (we get two of everything on this bboard) > Besides, how can Andy complain about the formation of bboards of the > form su-X being too special interesty, when he's created an > su-roger-or-andy bboard (on SUSHI, anyway). This assumes that you consider SU-Roger-or-andy to be a flaky special- interest bboard. I should probably point out that the name was originally going to be SU-Roger-AND-andy, ostensibly taking the intersection of our respective areas of interest. That *would* be a sharply focused special-interest bboard --- in fact, it would be so sharply focused that there would be very little to talk about... By taking the disjunction we get a reasonably broad range of topics (...well, at least, *I* think it's a reasonably broad range of topics...). Roger ------- [editorial notes: 1) SU-MACINTOSH was created the previous day. This was at a time when it had been decreed that all discourse concerning anything at all within the scope of human knowledge and philosophy would fall into exactly one of the following five categories: COMPUTERS, EVENTS, JOBS, MARKET, and ETC. 2) the quoted text accusing us of flaky special-interestism is due to a certain Ramsey Haddad...] -- Roger Crew ``Dick, you're fired!'' (yes, that movie...) Usenet: {arpa gateways, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!crew Internet: crew@polya.Stanford.EDU ========================= Message polya-era:563 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Nostalgia Date: 4 Aug 89 01:17:33 GMT Some early headers: 1 08/04 andy@sushi.stanfo First posting - topics < phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU (Geoffrey Phipps) writes: >! or river track. > >That should be "river truck". Flat bottom aluminium boats with >outboards. I type'em as they're printed, which is often with typos verbatim. I half-expected one of our resident down-underers to have been there. I also half-expected Evan to say that he had been to Pagwi, New Jersey, and it was a hell-uv-alot of trouble for nothing. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:570 From: phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU (Geoffrey Phipps) Subject: Re: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 7 Aug 89 20:04:45 GMT > I also half-expected Evan to say that he had been to Pagwi, New > Jersey, and it was a hell-uv-alot of trouble for nothing. --anil. Memories of Pagwi: Lots and lots of mud, with planks laid across it. Mud on the buildings ( even though they were on stilts). Empty oil drums sinking into the ooze. More mosquitos than you'd believe possible. Thunderstorms. Hmm, on second thoughts, it sounds suspiciously like New Jersey. g ========================= Message polya-era:571 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: wooly nethack Date: 8 Aug 89 17:03:21 GMT As incentive for people to go over to wooly.stanford.edu and play with it, I have ported nethack over there. It is in /u2/ramsey/games. It has the minor bug that Quitting causes a segmentation error instead of adding you to the score file. Temporary solution: die like a man. I'm about to go out of town for 10 days. Hence, if there are other problems with it, I can't deal with them til then. When I get back I may delete the version of nethack on polya. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:572 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Ramsey going out of town Date: 8 Aug 89 21:51:31 GMT Heh, heh. Little does he realize (because of the copious warning we were given) that he will not need to remove nethack from polya when he returns - ========================= Message polya-era:573 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: whole lotta shakin' goin on Date: 9 Aug 89 19:07:22 GMT YO EVAN! As usual, you're missing all of the fun. Things are really shakin' here. We had a real jolt or two the other day (5.1 in SJ), and USGS reports now say approximately 1/20 chance of a Richter 6.0 or bigger in the next few days, (then chances drop rapidly.) Local reports are that Ramsey is leaving town; just can't take the stress. Not his fault, though. (stupid puns intended). --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:574 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: It shakes etc... Date: 10 Aug 89 13:00:22 GMT Yo Anil! (A palindrome...but not in English) you guys should take the lead from Texas on this - people here are proud of the bad weather here - if you say that you've seen hurricanes before, in NY their crests fall and they get all lachrymose - take pride in your quakes! 6.0 - not bad! -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:575 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Date: 10 Aug 89 17:40:13 GMT * The most widely publicized incident of the Gorbachev trip was the ``theft'' of Alexander Pushkin's pistols. The Soviets have been asking France for some time for the pair of dueling pistols with which the great Russian romantic writer was killed in 1837 in a St. Petersburg duel with a French officer who had been paying too much attention to the author's wife. The pistols were given by a French collector in 1971 to Michel Debre, then President Charles de Gaulle's prime minister. Debre, also mayor of the Loire Valley town of Amboise until three months ago, gave them to the local museum. He resisted Soviet attempts over the years to get them for the Hermitage, the art museum in Leningrad (formerly St. Petersburg), but the old Gaullist was finally turned out of office by voters. The new leftist mayor, Andre Chollet, was less scrupulous. The day before Gorbachev's arrival, he surrendered the pistols to Jean Darmes, who came in a special car from the Elysee Palace. --Boston Globe. Driven by Cara Binieri. ========================= Message polya-era:576 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: NYQ Date: 10 Aug 89 17:44:20 GMT Forgot the citation: The New Yorker, Aug. 14, 1989, p. 87 ========================= Message polya-era:577 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Quake Theory: Some Personal Observations Date: 10 Aug 89 18:23:23 GMT * Quakes always occur after a cool low-pressure day breaking a warmer spell. I figure its the cooling down of the earth that helps triggers the quake. You know how a quiche cracks as it's cooling? Well, then, there you are. * Quakes of any significant size occur between 12am and 9am. They jolt you out of bed that way, and ruin your night. They also ruin the next three successive nights of sleep, as every passing truck, train, or plane, sends you diving for cover. * It is intensely still and quiet just before a quake, even the crickets stop chirping. Occasionally, however, certain animals decide to ruin the surprise and broadcast their anxiety. Then all hell breaks loose in animal sounds. Animals that you didn't even know made noises suddenly join in. Your own dog, however, will be completely oblivious to the impending quake, but may be quite interested in defending its territory from the apparent multitude of animals gathering outside. * Thane's Lemma: Following a quake, there is an intense need on the part of the average person to know its Richter magnitude. This same person has no comprehension of what this number means. * A 1/20 chance of a large quake is small but significant since the cost is grave. The rational way to handle this is to prepare a safe place to ride out a quake, and supplies to keep one through the aftermath. Most people will do nothing of the sort. The people who do prepare will have a supply kit consisting of a flashlight, and a toothbrush. The flashlight's batteries will be low. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:578 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: "Just stirring it up" Date: 11 Aug 89 13:20:40 GMT When someone on the big board types "I don't necessarily believe this, I just am stirring up things," the visual impulse received by my eyes in transmitted to the correct part of my brain and is converted to an electrical impulse which is sent to the reasoning center etc... As it turns out, the electrical impulse created is identical to "I am a freshman who just drank booze for the first time - this is great!!!!!" Thus I was suprised to see McCarthy using the offending set of lexemes. My parents report to having heard a bunch of racoons playing the ukelele moments before the last quake. This bolsters, confirms, strengthens and supports Anil's theories. Either that or it negates them.-- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:579 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: "Just stirring it up" Date: 11 Aug 89 17:08:24 GMT In article <11271@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >"I am a freshman who just drank booze for the first time - this is great!!!!!" Hmm. >My parents report to having heard a bunch of racoons playing the ukelele >moments before the last quake. This bolsters, confirms, strengthens and >supports Anil's theories. Either that or it negates them.-- Your parents too? Sheesh, I was too ashamed to mention this phenomenon. I thought I'd be laughed off the boards. But definitely, certainly, and most absolutely, it does either support or negate my theories. Or possibly neither. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:580 From: sherry@polya.Stanford.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) Subject: Richter for the average person Keywords: shakin' and a quakin' Date: 11 Aug 89 21:15:16 GMT Source: San Jose Mercury News, 8/10/89 (Scott Willis) Here's some help for those average people of Thane's Lemma (art. 577): SANTA CLARA COUNTY RICHTER SCALE 3.0 - 3.9: Motion comparable to upset stomach after bad burrito. Freeways impassable. 4.0 - 4.9: Slight fizz noticeable in refrigerated mineral water. Freeways impassable. 5.0 - 5.9: Wine racks upset. Freeways impassable. 6.0: Difficult to jog. White caps in hot tubs. Freeways impassable. 7.0: U-storage facilities collapse. Tsunamis in waterbeds. Small cars upset. Freeways impassable. 7.9: RVs overturned. Suction-cup Garfields jarred off car windows. Freeways impassable. 8.0: Malls evacuated. Hackers notice movement. Freeways beginning to clear. 8.9: Jack-in-the-Box restaurants close. Freeways clear. ========================= Message polya-era:581 From: sherry@polya.Stanford.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) Subject: The GFX-100 TV "DISH" ANTENNA Date: 14 Aug 89 15:37:46 GMT Want to know how to sell a toy-size pair of rabbit ears for $10 (plus $3 shipping)? Attach a plastic thing that looks like a dish and write an ad (found in the San Jose Merc. News). Here are some excerpts (substituting capitals for bold face or italics): * No cable box necessary -- uses "RF" technology to capture signals right out of the air! * Legal in all 50 states! * You pay NO cable fees BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING CABLE! * You pay NO satellite fees BECAUSE YOU DON'T USE SATELLITE SIGNALS! Compatible with all TVs from 3-inch portables to giant 7-footers. Sits on any TV top in less than 4 linear inches of space! Guaranteed not to utilize, replicate, transmit or interfere with any satellite signal. Not technical razzle-dazzle but the sheer aesthetic superiority of its elegant parabolic design make the GFX-100 a MARKETING BREAKTHROUGH! [No kidding.] ========================= Message polya-era:582 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Local Humor Date: 14 Aug 89 18:48:49 GMT Why the Ayatollah died - he found Rushdie's book was subtitled Volume I.-- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:583 From: gangolli This message WAS cancelled as is apparent from subsequent banter. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:584 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Date: 17 Aug 89 18:01:53 GMT Source: The New Yorker, August 21, 1989, p. 39 * AMERICA, AMERICA [Headline in the Hyannis (Mass.) Cape Cod Times] GYPSIES FIGHT REPUTED NUDISTS OVER BABY SOLD BY EX-FIREBUG ========================= Message polya-era:585 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: #583 Date: 18 Aug 89 04:52:31 GMT somebody cancelled an article. oooooooooo Anil's excuse: ``My dog ate it.'' This could account for practically anything. And then there was that time in 5th grade where I was sick for week, during which time the teacher assigned a book report or some such project. When I came back, I quite cleverly neglected to ask about it even though I could infer that something big had been assigned. After all, if I asked about it, then I would find out, and then I'd have to actually do it. The scene three weeks later, when the due date came around, was rather interesting: ``WHAT do you MEAN you didn't KNOW about it?!? HOW could you NOT KNOW??!?'' (my fifth grade teacher was really good at emitting lots of ??'s and !!'s when she got upset). ``I really didn't know about it. When was it assigned?'' ``Four WEEKS ago!!!!'' ``I was sick that whole week.'' ``And it didn't OCCUR to you to ASK??!? WHAT did you THINK we we're all DOING in the LIBRARY last Monday???!'' * * * Actually, this has possibilities, now that I think about it. Fast-forward eighteen some-odd years to Roger's Orals: ``WHAT do you MEAN you didn't KNOW about it?!? HOW could you NOT KNOW??!'' ``I really didn't know about it. When was it assigned?'' ``Five YEARS ago!!!!'' ``I was sick that whole week.'' -- Roger ========================= Message polya-era:586 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: #583 Date: 18 Aug 89 06:08:45 GMT I am sorry, Roger, article 583 is unavailable. Shall we say why? Yes, we shall. Only not here, and not now. No, not up there, but down here. Yes, right here, and now, actually a few sentences after this point -->. Yes, I am prepared, wait!, to say exactly and precisely why article #583 is unavailable. I CANCELLED IT. There you have it. --anil. ps. Mystery now envelopes this bboard! What was on the missing message? Why the sudden cancellation? Why the stupid explanation? What is the bizarre connection between Roger and the Glee Club? Will they sing at his Orals? By what hackery does he find out who cancelled what? (Why, exactly, does he care?) But note: Cohn and Reid are none other than the same, and also one another. Sometimes both are Gidi. But why all the aliases? What are those three --- possibly more --- hiding? Hmmm? Euclid, (Joe that is), has asked, or might as well have asked: why the UFO coverup? In fin tout le monde sont "suspects", n'est pas THANE? but I suggest that one "cherchez la femme," and not "le chien." If only Joe had a word processor. He could produce just such masterpieces. pps. C is so different from c! ========================= Message polya-era:587 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Science Date: 18 Aug 89 11:47:40 GMT I was informed of the following being circulated on an animal rights mailing list. In the August 1989 issue of the International Primate Protection League (IPPL) newsletter: "Project Penis" Defended The March 1989 issue of the IPPL newsletter described a project conducted at the Yerkes Primate Center, Atlanta, Georgia, which involved two experimenters using taxpayers' money to measure the penis length of gibbons, gorillas, chimpanzees, and other nonhuman primates. The experimenters wrote a defense of their work [...] The scientists accuse IPPL, without mentioning [the] organization by name, of conducting "a campaign of misinformation, distortion, and ridicule." By calling the project "Project Penis", they say, "the clear implication of the accusation is that research funds are being spent on some perverted activity that could have no possible value to society." They go on to list 11 hypotheses they are testing. They note that "the eminent reproductive biologist RV Short noted that the difference in size and visibility of the penis in the common chimpanzee and gorilla represent an example of 'form reflects function'." The researchers define one of their central questions as "Do these hypotheses accurately characterize the gibbon or, by implication, does social structure (monogamy vs polygyny) have a prepotent influence on the reproductive parameters?" They note that, "It is clear that the male gibbon has a relatively short, dark penis." ----- [The original commenter added.] OK, I'm still unclear on the concept. What *is* the possible value to society to know the penis length of nonhuman primates?? -andy doesn't quite know what to say UUCP: {arpa gateways, sun, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu BELLNET: (415) 723-3088 ========================= Message polya-era:588 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Neon art Date: 18 Aug 89 16:37:46 GMT I posted two excellent messages from neon and they never arrived. Maybe I'll repost'em sometime soon. Well, here's the gist of the second one. It has to do with "the eminent reproductive biologist RV Short" and his contributions to society. you can figure the rest out yourself. Frustrated in Lytton. ========================= Message polya-era:589 From: gidi@polya.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Z Date: 18 Aug 89 16:43:14 GMT From The Penguin Rhyming Dictionary (1985) 261.3.5 Gideon, Midian (biblical nation), ophidian (snake-like), viridian (green pigment), meridian, ascidian (tiny marine animal), obsidian (volcanic rock), quotidian, Dravidian (language group), solifidian (relating to religious doctrine), nullifidian (sceptic), postmeridian, proboscidean (zoology term), antemeridian. 16.63 biddy, kiddy, giddy, midi, middy (midshipman), Zebedee, perfidy, raggedy, tragedy, remedy, comedy, Kennedy, subsidy, accidie (apathy), chickabiddy (term of endearment), tragicomedy. -- Gidi -------------------------------------------------- ========================= Message polya-era:590 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: rhyme time Date: 18 Aug 89 17:27:53 GMT 1 Oh Gideon this world is so quotidian and no one speaks Dravidian except, of course, in Midian and just on the meridian So treasure your obsidian while elephants are proboscidean cause there's nothing so ophidian than a bboard solifidian 2 Gidi, our little chickabiddy what do you want a subsidy? You know, we ain't no Kennedy Too bad life's a tragedy You know there's just no remedy Except to make a comedy of accidie and perfidy before one's just an old biddy --anil. ----- Ogden Trash. ========================= Message polya-era:591 From: phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU (Geoffrey Phipps) Subject: Dong Dimensions Keywords: Short and Thick will do the trick Date: 18 Aug 89 18:08:04 GMT Don't blame me for this posting. What does penis size have to do with Primate Society? Well, these things have been said to me by biologists (and I believe everything I am told): Male Chimpanzees have long, thin dicks and big balls. Male humans have very fat ones (compared to the rest of the primates, compared to guppies we're a bunch of fieldmice). They also have small balls. Chimpanzees are definitely polygamous, humans are probably (serially?) monogamous. This is the theory: a thick one is more likely to satisfy the female. This aids pair bonding. Humans also take quite a long time when engaged in sex, as compared to other animals (have you ever watched wildlife programs with deer etc mating?). This also reinforces pair bonding. Men have small balls because they don't need the reservoir capacity. Rams, bulls and chimps have social organisations with a dominant male, who tend to mate with everything that moves in the herd. Hence they need staying power. So there is some reason to study penises. As to the social function of a small, dark penis, I can only compare it to lemurs. Male lemurs mark territory and try to scare off other males by waving erections at each other. Needless to say, they have big, colourful dicks. Gibbons probably don't do this, or if they do, they'd have to wave it under each other's noses's (not a safe thing to do if you're threatening them). Maybe that's why they have short ones. g ========================= Message polya-era:592 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Small, dark etc.... Date: 18 Aug 89 20:04:54 GMT The previous posting includes the line "As to the social function of a small,dark penis, I can only compare it to lemurs." Now I don't want to be the New Yorker Quote finder of su-rog* but do you realize that you are comparing penial functions on the one hand to lemurs on the other? Everyone knows that penial functions are only to be compared with gibbons and not just any gibbons but the ones you see outside F.A.O. Schwartz in December - what are they called again? I think Yule Gibbons. And wash your hands, you never know where that lemur has been. E ps though you have a pretty good guess. pps. I would rather have a miniature marmoset than a PhD though in truth no one offered me a choice. Tracy says monkies throw poop (except for Mike Nesmith) and act in manners unspeakable but no doubt if she is reading at this moment she will expand upon this thesis in a graphic manner not suitable for small children. Trace, are you there? -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:593 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Yo schmuck! Date: 18 Aug 89 20:24:07 GMT Actor Dustin Hoffman, talking about the prospect of working again with director Sydney Pollack (after Tootsie): "I'm very excited about working with him again. I spent a week waiting on pins and needles while he made up his mind. When he said yes, I called him up. `Is it true?' I asked him. He said yes. I said, `Ya schmuck, you'll never learn!'" LA Times, 20 Nov 87 A SF Chronicle story quotes Lieutenant Colonel Robert Earl giving testimony to the Iran-Contra committee about a General Buck Schmuck being the originator of the plan to support the Contras. "That's a real name?" asked Chief Counsel Arthur Liman. When assured it was real, Liman commented: "The only guy who should have used a code name in this case didn't?" The Pentagon stated there was no General Schmuck on active duty. SF Chronicle, 28 Aug 87 shmuhk n. Obscene term for penis, equivalent to prick. The diminuitive is SHMEKI. It seems unrelated to the German SCHMUCK (ornament or jewel), unless it means the family jewels, a well-known euphemism for the male genitals. According to a folk etymology, shmuhk is an acronym from the Hebrew SHMA KOLAYNU (hear our voices). Shmuhk has also entered into American speech through euphemisms often used by people who have no idea of the original meaning or connotations. The best known are SHMO, SHMOHO, and SHMOHAWK, all of which mean "stupid"; the last is also a derisive reference to a nonexistent tribe of Jewish Indians (who are not too bright). Many people who use shmuhk indicate that they have no idea of its obscene connotations. Charles Schulz had a Peanuts sequence in which Lucy invented a new pitch called a "schmuckleball." The sequence lasted only a few days before, I suspect, someone explained to Schulz what he'd blundered into. Gene Bluestein, Yinglish A true bonanza of schmuckse and other Yiddish obscenities is Philipp Roth's "Portnoy's Complaint"; I shall however refrain from quotations in this forum. -t ========================= Message polya-era:594 From: farhad@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Farhad Shakeri) Subject: Re: Neon art Date: 19 Aug 89 01:48:36 GMT (Gidi Avrahami) writes: >I posted two excellent messages from neon and they never arrived. > If you get this, then it is working. Farhad ========================= Message polya-era:595 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: cold fusion cooling Date: 21 Aug 89 06:03:11 GMT Source: Scientific American, September 1989, p. 20 CHILLING OUT Shades of Langmuir: a panel suspects cold fusion isn't so As prospects for cold fusion cool, some elders of the physics tribe are recalling a talk given in 1953 by the late Irving Langmuir, the physicist and Nobel laureate who was associate director of the General Electric Company's research laboratories in Schenectady, N.Y. Langmuir, speaking on ``the science of things that aren't so,'' listed several features of such work: 1) The maximum effect is produced by a causative agent of barely detectable intensity. 2) The effect is of a magnitude that remains close to the limit of detectability. 3) The investigators claim great accuracy of measurement. 4) Fantastic theories are presented that contradict experience. 5) Criticisms are met by ad hoc explanations presented on the spur of the moment. 6) The ratio of supporters to critics rises to somewhere near 50 percent and then falls gradually to oblivion. The spirit of Langmuir's remarks seems to suffuse an interim report on cold fusion issued in July by a 22-member panel established by the Energy Research Advisory Board. : : The panel recommends that the Department of Energy fund ``at a modest level'' cooperative experiments aimed at resolving such contradictory claims, adding that ``no special programs... are justified at the present time.'' That is bad news for the University of Utah, where the original claim... was first announced... : : As for Langmuir, the legendary experimentalist may be turning in his grave. G.E. is the one major corporation to have signed a collaborative agreement with the University of Utah. So far, a company spokesman says, it has seen no evidence for energy from cold fusion. ========================= Message polya-era:596 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Basking in the Neon Glow Date: 21 Aug 89 17:15:51 GMT Nothing like starting off the morning with a little news-reading. A "w" output from Neon this morning: 10:12am up 19 days, 21:49, 16 users, load average: 0.15, 0.15, 0.00 User tty login@ idle JCPU PCPU what wolfe ttyp0 8:57am 8 17 rn phipps ttyp1 Fri 3pm 3days 54 1 -csh tom ttyp2 7:21am 2:50 -csh pallas ttyp3 8:16am 15 10 5 nn tucker ttyp4 9:56am 5 1 rn -N -s -/ todesco ttyp5 10Aug89 17:52 2:47 22 mailbox ajg ttyp6 10:09am rn maslen ttyp8 10Aug89 17:30 32:49 1:03 sp -r spdump siegel ttyp9 Thu 9am 3days 1:20 1 % rokicki ttypa 9:50am 14 2 rn phipps ttypb Fri 4pm 2days 12 1 -csh wolf ttypc 9:53am 8 1 -csh rothberg ttypd 9:11am 25 -csh madhav ttype 9:54am 2 rn phipps ttyq0 Fri 3pm 3days 16 1 -csh kaufman ttyq1 10:03am 1 1 rn -s -t -e ========================= Message polya-era:597 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: $5 trivia question. Date: 21 Aug 89 18:13:44 GMT Five dollars to the first e-mail message to this account with the correct answer to the question: What is the name of Curious George's mother? Deadline: midnight Tuesday. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:598 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: $5 trivia question. Date: 22 Aug 89 17:18:52 GMT In article <11437@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: > >Five dollars to the first e-mail message to this account with the >correct answer to the question: > >What is the name of Curious George's mother? > >Deadline: midnight Tuesday. Wait, do you mean her maiden name or her name after espousal. Or didn't you know they were different, huh, Ram? Additional trivia: (no money offered, sorry) What was the Curio_s One's grandmother's name (on his father's side)? What is Evan Reid's mother's maiden name? What is his bank account number? His social-security number? How much does he have in it? Wait, I can find that out from the previous answers. Thanks. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:599 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Now we're getting into the slow part of the summer Date: 23 Aug 89 08:07:03 GMT just so that you know what you're missing Ev: From: EC.CAT@FORSYTHE.STANFORD.EDU ("Events Manager") Subject: EVENTS FOR WED 08/23/89 Date: 23 Aug 89 07:13:16 GMT OTHER Rodent Collection. (Art Museum; Wednesday, August 23, 1989, 2p.m.). Sponsored by Stanford Museum of Art Public Health Division. Be there. Aloha. ========================= Message polya-era:600 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: $5 trivia question. Date: 24 Aug 89 17:18:41 GMT The answer is to be found in H.A.Rey's so-called `lost book': "Cecily G and the Nine Monkeys" which predates books with Curious George in the title. "Here are the names of the nine monkeys in this book: Mother Pamplemoose and Baby Jinny Curious George who was clever, too James who was good Johnny who was brave Arthur who was kind David who was strong and Punch and Judy, the twins" -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:601 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Ev's mom's maiden name - I know! I know! Date: 24 Aug 89 17:49:00 GMT It has come to my attention that our god, the C-rious On- is the product of a simian union. Now the head-boss man of the moonies was grabbed for tax evasion which is almost surely more reprehensible (thought the former is surely more prehensile). Couldn't we retro-fit him with a more becoming entry into the world. Something on the order of Curious Geo-ge on a half shell? Anil, get on it, subito, pyahcherreh, gelatto, pisano. Could be Evan Dushkes if I inherited my Mom's name. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:602 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Come on guys Date: 26 Aug 89 19:02:24 GMT Someone out there should be trying to keep me honest. In article <10692@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >Evan writes: >> The alternate way is to throw flames to the bboard and walk away. > >The pop psychology book "Games People Play" has a nice label for this >activity: > "Let's you and him fight" I was just home (Connecticut) and rechecked the book. I incompletely remembered the definition of the game. Here's a quote from the book: "The woman maneuvers or challenges two men into fighting, with the implication or promise that she will surrender herself to the winner." Let's make this prefectly clear. I don't give a damn who wins. I will not have sex with John McCarthy. I will not have sex with William Brown. OK. Now that that's all cleared up, let's return to the regularly scheduled program. ========================= Message polya-era:603 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Ou sont les flammeurs de l'antan? Date: 30 Aug 89 17:27:33 GMT 1. An article has appeared in some Oceanic mag. (Atlantic, Pacific whatever) debunking the idea that eating cholestrol filled foods causes your veins to occlude. bunk or debunk this debunkation. 2. Black in White America and Ted Koppel's show lay the blame squarely on Ram's shoulders - is this fair? Is Ram really responsible for the spread of crack? Teenage pregnancies? Quite possibly. 3. in cs/public/phd*.doc they repeat over and over that it should take you only 4 years to get in and out (of Stanford that is). Should they allow an extra year now that a new version of nethack exists? 4. Who is the likely dem. pick for prez in 4 years. Republican in 8? People down here are making noise about Bentsen. Cisneros bought the ranch - is there another popular hispanic that the Dems would back to defuse Jackson? Is Jackson ticking? Why does he have to be defused. This must have been Ram's idea again. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:604 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Ou sont les flammeurs de l'antan? Date: 8 Sep 89 22:00:48 GMT Caro Evan, Noi flammatori siamo qua. Stiamo scrivando i tesi. Non abbiamo il tempo per flammare. Ci dispiace. --anil. p.s. Ramsey Haddad has been blamed for entirely too many of the world's problems recently. He is only accountable for about half of them. Teenage pregnancy? Yes, perhaps, but only blue teenage Star Trek women. ========================= Message polya-era:605 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Making Freshmen Date: 13 Sep 89 17:42:32 GMT Well they are still being made - the old fashioned kind that strum guitars and sing lustily from their hearts and toss frisbees and go out for pizza every night as a simple form of rebellion, who get whopping phonebills, swear off the phone and then got more whopping phone bills, the kind that arrive withe the stationwagon packed to the gunnels and the bicycle on top (actually gunnels isn't the word I want - does anyone know what word I want? gunmolls, gunsels?) Anyway I checked these things personally in Harvard Yod on Friday and they are all true. Then I sat at the foot of John Harvard in a mangy t-shirt and spoiled people's pictures, then I went home. Good ol' freshmen - how would you like to have undergrad and grad school ahead of you? Now back to work. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:606 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Anil Gangolli is God Date: 13 Sep 89 17:59:57 GMT "And He bade the warring flammers to shut up about drugs and a silence fell upon the land that was heard far and wide." Lev 4:5 Anil, you may not want to press your luck but maybe it would be worth testing your skills. Several bulletin boards could benefit from your terse counsel. By the way, is there anything wrong with pegging insurance to weight, sex, race, drug use etc.? I have this strong sentiment that my rates should drop like a rock - why can't we have the same thing they have with car insurance - the bad risks go into a pool that gets charged a lot. I mean why should I get the same charge as Ram that well known libertine. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:607 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Anil Gangolli is God Date: 13 Sep 89 21:14:14 GMT As my name is not George, and my curiosity has been deadened by years of schooling, it is unlikely that I am God. Yet, I sometimes have this uncomfortable feeling that nothing else exists, especially when su-rog goes dead on me. Yo Evan, you still be out there, right? Also, as Evan himself has said that 9 times out of 10, in his experience, he is the driver of the car that the cops stop, I see no reason why he should expect his rates to fall should auto insurance companies adopt his recommendations. Ev? --anil. ------- perhaps the nil. ========================= Message polya-era:608 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: Anil Gangolli is God Date: 13 Sep 89 21:52:55 GMT In article <11771@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: > >By the way, is there anything wrong with pegging insurance to weight, >sex, race, drug use etc.? I have this strong sentiment that my rates >should drop like a rock - why can't we have the same thing they have with >car insurance - the bad risks go into a pool that gets charged a lot. I >mean why should I get the same charge as Ram that well known libertine. Surely you mistake me for Keith Hall: The mad man who (a) collected full replacement cost on the same car twice, once for each of two different accidents; (b) barely managed to get off his motorcycle before it burst into flames as it was pushed across the road by a pickup truck. This man is a menace. It is no small wonder that the "Anti-Keith Hall League" has been listed under "Community Service Organizations" for the last 5 years in the Computer Science Department orientation packet sent out to new students. Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:609 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Summary: open problems Keywords: oui, un autre blurb Date: 14 Sep 89 02:35:05 GMT Source: The New Yorker, Sept. 18, 1989 p. 128 * CLEAR DAYS ON THE FINANCIAL SCENE [From the Wall Street Journal] Whether increasing the after-tax return to saving in general increases saving, whether increasing the after-tax return to a particular kind of saving increases saving in total, whether increasing the after-tax return to this particular kind of saving is more effective in increasing saving than is increasing the after-tax return to other kinds of saving or to saving in total---all are unanswered questions. ========================= Message polya-era:610 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Pay the piper Date: 14 Sep 89 13:34:00 GMT If the insurance company decided that I was a member of the group of people with 5 or more moving violations they might indeed send me a bill that had to be encoded in hex, but recall that I am also a member of the sober-PhD's-working-for-mega-company-home-owner-with- weed-whacker. The members of this group are known to live lives of extreme temperance in a laudably abstemious fashion. Having moved to Texas and changed my name I doubt that anyone can link me to the times in my salad days that I drove down suburban side-streets at 100 miles a hour, a gram of coke up my nose, half a bottle of Chivas in the bag etc... I'm home free -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:611 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Pay the piper Date: 14 Sep 89 17:24:58 GMT Yesterday I determined that it is not Ramsey Haddad, but in fact Greg Plaxton who is ultimately responsible for high insurance rates around here. Greg has had his stereo stolen three times in three years. Entry into the vehicle has caused hundreds of dollars of extra damage. Two of the stereos have been pull-outs that Greg neglected to pull out for some reason that seemed reasonable at the time. One might expect the thieves would simply have pulled out the easily removable stereo and run, BUT NO, they wanted the mounting box too! So they completely deck the dash before dashing with the deck. The first two times, I blamed it on the thieves. Now it is apparent that Greg is one of those damned unlucky bastards whose continual fall into trouble for which he can't be blamed causes general rise in insurance rates for everybody. Thank God he's moving to Massachusetts. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:612 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Max Plax Tax Date: 14 Sep 89 20:52:14 GMT I know that house insurance is cheaper if you have a smoke detector. Now if you use your four smoke detectors to prop up the fridge, can the insurance company weasel out of paying? Analogously, if you fail to detach your detachable radio, can't they invoke the laziness clause in your contract? Can they at least tax plax max? thank god nobody steals radios in Houston. e. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:613 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 15 Sep 89 15:42:22 GMT Organization: It's the Roger-or-Andy Show! Source: The New Yorker, Sep. 18, 1989, p. 140 * MADE IN U.S.A. 65% polyester 50% cotton --Label in a dress bought by a woman in Larchmont. Take that, Taiwan! ========================= Message polya-era:614 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: salad days Date: 15 Sep 89 16:02:32 GMT Does this mean the days when one was: a) "fresh", "green", "young" b) a vegetable c) so poor one could only eat salad d) on a constant strict salad diet e) worked at a salad bar f) was obsessed with all things green and leafy g) NONE OF THE ABOVE h) ALL OF THE ABOVE (including g, mind you). ========================= Message polya-era:615 From: hall@neon.stanford.edu (Keith A. Hall) Subject: Ramsey's ramblings (was Re: Anil Gangolli is God) Date: 15 Sep 89 18:54:21 GMT Ramsey Wadi, My officemate (Peter Rathmann) was so kind as to forward to me your most recent erroneous, inaccurate, specious, incorrect, and counterfactual posting which you knew to be misleading, delusory, mendacious, dishonest, untruthful, fallacious, and deceptive. Please note that it was not a pickup but rather a Buick LeSabre which pushed me and my flaming moped* down Junipero Serra. ,Keith *I don't read this BBoard but my mom may. ========================= Message polya-era:616 From: rw@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Rich Washington) Subject: Re: salad days Date: 15 Sep 89 20:51:04 GMT In article <11804@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: :> :>Does this mean the days when one was: :> a) "fresh", "green", "young" :> b) a vegetable :> c) so poor one could only eat salad :> d) on a constant strict salad diet :> e) worked at a salad bar :> f) was obsessed with all things green and leafy :> g) NONE OF THE ABOVE :> h) ALL OF THE ABOVE (including g, mind you). Trust Webster's to set us straight. The usage they list for "salad days" is "my salad days when I was green in judgment --Shak." ========================= Message polya-era:617 From: tucker@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Andy Tucker) Subject: Re: salad days Date: 15 Sep 89 22:01:14 GMT In article <11812@polya.Stanford.EDU> rw@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Rich Washington) writes: >Trust Webster's to set us straight. The usage they list >for "salad days" is "my salad days when I was green in >judgment --Shak." Specifically, ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA (I:v): Cleopatra: My salad days, When I was green in judgment:---cold in blood, To say as I said then!---but, come, away; Get me ink and paper: he shall have every day A several greeting, or I'll unpeople Egypt. ========================= Message polya-era:618 From: ramsey@neon.stanford.edu (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: FYI Date: 16 Sep 89 02:44:10 GMT Someone was nice enough to put a schedule of fees for parking fines on my windshield and I thought I'd pass on the info. Red Zones are $28 and Yellow Zones are $18, so choose Yellow if you have the choice. Whatever you do, stay out of those handicapped spots: $100. Blocking a fire hydrant is only $28. Who decided that its four times worse to make a handicapped person walk 100 feet than it is to cause a whole building to burn down? Not parking within 18 inches of the curb is $13. Do they get out a ruler? Removal of chalk markings is $51. Does getting in your car and rolling it back 10 inches to *hide* the chalk markings count as *removing* them. How about painting over them? Did you know that besides making you pay the fine, the cheap bastards won't even pickup the postage? The address on the envelope is "Datacom Systems Corp". Is this really an official parking ticket or just some get rich scheme? We should go around sticking envelopes on people's windshields and see how much money they send us. Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:619 From: soesbe@polya.Stanford.EDU (Jeff Soesbe) Subject: an old friend at the @ party at Noreascon Date: 16 Sep 89 17:39:05 GMT I had forgotten this board even existed. For those of you (aka andy) whom know the following person, here's evidence she still exists: Subject: @ Party Attendee report/one shot.... It's 9:37, the room is full, and it is time to start the Worldcon one-shot. I now firmly believe that the flyers I've put out in previous years were not necessary, as we seem to have gotten plenty of folks with only the one party notice. Next? [other people's junk deleted] This keyboard sucks green horny toads!!! I just put it in caps lock and lost bigtime. Besides I can't see the screen because the handlebars are in the way. yduJ was here... Is it OK that I don't read rec.arts.sf-lovers anymore because there's too bloody much stuff on it? I confine my flaming to rec.motorcycles... Subject: @ Party Attendee list The following is the @ party attendee list. [names deleted] ... Judy Anderson yduJ@lucid.com so there you are ... proof of life beyond Stanford jef ========================= Message polya-era:620 From: soesbe@polya.Stanford.EDU (Jeff Soesbe) Subject: Re: Quake Theory: Some Personal Observations Date: 16 Sep 89 18:05:18 GMT In article <11246@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >* Quakes always occur after a cool low-pressure day breaking a warmer spell. > I figure its the cooling down of the earth that helps triggers the quake. > You know how a quiche cracks as it's cooling? Well, then, there you are. hmmm ... it's been pretty warm during the day the last week or so. and then this morning it rains, and it's rather cool today. uhoh. no wonder I feel this urge to start barking. no sleep tonite, jef ========================= Message polya-era:621 From: seligman@polya.Stanford.EDU (Scott Seligman) Subject: Re: FYI Date: 16 Sep 89 22:07:12 GMT (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: > >Not parking within 18 inches of the curb is $13. Do they get out a >ruler? No, but I've been known to. I got a ticket for this once. In court I asked the police officer how she had measured the distance to the curb. She said she didn't, just like she had said a hundred times before in my vengeful fantasies. I said "I did, Your Honor. With a ruler. And I have photographs showing the results. I was under 18 inches from the curb." I won!!! Scott ========================= Message polya-era:622 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: The big penalty Date: 18 Sep 89 13:32:30 GMT You inadvertantly overlooked the parking violation which carries the biggest fine Ram - to wit, putting an envelope with your own address on someone's windshield. For horning in on their territory in this manner I believe that the punishment is to rub you down with carrot juice and throw you into a pit of ravenous bunny rabbits. Also killing one of the meter men/maids in considered pretty serious I think. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:623 From: ramsey@neon.stanford.edu (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: My Pal Ron Date: 19 Sep 89 05:11:22 GMT Just got some junk mail today from Ronald Reagan. It was sent to my old address, and the Post Office was nice enough to forward it. Their sticker says "Notify Sender of New Address." All of a sudden it hits me. God Damn: When I moved I forgot to notify Reagan of my new address! I'll send him a note right away: Dear Ron, Sorry I hadn't sent you my new address sooner. You know you are still as welcome as always. If you're ever in Palo Alto give me a ring. Pals forever, Ramsey. PS -- loved those movies with the monkey in it. Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:624 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Watership Down Errata Date: 19 Sep 89 17:49:02 GMT 1. About the bridge where Hazel, Fiver & co. crossed the river Test for the first time: The railings are iron, not wooden. Also the supporting beams were more like 15" above the water rather than 8" (no, I didn't measure it with a ruler), however this could be a seasonal variation. Aside from this, Adams' description of the river is, despite the passage of 20+ years, completely accurate, right down to the weeds, the yellow gravel in the riverbed, the vegetation on the banks, etc... I suspect that the road has not been resurfaced at all in the time since Adams saw it. I didn't manage to see the footbridge where the punt was moored; it was enough to convince the guard at the gate to let me in to see the road bridge. The rabbits never needed to worry about rights of way and the fact that Laverstoke House and the surrounding parkland are private property. 2. Efrafa. Found it, along with the nearby field through which Bigwig is chased by General Woundwort and his Owsla. There is a track running east-west and a hedge running north-south that are both omitted from Adams' map. Nor could I find the Ash Tree. Then again, I wouldn't know an ash tree if one fell on me. More PRIVATE: NO ENTRY signs prevented me from properly tracing the route. Seeing as British Rail trains can travel at speeds in excess of 90mph, I elected not to explore the Iron Road. 3. Watership Down. Very impressive view off of the top. The top of the hill seems to be owned by someone who keeps racing horses. More and more does Marx's ``property is theft'' adage come to mind. Fortunately, public footpaths are everywhere, and the English do not have trespassing laws per se (except under the auspices of the Official Secrets Act of 1911, but that's another story). In any case it's the fences that would probably be more bothersome to the rabbits, who in turn seem to have moved to the front face of the hill --- holes and droppings are everywhere. The spot where I parked my rented hrududu was right about where Dr. Adams & Lucy let Hazel off at the very end of the story. ========================= Message polya-era:625 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: God forgive me Date: 19 Sep 89 20:18:46 GMT for bringing a dumb-ass physics debate of the type that used to over-populate the big board but I had this argument with my friend (also named Evan) and it was left unsettled. car A going east, car B going west. each at 100 miles an hour. they hit. Now he claimed that the effect for A would be like hitting a wall at......100 miles an hour or equivalently it would be like A going 200 mph and running into a stationary car (with the parking brake off) (simple frame of ref. switch). Agree? Prell? -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:626 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: God forgive me Date: 19 Sep 89 20:41:03 GMT In-reply-to: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 19 Sep 89 20:18:46 GMT In article <11847@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: > Agree? Yes, assuming identical cars and the wall to be entirely immovable and indestructible. In both cases, if the cars have mass m, you've got (1/2)m(100)^2 worth of energy expended to turn car A into scrap metal. In the second case, it's also [(1/2)m(200)^2 - (1/2)(2m)(100)^2] = m(100)^2 worth of energy divided equally between two cars. ========================= Message polya-era:627 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: God forgive me Date: 19 Sep 89 22:22:44 GMT Evan, where's your scientific curiosity? You can drive, can't you? So just run an experiment! Keith Hall will probably volunteer to drive the other car. Or have you sold all of your cars, and become a boring Texas oil company hacker? --anil. ------- Up and at'em atom ant! ========================= Message polya-era:628 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Ramsey the Nintendo freak Date: 20 Sep 89 16:12:18 GMT It has come to my attention through reliable sources that the cause of any current delay in Ram's thesis submission is a certain Nintendo entertainment system. To the seasoned observer it would have been clear that Ram just wouldn't get enough with sokoban, nethack, and all the rest. No great prescient skill was necessary to infer that the Super Marrio Bros. figured prominently in his future. Has Ram also incorporated Nintendo Cereal System into his breakfast diet? Can he play and eat Nintendo at the same time? Both are unanswered questions. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:629 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Sexual Frustration Date: 20 Sep 89 20:34:02 GMT Subject: SubGenius Digest #269 ... Date: Tue, 19 Sep 89 00:23 EDT From: Steve Strassmann Subject: You can help this man, or you can hit the key... From: "Lawrence K. Kolodney" Subject: Lonely in America Here's a verbatim copy of a flyer that someone was handing out in Harvard Square yesterday: NEEDED: A SENSITIVE WOMAN LOVE-PARTNER FOR SEXUAL INTERCOURSE AND FRIENDSHIP Help! Help! Help! Dear Student-Friends, Dear Area Friends! Eating is the first need of a human being. A place to sleep at is the second. A WOAMN FOR SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IS THE THIRD MOST IMPORTANT NEED OF A MALE. NOT ALL OF US CAN AFFORD MARRIAGE AS THE ADMISSION CARD IN THE WORLD OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE and about 40% of our marriages break down after 3-5 years, anyway. I have not had sexual intercourse since 1985. My last two partners were a young negro woman and an older, Jewish woman. These did not last. PLEASE HELP ME TO LIFE-SUSTAINING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE!!! I am a former college professor. I am working on returning to viable life-conditions which American society has made very difficult for many of us in similar situations. I have degrees from Yale University, University of Wisconsin. I have certificates from University of Cologne (Germnay), Alliance Francaise (Paris), etc. I have also attended the Agroscience Institute of Budapest, Medical College of Georgia (Augusta), Indiana University (Bloomington), Middleburry College (VT), Harvard University, etc. I have taught at various American colleges (Univ. of Wisconsin, Kentucky, Michigan, Utah, East Texas State University, State Univ. of New York. I am an American citizen, 54 years old, and divorced. I am divorced and I have no children. I do not smoke or drink. I am an amateur piano-player. I like good TV programs, a cup of coffee in a private apartment, a good conversation in a private apartment, or in a remote spot. I like soccer games, French culture, German culture, and European culture. I like to swim, ride a bike, jog, or go for long walks in nature. I like museums, theater and private parties where I can find a female for myself. I like females who are likely to desire sexual intercourse with me regardless of age, national or relgious origin. Some time ago the world reknown Kennedy family opened marital negotiations with me (Yale University, 1984, Edward M. Kennedy, Jr.'s talk on "Access Yale"). It resulted in no results of any kind. The family of James Bacharach (Westport, Connecticut, and Massachusetts), another multimillionaire family, also tried its luck. They offered me a very ugly female, Jeanne. Town gossip syas she has AIDS. Town gossip sayss they are in the drug and pronography business. WHAT I SAW WAS ENOUGH. Jeanne Bacharach is very ugly. Earlier Ann Scarf, an artist, a "mental health professional," and a skillful prosititute gave me some physical relief. She was directed to me by the young Alexander Kissinger, son of Dr. Henry Kissinger (Yale University, 1979-81). In 1984 the C.I.A. at Yale surreptitiously "plugged" me into the Instant Communication/Monitoring System and "interconnected" me with my American "compatriots" all or most American citizens. It was a farily stupid idea, but, of course, the C.I.A. is a fairly stupid organization with Ph.D.-s in charge and morons under their command. That is why our President George Bush left that organization and opted for another job. So will you help me to find a sexual mate and friend? If you help me you will feel good about yourself for you are helping a deserving individual, a poor individual, and a World Record Holder in Homelessness (Connecticut, New York, Vermont, Massachusetts, Austria, Germany, Luxemburg, France, Hungary, etc., 1979-Present). Incidentally Jewish rabbis in this area and in New Haven told me to go to Israel to find a female. (Somewhat impractical for an average one-night stand costs about $300 in that "fine" country). Many thanks for your American help, John Laszlo [ Long live the Democratic leadership of Massachusetts! Long live President Bush! Work for the democratization of the Baltic states in the USSR, the further democratization of Hungary, and the new, national goals of Poland. Do not forget about the struggling black citizens in South Africa. Long live a free, and SOLVENT Israel!] Again, John Laszlo P.O. Box 1028 Brookline Village, MASS. 02147 PLEASE, HELP ENDING THE SEXUAL BOYCOT AGAINST ME INITIATED BY YALE UNIVERSITY EXTREMISTS! Thanks, John Laszlo UUCP: {arpa gateways, sun, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu BELLNET: (415) 723-3088 ========================= Message polya-era:630 From: plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: Some questions for the new school year Date: 21 Sep 89 20:37:33 GMT In the last Sunday New York Times, downtown Palo Alto was described as ``increasingly a 24-hour environment.'' What does that mean? Suppose you have two couches, two chairs, a real fireplace and a TV that must sit right next to the fireplace. How do you arrange the furniture so that all seats are not too obviously pointed toward the TV? (Please do not suggest that I ask Anil, because I already have. He said, ``As the fireplace is the hearth of the old world, so is the TV that of the new.'' What does that mean?) At Kearney State College, in Kearney, Nebraska, where I grew up, there is now violent controversy about how it is that all the horses in a full-size replica of the Parthenon frieze, now high atop belltower at the center of the campus, lost their genitalia sometime during the stonecutting. It is a perfect replica, less undercarriage. I ask first: why doesn't anything this interesting ever happen at Stanford; and second: what does this mean? ========================= Message polya-era:631 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Some questions for the new school year Date: 21 Sep 89 21:19:41 GMT 1) This means that some New Yorker, seeing all the cafes and such in downtown PA thinks that, like in the Big A, these places stay open till all hours of the night. Had the reporter stayed on the scene past 10pm, he would have been asked to move as they rolled up the sidewalk. 2) I was misquoted: the TV is the altar of the new. This means what it says, but remember, if you understand everything, you may feel giddy, or something like that anyway. 3) This means that whereas in Nebraska, they neuter stone horses, here they neuter live cats. The Cat Network in general and Brenda Santomauro in particular could supply more details. --anil. ------ Mr. Anil, the answer man ========================= Message polya-era:632 From: soesbe@polya.Stanford.EDU (Jeff Soesbe) Subject: Re: Some questions for the new school year Date: 22 Sep 89 20:08:59 GMT In article <11888@polya.Stanford.EDU> plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) writes: > Suppose you have two couches, two chairs, a real fireplace and a > TV that must sit right next to the fireplace. How do you arrange the > furniture so that all seats are not too obviously pointed toward > the TV? (Please do not suggest that I ask Anil, because I already > have. He said, ``As the fireplace is the hearth of the old world, > so is the TV that of the new.'' What does that mean?) perhaps like so:? FIREPLACE TV C O chair U C chair H C O U C H this way, the furniture is primarily around the fireplace, but if you wanna watch tv, you tilt the tv and the chairs. of course, this is only an approximation and is not guaranteed to be the get-all. furniture mover to the stars, jef ========================= Message polya-era:633 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: a bit of sentimentality Date: 23 Sep 89 16:01:32 GMT Organization: RARE (Roger, Andy, Ramsey, and/or Evan) fan club As we come now to the beginning of a new school year, Ramsey and Evan must surely be filled with great sentiment as they recall the emotions which they must have felt each year at this time. For the return of old friends and the appearance of fresh faces, for fresh courses, and a fresh chance to "finish this year." And most importantly, most strongly, they will remember their great anticipation for the appearance of fresh first-year women to chase. Ram and Evan, I toast you both. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:634 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 24 Sep 89 06:28:49 GMT Source: The New Yorker, Sept. 25, 1989, p. 122 * MY AFRICAN GRAY PARROT and husband don't like each other. Must sell. $450. --Adv. in the Yorktown Heights PennySaver. How much for the parrot? * JOURNALISM AT LONG LAST COMES OF AGE [Illak Azeredo in the Ferndale (Calif.) Enterprise] Mattole Grange had its monthly meeting and, after the dinner, a slide show was presented by Jim Decker from the B.L.M. Mr. Decker attempted to point out what the B.L.M. wants to do to the mouth of the river. I really don't understand what is happening and, until I do, I don't think I had better write too much about it. [If only su.etc contributors had such sense. --ag.] ========================= Message polya-era:635 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: A toast Date: 24 Sep 89 21:24:07 GMT Yes I recall with fondness thinking "je-ZUS - I thought i years was bad but i+1 is REALLY the pits, I'm going to be 22+i this year, what the hell am I doing? My friends from high school have kids who are i + 4! (not factorial) The freshmen in college are in the class of 1985+i - my god the kids of my high school cohorts will be in college in 14-i years. I defer to my colleague RW Haddad on the subject of making friends among the incoming students - perhaps this softened the blow of encroaching dottage for him. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:636 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Cute situation Date: 24 Sep 89 21:40:34 GMT Walked into the hardware store the other day - another customer is talking with a clerk and his back is to me. He is waving something - my view of the item is obscured by his body. I hear him say, "I need the female accessory for this." You've come to the wrong place, bud. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:637 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Rosetta stone smashed Date: 25 Sep 89 20:10:42 GMT Does anyone have a copy of su-rog for the period March 88 to Jul 89 ? Is this lost to posterity? Anil assures me that he doesn't as does Roger. Kathy? Ramsey, Andy? Think of posterity! -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:638 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Learn to Square Dance! Date: 25 Sep 89 22:30:18 GMT [This is what I do Sunday nights. I don't know what Roger does.] Learn to Square Dance with the Stanford Quads square dance club! We're having a beginner's class starting Sunday, October 1. New class members are welcome on October 8th as well, if you can't make it the 1st. The class runs Sunday evenings from 7pm until about 9:15 and meets in the Old Union Clubhouse on the Stanford campus (directions below). Your first night is free; cost of the class thereafter is a mere $2 per week. Absolutely no experience is required. As you rec.folks probably know already, square dancing is anything but square--it's a fun time enjoyed by countless folks at clubs throughout the Bay Area, across the country, and even overseas. The Quads is a singles club, which means you don't have to come equipped with a partner (though couples are welcome, of course). It's also a casual club, so you don't have to wear any special clothes. We ask only that you wear soft-soled shoes (tennies are popular), so as to help preserve our dance floor. For more info, call (415) 948-4935 (or 329-1718). How to get there: From the 101 side: Take Embarcadero exit (from northbound 101) or University exit (from southbound 101) westward across El Camino Real, where it turns into Galvez or Palm Drive, respectively. Turn left on Campus Drive and follow it around a long way to Mayfield, which is the first stop sign after Alvarado (there may also be signs here pointing to Tresidder Union). Turn right onto Mayfield, which immediately jogs left at a stop sign. Park in the parking lot that's on your right after the jog. Walk thru the big open area between Tresidder Union and Dinkelspiel Auditorium (this is where you would be if you turned right from Mayfield into the parking lot and kept going straight). Ahead of you is the Old Union, with the backside of its Clubhouse facing you on the right. Walk into the archway and turn right. Walk down and up short flights of steps and you're there. From northbound 280: Exit Page Mill toward Palo Alto, turn left at the first stoplight (Junipero Serra Blvd), then a near hairpin right at the second stoplight (Campus Drive East), then left at the first stop sign (Mayfield). Follow Mayfield as above. From southbound 280: Exit Alpine Road toward Palo Alto, turn right at the first stoplight (Junipero Serra Blvd), then left at the first stoplight (Campus Drive West), then right at the first stop sign, which is Santa Teresa. Follow this road more or less straight until it runs into the back of Tresidder Union, at which point there are assorted skinny parking places on the left side of the street. Follow the path that would be the continuation of Santa Teresa were it not for the barricade. The Old Union is straight ahead. Walk into the archway (it's on your left now), etc. UUCP: {arpa gateways, sun, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu BELLNET: (415) 723-3088 ========================= Message polya-era:639 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: turning Japanese Date: 26 Sep 89 02:29:26 GMT I. The CHP is testing 5 Toyota Camrys as an alternative lightweight cruiser to supplement and possibly (eventually) to replace their current Chevrolet Caprice cruiser force, (but not their suped-up Mustangs which they use for high speed chases). By state law, the CHP must purchase only American-made vehicles, but the U.S.-market Camrys are built somewhere in Kentucky. II. An offer is pending from Sony to buy out Columbia Pictures. Not disclosed: whether this will mean Columbia Pictures will be producing any new Godzilla movies. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:640 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: Cute situation Date: 27 Sep 89 18:27:27 GMT This was on decpa.fun. Dedicated to our Texan friend. ------- Forwarded Message From: sclafani (Michael Sclafani) Subject: Satanism in Texas (that spells Trouble!) Date: 25 Sep 89 13:53:00 PDT Linda Branagan wrote this message. I knew her at CMU and she now works at Convex. ********************************** The following is a true story. Last week I walked into a local "home style cookin' restaurant/watering hole" to pick up a take out order. I spoke briefly to the waitress behind the counter, who told me my order would be done in a few minutes. So, while I was busy gazing at the farm implements hanging on the walls, I was approached by two, uh, um... well, let's call them "natives". These guys might just be the *original* Texas rednecks -- complete with ten-gallon hats, snakeskin boots and the pervasive odor of cheap beer and whiskey. "Pardon us, ma'am. Mind of we ask you a question?" Well, people keep telling me that Texans are real friendly, so I nodded. "Are you a Satanist?" Well, at least they didn't ask me if I liked to party. "Uh, no, I can't say that I am." "Gee ma'am. Are you *sure* about that?" they asked. I put on my biggest, brightest Dallas Cowboys cheerleader smile and said, "No, I'm positive. The closest I've ever come to Satanism is watching Geraldo." "Hmm. Interesting. See, we was just wondering why it is you have the lord of darkness on your chest there." I was *this close* to slapping one of them and causing a scene -- then I stopped and noticed the T-shirt I happened to be wearing that day. Sure enough, it had a picture of a small, devilish looking creature that has for quite some time now been associated with a certain operating system. In this particular representation, the creature was wearing sneakers. They continued: "See, ma'am, we don't exactly *appreciate* it when people show off pictures of the devil. Especially when he's lookin' so friendly." These idiots sounded terrifyingly serious. Me: "Oh, well, see, this isn't really the devil, it's just, well, it's sort of a mascot." Native: "And what kind of football team has the devil as a mascot?" Me: "Oh, it's not a team. It's an operating-- uh, a kind of computer." I figured that an ATM machine was about as much technology as these guys could handle, and I knew that if I so much as uttered the word "unix" I would only make things worse. Native: "Where does this satanical computer come from?" Me: "California. And there's nothing satanical about it really." Somewhere along the line here, the waitress has noticed my predicament -- but these guys probably outweighed her by 600 pounds, so all she did was look at me sympathetically and run off into the kitchen. Native: "Ma'am, I think you're lying. And we'd appreciate it if you'd leave the premises now." Fortunately, the waitress returned that very instant with my order, and they agreed that it would be okay for me to actually pay for my food before I left. While I was at the cash register, they amused themselves by talking to each other. Native #1: "Do you think the police know about these devil computers?" Native #2: "If they come from California, then the FBI oughta know about 'em." They escorted me to the door. I tried one last time: "You're really blowing this all out of proportion. A lot of people use this "kind of computers". Universities, researchers, businesses. They're actually very useful." Big, big, BIG mistake. I should have guessed at what came next. Native: "Does the government use these devil computers?" Me: "Yes." Another BIG boo-boo. Native: "And does the government *pay* for 'em? With *our* tax dollars?" I decided that it was time to jump ship. Me: "No. Nope. Not at all. You're tax dollars never entered the picture at all. I promise. No sir, not a penny. Our good Christian congressmen would never let something like that happen. Nope. Never. Bye." Texas. What a country. ------- End of Forwarded Message ------- End of Forwarded Message (Personal note: Anyone wearing a CS t-shirt deserves whatever they get) Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:641 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Gidi has hit it right on the head Date: 27 Sep 89 21:30:28 GMT Anyone wearing a computer t-shirt deserves what sh/e g/ets. In fact anyone who uses a computer deserves what s/he ge/ts. Actually everyone basically deserves what they get. The guys were probably VMS hackers. Anyway you shouldn't consider this representative of Texas. On numerous occasions I have gone up to complete strangers and tatooed "666 - Satan ruleS" on their forehead and I've never gotten a complaint. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:642 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: I had nothing whatsoever... Date: 28 Sep 89 07:31:45 GMT ...to do with the previous unavailable article. Rog, care to determine the culprit? Ok, Evan, so w/e al/l deserve what we get, but just what did we do to deserve YOU? Hmm? Speak up. And, poor Ram, what did he do to deserve us? and to really penetrate the issue, what did the poor guy do to deserve himself? Ramsey? Oh Ramsey? are you there? --anil. ---- Article 643 is available, though you probably wish someone would cancel it. ========================= Message polya-era:643 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: I had nothing whatsoever... Date: 28 Sep 89 15:44:29 GMT In article <12006@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: > >Ramsey? Oh Ramsey? are you there? Yeah, I'm here, but I'm very busy: 1) Trying to learn enough about CAD, C++, RISC machine architecture, bipolar ECL etc... and trying to learn it fast enough so that I can do something useful for DEC before they notice that they've started paying me already and for what? 2) OK, I still haven't finished writing the stupid thesis. I'm actually just stalling. I know it would make Evan immensely happy if I took longer than he did to finish, and hey, what are best friends for? 3) The layout of the windows on my DEC 3100 RISC/Ultrix workstation is almost perfect. It still needs a little work. I'm also still agonizing over which window manager to use. And color! Why did they have to make things so difficult. It will take at least another month of tortuous trail-and-error to figure out what color I want each window to be. Life is rough. No time for nethack and even less for nintendo. Has anyone tried the nintendo cereal yet? But no one is ever too busy for free food and first year female grad students. (No, the females aren't free.) 4:30 this afternoon, right? --- assuredly still ramsey. Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:644 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Odd Date: 28 Sep 89 17:19:02 GMT > OK, I still haven't finished writing the stupid thesis. I'm > actually just stalling. I know it would make Evan immensely happy if >I took longer than he did to finish, and hey, what are best friends >for? *if* du sprecht Mein gut friend? Fershtayst - your yor iz up at di end of Octoberfest. Gay gezunt tweetly tweet e.r -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:645 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: I had nothing whatsoever... Date: 28 Sep 89 20:19:40 GMT In article <12006@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >...to do with the previous unavailable article. Rog, care to I did. Je m'excuse. Also, sorry for wearing a DEC-SRC t-shirt today. Got up 8 am, room dark, grabbed something -- oops, here I m w/ a cs t-s. Never again. Avanto popolo. Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:646 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: les blurbs Date: 29 Sep 89 16:16:34 GMT * TRUTH IN ADVERTISING DEPT. [From a flyer received by a woman in California] CHAMLEY LANDSCAPE SERVICES CAN ADD EXCITEMENT TO YOUR NEW YARD AT A PRICE FAR LESS THAN WHAT YOU'LL ULTIMATELY PAY! * The Champs use a fancy big-club system, based largely on Precision --strong club, nebulous diamond, five-card majors, strong notrump, natural two clubs-- with lots of fancy gadgets. The Challengers are two top experts who started their bridge careers in America but wound up in Los Angeles. --The Bridge World. Where diamonds are a girl's best friend. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:647 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: triptych Date: 29 Sep 89 20:53:59 GMT An article in today's Daily (Fri, Sep. 29, 1989, p. 8) confirms Thane's earlier interpretation (See: su-roger-or-andy: the lost articles) of the anarchist mural. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:648 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: The big boards Date: 2 Oct 89 17:41:50 GMT certainly quieted down! Wouldn't it be grand if we could get everyone in the cs dept to sing (Neil Diamond's?) "So you're having my baby?" All together, like "we are the world?" Maybe we should recruit new posters from the incoming class - new blood and all that. Anil, look into it. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:649 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Never understood Date: 2 Oct 89 21:08:34 GMT why Evan starts his sentences in the subject field as though it were the first line of a continuous piece of text. Also, I think it was Paul Anka sang she's having his baby. Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:650 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: He does it because it seems silly to read the same text Date: 2 Oct 89 21:26:48 GMT He does it because it seems silly to read the same text twice. ---- Having given Berke Breathed's new Sunday comic a few weeks, I have found it totally unworthy of further attention. If he ever does manage to be funny or inciteful or something, please let me know so I can go back and read it. Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message polya-era:651 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Re: the question of the gidi Date: 2 Oct 89 22:14:47 GMT There turns out to be a reason. I used to not use headers and this greatly ired pkarp. As a sop to Cerebus I subsequently tried using easy to remember non-blank headers akin to "This is a meaningless string." "tcejbuS" etc... After pkarp waxed wroth for a while and Wroth had a pretty good sheen on him we agreed to the current status quo of starting the message on the Subject (poof foop) line. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:652 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: we are the weird Date: 2 Oct 89 22:41:40 GMT su-rogerrata Gidi writes: >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >"Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) >------------------------------------------------------------------------ Isn't this (wasn't this): "... understood everthing I said..." What is it with these foreigners? Also, Ramsey writes: > If he ever does manage to be funny or inciteful or something, please >let me know so I can go back and read it. Here he means "insightful." --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:653 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Anil the grammar czar Date: 3 Oct 89 00:42:03 GMT It is, was and always will be "understand". That's what it says in the book "Miles Davis" by Ian Carr. Why not inciteful? Webster doesn't know about it but it could conceivably mean "inciting or spurring the reader to further action". I saw Anil teaching Akiro to frisbee and it was not a pretty sight. It was a pretty cite, though. Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message polya-era:654 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Anil the grammar czar Date: 3 Oct 89 17:06:57 GMT In article <12116@polya.Stanford.EDU> gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) writes: >Why not inciteful? Webster doesn't know about it but it could >conceivably mean "inciting or spurring the reader to further >action". No, in this case he should have said "incitant." >I saw Anil teaching Akiro to frisbee and it was not a pretty sight. I don't know what he means here. Akiro, by the way, already KNOWS how to catch a frisbee, which Thane and Andrew will attest to. To see a jumping leaping pouncing frisbee-catching tail-waggling animal in action is quite a pretty sight, wouldn't you say Thane? >It was a pretty cite, though. Here perhaps he means "site," but "cite" is not and never has been a noun. While it is true that in English one can generally nominalize every word (e.g. "a fuck"), one is often constrained by an existing noun form which one is expected to use, in this case "citation." (However, citation here makes no sense at all, and is utterly stupid. However, Memorial Court is a pretty site.) --anil. Grammar Czar. ========================= Message polya-era:655 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: This is the Title/Subject Date: 3 Oct 89 17:40:33 GMT THE GRAMMAR CZAR'S (HUSSEIN TAUGHT ME THIS TRICK (HE SAID "I LIKE TO USE CAPS AND INSERT A NUMBER OF GRAMMATICAL MISTAKES - IT LENDS A CERTAIN SENSE OF URGENCY, N'EST-CE PAS, CAPICHE, FERSHTAYST?)) LAST STATEMENT RELATING TO THE AMERICAN PROCLIVITITY TO NEOLOGIZE BY WAY OF NOMINALIZATION (NOT ACTUALLY A WORD) REMINDS ME OF THE QUINTESSENTIAL NEW YORKERISM OVERHEARD IN BROOKLYN BY MY FRIEND RICK ROSNER. TO WIT: "fuck you, you fucking fuck." THE VOCABULARY VICEROY E.C -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:656 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Evan goes senile Date: 3 Oct 89 17:45:32 GMT Woops, I forgot what I was going to say. So I'll just say something random. ========================= Message polya-era:657 From: plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: Akiro Date: 3 Oct 89 18:19:06 GMT As I have already explained privately to Anil, *all* behaviour patterns of Akiro can be accounted for by a simple finite finite automaton I discovered several months ago. Doesn't anyone read my papers? ========================= Message polya-era:658 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Roger and Andy Date: 3 Oct 89 18:20:12 GMT In article <12114@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >greatly ired pkarp. As a sop to Cerebus I subsequently tried using Roger and I both read Cerebus (a comic book eponymously named after one of its characters, an aardvark), but I'd be surprised if Evan even knows it exists. Cerebus' author claims that he meant Cerberus, but that the printer screwed up, but Evan wouldn't make that mistake. So, I assume that Evan meant some other word that is keyboard-similar to Cerebus. The closest is "cereus", the name of several cacti species native to the Western U.S. and tropical America. They like to be sopped occasionally. You folks are lucky. Cerebus would be one of the few topics of su.roger-and-andy, and my interest stems indirectly, as in, I got hooked by someone who got hooked by someone (repeat a couple of times) who got hooked by Roger-the-pusher. So, are there any new readers? Have you been told about the initiation fees and the pledge party? -andy UUCP: {arpa gateways, sun, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu BELLNET: (415) 723-3088 ========================= Message polya-era:659 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: I don't fershtay nothing Date: 3 Oct 89 20:36:21 GMT VERSTEHST ... second person singular of VERSTEHEN: German for "to understand"; roughly pronounced as FERSHTAYST. Versteh I that right? -t ========================= Message polya-era:660 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Degenerative grammar Date: 3 Oct 89 20:47:00 GMT Ok. I've had it with all those grammar quips. Who the f... (nominal form?) started this anyway? --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:661 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: As I stated once before Date: 3 Oct 89 21:05:36 GMT the jet pup has a memory like an elephant's and when he reaches the dimensions of M.Jax (which by extrapolation will be some time next week) he will exact severe retribution for all derogatory remarks either overt or implied in a way that will make Yahweh look like a creampuff. Anent cerebus, cerberus. If you've ever read Dostoevski you'll know what I mean when I say that whenever I saw a name ( eg. Raskolnikovskyndx) I just internally turned it into "the R guy who kills people." So it was with cerberus. I never claimed to be even a moderately good speller, only better than Tracy (hi trace are you back yet?). Re: Fershtayst -- Herr Henzinger mistakenly took this for German, it was actually ... Arabic. No in fact it was Yiddish - which can be learned in 5 minutes by anyone who knows German by simply mispronouncing every word. Before the teuts pat themselves on the back though - realize that this relationship is symmetric - you can get to German from Yiddish by mispronouching (Yiddish!) every word. Vos der mensch ken alts ibertrachten.. I forget the rest (what a man thinks up for himself his worst enemy wouldn't wish on him) -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:662 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Jiddisch Date: 3 Oct 89 22:07:05 GMT Evan, is there such a thing as normative spelling of Yiddish? In Hebrew letters? In Latin letters? -- Tom. ========================= Message polya-era:663 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: As I stated once before Date: 3 Oct 89 22:15:28 GMT Let me nip this in the bud. Cerberus is the Latin bastardization of Kerberos, the mythical 3-headed dog that guards the entrance to Hades. To be sure, Akiro the hell-hundt (that's yidenglish) has only one head. Many teeth, but only one head. I don't remember seeing Thane's paper, but I remember reading a work by someone else that cited his paper. The paper I read contained a theorem showing that Thane could be simulated by a finite state automaton with at most $2^k$ times as many states as the automaton in Thane's paper, where $k$ was some constant in the range $0\leq k\leq 5$. The author had gone to some effort to show that in fact there was great evidence that $k = 0$. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:664 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Yiddish Date: 3 Oct 89 22:20:16 GMT Yiddish is written in "Hebrew" letters - actually the Aramaic alphabet, just as the "English" alphabet is the Latin alphabet. With slight variations, to handle the vowel sounds of Yiddish. For example, the letter "ayin", which is pronounced by most modern Israelis as a glottal stop, although more traditionally (in the Middle East and Africa) it is a guttural, is used in Yiddish to denote the sound denoted "short e" by American high school English teachers. Other variations include necessary inclusion of vowel indicators. ========================= Message polya-era:665 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Re: Yiddish Date: 4 Oct 89 01:16:43 GMT Let me try to summarize the situation: standard spelling of Yiddish (which, so Liz assures me, exists) A ------------------------------------------> B | | standard spelling of | German (which, so I | can assure you, exists | as well) | v C where A ... human sounds that form the intersection of Yiddish and German B ... strings over the Aramaic alphabet C ... strings over the Latin alphabet Example: "do you understand?" -------> tav samech tet shin resh pe | | v VERSTEHST Now I propose to simply fill in one arrow (the transliteration morphism t) to make the diagram commute: A ----> B \ / \ / t V V C Evan, on the other hand, has a more complex operation in mind. Since he, as Ignoramerican, is left in the dark about the inverse of A --> C (called literal, or German, pronunciation), he has to employ TWO transliteration morphisms t1 and t2. Obviously they ought to be as discriminating as possible, thus forming the following push-out: A ----> B ---- | | | | | t1 | v v | C ----> C | | t2 \ | | !\ | | V v -----------> C Example (from above): "do you understand?" -------> tav samech tet shin resh pe | | | | t1 v v VERSTEHST -------> FERSTAYST t2 Verstehst? -t ========================= Message polya-era:666 From: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Roger and Andy Date: 4 Oct 89 08:29:21 GMT In-reply-to: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU's message of 3 Oct 89 18:20:12 GMT In article <12134@polya.Stanford.EDU> andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) writes: > > In article <12114@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >>greatly ired pkarp. As a sop to Cerebus I subsequently tried using > > You folks are lucky. Cerebus would be one of the few topics of > su.roger-and-andy, and my interest stems indirectly, as in, I got > hooked by someone who got hooked by someone (repeat a couple of times) > who got hooked by Roger-the-pusher. > modulo a symmetric closure... Andy is merely my grandnephew on the hook tree. Roger-the-pusher has yet to claim any victims (though he does have two new roommates now and the "phonebooks" are cleverly sitting out on the coffee table --- we'll see...). Roger ps. I bet Oscar is an Illusionist. ========================= Message polya-era:667 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Yay Ignoramericans Date: 4 Oct 89 14:28:11 GMT Don't want to bum you out unduly but at 300 baud it is just too gruesome to read long messages with arrows in them. So I missed much of what was likely a cogent and absorbing message. Allow me to forestall further diagramization (surely a world if nominalization is) by saying I also believe that Italian can be derived from an intense desire to communicate and adding -a to the end of each word. By the way the situation is a bit more complicated vis a vis Yiddish - the spelling is standardized (there are dictionaries for example) but pronunciation is more or less random since there was never an associated country with a committee on language -- so "pants" can be "hazen" or "hozen" or "zeese pants heer" depending on whether you are from Galicia or Danzig or are just someone imitating a Frenchman. Also if the word is a Hebrew one (eg torah) then it is spelled as it is in hebrew but pronouced as in Yiddish (toirah). Also I suspect that a number of phrases in Hebrew don't make sense in German (tuches awfun tish - ass on the table - means "let's get down to brass tacks") Back me up on this Ram? -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message polya-era:668 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Yay Ignoramericans Date: 4 Oct 89 18:36:29 GMT In article <12165@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: > I also believe that Italian can be derived from an intense >desire to communicate and adding -a to the end of each word. Mammamia! Itsa truea. Evan hasa hita ita righta ona the heada. Ah l'italiano! Soa simplea, yeta so beautifula. --anil. ========================= Message polya-era:669 From: seligman@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Scott Seligman) Subject: Re: Roger and Andy Date: 4 Oct 89 18:37:12 GMT In-reply-to: crew@Polya.Stanford.EDU's message of 4 Oct 89 08:29:21 GMT (Roger Crew) writes: > Roger-the-pusher has yet to claim any victims (though he does have two > new roommates now and the "phonebooks" are cleverly sitting out on the > coffee table --- we'll see...). As one of Roger's new vic-, uh, roommates, I'm issuing a call for help. He's already gotten me to read The Watchmen, and Rorschach is now my icon. I've tried to kick it, but he just leaves these things out there on the coffee table. I know that only the first one will be free, but I find my self-control growing ever weaker. Sadly, Scott ========================= Message polya-era:670 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: disaster Date: 5 Oct 89 03:57:27 GMT The first article that polya received on clari.news.disaster was that the A's Win 6-3, lead Toronto 2-0. I guess the reporter must have been from Toronto. -anil. ========================= Message neon-era:669 From: crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: This is really weird Date: 5 Oct 89 11:43:36 GMT Do you realize that in the past two days there have been twice as many postings on su.roger-or-andy as on su.etc? Seems to me there should be a couple more Udog clones and a Mr.Chicago Model 2/120 on order. Looks like I'll have to give the distributor a call... Roger ========================= Message neon-era:670 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: This is really weird Date: 5 Oct 89 15:50:30 GMT Also note our rise on the local USENET use survey posted this morning to su.news. ========================= Message neon-era:671 From: kos@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Andrew Kosoresow) Subject: Re: As I stated once before Date: 5 Oct 89 17:46:48 GMT In article <12147@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >Let me nip this in the bud. Cerberus is the Latin bastardization >of Kerberos, the mythical 3-headed dog that guards the entrance >to Hades. Actually, that's Kepbepos, who was the fifty-headed son of Typhaon and Echidna. Only in the spurious epic version did Kepbepos become the three- headed dog which seems to have been more appealing to the blood thirsty public. #andrew ========================= Message neon-era:672 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: bunglers Date: 5 Oct 89 18:33:40 GMT So explain this to me: the Panamanian rebels have Noreiga captured and the building gets surrounded and they just give up. Who trained these guys? They had a prize hostage! How could they just give up? And they didn't even kill the guy? Perhaps tomorrow I'll post a passage from P.J O'Rourke's "Holidays in Hell" that sheds light on this. Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:673 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Cephephos and Noriega Date: 5 Oct 89 18:49:44 GMT The real name dervies from a bastards bastardization of SFH (Spuds from Hell) and enters english as Cerberus, no rhos. As some author pointed out - it loses a lot in the original. Ram - either your information is earlier than mine or later (good bet right?) - the American representative (um to somewhere) on the morning news gave an account (of the American side) that sounded kind of 3-stoodgish - but he also said N-man hadn't been captured at any pt. I was reading a modern American dictionary between compiles and I noticed that it was full of archaic scottish words - like STOUR (strong). Wonder why these words are still there? Oops compile is done. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message neon-era:674 From: casley@neon.stanford.edu (Ross Casley) Subject: Re: disaster Date: 5 Oct 89 19:03:36 GMT The first article on clari.news.sex was about a school in Cambridge, Massachusetts closing, and the second was about the Dalai Lama being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. I can see how sex could lead to school children, but I'm puzzled by the Dalai Lama. Maybe Nobel prize suggests Nobel suggests Sweden suggests sex? -Ross ========================= Message neon-era:675 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Cephephos and Noriega Date: 5 Oct 89 19:17:48 GMT In article <12195@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >I was reading a modern American dictionary between compiles ... >... Oops compile is done. Evan would have us believe he doth do other stuff between missives to su-rog. Nay, that verily he doth post only when imperialist oil company tasks are not aheap upon his bureau? Friends, romans, newsgroup-wo/men lend me your money! --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:676 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Surely You're Dead Mr. Feynman Date: 5 Oct 89 20:43:23 GMT Other words Quale: a property considered apart from things having the property - has anyone ever heard this one? use it in context? Also STONE used an intensifer as in STONE DEAD STONE BLIND STONE DEAF STONE BROKE STONE COLD why these? STONE PUZZLED but still-- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message neon-era:677 From: young@polya.Stanford.EDU (R. Michael Young) Subject: Re: Surely You're Dead Mr. Feynman Date: 5 Oct 89 21:43:20 GMT Dont' forget STONE Fox as in "Yow. S/he's a STONE fox! Nasty!" ========================= Message neon-era:678 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Stone foxes? Date: 5 Oct 89 21:53:10 GMT I don't get it. What is a "stone fox"???? I've never heard that expression. Though I gather you weren't refering to a kind of gargoyle. ========================= Message neon-era:679 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Re: Surely You're Dead Mr. Feynman Date: 5 Oct 89 21:59:07 GMT In article <12207@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >Quale: a property considered apart from things having the property - This must be about the veep but I can't figure out how. As in: "the vice president is best considerd apart from things" or "he is properly condidered a part of things, not the things themselves" or "he is having a property." Yiddish, however, is as close or as far from Hoch Deutsch as are some local dialects on the fringes of the Germanic tundra, e.g. Dutch. How about "tundish" meaning "funnel?" If your dictionary doesn't have it, we don't want it. Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message neon-era:680 From: phipps@polya.Stanford.EDU (Geoffrey Phipps) Subject: Tundishes Keywords: More Wankery Date: 5 Oct 89 23:05:52 GMT Ol' Witty Gidi was muttering something about tundishes being funnels. I must confess that the only time I have heard "tundish" used in English was in the number 2 continuous slab caster mill, Australian Iron and Steel, Port Kembla. They were using their tundishes to hold molten steel while they figured out what they were going to pour it into (or onto, in the case of operator error). g ========================= Message neon-era:681 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: English Well Speeched Here Date: 6 Oct 89 16:26:44 GMT _English Well Speeched Here_ by Nino Lo Bello, Los Angeles, Price Stern Sloan ($2.50) I picked up this wonderful little book at Printers Inc. yesterday. It has signs from around the world written in "English" (usually for the benefit of tourists). To assure us of their authenticity, many are actually photographed. Some examples follow. * In Bangkok's Temple of the Reclining Buddha hangs this warning: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man * An Israeli seamstress whose place of business is off the main street posted this notice: Madame Ruth, Corsetiere --- ENTRANCE FROM THE BACKSIDE. ----> * This notice was posted on a Rumanian hotel elevator: THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAYS DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:682 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: panama Date: 6 Oct 89 16:53:28 GMT Excerpt from "Holidays in Hell" by P.J. O'Rourke, Atlantic Monthly Press: July 1987 Panama has the damndest anti-governmen protestors. They're all dressed in neckties or linen dirndl skirts and driving around in BMWs and Jeep Wagoneers, honking horns and waving white hankies out the windows. Opposition headquarters is that infamous center of treachery and sedition worldwide, the Chamber of Commerce building. A National Civilian Crusade has been formed from more than a hundred trade associaions and charity-ball-type organizations. Everybody is full of moral indignation, also civic boosterism. {\it Cruzada Civilista Nacional} demonstrations take place before luncheon and at the cocktail hour along Calle 50, Panama City's main artery for the shop-till-you-drop set. It's like watching mom and dad riot at the mall. White is the opposition color, appropriately enough. ... Office towers are festooned with white adding-machine tape streamers; white three-by-five cards flutter from the windows; and white confetti is made with document shredders. (This is only the second known use --- after Fawn Hall's --- of the shredding machine in the fight for democracy.) Protest signs are done with computer graphics and slogans displayed on word processor printouts. In the better residential neighborhoods the noon and six PM demos are marked by children, housewives and kitchen help banging on pots and pans. At least one enterprising member of the opposition is selling a pot-banging cassette so dinner won't be late. There are no sweaty marches or boring sit-ins. When the opposition wants to stage a mass rally it calls for a "White Caravan", and everyone drives through town with the air conditioning on. If people can't make it, they send the maid. This is genius, to use littering, noise-making and traffic jams as political protest in a Latin country. ... The pro-government types, who more or less support military strongman General Manuel Antonio Noriega, are fatter, have worse teeth and wear more polyester. Their flag-draped caravans are filled with Japanese economy cars. It's not really rich versus poor. It's more like the Elks versus the Rotary club. The dentists and bank tellers are mad at the meter maids and postal clerks. The government cheats a bit with its anti-demonstration demonstrations, handing out gas money and giving public employees the day off then taking roll call at the rally. ... The government staged a wondefully named "Carnival of National Dignity." There were a half-dozen salsa and merengue bands and free beer and firecrackers for everyone. ... One large and beery lady, more full of political spirit than political savvy, leaned halfway out of her car and shrieked, "This proves that Panama does not want communism!" Seeing that the basic conflict in Panama pits right-wing businessmen against a right-wing military, I guess it doesn't. Sometimes a white caravan and a pro-government caravan get going at the same time, circling aruond the city like students from rival high schools before a big football game. The pro-government bunch are more willing to mix it up. They're the kids from Central High downtown. The opposition -- suburban souls whose real strength is in the tennis team -- tend to yell clever things and skedaddle. Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:683 From: plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: Noriega Date: 6 Oct 89 17:15:10 GMT Is Noriega a kingpin, or merely a strongman? I keep forgetting. ========================= Message neon-era:684 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: bloody foreigners Date: 6 Oct 89 17:32:18 GMT hey, it's bash-them-ignorant-third-worlders week again! i guess it must be springtime! tom, let's have a rerun of the middle east diaries. no pun intended. Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message neon-era:685 From: tah@polya.Stanford.EDU (Thomas Henzinger) Subject: Re: English Well Speeched Here Date: 6 Oct 89 18:31:12 GMT I have picture of sign in Cairene mosque: PARDON PLEASE TRUN OF SHOES (sic) ========================= Message neon-era:686 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Noriega Date: 6 Oct 89 18:34:44 GMT In article <12228@polya.Stanford.EDU> plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) writes: >Is Noriega a kingpin, or merely a strongman? I keep forgetting. To help keep things straight: drug lords are the guys who control substantial drug empires, but drug czars head the battle against drug lords to try to bring down drug empires. Czarinas are the wives of czars. A kingpin is a chief, and may be a lord, but never a czar. Toppling a kingpin is supposed to have substantial consequences on the rest of the empire. Getting ten pins is called strike and is highly desirable. Getting a general, like Noriega, is called a general strike. Missing him and getting his doctor is called a surgical strike. A strongman has some power, but may be subjugated to both lords and kingpins; strongmen, however, never heed the will of czars. Got it? --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:687 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: bloody foreigners Date: 6 Oct 89 19:07:00 GMT In article <12229@polya.Stanford.EDU> gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) writes: > >hey, it's bash-them-ignorant-third-worlders week again! Wrong. It is P.J. O'Rourke time. His revised "Modern Manners: An etiquette book for rude people" has just fallen into my hands. Since I'll be out of town next week, the "at" deamon will perform the honors. >i guess it must be springtime! Wrong. Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:688 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 6 Oct 89 19:28:03 GMT Source: *Modern Manners*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1989. Author: P. J. O'Rourke A distinctive quality of manners is that they have nothing to do with what you do, only how you do it. For example, Karl Marx was always polite in the British Museum. He was courteous to the staff, never read with his hat on, and didn't make lip farts when he came across passages in Hegel with which he disagreed. Despite the fact that his political exhortations have caused the deaths of millions, he is today more revered than not. On the other hand, John W. Hinckley, Jr, was only rude once, to a retired Hollywood movie actor, and Hinckley will be in a mental institution for the rest of his life. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:689 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 8 Oct 89 19:00:05 GMT Source: *Modern Manners*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1989. Author: P. J. O'Rourke Thinking is actually rude in and of itself. Manners involve interaction with others. You cannot, for instance, think and listen to what other people are saying at the same time. And what most people have to say doesn't merit much thought; so if you *are* caught thinking, you really have no excuse. As a result of thinking's innate rudeness, thinking people are not often popular. Although the Curies were extremely famous, they were rarely invited out socially. They were too thoughtful. Also, they glowed. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:690 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurbs Date: 9 Oct 89 16:35:48 GMT * GUIDEBOOK DESCRIPTIONS WE NEVER FINISHED READING [From "Nairn's London"] MARYLEBONE ALL SAINTS, MARGARET STREET William Butterfield, 1849-59 To describe a church as an orgasm is bound to offend someone; yet ... * CLEAR DAYS ON THE ACADEMIC SCENE [A headline in the SF Chronicle] FUTURE IS COMING, ACADEMICS PREDICT --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:691 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 9 Oct 89 19:00:04 GMT Source: *Modern Manners*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1989. Author: P. J. O'Rourke When entering a restaurant, aman should allow the woman to precede him to their seats. This lets her find a friend whose table she can stand at and chat for half an hour while the man gets a chance to glimpse the prices on the menu and has a clear shot to bolt for the door when he sees those prices. A wise woman allows a man to enter a taxicab ahead of her so she can slam his hand in the door if he's acting like an ass. At the theater, concert, or ballet, a man allows a woman to take her seat first. Hethen holds her coat on his lap, along with his coat, her purse, her umbrella, both programs, and any other personal effects. Safely hidden behind this mound of belongings, he can go to sleep. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:692 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: UFOs Terrorize Soviets Date: 10 Oct 89 16:34:50 GMT From article 20 of clari.news.briefs on polya: MOSCOW -- A correspondent of the Tass news agency who wrote that an unidentified flying object landed in the city of Voronezh said Tuesday he did not see the landing and interviewed ``about 10'' youngsters as the source of his report. The report by correspondent Vladimir Lebedev, transmitted by the official Tass agency on Monday, said tiny-headed aliens up to 13-feet tall terrified the residents of Voronezh. Scooped by the National Enquirer. ========================= Message neon-era:693 From: soesbe@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Jeff Soesbe) Subject: Re: UFOs Terrorize Soviets Date: 10 Oct 89 17:27:48 GMT In article <12330@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >From article 20 of clari.news.briefs on polya: Out of curiousity, what does "clari" stand for in all these new newsgroups?? clairvoyant?? clariol?? clarity?? wondering, jef ========================= Message neon-era:694 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Political Science Date: 10 Oct 89 17:34:59 GMT from "Sail Away", Randy Newman, 1972. Political Science No one likes us - I don't know why We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try But all around even old friends put us down Let's drop the big one and see what happens We give them money - But are they grateful? No, they're spiteful and they're hateful They don't respect us - so let's surprise them We'll drop the big one and pulverize them Asia's crowded and Europe's too old Africa is far too hot And Canada's too cold And South America stole our name Let's drop the big one There'll be no one left to blame us We'll save Australia Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo We'll build an All American amusement park there They got surfin too Boom goes London and boom Paree More room for you and more room for me And every city the whole world round Will just be another American town Oh how peaceful it will be We'll set everybody free You'll wear a Japanese kimono And there'll be Italian shoes for me They all hate us anyhow So let's drop the big one now Let's drop the big one now (c) 1969 January Music Corp. ========================= Message neon-era:695 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 10 Oct 89 19:00:05 GMT Source: *Modern Manners*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1989. Author: P. J. O'Rourke If our behavior were really determined by our ancestors, we'd all act like amoebas. We'd eat by osmosis and reproduce by division, meaning we'd smear food all over our bodies at dinner and have sex by throwing ourselves under a train. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:696 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: W, NYQ, and others Date: 10 Oct 89 19:58:24 GMT Aaaack Pphhht. Quote this, quote that. Evan, someone, please, please, please will you send us one measly creative message, the fruit of thy own creation. Amen. Color me quoted out. --anil. ----- in fact, indigo. ========================= Message neon-era:697 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Original 'n' Useful Date: 10 Oct 89 20:04:28 GMT In article <12342@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >Aaaack Pphhht. Quote this, quote that. Andy said to tell everybody that next week is ASSU refund week. But this is not a quote. This is money. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message neon-era:698 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Anil - that reminds me of a good quote Date: 10 Oct 89 20:19:44 GMT At some time in the 1630's the settlers who were being swinish with respect to the Indians and dissenters and non-co-religionists must have stopped and asked themselves - why did we come here? And about half said "To be free to worship etc.. without persecution" and half said "So WE get to persecute." Anil's plaintful plaint unknowlingly echoes this sentiment - did we boldly establish the bboard to free ourselves from the bonds of Bowman or did we create our own personnal forum where each could hold forth like the Revered J. Jackson? The 2nd choice. So its OK Anil - How about that Janet Jackson ? e.r-- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message neon-era:699 From: plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: Re: Anil - that reminds me of a good quote Date: 10 Oct 89 20:48:54 GMT Here we go again, Anil is trying to PLAY GOD. But maybe he is God, after all. I have unearthed some literary evidence for precisely this extraordinary claim. Only the C_r___s should read on. I draw your attention to ``Journey to the West,'' a Chinese novel written by Wu Ch'eng-en (c1500--1582). A synopsis: The Buddhist priest Hsuan-tsang (also known as Tripitika) of the Ming Dynasty strikes out on a quest to India in search of holy scriptures. He is accompanied on his pilgrimage by three magical helpers, one of whom is a monkey. One critic calls the book ``humorous and fantastic, but at the same time allegorical and deeply religious.'' It was partially translated by Arthur Waley in 1943. He titled it ``Monkey.'' I am not making this up. Is it merely coincidental that Anil put ``Tripitika'' as one of his interest areas in this year's Forum resume booklet? (OK, I made that up. But Anil put down just about everything else as an interest area.) ========================= Message neon-era:700 From: bhayes@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Barry Hayes) Subject: Re: Anil - that reminds me of a good quote Date: 10 Oct 89 21:55:35 GMT Ah yes, the Monkey stories. There was an adaptation of these for TV starring nobody you know made, I think, in the smaller yet currently more democratic China. They have been very badly dubbed into English and for that reason alone are every bit as good as any of the classic "kung fu" movies, which indeed they seem to resemble after the adpatation-translation cycle. They may also show up any of your local Chinese-language TV stations. ========================= Message neon-era:701 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Anil - that reminds me of a good quote Date: 11 Oct 89 01:38:13 GMT In Indian mythology, monkeys, in particular giant monkeys, and in particular a certain giant monkey by the name of Hanuman, play significant roles. Consquently, Buddhism and other Hindic derivitives often endow monkeys with magical powers and deity. Is Ge_rgism, then, descended from some Hanuman cult? Perhaps. In which case it may be argued that Ge_rgism predates Judao-Christian religion by a longshot. My father recounts with some mirth how once he had attended a Thai production of the Indian epic Ramayana. After the performance, the performers, who had learned he was Indian, had proudly observed that the Ramayana and even the legend of Hanuman had spread from Thailand even into India. He foolishly tried to point out that the direction of dissemination was exactly the opposite, but this brought only laughter. Everybody tries to claim credit for a good story. --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:702 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 11 Oct 89 19:00:06 GMT Source: *Modern Manners*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1989. Author: P. J. O'Rourke Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident. Senator Edward Kennedy, for instance, may or may not be a moral person, but he is certainly a polite one. When Miss Kopechne seemed to be in trouble, Senator Kennedy swam all the way to Edgartown rather than run up a stranger's phone bill calling for help. You should be the same way yourself. If you happen to be on a sinking ship with too few lifeboats, take one and quietly slip away. There's going to be a terrific fuss among the drowning passengers, and it's rude to deliberately overhear an argument which is none of your concern. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:703 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Playing God Date: 11 Oct 89 21:37:48 GMT In article <12346@polya.Stanford.EDU> plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) writes: >Here we go again, Anil is trying to PLAY GOD. I've been engaging in no such MONKEY BUSINESS! Actually, come to think of it, isn't this WHY we all became computer scientists? TO PLAY GOD!?! !!!!!!!!!!!????!!!!!!! [A Husseinian technique, quite well executed, wouldn't you say, Ev?] Or, Jeff, am I making something out of nothingness (holoevent, omnievent) --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:704 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 12 Oct 89 19:00:06 GMT Source: *Modern Manners*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1989. Author: P. J. O'Rourke Generally speaking, a man is supposed to walk to the left of a woman and also keep himself between her and the curb. Of course, it is frequently impossible to do both. But great thinkers of all ages have been unanimous in their admiration of paradoxes. ... If a man is walking down the street with two women, he should keep them both on his right and appear between them like an acrobat taking abow. Every authority on etiquette mentions this precept. But what no authority on etiquette mentions is how a man can manage to get two women in the first place. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:705 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: NYT/RS/BD Date: 12 Oct 89 22:00:57 GMT In the arts section of today's NYT, page 3, there's a review of a Rolling Stones concert under the heading MUSIC and a review of a Bob Dylan concert under ROCK. Kate couldn't explain this, either. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message neon-era:706 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: black sweater Date: 12 Oct 89 23:15:48 GMT In article <12406@polya.Stanford.EDU> on csd.bboard gorbis@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Alexander Gorbis) writes: >I left a black sweater in MJH lounge the day before yesterday. Have anyone >seen it? Thanks. In a rare physical occurrence, this sweater dropped into a wormhole in space, changed its color to blue, and it emerged about a year ago in the DSG corridor where it still sits on the bench looking for an owner. --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:707 From: ramsey@polya.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: W Date: 13 Oct 89 19:00:07 GMT Source: *Modern Manners*, Atlantic Monthly Press, New York, 1989. Author: P. J. O'Rourke WHAT TO DO ABOUT THAT NAME There's a long tradition of silly names in polite society: Sir John Suckling, Millard Fillmore, Algernon Swinburne, Beerbohm Tree, Armand Hammer, Pia Zadora, and so on. It's best to keep you own name even if it's awful. Brazen it out like an Englishman would. And if anyone laughs, punch him like an American. ... Still it's hard to be the right sort of person if you're called Clement Squid or something. But this is easy to fix. ... Try to be reasonably honest with your name change. It shouldn't look like you're trying to pull something. "Nowakowski" can become "Nowak" but not "Norwalk". "Pushkinikoff" can "Pushkin" but not "Perkins". And use some logical occasion for your change of name --- going away to school, for instance, or enlisting in the Army or having your first business card or by-line printed. Don't be shy about this. Ladies' man Gary Hartpence went so far as to run for President in order to have occasion to change his last name. [Ed. node --- hey Evan, do you have your first business card yet?] -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:708 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: W Date: 14 Oct 89 16:31:12 GMT P.J. O'R. is wrong. I think Evan had the right idea. If you're going to go to the trouble of changing your name, make it whatever the hell you want. Evan Stanton Reid has that very advantageous almost immediately patronizing British aristocratic air to it. MY name is Evan Stanton Reid. What is your (measly worthless little) name? Eh, speak up man! On a related note, we overheard someone calling out the name Meaghan, (pronounced Meegun, not Maygan as, perhaps, it should be). Thane realized that, yes, it is around this year that the whole slew of Meeguns is reaching college age. The whole slew of Thanes reached college age at one time in one place. The next slew of Thanes is not due for another 20 years or so; Thane has predicted a large turnout. Thane, what was that other name we ran across? An MIT name. Perhaps Greg has met him now. Maybe Pat knows him already. --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:709 From: morris@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Kate Morris) Subject: quake reactions... Date: 19 Oct 89 19:44:34 GMT From United Press International: The earthquake was front-page news around the globe. In Sydney, Australia, the Daily Mirror printed pictures and text about the earthquake across its first five pages. The ``Daily Mirror Girl,'' a bikini-clad beauty which routinely attracts readers to Page 3, was banished to Page 7 for the first time in 30 years. No comment... -Kate ========================= Message neon-era:710 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: My candidate for City Council Date: 20 Oct 89 02:59:08 GMT I like to go barefoot in the park. Vote for this guy. From the sample ballot I just received for the Nov 7 election. I made no typos: Statement of PTAH. Occupation: Sculptor, Dental Techniction. Age: 51 Education and qualifications: God brouther, God sisters; thank you for considering me to be your public servant, to truthfuly try to reunite our worlds family people, to find homes, food and care for our brouthers and sisters everywhere, starting of course in Palo Alto. Also to try to build a tunnel to connect the Dumbarton bridge with highways 101 under East Palo Alto with underground parking their and downtown Palo Alto, connect El Cameno, Stanford, 280 for free and charge a toll from 280 to the coast highway 1, to pay for the tunnel. And to see that public parks are designed with bare feet in mind. I have a 10th grade formal education, quiting school at 16 to start working in a dental laboratory makeing false teeth, a profession I am a master of. At 40 years of age I had time and money enough to start studying again. I learned to speak chinese, be a A.Y.S.O. Soccer Coach, a volenter in a Junior High School art department, a partisapant in a Community Band and Friday Night Music to stay in touch with people. I am also known as Ptah X Siki Ronald Francis Bennett. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:711 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Better than Kos Date: 20 Oct 89 03:11:23 GMT Apparently over the past weekend, my ex-officemate Andrew Kosoresow had a sudden string urge to fly to New York on Tuesday to see his mother. Good timing. Nevertheless, I'm more impressed by the following. Taken from page 13Q of Thursday's San Jose Mercury, morning final edition: ---------- But, hey, who said you had to be a professional to predict an earthquake? Syndicated humor columnist Kevin Cowherd though he was just kidding when he wrote that he couldn't predict the winner of the World Series because he wasn't sure all the games would be played. "An earthquake could rip through the Bay Area before they sing the national anthem for Game 3," Cowherd wrote in a column that appeared in Tuesday morning's Mercury News. Reached at his Baltimore home Wednesday, Cowherd said that was "absolutely horrified" to see his prediction coming true on his TV screen. "My heart stopped. It was unreal. It was so eerie," Cowherd said. "I was just trying to write a humor column." Several Mercury News readers called to congratulate Cowherd, including a man who begged him to pick six numbers for the state lottery. "I told him I'm not a prognosticator for hire," Cowherd said. "(But) they were called me the Amazing Kreskin at work." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:712 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: shaky ground Date: 21 Oct 89 17:03:19 GMT Some thoughts about the appropriateness of jokes right now. It is improper for outsiders to joke about OUR quake. It is OK for Roger to post a joke to the big big funny board, but not ok for some North Carolinan. On the other hand, Roger's joke was sick. On the other hand, Roger is sick. Ok, Thane, I only have two hands. As I write, it is raining. I suggest that Roger perform an act of contrition by running at any speed outside, proving that rain makes one wet at any speed, contrary to any hypotheses of Ramsey or Evan. Then, by donating some money to my "buy a tent for the homeless fund" (serious, details below) so that some poor homeless quake victim can maybe be dry for awhile and stop running around trying to avoid every droplet. Yes, Thane, I am playing god. I suggest that for each submission of quake relief in the form of a joke, one submit a suitable donation of quake relief of, well, greater utility. Roger, then, is in the red. And speaking of red, this bring me to my point. The Red Cross has been asking for tents and non-perishable food donations, also money. I'm accepting money to be used to purchase a tent (or tents) to donate. In the event that I cannot buy a suitable tent (either for lack of funds or lack of tents) I will donate the money directly. If you prefer that your money be used for something else (or donated directly), you can earmark it for that something, and I will try to purchase it. Money doesn't have ears, you say? No, and it doesn't grow on trees either. So, I will be around Monday harvesting money from people. Be there. --anil. ------- somewhat curiously, me. ========================= Message neon-era:713 From: crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: sick? sick? SICK???? (was Re: shaky ground) Date: 23 Oct 89 10:16:09 GMT In-reply-to: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU's message of 21 Oct 89 This probably constitutes flamage. I'll apologize in advance. It's just that Anil struck a nerve... Actually, this is only peripherally aimed at Anil. The shotgun is primarily pointed two feet to the left at a certain bozo at Amdahl who called up CSD-CF thinking he could get them to pull my posting privileges. Unfortunately, I decided that it would probably be better for me to be polite when responding to him. Persons with slightly less than strong constitutions should probably hit 'n' NOW. In article <12578@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: > > Some thoughts about the appropriateness of jokes right now. > > It is improper for outsiders to joke about OUR quake. It is OK for > Roger to post a joke to the big big funny board, but not ok for some > North Carolinan. On the other hand, Roger's joke was sick. On the > other hand, Roger is sick. Ok, Thane, I only have two hands. If a North Carolinian has something funny to say, I will be quite happy to hear it. We need all of the funny we can get. Sick? OF COURSE, IT'S SICK!! It's SUPPOSED to be sick. That's WHY it's funny. I really get annoyed at these self-appointed arbitors of what is ``proper,'' whose sole purpose in life seems to be going around and making people feel like shit. ``No, we mustn't laugh. You laughed. You are a sick person. This is not proper. We show respect.'' Yup, we dwell on it. We sit in respectful silence and we think about it. Can't laugh. Just have to sit there and respectfully think about our mortality of which we have just been so brutally reminded. Just have to think about what it's actually like when the ceiling really does come crashing down. And then we can think about what it's like afterwards, lying in the dark crushed and broken, with no one to hear your calls for help, for however long it takes to die... ``Don't laugh. It's not funny.'' Right. Tell me about it. As if I'm not going to have enough nightmares about this. You can be silent/respectful/serious all you want. It's not going to bring anyone back, anyway. They're dead and there isn't a damned thing anyone can do about it. Let's look at this for a moment. What is really going on here? I tell a joke. Perhaps it's a sick joke. Perhaps it's a really sick joke. You start to laugh. Maybe you cut yourself off, or maybe some one of these anal-retentive self-appointed arbitors cuts in with a ``That's not funny...'' And then you feel ashamed. WHY? Because you survived and the other guy didn't? Because you perhaps were thinking to yourself ``Hey, I still have my house. They're in the street huddled in the rain. *I* survived with all my stuff intact. That's all that matters.'' Is this something to ashamed of? That the dice happened to roll your way this particular time? I say no. Dammit, you survived; take some joy in it. Laugh. Laugh, and then get on with your lives. If you're worried this might possibly cause you to forget, don't; I guarantee that you won't. If you can't see the absurdity in all of it anyway... we've got a large group of people out there who from now on will studiously avoid sleeping in a lower bunk, who will carefully decline when offered a slice from the bottom section of a wedding cake,... Sorry, ma'am, no more Oreo cookies for me, thank you. Anyone for PANCAKES? How about WAFFLES? With boysenberry syrup? Oooooo, yum! Now I have to figure out how I'm going to make it through breakfast this morning.... Maybe I'll take some moderate-sized packing carton, paint it black, with "16 TONS" in big white letters on the side of it, and hang it over my desk. I feel good; I'm going to go out and stomp on some ants. Why? Because I can. And they can't. I'm much bigger than they are. Bad taste? Assuredly. Stupid? Maybe that, too. > Yes, Thane, I am playing god. I suggest that for each submission of > quake relief in the form of a joke, one submit a suitable donation of > quake relief of, well, greater utility. Roger, then, is in the red. BULLSHIT! Let's get a few things straight here: 1. I have told sick jokes. I will probably continue to tell sick jokes. I think it is, in *certain* situations, even beneficial to do so. Though I suppose, if I really wanted to be consistent about this, I'd force them down people's throats much more than I'm currently inclined to do. But I'm only human and as such have trouble being completely consistent. Not to mention that I do occasionally care what sort of opinions other people have of me... While I may be doing them a service by getting them pissed off at me and diverting them from their own troubles, I often can't bring myself to really do it right (or at all in many cases... unfortunate, but true... I suppose to some of you that's actually a *fortunate* thing. Perhaps, for the sake of any future career I might have, that *is* a fortunate thing...). When I do defer to other people's sensibilities and they still insist on bypassing the warnings I put up and get upset at what I wrote, well,... I really can't have a whole lot of sympathy for them. 2. When I said above that it's okay not to feel ashamed, that is quite different from saying that it's okay to ignore the people that *did* get fucked over this time around. I may indeed give Anil a contribution, or I may head down to the local Red Cross and do it myself, but here's the important thing: If I do it at all, I will do it because it will help people. And for that reason only. I will not do it out of any sense of guilt. I will not do it as any kind of act of contrition. Not that there aren't things that I've done in my life that of which I feel guilty or ashamed; there certainly are. But when all is said and done, said acts will remain. They are just not relevant here, that's all. Roger ps. One last thing that I should probably mention about that joke: It's only mine in the sense that I decided to post it and take the heat for it; I didn't actually make it up. I probably would have put in a credit except that I couldn't remember who had actually said it and I figured I probably wouldn't be doing him a favor, anyway. In any case, I have since heard a much better version of it... ========================= Message neon-era:714 From: bthomas@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Becky Thomas) Subject: Another earthquake joke Date: 23 Oct 89 18:22:42 GMT Got this one from my mother - apologies if it's not sick enough. Right after the earthquake, George Bush called Dan Quayle and told him to go survey the epicenter. So Quayle got on the next place to Orlando, Florida. Becky PS I side with Roger on the utility of "sick" jokes after a disaster - but then probably most who read this bboard do too. -- -- Becky Thomas bthomas@cs.stanford.edu ========================= Message neon-era:715 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: sick? sick? SICK???? (was Re: shaky ground) Date: 23 Oct 89 19:14:46 GMT Yipes! Sorry Rog. I apologize to Roger for seeming like I was scolding him; actually it was more a call for both types of relief than a suggestion that we stop either. Calling Rog's joke sick was not an attempt by me to squelch sick jokes, and the "tell a joke, make a donation" thing was a gimmick. Any resemblance to a Catholic sin-penance pattern should not be taken seriously; we are all confirmed G_orgists here, are we not? Anyway, I am still collecting donations. See my message on csd.bboard. One of our number has already made a very large anonymous cash contribution! (Seriously.) Thank you whoever you are. --anil. ------- who? ========================= Message neon-era:716 From: crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: sick? sick? SICK???? (was Re: shaky ground) Date: 24 Oct 89 09:20:09 GMT <12605@polya.Stanford.EDU> In-reply-to: gangolli@wolvesden's message of 23 Oct 89 19:14:46 GMT In article <12605@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: > Yipes! Sorry Rog. I apologize to Roger for seeming like I was > scolding him. I'll apologize (again) to Anil for seeming to have bitten his head off. I had already guessed that he wasn't being entirely serious. For all of my diatribe against the anal-retentive/Miss-Manners/ ultra-propriety types, I'll have to admit that it actually is fun to go into Righteous Mode every once in a while (witness my last posting). = = = = = Latest BOZO@Amdahl Bulletin = = = = = Evidently not satisfied with the response from the CSD-CF folks, he called up the University VP Office of Information Resources and talked to one of the AVP's there, who, in turn, sent me a note, ``from one individual to another,'' indicating his concurrence that posting that joke was an insensitive thing to have done. I sent a (very polite --- strenuous effort on my part) reply to which I have yet to hear anything, though it was probably after he had gone home for the day. We'll see. One heartening part was the quote he put at the end of his message: ``I disagree with what you say, but I defend your right to say it.'' Not entirely original, but interesting in light of the events of the past year. Recall that this is the Office that originally instituted the rec.humor.funny ban. Then again, this wasn't Bob Street Himself, but someone under him who might well have been outnumbered in the original decision. For those of you who were wondering, the joke in question is in <35918@looking.on.ca> on rec.humor.funny. The improved version appears in article <14931@haddock.ima.isc.com> in the midst of a totally unrelated discussion on rec.humor.d -- Roger ========================= Message neon-era:717 From: crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: sick? sick? SICK???? (was Re: shaky ground) Date: 24 Oct 89 18:20:11 GMT <12605@polya.Stanford.EDU> More on BOZO@Amdahl: There's another message I've been thinking about sending him. However, I have the feeling that this would fan the flames quite a bit more than I would like. So I'll send it here first and then see what kind of mood I'm in, later. Comments are welcome. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - (Does anybody here actually know this guy?) Subject: busy, aren't we? I have no doubt that you've spent at least as much effort/time/money on quake relief as you have on trying to get my account pulled. The converse is just too ironic to contemplate. Roger ps. I have no objection to your expressing your opinion (either privately or publically) that I was out of line. I can certainly respect your views without having to agree with them; I'll take feedback from any source as it helps me to clarify my own positions. And I do even change my mind sometimes; it happens. If, as you contend, the vast majority of people were greatly offended by my posting, then you need do nothing, for I will have pretty much hung myself with my own words; people everywhere will scorn me and view me as nothing more than an callous, insensitive geek. This should be an entirely satisfactory outcome from your point of view. But to seek actual sanctions against me... The idea that someone can e.g., lose his/her job for the mere telling of a joke smacks of facism. I will have to consider myself fortunate that Stanford, unlike some other places, holds a relatively enlightened view in these matters, that I do not have to be sure of having the approval of people like yourself before I can dare speak. You can argue that the First Amendment doesn't really apply to Usenet. Fair enough, it doesn't. It is, of course, entirely up to the various companies that actually own the machines. But this is all beside the point. It's all very well to work for a network that is clean, safe, and inoffensive. You mignt even succeed. But then what happens when something *you* want to say, something that you think needs saying, is deemed offensive by someone somewhere? What recourse will you have then? Naturally this will never happen since all of your views are boring, orthodox and mainstream, so nobody will *ever* take offense at anything you say --- I hope, for your sake, that this isn't actually true. Wouldn't it be much better to simply tolerate a few offensive remarks in exchange for the much freer and richer discourse that would then result? In fact, your actions suggest to me a certain insecurity, that you have to go to the relevant authorities to have me removed, than to content yourself with a simple public condemnation. Rather than risk my giving a public defense of what I did, you're content to pull the plug as quickly as possible. What are you afraid of? Or maybe it's just that any such condemnation would have to go in rec.humor.d, which nobody reads. This sort of says something about the overall importance of this little incident. These are JOKES after all; words. In my book, actions speak a hell of a lot louder, and yours have succeeded in offending me. This is something that is rather difficult to do, as any of my friends will be able to attest. Ok, so we've offended each other. Happy? I, for one, am getting *really* tired of this. Can we quit now? ========================= Message neon-era:718 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Re: sick? sick? SICK???? (was Re: shaky ground) Date: 24 Oct 89 19:05:00 GMT In article crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: >More on BOZO@Amdahl: > >There's another message I've been thinking about sending him. >However, I have the feeling that this would fan the flames quite a bit >more than I would like. So I'll send it here first and then see what >kind of mood I'm in, later. Comments are welcome. >To: Greg Bullough > (Does anybody here actually know this guy?) If it's the guy I'm thinking of, he's short, sort of balding, and has a modest beard with far more than his share of dweebishness. He organizes regular Sea Chantey sing-a-longs and an occasional ba.singles nautical activity. Surely one can get a real flame out of that mixed with word twisting and wrapped in some out-of-whole-cloth innuendo. Personally, I think Roger's flame was too tame to send, unless of course Roger doesn't really want to flame, but merely wants it to all go away. The 1st amendment somewhat relevant; the question isn't whether other sites are being forced to carry Roger's joke (they aren't, and Greg is free to ask that they don't), but Greg's attempts to have Roger squelched at the souce because he's written something that others have chosen to carry/read. Whether or not the constitution applies to this kind of interaction between individuals is something best left to individuals with lots of money to give to lawyers. -andy ps - Roger, if you post the joke, the rest of us won't have to grep the relevant news directories for it. At least tell us the polya/neon/go4/cayuga/carcoar/solitary/nimbin specific article numbers (the by-message-id interface is quite clumsy in most newsreaders, but since all of these machines use polya as a news-server, they have the same article numbering). UUCP: {arpa gateways, sun, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu BELLNET: (415) 723-3088 ========================= Message neon-era:719 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Bozos Date: 25 Oct 89 01:47:31 GMT In article <12630@polya.Stanford.EDU> andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) writes: >In article crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: > >>To: Greg Bullough >> (Does anybody here actually know this guy?) > >If it's the guy I'm thinking of, he's short, sort of balding, and has >a modest beard with far more than his share of dweebishness. No, no, no. That's Evan. -- Gidi ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You start talking about jazz, you lose every woman you ever knew" (Wynton Marsalis) ========================= Message neon-era:720 From: crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: sick? sick? SICK???? (was Re: shaky ground) Date: 25 Oct 89 07:42:53 GMT <12605@polya.Stanford.EDU> <12630@polya.Stanford.EDU> In-reply-to: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU's message of 24 Oct 89 19:05:00 GMT In article <12630@polya.Stanford.EDU> andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) writes: > ps - Roger, if you post the joke, the rest of us won't have to grep > the relevant news directories for it. At least tell us the > polya/neon/go4/cayuga/carcoar/solitary/nimbin specific article numbers > (the by-message-id interface is quite clumsy in most newsreaders, but > since all of these machines use polya as a news-server, they have the > same article numbering). Sorry, I keep forgetting; you see, \begin{plug} in GNUS, all you have to do is position the cursor by the message-id given in the text of my article and hit 'r'. \end{plug} Anyway, here's the rec.humor.d posting, which I will then follow with my own rec.humor.funny posting. Actually, the more I look at it the more the joke really seems to suffer from the verbal->written media translation. Oh well, such is life (or death, as the case may be...): ==================================== From: kencr@haddock.ima.isc.com (Kenny Crudup) Subject: Re: Men's Room Manifesto Date: 20 Oct 89 16:28:02 GMT Organization: Interactive Systems, Cambridge MA In article <8910172254.AA09209@en.ecn.purdue.edu> bevis@EE.ECN.PURDUE.EDU (Jeff Bevis) says: >Please explain 'Minasized'. I've been hearing this terminology, derived >from the root word, 'Minas', but I have yet to understand it. Minas Spetsakis was some guy who discovered usenet's wreck.humor and decided to post what possibly were funny jokes. However, there was one problem: I don't really believe Mr. Spetsakis was a native English speaker. :-) Therefore, all his jokes seemed like they were heard from English, translated back into Greek (?) where they were stored away, then when such time came as he decided to recant them, translated back into English, and posted, using the best version of our language available to him at the time. Kinda like storing a double into an int and casting that back into a float. >What is characterized my 'Minasization'? (If anyone with the foresight to save away the original MinasGrams could post a couple now, it would be appreciated) Pretty much getting things all wrong. For example, the following joke: Q. Did you hear what they are going to do with California's Highway 880 until they can build a new one? A. Put up a bunch of one-way signs and call it Highway 440. Would be Minasized into something like: Q. Guess what they are to do with the road that is broken? A. Divide it in half and tell people the other way to go. (Bad example, maybe, but you get the idea. The sentence structure is maligned. Relevant setup information is left out. The joke makes no sense, or is humorless, but if a concept or word were substituted, maybe....) >Who is Minas, where did he go? Well, after all the criticism, I guess into self-exile. Pity. I used to get a laugh from the Minasations. -- Kenneth R. Crudup, Contractor, Interactive Systems Co.(386/ix), Cambridge MA I can't feel that great about a state whose first letters are "massa".... Phone (617) 661 7474 x238 {encore, harvard, spdcc, think}!ima!haddock!kencr kencr@ima.ima.isc.com ================================== From: crew@neon.stanford.edu (Roger Crew) Subject: earthquake reconstruction plans Keywords: topical, sick, chuckle Date: 19 Oct 89 07:20:10 GMT {ed Warning -- a little bit sick.} I just saw the latest bulletin from the California DOT (Dept. of Transportation for the uninitiated). The freeways are currently a mess, but there are some bright spots. It turns out that it will be only a few days before they find something to fill the current gap in the SF-Oakland Bay Bridge (this is rather surprising to me; I didn't think they actually kept spare bridge sections lying around). The section of I-880 in Oakland is, however, going to take quite a bit longer to fix. For now, they've settled for renumbering it to I-440. -- ========================= Message neon-era:721 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: why the quake? Date: 25 Oct 89 16:40:48 GMT From clari.news.sex.lies.magtape <33792@polya>: SAN FRANCISO -- Men throughout the Bay Area experienced a sudden jump in virility Tuesday, report several of their female companions. ``I felt the earth move,'' said one. ------ Thane claims he had just finished proving a theorem; needless to say, an earthshaking result. ------ Akiro's ability to predict quakes seems to be improving. He predicted the 4.4 aftershock yesterday, a mere minute after it occurred. On the other hand, perhaps I have been misinterpreting the timing of his predictions. The last sign could in fact be a prediction much in advance of an impending quake. The USGS concurs with the Akiro-pup. They have released a prediction that with 50/50 odds we will have another substantial (>= 5.0 R) quake between now and Christmas. Now, that's a wonder-pup! --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:722 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: You send me Date: 25 Oct 89 17:09:29 GMT In article <12655@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >From clari.news.sex.lies.magtape <33792@polya>: > >SAN FRANCISO -- Men throughout the Bay Area experienced a sudden jump >in virility Tuesday, report several of their female companions. ``I >felt the earth move,'' said one Always wanted to be a reporter, but how, I mean, HOW do you hit on a story like THAT? I mean what's your initial source? Who do you start inteviewing to get the facts? Do these UPI people have a rolodex with names of people who are trend setters in sexual activity? By the way, it's called "life-affirming activity". It's caused by the proximity of death, not by the six-point-nine vibrator. Now let's see if I can get 5 lines here... -- -- Gidi ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You start talking about jazz, you lose every woman you ever knew" (Wynton Marsalis) ========================= Message neon-era:723 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: My dot-sig Date: 25 Oct 89 20:25:55 GMT The Shosh-lady asked me who I tried to talk to about jazz. Read the quote carefully, Miz Wolf: You don't have to talk TO THEM about jazz, you just have to talk about it some time, some where. Arivederci, -- ~~~~~~~~~\ Gidi /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You start talking about jazz, you lose every woman you ever knew" (Wynton Marsalis) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ========================= Message neon-era:724 From: les@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Les Earnest) Subject: Re: sick? sick? SICK???? (was Re: shaky ground) Date: 25 Oct 89 23:25:23 GMT I suggest writing a short letter to the President of Amdahl protesting the attempted censorship and inquiring whether they support the use of their facilities for political activities of this type. I would be happy to cosign such a letter as would a number of other people, I suspect. It might be a good idea to send a copy to President Kennedy and the interested underling, for their information. Les Earnest Phone: 415 941-3984 Internet: Les@Sail.Stanford.edu USMail: 12769 Dianne Dr. UUCP: . . . decwrl!Sail.Stanford.edu!Les Los Altos Hills, CA 94022 ========================= Message neon-era:725 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: sick? sick? SICK???? (was Re: shaky ground) Date: 26 Oct 89 16:30:35 GMT Yow! LES reads this newsgoup? My, how we've grown! Perhaps our recent rise on the local usenet statistics is not measurement error. --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:726 From: sherry@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) Subject: Sickness -- a follow-up Date: 26 Oct 89 16:47:19 GMT The following is from the Transportation Information section of the SIAM SODA conference program: From the Airport: Take 101 North until the freeway splits. -- Sherry. (courtesy of Oren P.) ========================= Message neon-era:727 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Crew @ 1 Ghz Date: 26 Oct 89 18:00:23 GMT According to NPR, the normal healthy reaction to the earthquake is (1) Tell about your own story. (2) Eventually, start retelling other peoples stories. (3) Finally: telling enhanced stories and jokes. Roger just runs at a faster clock rate than our 1 Hz Amdahl friend. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:728 From: plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: Golg and his recent postings Keywords: Golg Date: 26 Oct 89 18:10:53 GMT If you cancel the A, N, I, and L from Anil's last name, you are left (after rearrangement) with ``Golg.'' I have a proof using generating functions. Conjecture: no one else has a name which cancels so interestingly. I invite you all to THE NP CLAMBAKE. ========================= Message neon-era:729 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Golg and his recent postings Keywords: Golg Date: 26 Oct 89 18:42:10 GMT My father's name: Ramesh Gangolli Drop: h m s a n i l, and get reGgo. Rearrange: George. Conclude: I am the Messiah. --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:730 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: Golg and his recent postings Keywords: Golg Date: 26 Oct 89 21:01:09 GMT In article <12688@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >Drop: h m s a n i l The Curious One was taken out of Africa by ship. Could the name of the ship have been "HMS Anil", perhaps? If so, that would just about clinch Anil's messiah-hood. This would also have other great theological implications: For example, this means that G__rg_ was taken to *England* and not to the good old U.S. Yet I'm confident that the books show cars driving on the right hand side of the street. Perhaps the drawings were mirror imaged? If so, by who and for what purpose? Maybe I'll have to check for U.S. flags or other signs. Is so, how did he get from England to the US? I hope this doesn't lead to a schism. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:731 From: plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: Urban stress series, part I: The Haircut. Keywords: Golg, Haircut, Golgian Haircut Apparatus Date: 26 Oct 89 22:41:41 GMT I get my haircut at The Haircut in the Stanford Shopping Center. Do you go there? If so, you may have suffered the following Urban Stress Event: You walk in, let's say Wednesday morning, about 10am. There is only 1 person waiting, but there is also only one person cutting hair. The only other obvious employee in the shop is the cashier. You approach the desk, and are told that the waiting time is ``1 and half hours, at least,'' and it is suggested that ``you leave your name, and then come back.'' Looking at the desk, however, you find that although 7 other people are already on the Haircut Queue, only 1 is actually present in the shop. A thought flashes across your brain: ``I will put down my name, and wait. Maybe the others won't come back in time.'' (This is the fatal error). You sit down and hope no one shows before the current client and the one person ahead of you are done. As the first person pays and the second takes his place in the chair, the stress begins to build. If the current haircut were to complete now, you would be next in the chair (this is official Haircut policy). After about a minute, however, the store door opens, and someone walks in. You are crestfallen, but no! This is a new person, not an old one, and he must take his place behind you in line. The pressure continues to build. Another person walks in, and he does have a place in line ahead of you. But because there are 4 other phantoms ahead of him on the list, the clerk estimates ``1 hour.'' You know none of these four people are in the shop, but the new guy assumes you and the other new guy to be ahead of him, so he gets discouraged and leaves, (thinking he'll come back in 40 minutes.) The clerk, who considers none of these points, does not tell him how unwise he is to leave, and you know the current haircut is rapidly drawing to a close, but Fate smiles and he leaves just at the last moment, the haircut finishes, you stand with your coat to take the chair, and---SOMEONE ELSE WALKS IN. Checking the list, the clerk finds he is ahead of you, so the cup is dashed from your lips and you sit down again. I was on the verge of jumping to the front of the line in this way three times yesterday morning, but each time I suffered bitter disappointment as someone came back at the last moment. Because people pop into the shop so frequently, it seems likely that others may have suffered even more than me... ========================= Message neon-era:732 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Golg and his recent postings Keywords: Golg Date: 26 Oct 89 22:56:13 GMT In article <12696@polya.Stanford.EDU> ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) writes: >I hope this doesn't lead to a schism. *I* hope this doesn't lead to a crucifixion. :-) --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:733 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Urban stress series, part II: queues Keywords: stress Date: 27 Oct 89 17:25:42 GMT Queues mean stress. Case in point: You are standing in line. You define its beginning and its end by your position, or so you expect. The teller or server is busy with someone, and is paying no attention to the queue (you). It is not clear whether the teller has even noticed that you are there. In comes another guy. This guy is clearly in a hurry. He fidgets. He looks at his watch. You notice he is casually but well dressed, and he has a certain middle-class honest look. You are in your usual grad student garb, and your beard needs trimming; you could also use a haircut. He stands in line. That is, he stands just to your left, and almost, yes, in fact, just a tad closer to the teller. It is clear that he recognizes that you are in line, that you were there first. You know it would be superfluous to point this out. Though he hasn't quite accorded you your rightful place at the head of the line, he seems to acknowledge your presence. The teller, who has up to this time been oblivious to the queue, just now looks up. Quickly, you realize that the stranger appears to be the head of the line. And that honest look. And your appearance. Stress. --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:734 From: bthomas@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Becky Thomas) Subject: Re: Urban stress series, part II: queues Keywords: stress Date: 27 Oct 89 18:18:43 GMT In article <12724@polya.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >Queues mean stress. Case in point: > > That is, he stands just to your left, >and almost, yes, in fact, just a tad closer to the teller. It is >clear that he recognizes that you are in line, that you were there >first. You know it would be superfluous to point this out. Though he >hasn't quite accorded you your rightful place at the head of the line, >he seems to acknowledge your presence. No problem. You look into the middle distance, yawn, and shift your weight to your left foot, which you have slid slightly in front of this yuppie. This moves you slightly, and apparently accidentally (especially if you haven't shown any recognition of said yuppie's presence), in front of him. Then you look around and "notice" this person behind you. When I use this maneuver, Mr/Ms Yuppie nearly always takes a step to the right, properly behind me. I highly recommend it. (Once in a while, the yup looks like he/she would like to make some snide comment, but after all, what have you done that would bear reproof?) Becky -- -- Becky Thomas bthomas@cs.stanford.edu ========================= Message neon-era:735 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Urban stress series, part II: queues Keywords: stress Date: 27 Oct 89 19:07:56 GMT In article <12728@polya.Stanford.EDU> bthomas@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Becky Thomas) writes: >When I use this maneuver, Mr/Ms Yuppie nearly >always takes a step to the right, properly behind me. > >I highly recommend it. (Once in a while, the yup looks like he/she >would like to make some snide comment, but after all, what have you >done that would bear reproof?) Urban stress, nonetheless, has already arisen; I am not so concerned with the difficulty of dealing with it, (which is often only slight), as with its vexing propensity to pop up in even the simplest of urban social interactions. Wouldn't you say, Thane? --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:736 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: dog daze Keywords: Presenting the Amazing Ki-ki Bow Bow! Date: 27 Oct 89 19:22:16 GMT In article 2678 of csd.bboard, Vaughan Pratt writes: >Subject: Re: Space issues in MJH. >This doesn't mean that the department has to work out the division. >This can be done as at present, or by Anil's dog, or whatever. My dog has decided to give me Cheriton's office. Thane goes to Pratt's office. Cheriton goes to Thane's cubicle in 402. Pratt gets my semi-desk in 402. Effective immediately, says the pup. Just think of the amazing collaborations that could ensue with Pratt and Cheriton in the same office! --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:737 From: eswolf@polya.Stanford.EDU (Elizabeth Wolf) Subject: Anil's dog as space cadet Date: 27 Oct 89 20:16:34 GMT I think we're dealing with a power behind the throne here. A pup-pet ruler? (Gag). ========================= Message neon-era:738 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Anil, stress and Israel Date: 27 Oct 89 20:51:57 GMT Anil, you wouldn't like Israel. The concept of queuing is considered effete Americanism. If the server and you have established eye contact and you have openned your mouth as a preperatory to issuing requests and fiats, a person can still interject himself physically between you and the server and he will be served before you. If you are waiting for the last bus out of Jerusalem before bus service stops for the observation of the Sabbath and you have secured the first place on the putative queue you will feel like a rock in a stream when the bus comes. This all sounds a bit negative. There is one redeeming feature - a quaint word to be learned - the word "Slee-khah" (where the kh is as in Bach) translates as "excuse me," but in practice means "out of my way sluggo." As you take firm purchase of the grandmother occupying the last available seat on the bus and push her down the steps -- you can say "slee-khah" and you are squared with convention. This can be used to great effect upon your return to the states though you must get accustomed to aghast looks. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message neon-era:739 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Thane's Fortune / Advice to Entering First Years Keywords: vanity, emptiness Date: 28 Oct 89 17:08:57 GMT Thane got the following fortune the other day. Say it 3 or four times in different accents to get the full effect: Listen not to vain words of empty tongue. --anil. ------ Confuse-us. ========================= Message neon-era:740 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: time warp Date: 29 Oct 89 01:17:17 GMT Some time ago, I posted an excerpt entitled Time Zero Consigned to Hell. This message has nothing to do with that, and it would be silly to think it did. I just wanted to make that clear. What exactly happens at 2am Sunday morning, the precise moment when our clocks are supposed to be set back 1 hour? Does 2am vanish? Is it in fact 1am? (So are there two 1ams Sunday Morning?) Or perhaps, 2am is there, but 2:01 is not. Suppose you are to catch a bus at 2am, but you arrive a minute late. Has it left? Should it have? After all, it is 1:01am and you're almost an hour early. Is it specified in the act of Congress (or whatever) that governs daylight savings time? Can you call the FBI to enforce it? "Wait driver, or I'll call the FBI." One of you smart-alecs (or perhaps Alex) will know the answer, or think you do. In New York, or somewhere stupid like that, I hear they stop the subways for an hour, right where they happen to be at the time warp moment. (This was reported in the Wall Street Journal a year or two ago, at about this time.) --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:741 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: hierarchy Date: 30 Oct 89 17:46:58 GMT It is empire-building time, time to grow. We got our own newsgroup long ago. Now we should have our own hierarchy. Hell, every class gets its own newsgroup now. We want our own hierarchy now. Some suggestions. su.roger-or-andy.roger-and-andy -- for the few topics they both are interested in. This would be mostly messages about Cerebus. su.roger-or-andy.ge_rge -- for postings about the Curio_s O_e in all His Glory. su.roger-or-andy.quotes -- for quotes (Q's, W's, NYQ's, etc.) su.roger-or-andy.quakes -- for postings, predictions, theories, and highway numbering. su.roger-or-andy.humor.d -- for discussion about jokes su.roger-or-andy.humor.d.d -- for discussion about discussion about jokes Note: there is NO su.roger-or-andy.humor -- we are a very serious bunch su.roger-or-andy.misc -- for other things su.roger-or-andy.etc -- for making fun of posters on su.etc behind their backs. Of course, we would appoint LES honorary silent moderator for all of them. --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:742 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Golg and his recent postings Keywords: Golg, Golgi bodies Date: 30 Oct 89 17:53:49 GMT Thane, look up Golgi bodies in any good cell biology book. Report back to us. I've forgotten just what they are. --anil. ----- Golgi body. ========================= Message neon-era:743 From: plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: Sentence of the Day, 30 Oct 1989. Date: 30 Oct 89 18:25:45 GMT Secret Prong: None Keywords: Golg ``On a scale from one to ten, it really wasn't very good.'' ========================= Message neon-era:744 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: ZZ Date: 30 Oct 89 23:37:46 GMT From the 4th floor bulletin board --- INTERNSHIP OPPORTUNITY Background: Our company develops interactive television programming for the Interactive Terminal, a device that allows television audiences to be in touch with the broadcast program. We are working to bring interactive programming in the fields of education, sports, game shows, and public affairs. Qualifications: Motivated persons interested in a unique area of the media. Must be able to work with computers for information management. Strong writing skills needed and an interest in trivia games and questions a big asset. Duties: 10 to 15 hours/week. Creation of new interactive programs in the fields of education and game shows, writing multiple choice questions, and using and modifying a simple database program for information entry. Shows on our current project list include: Wheel of Fortune Jeopardy Nightline Square One Television Remote Control Wage: minimum to negotiable. -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message neon-era:745 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Motherfuckers Date: 1 Nov 89 19:18:10 GMT From "Science as Creature Of Cultural Biases" by Sandra Harding Carolyn Merchant, who wrote a book called ``Death of Nature,'' and Evelyn Keller's collection of papers called ''Reflections on Gender & Science'' talk about the important role that sexual metaphors played in the development of modern science. They see these notions of dominating mother nature by the good husband scientist. If we put it in the most blatant feminist terms used today, we'd talk about marital rape, the husband as scientist forcing nature to his wishes. (see today's SF Chronicle, Briefing section, page 8, for background) -- Gidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hell, if you understand everything I say, you'd be me!" (Miles Davis) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ========================= Message neon-era:746 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: un blurb Date: 3 Nov 89 20:37:55 GMT * AD OF THE WEEK [From the Santa Fe New Mexican] TOP NEW Restaurant looking for experienced Sioux Chef with continental cuisine experience. ========================= Message neon-era:747 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: SPY quiz Keywords: spock, tunes Date: 4 Nov 89 17:13:02 GMT I'm not usually given to re-posting from the big big boards but this one was good. Article 31623 of rec.humor: From: howells@xenon.arc.nasa.gov (John Howells) Subject: Name That Tune, Mr. Spock NAME THAT TUNE, MR. SPOCK! This is from SPY magazine, November 1989. The object is to determine the correct titles for the following songs given in Spockese. [I've given the solutions to the first two as examples. --anil.] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- This celebratory gathering occurs at my behest and I shall be lachrymose if it so befits me. [It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.] She chooses to purchase a terraced incline directed toward a post-life paradisiacal region. [(She's Buying a) Stairway to Heaven.] I request that you prevent a large, glowing orb consisting of incandescent gas from committing fellatio upon my person. The leather coverings now encasing my pedal extremities have been manufactured for the specific purpose of ambulatory forward motion. Allow me the honor of portraying for you a miniaturized representation of a member of the family Ursidae of the order Carnivora. Adieu, jaundiced vehicular pathway consisting of bricks of baked clay. You provide illumination for the period of time delimited by my nativity and the complete cessation of my metabolic functions. And we will engage in much jubilant activity until such time as the male parent chooses to repossess her vehicle of motorized transport. The deity had little or nothing to do with the manufacture of minuscule viridescent seed-bearing fruits. Express deep affection towards yours truly in the manner of a hardened igneous object. Please remove yourself from the immediate vicinity of my visible collection of minute water particles, Dr. McCoy. ========================= Message neon-era:748 From: morris@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Kate Morris) Subject: Pro-Choice Alliance Daily ad Date: 7 Nov 89 19:53:01 GMT I'm sending this to su.roger-or-andy because: 1. It's a great newsgroup. 2. I share an office with Roger and Andy, so I feel it's *almost* my newsgroup. 3. I don't know anyone who reads su.etc anymore. 4. Andy signed it. -Kate The ProChoice Alliance at Stanford is collecting signatures to appear in an ad in the Stanford Daily a week from today. There will also be a rally in White Plaza on that day (Tuesday, 11/14.) I have a copy of the text of the ad, and am collecting signatures. Since a full-page Daily ad costs over $1000, we are asking for a donation of at least a dollar to help pay for the ad, and support on-going work of the Pro-Choice Alliance. The text reads: On November 12, hundreds of thousands of women and men marched in Washington DC and around the country in support of women's reproductive freedom. We, the undersigned, strongly support these demonstrations. It must be the right of all women to make their own reproductive decisions, and this right must include access to safe, legal abortion. This fall, the U.S. Supreme Court will be ruling on several cases concerning the right to abortion. We strongly oppose any attempt by the court to use these cases to overturn Roe v. Wade, or to further erode the right to abortion that it established. Women's right to choose has already been restricted by legislation restricting public funding for abortion, and mandating parental consent to abortion for minors. We urge all concerned persons to join together to oppose these and similar restrictions at the state and national level. We must not and will not return to the days of illegal, back alley abortions that took the lives of thousands of women. ------------------------------- Stop by my office (MJH 450) if you'd like to sign the ad; I also have extra copies if you'd like to collect signatures. Call me (725-1441 or 327-1003) or send e-mail if you want more info. The PCA is tabling every day this week in White Plaza, if that's more convenient for you. Thanks, -Kate ========================= Message neon-era:749 From: crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Pro-Choice Alliance Daily ad Date: 7 Nov 89 21:34:31 GMT In-reply-to: morris@carcoar.Stanford.EDU's message of 7 Nov 89 19:53:01 GMT In article <1989Nov7.195301.850@Neon.Stanford.EDU> morris@carcoar.Stanford.EDU (Kate Morris) writes: > > I'm sending this to su.roger-or-andy because: > 4. Andy signed it. and Roger will probably sign it shortly, even though Roger is the sort of abortion-rights supporter that the abortion-rights people might well prefer to keep securely locked in a back room someplace. I don't suppose there's going to be any attempt to get this into a *real* newspaper (e.g., the Comical or the Murky News...)...?? Roger (wow, that's TWO topics for su.roger-AND-andy). ========================= Message neon-era:750 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Roger the Pro-Choicer Date: 7 Nov 89 21:55:43 GMT In article crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: >... Roger >is the sort of abortion-rights supporter that the abortion-rights >people might well prefer to keep securely locked in a back room >someplace. Sounds kinky. May I ask why? -- Gidi -------------------------------------------------- ========================= Message neon-era:751 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Re: Abortion Rights, Republicans and stuff Date: 7 Nov 89 22:00:13 GMT I suppose if I were forced at gun point to choose a political affiliation it would be Democrat though I like to think of myself as a strong proponent of the "alternate the bums" school of thought. So perhaps I see it through a narrow view but I think that members of all parties should rejoice to see Republicans hoisted by the abortion issue petard in obscure places like the Virginia gov race. (I hope I'm not jumping the gun here). Why so? To know that there are political tides that cause single-issue politics to not work in perpetuity, to me that's comforting. In fact, I would take it as a splendid re-affirmation of the robustness of the American system if the appeal-to-race-consciousness trick and the grab-the-flag-boys trick both backfired horribly in the decade to come. -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message neon-era:752 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: words are stupid, words are fun, words can keep you on the run Date: 8 Nov 89 17:25:42 GMT Seen in yesterday's Wall Street Journal: Telegenic and straight-talking, Mr. Ishihara .... --- webster: trying server at next.stanford.edu...connected. tele.ge.nic \,tel--'jen-ik, -'jn-\ adj (1939) :having an appearance and manner that are markedly attractive to television viewers --- Well it was either that or "looks good from far away." By the way, I think Merriam-Webster goofed. How many people had television sets in 1939? --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:753 From: andy@Gang-of-Four.Stanford.EDU (Andy Freeman) Subject: Re: words are stupid, words are fun, words can keep you on the run Date: 8 Nov 89 18:10:51 GMT In article <1989Nov8.172958.24580@Neon.Stanford.EDU> gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) writes: >tele.ge.nic \,tel--'jen-ik, -'jn-\ adj (1939) > :having an appearance and manner that are markedly attractive to > television viewers > >Well it was either that or "looks good from far away." By the way, I >think Merriam-Webster goofed. How many people had television sets in >1939? --anil. On the other hand, the word may have been invented by someone who knew about TV, even though it wouldn't be useful immediately. Lending credence to this guess is the fact that telegenic is less common than the usefulness of its definition suggests. -andy -- UUCP: {arpa gateways, sun, decwrl, uunet, rutgers}!polya.stanford.edu!andy ARPA: andy@polya.stanford.edu BELLNET: (415) 723-3088 ========================= Message neon-era:754 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: Genics Date: 8 Nov 89 19:47:25 GMT Curiously enough, photogenicity, according to Webst, implies no effect on the viewer. Or does it. Word: photogenic pho.to.ge.nic \,ft--'jen-ik, -'jn-\ adj (ca. 1847) 1: produced or precipitated by light 2: producing or generating light: PHOSPHORESCENT 3: suitable for being photographed -- pho.to.ge.ni.cal.ly \-i-k(-)l\adv -- Gidi -------------------------------------------------- ========================= Message neon-era:755 From: gidi@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Gidi Avrahami) Subject: No comment Keywords: Educate, Survive, No Smoke, Sign Language, Childcare Date: 8 Nov 89 21:04:48 GMT If you don't read any of the following newsgroups, here's what you missed: Article 640 of ba.music: Newsgroups: ba.music,ba.singles,soc.rights.human,soc.singles,ucb.general Subject: FAT LIP Readers' Theatre: La Pena Nov 12, 3:00 Reply-To: c7s-au@buddy.Berkeley.EDU (Avery Ray Colter) Organization: University of California, Berkeley Lines: 51 Hey, hey, check this out! A troupe called FAT LIP is gonna be playing at La Pen~a. Basically a group of fat women who have put together an anthology of poems, skits, stories, songs, parodies and memoirs about being a fat woman in our society, and about the things they do to survive and to educate others. ----------------------------------------------------- "Look at that fat woman." What a joke! Not the woman, but the statement. Which did you see first, the fat, or the woman??? When I look at a fat woman, I look to see her soul. I look to see if she's smiling, or trying to hide. I look to see if she strides along, her head held high; Or slides along in shame and guilt. When I see a fat woman, I gaze into her soul. It burns deep in her eyes. Look at that fat woman. What a joke. Not the woman. BUT THE STATEMENT. --------------------------------------------------------- La Pen~a Cultural Center 3105 Shattuck Ave., phone 849-2568 Sunday November 12 at 3:00 P.M. $7-$12 sliding, no one turned away for lack of funds. Interpreted in American Sign Language No Smoke Scents or Perfumes Wheelchair Accessible Childcare available with 48 hr notice, call 337-1629 Avery Ray Colter (415) 451-7786 | Now, class, repeat after me: {apple|ucbvax|lll-winken}!well!avery _ | ICH LIEBE DIE BELEIBTEN LEIBEN avery@well.sf.ca.us | UND HUPFENDE HUEFTE HABE ICH GERN! -- ~~~~~~~~~\ Gidi /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You start talking about jazz, you lose every woman you ever knew" (Wynton Marsalis) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ========================= Message neon-era:756 From: plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: Carlyle on thesis writing? Date: 9 Nov 89 00:20:05 GMT Secret Prong: Golg Expires: Followup-To: Keywords: Golg Some inspirational words of Thomas Carlyle, for the thesis-writing amongst us: o Writing is a dreadful Labor, yet not so dreadful as Idleness. o The stupidity I labor under is extreme. All dislocated, prostrated, obfuscated; cannot even speak, much less write. What a dogged piece of toil lies before me, before I get afoot again! Set doggedly to it then. o The whole thing I want to write seems lying in my mind; but I cannot get my eye on it. The Machine is lazy, languid; the motive principle cannot conquer the Inertia. o ...this is a problem which some centuries may be taken up in solving. o Ought any writing to be transacted with such intense difficulty? Does not the True always flow lightly from the lips and pen? I am not clear in this matter; which is a deeply practical one with me... o Time flies; while thou balancest a sentence, thou are nearer the final Period. o This however, I must say for myself: It is seldom or never the Phraseology, but always the Insight, that fails me, and retards me. ========================= Message neon-era:757 From: ashok@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ashok Subramanian) Subject: gripe Date: 9 Nov 89 01:58:33 GMT `rn' always seemed pretty brain-damaged to me. Here I am, running the blessed thing, and first thing off, it checks for new newsgroups. Doesn't even ask your say-so. Takes pretty darned long, what with the current state of Neon and all. Then it comes up with this long list of unheard-of-and-I-couldn't-care-less-if-they-remained-unheard-of newsgroups that I patiently ask it to stuff away at the end of my .newsrc file. This is supposed to be a cute trick, designed to outwit the program; supposedly you won't be asked about that newsgroup again. OK, so here I am, tagging along, cool as a bug, when rn gripes about bogus newsgroups in my .newsrc file. Eeeeee, what nefarious creatures are these, and how did they get in? Smart program, at least it caught them before it's too late. So there it goes deleting them, while I wait and wait and decide what I'll cook for dinner tomorrow night, for the potluck, you know, and count the keys on my keyboard. All 91 of them. All of four ways. Now of course, the next time around, it will ask to add them on again... then I'll be firm and say no. But then it'll keep asking, like a little loveless child that wants some candy. Why am I posting this? Well, where else can you gripe to your heart's content? --ashok ========================= Message neon-era:758 From: crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Eastern Europe Date: 10 Nov 89 04:30:25 GMT Can somebody please tell me what the f*** is going on?? The most convincing explanation I've heard thus far is that the Bad Fairy has fallen asleep on the couch and the Good Fairy snuck in, made a few changes to the source and did a quick recompile. Or maybe it's all a joke. Tomorrow they start work on walls for the Polish and Czech borders. Roger (thinks we're closer to World War III than ever) ========================= Message neon-era:759 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: thought for the day Date: 11 Nov 89 19:41:06 GMT Fantasic Four #292, page 4 She-Hulk: "Say, has anyone else noticed the way time travel impact on the language? What's the correct tense for describing past events that haven't happened yet?" Human Torch: "I noticed that myself, big green. But proper English is the least of our worries..." -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:760 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: Eastern Europe Date: 11 Nov 89 23:54:29 GMT In article crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) writes: >Can somebody please tell me what the f*** is going on?? From today's SF Chron: "One man returning from the West yelled out of the window of his car to his countrymen going in the opposite direction: ``Hurry, hurry, McDonald's is still open.''" It is no accident that this unrest coincides with the introduction of McDonald's newest offering, the McRib sandwich. Right Tracy? -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:761 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: erogenous zones Date: 13 Nov 89 05:28:01 GMT Driving through the Middle Avenue subjam of the Menlo jam the other day, I heard the following portion of a radio commercial for a TV show. Sexy female voice: "That spot on my back that your touching? It's an erogenous zone." Typical announcer voice: "Everything you wanted to know about aliens but were afraid to ask. Monday night on Fox." Now this precise topic had not crossed my mind. (Ramsey's, perhaps, but only with regards to blue Star Trek women.) Assuming, however, that aliens might share a symmetric interest, perhaps we should have included a map of human erogenous zones in the SETI message we beamed out. Right in there with the primes. Thane? --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:762 From: plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: ABC News signoff Keywords: Golg Date: 13 Nov 89 18:22:06 GMT The ABC News signoff goes ``ABC News---where more Americans get their news than from any other source.'' It seems to me that the head and torso of one sentence have been jammed onto the legs of another here, creating an otherworldly effect. Or is it OK, Grammaticallywise? Golg? ========================= Message neon-era:763 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Yo! Date: 14 Nov 89 06:50:04 GMT Evan! What's up? You stuck in some line in Israel or somethin? Sleekah, my man! Il gabinetto e` libero! Passez au pissoir! Some things can't be put off. The time is now to write to su.rog! --anil. ------- golgi body. ========================= Message neon-era:764 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: That spot on my back your touching? Date: 14 Nov 89 15:30:00 GMT You guys are just too weighty for me - I haven't seen Alien Nation (not to be confused with the sit com about grad school (the homonymic Alienation) but it seems from the ads that the whole show is composed of slight variations on this different creatures schtick ( Any more of this and I'll have to take a hot shower, you mean you need 3 to mate? etc...) Sounds like it would get thinner than a Grxpr stew after a few weeks. // I remember that Dan Rather wanted to end his show with "courage" but this was nixed - he seems to have picked up some other catch phrase though -it was something like - see you on down the road? or something equally rustic.// Well when we celebrate the 50th anniversary of the end of WWII I hope that the Japanese and the Germans send us invitations to the celebrations. It looks like the Russians are headed for a few decades of anarchy and this isn't a bad way to cool off after a couple hundred years of rotten czars and what seemed like a couple hundred years of vicious dictators but Anarchy in Germany is a vacuum - Herr Crew can explain the nuances as well as anyone in the state department. Es is genug herr gangolli?-- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message neon-era:765 From: ramsey@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Ramsey W. Haddad) Subject: Re: That spot on my back your touching? Date: 15 Nov 89 01:54:30 GMT In article <12824@polya.Stanford.EDU> cohn@Polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: > > I haven't seen Alien Nation >but it seems from the ads that the whole show is composed of slight >variations on this different creatures schtick I saw one episode and it was nothing like that. It was centered on a pair of cops, one earthman and one alien. The basic storyline was a simple: "let's track down the slimy murderer ... book him Danno ... Murder 1". It was decorated with a small dollop of different cultures schtick, and with a large dollop of alienist/(racist) indignities for the viewer to abhor. Don't know if this was a typical episode. -- Ramsey W Haddad ========================= Message neon-era:766 From: crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Pro-Choice Alliance Daily ad Date: 15 Nov 89 05:12:10 GMT <1989Nov7.215543.9347@Neon.Stanford.EDU> In-reply-to: crew@CS.Stanford.EDU's message of 7 Nov 89 21:34:31 GMT aaaarrrgh! It's probably just as well that it didn't go in the Murky News: that map is an embarrassment. Figure that the constituents of Rhode Island, East Jersey, Upper Michigan, Alassippi (Georgiabama?), and the Florida Panhandle are now thoroughly alienated. Roger ps. no Gidi, I'm not ignoring you --- not completely, anyway. I suppose that if there were sufficient interest, I could expound on on my position, from which it will become immediately apparent why I wouldn't be doing the ``pro-choice'' movement a favor by speaking at a rally. For now, however, it will suffice to say that mine is the sort of ``pro-choice'' position that the ``pro-life'' people love to hate. Figure that this is one of the 3 or 4 issues on which Lyn Bowman and I agree (I think). Since the mere mention of that name is enough to bring violent convulsions to the stomachs of various and sundry su.r* subscribers, I'll let it go at that... Finding a line of argument likely to be convincing to the ``pro-life'' advocates is a real challenge; I won't even pretend to have an answer at this point (though starting a ``pro-sperm'' movement has definite possibilities...) ========================= Message neon-era:767 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Curious Ashok Date: 15 Nov 89 17:58:42 GMT Having read my .plan, Ashok sends me this missive: > ok, so who's Curious George? > > --ashok Ashok, it is time you visited the public library. Ask the librarian: ``Who is this Curious George fellow that I've been hearing SO much about lately?'' --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:768 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: NYQ Keywords: blurb Source: The New Yorker, Nov. 20, 1989, p. 118 Date: Fri, 17 Nov 89 17:25:54 GMT * ANSWERS TO HARD QUESTIONS [From Car & Driver] Breathes there a a man -- or a woman -- who's never said, ``Man, I'd look stronger than pekoe tea driving down the road in a fly-yellow Vette''? Yes. ========================= Message neon-era:769 From: kos@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Andrew Kosoresow) Subject: A Very Important Message Date: Fri, 17 Nov 89 21:46:23 GMT Okay, listen up folks. Just in case, Evan Reid or Evan Cohn talks to you over the computer, wishes you a happy birthday, and it just happens that it isn't your birthday today, you might want to know what the deal is. Evan was born on November 17, 1960. For the few of you in the audience who are somewhat slow on the uptake, that means it's Evan's birthday today so act accordingly. If you're reading this Evan, "Happy Birthday!" #andrew ========================= Message neon-era:770 From: plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: Re: A Very Important Message Keywords: Golg Date: Fri, 17 Nov 89 23:05:42 GMT I have just completed calculations which appear to indicate that the Loma Prieta event was merely a lunar foreshock and the really big one is going to hit in about 120 minutes, one month precisely after the little one and precisely coincident with Evan's birthday. It's Richter 15.3 or thereabouts and should happen just about the time the Oreos run out during TGIF. Hold on. ========================= Message neon-era:771 From: cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) Subject: Natal to Fatal Date: 17 Nov 89 23:14:37 GMT People out there seem to be having a hard time adjusting to my change of name - I rarely get a letter from Stanford addressed to Evan Reid A couple Evan CRoehinds, a couple EvanCohn Reids etc.. This is a pity insofar as I 've changed my name several times since leaving Stanford. for a time it was back to Evan Cohn .(note however the empty string attached to the 'n') and for a time it was Anil Gangolli but I started getting followed by packs of huge black dogs and now its Throat-wombler-mangrove. The 'could be Evan Reid' at the end of my messages doesn't indicate uncertainty on my part - its real meaning is that that particular phrase is stuck somewhere in my mminit file. How like life. Might well be Evan T-W-M -- Could be Evan Reid ========================= Message neon-era:772 From: young@Neon.Stanford.EDU (R. Michael Young) Subject: Re: Natal to Fatal Date: Fri, 17 Nov 89 23:47:23 GMT cohn@polya.Stanford.EDU (Evan Cohn) writes: >insofar as I 've changed my name several times since leaving Stanford. >for a time it was back to Evan Cohn .(note however the empty string >attached to the 'n') and for a time it was Anil Gangolli but I started >getting followed by packs of huge black dogs and now its >Throat-wombler-mangrove. If you listen to the recordings very carefully you will hear that it is actually "Throat-warbler-mangrove," not "Throat-wombler-mangrove," which makes absolutely no sense. -- ========================= Message neon-era:773 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Natal to Fatal Secret-Field: (...wouldn't be prudent...) Date: Sat, 18 Nov 89 18:14:37 GMT R is right. (L. is left, incidentally, except when at sea, in which case S. and P. are roughly synonymous but depend on your relative orientation to the bow.) Throat-Wombler-Mangrove makes no sense. And yet, it seems a definite semantic improvement over "Evan Cohn ". I'm sure that if he hadn't been so affected by the canine black body phenomenon, he might never have taken the step down from "Anil Gangolli". Plambeck [1] and Gangolli [2] have recently extracted the meaning of the apparently meaningless string "Anil Ramesh Gangolli." Its decipherment: Golg son of George. As R may have pointed out before, "The Real NP Clambake" makes more sense than Thane Earl Plambeck. Perhaps he should change his name. "Anil Gangolli" ------ Could be Evan T-W-M REFERENCES [1] Plambeck, T.E. "Golg and his Recent Postings" , Su. Rog. or And., Oct. 1989 [2] Gangolli, A.R. "Re: Golg and his Recent Postings", Su. Rog. or And., Oct. 1989 ========================= Message neon-era:774 From: sherry@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Sheralyn Listgarten) Subject: Question Date: Sat, 18 Nov 89 19:26:11 GMT Just a question: Why would you NOT delete bogus newsgroups from your .newsrc? -- Sherry. ========================= Message neon-era:775 From: crew@CS.Stanford.EDU (Roger Crew) Subject: Re: Question Date: 19 Nov 89 01:24:07 GMT In-reply-to: sherry@Neon.Stanford.EDU's message of 18 Nov 89 19:26:11 GMT In article <1989Nov18.192611.12999@Neon.Stanford.EDU> Sheralyn writes: > > Just a question: Why would you NOT delete bogus newsgroups from > your .newsrc? > > -- Sherry. Actually, George Romero made a film about this many years ago. ``Night of the Living Newsgroups'' was a rather ground-breaking film in many ways, not the least of which was its compressed, economical style. It was the first serious examination of the issue of newsgroups which have been mistakenly and unjustly removed, and, more generally, the effects of newgroup and rmgroup on people's lives, a topic which, up until then, had been conscientiously avoided by filmmakers altogether... Roger ========================= Message neon-era:776 From: plambeck@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Thane E. Plambeck) Subject: Vocabulary question Keywords: Golg Date: Mon, 20 Nov 89 00:41:02 GMT Does ``Telesis'' *really* mean ``progress, intelligently planned?'' ========================= Message neon-era:777 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Re: Vocabulary question Date: Mon, 20 Nov 89 06:04:17 GMT webster: trying server at next.stanford.edu...connected. tel.e.sis \'tel--ss\ n, pl -e.ses \-,sz\ (1898) [NL, fr. Gk, fulfillment, fr. telein to complete, fr. telos end -- more at WHEEL] :progress that is intelligently planned and directed: the attainment of desired ends by the application of intelligent human effort to the means [teletext telephonically telecommunicated by teletypewriting] Webster knows words. --anil. ========================= Message neon-era:778 From: gangolli@wolvesden.Stanford.EDU (Anil R. Gangolli) Subject: Novel Ideas for the Kos Date: Mon, 20 Nov 89 06:49:55 GMT Two ideas for novels that the Kos can make a million on. I. Stewart is 13 years old and bored. A computer and electronics middle-class nerd-wiz-kid, he gets the idea that he can crack people's phone calling card numbers by planting a listening device in a local phone booth and taping the touchtones. Of course, he gets the conversations too, but he's not really interested in them, just the dial sequences. One day, however, while fast-forwarding through his daily take, he hears a familiar voice. It is his father. And the subject matter of the conversation is apparent. Murder. The Kos leads the reader on a whirlwind adventure-thriller of intrigue, espionage, role-playing games, comic books, Roman military tactics, mercenary equipment, cold pizza, and gourmet chocolate. II. An astronomy grad student discovers what at first seems to be a new heavenly body, and not one of the co-eds either. Excited that he will probably get a whole the